The Class Picture Day from the Black Lagoon (Black Lagoon Adventures series Book 22)
Page 1
®
THE
CLASS PICTURE DAY
BLACK LAGOON
FROM THE
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The Black Lagoon
®
by Mike Thaler
Illustrated by Jared Lee
SCHOLASTIC INC.
®
CLASS PICTURE DAY
BLACK LAGOON
THE
FROM THE
For Judi and Susan:
above and beyond
—M.T.
To Johnnie and Carol Wolfe
—J.L.
All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright
Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted,
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any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means,
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the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding
permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department,
557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.
e-ISBN 978-0-545-50712-7
Text copyright © 2012 by Mike Thaler
Illustrations copyright © 2012 by Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc.
All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc.
SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks
of Scholastic Inc. BLACK LAGOON is a registered trademark of Mike Thaler and
Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc. All rights reserved. Lexile is a registered trademark
of MetaMetrics, Inc.
First printing, October 2012
Contents
Chapter 1: As Pretty as a Picture .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
Chapter 2: What’s Wrong with This Picture? . . . . . 10
Chapter 3: Mirror, Mirror . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
Chapter 4: The Time Machine . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . 17
Chapter 5: Beauty and the Beast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20
Chapter 6: A Thousand Words . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25
Chapter 7: Feature Presentation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28
Chapter 8: Who Nose? . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
Chapter 9: Taking Sides . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 34
Chapter 10: Do’s and Donuts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38
Chapter 11: Six Pics . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42
Chapter 12: Clothes Make the Man . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 44
Chapter 13: Beauty Rest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47
Chapter 14: A Hair-Raising Experience . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50
Chapter 15: Picture Perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 54
Chapter 16: A Snappy Shot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 57
Chapter 17: Hold That Pose! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63
7
CHAPTER 1
As Pretty as a
Picture
Mrs. Green says that this
Friday is class picture day. I don’t
look good in photos—I’m better
in person. But she says we all
have to have our picture taken.
Well, if we have to . . . I want to
look my very best. Actually, even
better than my best.
I want to look great! A
handsome heroic Hubie hunk.
I need a miracle by Friday.
That’s only three days away. I
better start combing my hair
now.
8
CHAPTER 2
what’s wrong with
this Picture?
On the bus home everyone’s
combing their hair. The whole
class is so vain. All they care
about is how they look.
10
It’s only a picture, and beauty
is only skin-deep. Boy, I hope I’ve
got thick skin.
11
12
CHAPTER 3
mirror, mirror
When I get home, I go straight
to the bathroom mirror and lock
the door. There it is, looking at
me . . . my face. I smile, but it
looks like I have to throw up. I
need more practice.
There are different kinds of
smiles:
There’s the show-all-your-teeth
hyena smile.
No!
There’s the nuts-in-your-cheeks
chipmunk smile.
No!
13
There’s the “I don’t care”
nonchalant casual cool lips-tight
smile.
No!
There’s the “I know something
you don’t know”sly-snake smile.
No!
14
There’s the “I’m sorry”
elephant smile, and the “I haven’t
got a clue” hippo smile.
Mom knocks on the door.
“Hubie, what are you doing in
there?”
“Smiling, Mom.”
15
It’s quiet for a minute.
“Smiling at what?” she finally
asks.
I open the door.“For the school
picture.” I smile again.
That’s it!
The smiling-at-Mom smile.
16
CHAPTER 4
The Time machine
“What’s the big deal, Hubie?
Just be yourself, be natural,” says
Mom.
“I don’t know what natural is
for me,” I say.
17
18
“You’re a very handsome
young man . . . just be yourself.”
“That’s easy for you to say,
Mom. You never had to have your
picture taken at school.”
Mom gets up and come
s back
with a photo album.
“Oh, but I did,” she says,
opening to the first page.
And there, smiling at me, was
my mom in the third grade.
It’s amazing—my mom was
once a kid!
CHAPTER 5
Beauty and the
beast
That was interesting, but I’m
still stuck with the same problem.
I find an article in one of Mom’s
magazines called “10 Days to a
More Beautiful You.”I only have
two days—I better get started.
20
Step 1. The mud pack.
No problem.
I go to the backyard. There’s
a lot of mud. I put it on my face.
Hey, this is going to be easy!
Step 2. The cucumber facial.
I go to the fridge. I can’t find
a cucumber, but I find a jar with
one pickle left. Close enough.
I cut it into thin slices and put
them all over my face. They stick
to the mud. Tailspin sees me and
runs out of the room.
22
Step 3. The hairnet.
I find Mom and ask her if I can
borrow her hairnet. She screams!
“Is that you, Hubie? What are
you doing?”
I show her the magazine article.
“Mom, I’m only on step two.”
“Well, step to the bathroom and
wash your face,” she says.
23
“But, Mom, I only have two
days to become a more beautiful
me.”
“Young man, you only have
two minutes to wash your face
and come to dinner.”
24
CHAPTER 6
a thousand words
At dinner, I practice my smile.
“Please pass the cheese, please.”
“You’re acting very strange,
Hubie,” Mom says, passing the
cheese.
“Do not freeze the fleas in the
cheese.”
25
“Hubie, do you have a fever?”
Mom asks.
“I’m practicing my smile. I’m
doing smile exercises. The trees
have knees that wheeze in the
breeze.”
“Hubie!”
“Hey, Mom, would you like
some pickles?”
“Are those the ones that were
on your face?”
“It’s okay . . . I washed ’em.” I
smile.
26
27
CHAPTER 7
feature
presentation
After dinner, I look in another
magazine.
One article says to“find your
best feature and feature it!”
I look in the mirror. My nose—
definitely, my nose is my best
feature.
28
29
30
CHAPTER 8
who nose?
That night I have a dream. I’m
a clown in the circus. I have a big
red nose. But suddenly it flies
away and lands on the fat lady.I
try to catch it, but it flies to the
thin man. I run after it, but it
moves on to the strong man.
31
Next, it goes to the lion tamer,
and then on to the lion. I try to
catch it with a butterfly net, but
it lands on the elephant. I sit
down and cry, but it’s hard to
cry without a nose. It flies down
and lands on me and the circus
goes on. I wake up and look in
the mirror.
32
My nose is still there, all right.
But there’s a big red pimple right
on the end of it!
33
CHAPTER 9
taking sides
On the school bus, everyone
is smiling—practicing, I guess.
Who am I kidding? They’re all
looking at the end of my nose.
They’re all staring at it.
“My right side’s my best side.”
Eric smiles. “What’s yours?”
Oh, no, I never picked my best
side.
“The back of my head?” I ask.
“No,” says Eric.
“What do you think?” I ask,
turning my head from
side to side.
“Neither!” he says.
34
I stop smiling.
“Just kidding,” says Eric.
“They’re both totally awesome.
What do you think, Doris?”
She looks at me hard.
“The inside,” she says.
Now there’s a girl with heart.
We take a vote and it’s a tie. I
guess that’s good—it’s the middle
that’s the problem.
36
37
CHAPTER 10
do’s and donuts
In class, Mrs. Green gives us a
list of picture-day do’s and don’ts.
Don’t:
1. Pick your nose
2. Cross your eyes
3. Chew gum
4. Blink
5. Wink
6. Smirk
7. Jerk
8. Stick out your tongue
9. Frown
10. And absolutely no
rabbit ears
38
Eric raises his hand.
“Yes, Eric?” Mrs. Green says.
“What if you’re a rabbit?” He
giggles.
39
Mrs. Green clears her throat
and continues.
Do:
1. Put your hands at your
sides
2. Face the camera
3. Say “Cheese”
At lunch, everyone has a
cheeseburger.
We all said “Cheese!” We were
practicing.
40
41
CHAPTER 11
six pics
That afternoon, the class is
wheeling and dealing! Everyone
is making deals like “I’ll give you
my picture if you give me yours.”
42
I’ve got orders for six pictures.
Randy’s not smiling.
“What’s the matter?” I ask.
“Nobody wants my picture,”
he says.
“I want your picture.” I say,
smiling. “In fact, I’ll take six of
them.”
Sometimes it’s so easy to make
someone happy.
43
CHAPTER 12
clothes make the
man
Tomorrow’s the big day.I spend
the whole afternoon picking out
my wardrobe. I wonder why they
don’t call it a peacedrobe. Maybe
it’s because you have to fight for
what you want to wear.
44
Freddy says not to wear stripes
’cause they make you look bigger.
Derek says not to wear yellow
’cause it makes you look pale.
Eric says he’s going to put a
hat in front of his face like the
gangsters do. He’s kidding . . . I
think.
45
Mom says to wear a tie. I’d
rather die than wear a tie. So
much for peace! We call a truce—
My wardrobe is all laid out. I
even cleaned my sneakers in the
dishwasher.
46
CHAPTER 13
beauty rest
I go to bed early to get my
beauty rest. I don’t want bags
under my eyes.
I keep going over my possible
poses: bold, heroic, Mr.America,
sympathetic, intense, dramatic,
serious, confident, relaxed, laid-
back, nonchalant . . . Finally,I fall
asleep.
47
I’m a famous movie star.
Everyone wants my picture. The
cameras don’t stop flashing.
People take pictures of me all day.
I smile so much my teeth hurt.
48
When I go swimming, they
use underwater cameras. When I
jump up in the air, they use aerial
photography. They even take
pictures while I’m asleep.
There goes a flash now! I open
my eyes, but it’s only the sun
coming in the window. It’s picture
day!
49
CHAPTER 14
a hair-raising
experience
I get out of bed and go to the
mirror. Uh-oh, it’s a bad hair day.
Nothing I do holds it down. I
should have worn a hairnet.
Oh, no! There’s still a pimple
on the end of my nose.
This is going to be a disaster. I’ll
be immortalized as a mess. What
will future generations think?
50
“I bet that kid broke the
camera,” they’ll say, laughing.
Well, at least my teeth will be