by Woods, Karen
The night went on much the same and the phone never stopped ringing. Shaun didn’t realise how many people In Harpurhey were on drugs. All the people he delivered to differed in age. Some of them lived in nice houses and you wouldn’t have suspected they were using drugs in a million years. One of his customers was a solicitor and he had to be sworn to secrecy that he supplied him.
Lauren came to the flat later that night. It was past midnight because Shaun looked at his watch as he heard her knocking and shouting at the door. Shaun jumped up from the bed and let her inside. As she got near him she smelt stale. He could smell booze and cigs on her. Lauren’s eyes were dancing all over the place. She was wearing a short red mini skirt and a black netted top. Her bra was see-through. Lauren’s legs looked cold as he led her to the front room.
Ged was in the bedroom with some girl he’d picked up and Colby was out making a delivery. As Lauren sat down he passed her a can of lager from the side. She opened it and swigged at it. She now pulled several notes from her coat and counted them. Looking at Shaun she passed him a twenty pound note and asked him for a bag of brown. He felt like a hypocrite. Leaving the room he returned with the drugs. She quickly took the wrap from him and shoved it into her coat. Lauren tried to make light of the matter.
“At least I won’t be rattling tomorrow morning now will I?” He didn’t answer her and turned the television over. As he watched her, her eyes were half closed and she was struggling to stay awake. Her mouth was open and he could see spit hanging from the corner of her mouth. His head was telling him to fuck her off out of the house, but his heart was telling him to help her. Walking over to the chair he softly kicked at her leg.
“Go and get in my bed if ya want.” She struggled to open her eyes and mumbled under her breath. He kicked at her again. “Go and get ya head down. You’re wrecked.” Lauren stood and wobbled.
She placed her hand on her hip. She was cocky.
“What do ya want a shag or summat.” Shaking his head he led her to his bedroom. The room was in darkness. Lots of clothes were scattered over the floor. He moved a large sports bag from the bed and watched as she fell onto it. She sat up and squeezed her eyes together. She could see him starting to leave and shouted him back.
“Don’t go, please come and lie with me. I don’t want to sleep on my own. I’m scared of the dark.” Shaun stopped dead in his tracks. His heart raced in his chest. He turned his head slowly and he could see her eyes shining in the moonlight. She looked so sad. Slowly he headed back to the bed. Sinking his arse on the bottom of it he watched her lie down. She patted the space next to her as she spoke.
“I don’t bite ya know. Come and lie here and get me warm. I’m fucking freezing my tits off.” He kicked his slippers off and his socks hung from his feet. Crawling up the bed he lay on his front and started to speak.
“Ya off your head you. Why are you scared of sleeping on ya own?” Lauren pulled the blankets up round her neck and lay on her side. The moonlight shining through the window let them see each other’s faces.
“I’m scared of everything me. I’m scared of tomorrow and everyday that follows. Look at what I’ve become. I’m a fucking junkie.” Shaun listened as he made himself comfortable. Lauren was talking. “The last three years of my life have been shite. I had everything and I’ve blown it. My family hate me, and to tell you the truth I hate myself.” Shaun watched as she pinched her skin and dragged at it. His heart melted for her. He tried to make her see sense.
“Why are you talking like that Lauren? You can get help and do summat about it. It’s not too late ya know”. Lying down he could hear her sobs. He pulled at her arm to try and see her face but she pushed him away.
“I’ve done some bad things ya know. Selling my body is only the half of it. I’m a thief and a low life fucker. My dad was right when he kicked me out. He told me I’m the scum of the earth and to never darken his door again, suppose he was right wasn’t he?”
Shaun moved to the top of the bed and cradled her face in his hands. She felt so fragile. As he grabbed her hands he felt every finger and stroked them. He could see tears falling from her eyes and slowly wiped them away. Watching her cuddle into his chest she felt so helpless. He wanted to fix her. His voice was low as he spoke to the top of her head.
“I’ll come with you to the doctor’s tomorrow. If you want to change and get off the gear I’ll help you.” He could feel her head nodding and squeezed her tightly as they both drifted off to sleep.
Chapter Ten
Lauren had been free from heroin for six months now and she and Shaun were in love. As she felt the baby growing inside her she knew she had a shot at life again. The methadone was down to almost nothing and the doctor predicted before she gave birth she would be drug free. It had been a long hard battle and one she was still fighting every day.
Shaun was her rock and he cared for her in every way despite the shit he took from his mates. Most days she was fine but sometimes when she was stressed she just wanted to ram a needle deep into her veins to take the pain away. She never told Shaun that she still felt the urge to have a fix and she always felt like a fake when she listened to him telling people how well she’d done getting clean. Her family were slowly but surely welcoming her back into the family but they were always watching every move she made in the house.
Her drug worker had helped her to find a home and furnish it. Shaun was still dealing but he kept her well away from any drugs. Ged and Colby had called him a nob-head for taking her on and told him that once a smackhead always a smackhead. He defended her to the max and always sung her praises telling them she was clean now. Ged missed Shaun and the fun they had together. He hated Lauren with a vengeance and decided to call round to see her to see if she really was all Shaun made her out to be.
Lauren now lived in Miles Platting in a two bedroom house. The area was quiet and sometimes she missed the wheeling and dealing that went on in Harpurhey. All her drug- addict friends had long since disappeared and she felt lonely. The knocking at the door made her jump. She never got any visitors and looked happy as she ran to the front door. Opening the door fully she saw Ged. Lauren smiled and invited him in straight away. She loved having someone to talk to.
“Do ya want a drink or owt Ged?”
“Yeah I’ll have a coffee,” he replied as he watched her going into the kitchen. Making his way into the front room he checked out the house and commented on how clean it was. He shouted into her.
“You’ve got it nice in here haven’t ya?” The sound of tap water could be heard and he could hear her shouting back from the kitchen.
“It will be. That’s all I do every fucking day. Cook and clean. I’m a proper little housewife now ya know.” Carrying the brews into the front room she sat down on the sofa. She now looked at him with a curious look on her face.
“What’s wrong? Is Shaun alright?”
Ged picked up his brew and laughed. “Yeah he’s sweet. I was just passing and thought I would call in and see how you are. I’ve brought a birthday card for Shaun as well.” He slid the card onto the table. His eyes cast over her. “You look really well ya know.” Lauren felt embarrassed and flicked her hair from her face.
“I know, I can’t stop eating. Since I’ve been pregnant I never feel full. I think I’m addicted to food now.”
Ged chuckled and spoke about everyday events. He wanted to make sure she wasn’t fooling anyone and secretly pulled a bag of heroin from his pocket. He casually planted it at the side of him on the chair. Ged quickly drank his brew and glanced at his watch. As he stood up he made sure the heroin was in sight. He thanked Lauren for the brew. A smirk formed across his face. As he left she followed him to the door.
“Thanks for calling, Ged. It’s nice to have visitors every now and then.” He waved as she watched him get into his smart black car. Once he pulled off she headed back into the house to wrap Shaun’s birthday present.
The Smiths CD lay on the table and she searched for the wra
pping paper she’d bought earlier. Once it was wrapped she sat playing with it on the table. Writing his birthday card she sat with the pen hanging from her mouth thinking of the right words to say. As her hand started writing she felt a lump in her throat as the words poured from her heart.
“To Shaun. My life . My rock. My everything. You have saved me in more ways than you’ll ever know, and I’ll always be true to you. My love forever Lauren xx” As she walked to the table she placed the card alongside his present and stood looking proudly at it. For years she’d never bought a card or a gift for anyone and as a matter of fact she’d never wished anyone a happy birthday in a long time.
Looking round the front room she saw a small package on the chair. As she moved closer to it her heart missed a beat. She knew straight away what it was and ran into the kitchen. She covered her eyes and pulled at her hair. As if the drug was calling her she stood at the door staring at the little plastic bag. Time stood still and every bone in her body shook. She cried as she fell to the floor. Her knees were up at her chest as she pulled her grey sweatshirt over them. The drug was calling her. She covered her ears to try and help drown out its call. She was sweating and water trickled from her forehead. She looked in a daze as her body floated towards the drugs. Slowly she picked up the small plastic bag and held it like a dead mouse as she licked her dry lips.
Searching for some tin foil, she couldn’t fight the urge any longer. She was whispering under her breath as she prepared to toot the drugs.
“Just one last time that’s all. I promise I promise.” Her body hurried about the front room as she rushed to the front door to lock it. Pulling the curtains together she sat in the darkness. The green lighter in her hand shook as she began to burn the silver tin foil with the drugs on it.
The sound from the television was low as her body melted into the carpet. Her eyes slowly drifted to a place where she felt safe. Her fingers could be seen falling from a tight grip. Lauren’s body suddenly started shaking. It shook for a few seconds and Lauren remained still. Her chest wasn’t moving anymore and she remained in the same position.
*
That night Shaun couldn’t wait to get home. He knew Lauren would have got him a present and he couldn’t wait to see what she’d got him. Checking his face in the car mirror he wiped the food he’d just eaten away from his lips. The key slid into the door and he walked straight in. He was shouting in an excited voice.
“Where are you my princess? I hope you have got gifts for your prince?” Pushing the living room door open he could see her lying on the floor. He quickly turned the light on and bent down towards her.
“Ay sleepy head, come on I need some TLC.” He shook her slowly but started to panic when she remained still. His eyes were drawn to the table and that’s when he saw the burnt foil. He shook her frantically and screamed at the top of his voice.
“No! No! Lauren ya fucking muppet. What have you done?” His hands shook rapidly as he tried to pull his mobile phone from his pocket. He quickly called an ambulance and sat by her side with her head on his lap. His words were desperate.
“Lauren wake up, wake up please.” His eyes were wide open and he remembered his unborn baby. As he lifted her top up he looked for any movement. When he saw there wasn’t any sign of life he screamed out as she shouted up at the ceiling.
“Not my fucking baby as well. Fucking hell Lauren what have you done to me?” He cradled them both in his arms and prayed that they would survive. Her face looked at peace and he cursed her for killing his child.
The sound of knocking at the front door made him place her cold body back onto the carpet. As the medics came into the room they could tell by his face that she was already dead. They tried reviving her but gave up after a few attempts. Shaun stood by the door and knew she was gone before they told him. He gripped the man’s hand and spoke with desperation in his voice.
“What about the baby. Is it dead as well?” he sobbed. The medic nodded his head and started to prepare to take her to the hospital. Shaun was stood with his hand in his pocket and twisted his pebble at speed. He wanted to run at them and rip their heads off but his body was weak and he couldn’t find the strength to talk anymore. His legs melted as he fell to the floor. The ambulance man ran to his side to give him some medical help. Shaun was shouting out now as he rolled about on the floor as if he’d been stabbed in the heart.
“You dirty no good smackhead. You lied to me and me, like a prick, believed you. I’ll never forgive you Lauren.” Tears fell from his eyes as he watched them take her from the room. He slowly followed them to the hospital and listened as the doctor confirmed they were both dead.
Later, as he knocked on the flat door, Ged answered. Shaun fell inside and Ged thought he’d been shot or something.
“What’s up Shaun? Are you okay? Fucking hell mate, speak to me what’s wrong?” Shaun punched the floor and sounded like he couldn’t breathe. Ged looked worried and turned him over. “Tell me what’s wrong ya prick and then I can help.” Shaun sat up and shouted at full pelt.
“You can’t do Jack shit mate. She’s dead and never coming back. She even took my baby with her.” Ged’s face dropped and he needed to know more. Once he’d told him Lauren had overdosed his body shivered. Ged could be seen rubbing his arms as his face went white. He slowly let Shaun fall from his grip onto the floor. Shaun sobbed as he looked at Ged.
“Fucking hell mate I’m done in. How do I cope with this shit?” Ged led him to the front room and sat watching him from the armchair as Shaun’s head dropped into the palm of his hands.
“I just can’t understand it. I thought she was off the shit.” Ged sat hiding his guilty secret. He knew he was the cause of her death and felt like his throat was closing up as he struggled to breathe. Grasping his t-shirt he pulled it down from his neck and walked to the balcony for some fresh air. Shaun could be heard sobbing from inside the flat. Slowly Ged turned his head and could see the pain on his mate’s face through the window. He lit a cig and his hands were shaking uncontrollably.
”Fuck fuck fuck!” he mumbled.
Shaun stood and told him he’d just told Lauren’s parents the heart-breaking news. He put his tracksuit top on and told him he was going back to Lauren’s house. Ged quickly grabbed his coat and told him he was coming with him. Ged was frantic as he followed him.
“Wait up, ay. No way am I letting you go on ya own. You need your mates at times like this don’t you?” Ged placed his arm round his shoulder and escorted him to the front door. Colby had heard the news from the bedroom and shouted to Shaun.
“I’ll get some beers in mate. You need a drink at times like this.” Shaun made no reply. They both left the flat and headed to Miles Platting.
The front door of the house seemed daunting to Shaun. The overgrown garden looked worse than ever. He cringed at the jobs that he’d never done in the house. Slipping the key into the front door felt strange because he knew the woman he loved wasn’t there anymore. The room looked empty and he could smell death. Shaun paced the front room and noticed his birthday card and present on the side of the table. His mind was all over the show. He quickly sat down before he collapsed. Taking a deep breath he asked Ged to pass him the card.
Slowly he opened the blue envelope. Pulling the card out from the envelope his eyes focused on the words on the front. “To the one I love” it read. Shaun felt like his fingers were stuck. He couldn’t find the strength to open the card. Ged noticed the plastic bag on the floor and wanted to get rid of it before Shaun saw it. This was the evidence of his sins and the only thing that connected him to Lauren’s death. Casually walking over to it he placed his foot firmly over it. He could see Shaun’s eyes welling up as he read the card and took his chance. He quickly bent his body and he slid the drugs bag from under his foot and casually placed it in his pocket. Then, seeing the birthday card on the fireplace that he’d brought earlier he paced over to it and quickly shoved it inside his jacket. Shaun was too heartbroken to see hi
s friend’s evil ways.
Every word Shaun read from the card was like a knife being plunged into his heart. Once he’d read the words he held the card to his chest and shook his head. Ged was at his side now and passed him the wrapped present. As he opened it his tears fell onto the paper. Reading the songs on the track he lifted his head up and spoke to Ged.
“This is all I have left of her and my baby. One fucking lousy CD. She knew I loved The Smiths.”
Ged needed to get out of the house as he felt like Lauren’s spirit was present in the room with them. He kept getting a cold chill throughout his body and was seen rubbing his arms. Shaun stood up and shoved the disc into his back pocket. He too felt strange in the house and questioned his own mind about the reasons she’d given into drugs again.
*
Two weeks later Lauren was laid to rest in Moston Cemetery. The service was small and only a few people turned up to pay their last respects. Lauren’s mother sank to her knees as they lowered her coffin into the ground. Shaun bit onto his bottom lip as he listened to the heartbreaking sound from the mourners. Ged pressed the play button on the music player that they’d brought along and a song called “All I Want Is You” by U2 played as everyone threw some soil down the hole on top of the coffin. The coffin was a light brown colour and the gold plaque displayed her name and the date her life ended.
Lauren’s dad held his wife’s hand and kept her strong as they left the graveside. Shaun wanted to drag Lauren from her coffin and shake her. She’d ruined his life. She’d taken his child and all that he had left was a daft fucking CD. He wanted to smash the music centre to pieces and the CD with it but Ged held him back and told him he’d only be sorry later.
The black suit he’d worn looked too big on him. All the bottom of the pants was now covered in thick brown mud. Shaun’s mother had come to the funeral with his sister and they both watched as they saw him fall apart.
