by Woods, Karen
Katie searched the old mahogany cabinet in the front room. She found the old family photo album. At first she held it inside the cabinet and didn’t know whether to bring it out or not. Her fingers gripped the corner of the silver album. Slowly she placed it under her arm and brought it to show them. Paul could see her from the corner of his eyes and smiled. Paul called out to her.
“Come and sit here Katie and let’s have a look at it.” She walked to the sofa and nudged him over with her arse as she sat down. He pulled the album closer so he could get a good look. Opening the first page they both laughed as they saw a picture of the three of them when they were on holiday in Blackpool years before. Paul was pissing himself as he shouted over to his dad.
“Is that the hair cut you gave me dad?”
Mike walked over and bent down to look at the picture closer. His eyes screwed up as he struggled to see without his glasses. Lifting his head back up, he laughed out loud.
“Ay that was the dog’s bollocks, that hair cut. You looked like George Best.” Paul sighed and nudged Katie.
“Fucking George Best! More like Fred West.” Katie shouted out now as she pointed at her hair in the picture.
“Fucking hell, mine’s no better. I look like ya wife Rose.” The three of them sat laughing. Gladys was watching them all and wanted to see what they were laughing about. She knew her son’s face would be there in the photo album and stood up to join them. Sitting on the arm of the chair she leant across Paul’s shoulder to get a closer look.
As the pages turned they all laughed and cried. Towards the back of the album Shaun stood from the page in his communion clothes. He looked like an angel, as if butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. Gladys examined the picture closer and spoke of the clothes he wore.
“We got his communion suit made for him didn’t we Mike?” Shaun’s dad nodded. He didn’t remember but just agreed to keep her happy. “Mrs Sullivan made it for us. It was all made from white silk.” Her face looked happy as if she could see him still wearing it. “Shaun hated it. He said the material made him itch. Fucking hell I remember it as if it was yesterday.” All in the room now sat forward and listened to her every word. “I watched him in the church and he was pulling at the shirt. He was gonna rip it and I had to give him the eyes when he looked at me and mouthed to leave it alone.” Gladys pulled the photo from the album and looked at it in more detail. “Poor fucker!” she chuckled, “when he come home after the church his legs were red raw.” Katie smiled and remembered her brother’s first communion. She took the photo from her and laughed.
“He had first degree burns mam, not just red raw.” They all laughed as the photos were passed about. Lots more snaps were looked at. One of Shaun as a drug addict stared at them all from the page. Katie looked at Paul and they were going to ignore it and turn the page but Gladys stopped them.
“Look at the state of him there.” Gladys shook her head and sighed. “He swore blind that he was wasn’t on drugs. Do you remember it was our Susan’s engagement party?” They all knew the time she was talking about and looking at the photo in more detail. You could tell he was off his head. His eyes looked like piss holes in the snow and his skin was grey even on the snap-shot. Even his sweat was visible on the photo. Mike held the picture and shook his head. He could see the skeletal frame of his son. Tears fell onto his cheek and he broke down for the first time.
Katie jumped to hold him but Gladys was already there at his side. Her lips were trembling as she spoke.
“He’s at peace now Mike. Our son is finally at Peace.” Paul and Katie joined them both and the family cried together. The days that lay ahead were going to be hard and they knew the funeral was just around the corner.
Chapter Twenty-two
Gladys sat in the house and smoked like a chimney. She’d been to the chapel of rest every night Shaun had been there and spent hours talking to her dead son. Walking into the chapel of rest for the first time Gladys felt strange. As she sat down beside the coffin she felt her heart pounding in her chest. The coffin was brown. White silk filled the inside of it. The gold handles on the side of the coffin looked highly polished and Gladys stroked her hands over them as she spoke to Shaun.
“I can’t say goodbye son. I wish it was me who was lay there and not you. How am I supposed to go on when I know you’re not here anymore?” Her hand touched Shaun’s. Gladys’s face changed as she felt his fingers for the last time. He felt cold. Digging in her pocket Gladys pulled something out and held it in her grip. As she started to speak she stood up and leant into the coffin. Opening Shaun’s hands she struggled to place the pebble inside. Tears fell onto his black suit as she spoke.
“I know this kept you calm son. You always had it in times of trouble didn’t you?” Still stood up she dusted the white fluff from his pants. The suit he wore was Paul’s. It looked massive on Shaun’s thin body but it was all they had to make him look respectable. Gladys looked down at his shoes and cried as she laughed.
“Them fucking dancing shoes. You hated them didn’t you?” She looked closely at his feet and realised how much of a twat her son looked in them. Pulling at the hem of his trousers she tried to cover the shoes up.
The clock ticked loudly on the wall in the chapel of rest. This was the last night she would ever sit with her son. All the other family members had been to see him but she never left his side. Time was ticking away. She rocked her body as the time neared for her to leave him. Holding his hand to her face she said her last goodbyes.
“I’ve got to go soon son. One day we’ll be together again. I’ll never forget you son. Good night, God bless. Sleep tight.” Gladys’s eyes streamed with tears. If she would have sat there long enough she would have flooded the room with her grief. For the last time she kissed her son and made sure the pebble was still in his grip.
“Goodbye Shaun,” she whispered as she left the room.
*
On the morning of the funeral the heavens opened. The clouds in the sky were black and looked angry. The residents of Harpurhey were all out in force and ready to attend the service. There had been a collection amongst the neighbours on the estate. With the money they had bought Shaun a big wreath saying his name in red and white flowers. Shaun had been a united fan and lots of the flowers were of that theme.
The funeral cars pulled up and Shaun’s coffin was on show in the back of it. People started to take flowers over to the funeral director. He was placing them neatly next to the coffin. The cul-de-sac was filled with people and they all respected Shaun’s funeral by wearing black.
Katie came from the house first. Her dad was holding her up. It was obvious she was devastated. Her boyfriend stood with the crowd and shook his head as he watched her sob. Gladys now came into sight and Paul was at her side. Her face looked ravaged and the effort she’d made to try and look her best couldn’t hide the tears she’d cried. Her body was shaking and it was visible to everyone just how bad she was. Once inside the car she lit a cig and stared out of the window. The funeral cars slowly left the street. Young lads took off their baseball caps as the black cars passed them. Katie had organised most of the funeral and had told the driver to take Shaun’s funeral to places he’d knocked about in when he was a kid.
The cars drove past Conran Street market and lots of people stood on the street watching the funeral pass. Katie noticed Ged and Julie stood at the roadside. They nodded at her as they passed. She’d seen Ged days before and he’d told her he would be at the church for the service. She smiled at him as they passed. She knew he must be nipping on the market first to have some stuff away before he came.
The next place they stopped at was The Two Hundred pub. Shaun had spent a lot of time inside the pub selling his knock off stuff. The staff and a few regulars stood outside. As the cars passed they lifted their glasses into the air as a sign of respect. Peter Kenyon, one of Shaun’s friends and buyers was also there. He’d put money behind the bar in the pub for the wake after the funeral. He told Gladys th
at Shaun had been a good lad and he wanted to pay his respects, after all he’d earned a right few quid because of him and didn’t have to worry about money anymore. He was loaded.
The cars finally headed up Rochdale Road, although not everybody paid their respects. Shaun had robbed a lot of people in the past. Katie saw one middle-aged woman mouthing “Dirty smackhead” as the cars passed. She wanted to jump out of the car and punch her right in the face but realised it wasn’t the time or the place.
The church grounds were packed with people as the cars pulled up. All Shaun’s old friends were there. Most of them were also drug addicts and dipped their heads as the family drove passed.
Katie been to the flat with Ged earlier in the week and found Shaun’s Smiths CD. The nights before his funeral she’d played the disc time and time again to try and find the right song for him. In the end she found a song called “Asleep.” The words just said it all. It was Shaun’s life in a song, she thought. She cried as she listened to the words. Katie also picked another song but made sure it wasn’t as morbid as the first because she wanted Shaun to be remembered as the happy person he once was before the drugs took over his life.
The coffin was pulled from the back of the hearse. Ged had been asked to carry the coffin along with Shaun’s dad and brother but declined saying he was too weak. Family members now held the coffin on their shoulders as they slowly walked into the church. The song played softly in the background as the coffin was placed at the altar.
St Patrick’s was packed out. As the song played you could hear sobbing from the congregation. Gladys sat at the front of the church with Katie by her side. When the coffin was placed firmly on the stand, Mike and Paul joined them.
The wooden benches felt cold and hard as they sat on them. The priest now placed a photograph of Shaun onto the coffin and walked to the side of the church. Gladys had decided to use the photograph of Shaun when he was in his prime.
The priest had a bald head and wore a robe with deep purple stripes down the side of it. His black pants were visible underneath it and Katie wondered why he hadn’t taken them off. As the priest cleared his throat he began to tell them the life of Shaun Cook. Gladys smiled as he spoke about Shaun’s early years. He told the congregation that he’d had been very artistic man and could have been a very good artist if he would have ever taken that road. Paul had prepared a few words for the funeral and it was his job to speak to the mourners and set the record straight about his brother.
There was silence in the church as Ged and Julie opened the door at the back of the church. Everybody turned their heads towards them and tutted. Ged looked off his head. His eyes were dancing all over the place as were Julie’s at the side of him. They both sat down as Paul was led to the lectern to speak about his brother. Paul looked white as he unfolded the large piece of paper in front of him. All the family had had a say in the words and it was his job to deliver them. Twisting his fingers together Paul began.
“Thanks everyone for coming, Shaun would have been buzzing to know so many people cared about him.” He pulled at his shirt and he looked as if he was suffocating. Katie sat forward on the bench and folded her hands together as she listened. “Shaun was a drug addict. We all knew that about him, didn’t we?” The heads in the church nodded. Paul looked towards Ged and Julie and spoke directly to them hoping they would learn from his brother’s death. “Anyone who has had someone they love on drugs will know what kind of a life our family has had. We all found it hard to cope. His habit was our habit because we all suffered because of it.” A lump formed in Paul’s throat as he swallowed hard. “I can only ask that people will try to change and think of their own families before it’s too late. I’ve lost a brother and a friend because of drugs. Our family will never forget Shaun and I hope people can see beyond his drug addiction. He was kind-hearted and just got lost in a world of drugs.” Paul dropped his head and could hear the sound of people crying. His own tears now fell and Mike stood up to bring him back to the bench.
Gladys sat in shock. Her body quivered. Her mouth looked dry as she licked her lips constantly. Her black fur coat was held with one hand tightly holding it together.
The Requiem mass went on for an hour. The priest now led the mourners to lay Shaun to rest. The funeral procession now drove to Moston cemetery. Katie held the silver CD player by the graveside and played “This Charming Man” as his body was lowered into the ground.
Gladys picked the soil up from beside her feet and dropped it onto the coffin. The rest of the people followed her lead as the music played in the background. Ged watched Gladys’s face and thought about his own mother. He hadn’t seen her in years and wondered if she would be the same if he lost his life. Julie was rocking and the tablets she’d taken numbed any emotion she felt.
The family left the graveside as the rain started. Each droplet hit Gladys’ face felt like a lump of lead. All she wanted to do was to go home and sleep. The days that had passed had caught up with her and her eyes were closing. Katie told her that she needed to go back to the pub just for one drink to pay her respects. Gladys agreed, even though she couldn’t stand the thought of people sat there getting pissed.
The pub was packed out within minutes and the noise of people talking was deafening. The buffet was opened and everyone made their way to the free food. Mike came to sit at the side of Gladys.
“He’s had a good send off hasn’t he?” Gladys nodded. “I didn’t realise that he had that many friends.”
“Fucking friends my arse,” she growled, “They’re just people who he shared drugs with and filled their pockets. He had no real friends; otherwise he wouldn’t be lying dead would he?” Mike reached for her hand but she pulled it away as she swigged her glass of Brandy. Gladys was on the turn now and Mike made a quick exit before she started on him.
Paul stood with Ged and Julie. He preached at them both about taking drugs. Ged could understand his hurt and promised Paul he would try and get help. Julie was a lost cause and just stared away from him not listening to a word he said. Paul grabbed Ged’s hand.
“Promise me mate. For our Shaun’s sake. Please get clean and make your family proud.” Ged’s eyes filled up. No one had ever spoken to him like that before and he seemed to take in every word.
The night in the pub went on into the early hours of the morning and the Cook family had given Shaun a send off to be proud of. Gladys had gone home with her sister earlier on and left Katie, Paul and Mike in the pub drowning their sorrows.
For the first time in days Gladys was on her own. Her sister had put her in bed and left hours before. Looking at the ceiling she spoke to herself.
“Shaun, are you there son? If you are speak to me please. I just need to know you’re okay.” The silence was chilling and Gladys sat up in the bed repeating her words but this time she was shouting them. “Just like you isn’t it Shaun? Leaving me, when I need you the most. Well fuck off. See if I care.” Gladys grabbed the cover and buried her head under the sheets hoping she wouldn’t see daylight again. The room felt cold and for minutes you could hear the sound of crying from under the sheets.
Mike, Katie and Paul all came back into the family home around five o’clock in the morning. All of them were pissed as farts. Katie looked a wreck. She’d been arguing with her boyfriend and finally ended up telling him to fuck off. He’d gone for her big time but Paul stepped in with some of his mates and saw him off. Paul flung himself onto a chair and kicked his shoes off. Mike was in the fridge looking for something to eat. He was starving. Katie sat on a dining-room chair and rubbed her feet as she pulled her shoes off. Admiring her feet in front of her she shouted to her dad to make her a butty. The sound of Mike cutting some salad on the side was loud and Paul giggled. He shouted in a sarcastic tone.
“Fucking hell can’t you make any more noise? You’ll have me mam up if you don’t quieten things down.” Mike shoved his head from the kitchen and smiled as he rammed two fingers up towards Gladys lying in bed. They all c
huckled. Katie stood and told them she would just go and check on her as they hadn’t seen her for hours. Holding the wall Katie made her way upstairs. Her head was spinning and she felt sick. Each stair seemed to take forever to get up. Katie giggled as she farted on the last stair. Holding her fingers over her mouth she swayed towards the bedroom door.
The bedroom was in darkness. Her mother’s body could be seen under the blankets. Katie crept into the room and looked at the body in the bed. She wanted to make sure Gladys was still breathing and stood over the covers until they moved. With a sigh she left the room. She could see her mother’s body wriggling about in the bed.
Katie was going to go downstairs but Shaun’s bedroom door stared at her. She felt like it had magical powers over her. She couldn’t help entering the room. Pressing the silver door handle down she rubbed at her arms. You could see her hairs standing up on her skin. Katie sat on the bed. Her flat palm stroked the place where her brother used to sleep. Lifting the pillow she held it up to her nose and inhaled deeply. Her eyes closed as tears fell. Whispering under her breath she lay down slowly still hugging the pillow close to her.
“I can still smell you, our kid. Your sweaty head is still here on the pillow.” She folded the pillow and slid it under her head still inhaling. Pulling the quilt she yanked it from both sides of the bed and enveloped herself inside it. Her eyes just looked around the room. Katie’s fingers felt the wall paper. Using her finger nail she wrote Shaun’s name on the wall followed by I love you. Katie cried herself to sleep. All through the night she held her brother’s pillow close to her as she slept.
Chapter Twenty-three
Ged sat in the flat and glanced at his fellow users. Shaun’s death had been a wake-up call for him. He wanted so much to try and turn his life round. Seeing Gladys at the funeral made him think more about his own mother and he wanted to go and see her.
