Teacher Misery

by Jane Morris

  I ended up having “DragonGrlZ” in my English class second semester. She almost never came to class and didn’t make up much of the work. On the last day of class, she came up to me and said, “I want to talk to you about the C you are giving me in the class.” I said what most teachers say. “I don’t give out anything. You earn your grades, and you are never here and you never make up any work. You’re lucky you even have a C.” She looked at me with contempt and said, “Well, I feel that if a teacher isn’t stimulating me enough in class then I have no reason to show up.” I almost fell over. “I’m sorry you feel that way,” I said, because I was a new teacher and didn’t have the balls to tell her how I really felt. She spun around and walked out, and I almost kicked a desk across the room, but instead I did nothing because what could I have done?

  PROCLAMATION OF INTENT TO STRANGLE

  The staff members of the newspaper all receive a very long “proclamation” about what is expected of them and how they will be graded. They are supposed to sign the proclamation in acknowledgment of the grading policies and such. The fact that they all signed this document that explicitly stated what they would be graded on meant nothing to them. And since I was not the one who was essentially assigning the grades, at the end of the quarter, a lot of bullshit hit the fan. For example, I received the following email:

  To: Newspaper Advisor

  From: Hugh Jazzhole

  Subject: My Grade

  Ms. Morris,

  I just saw that I received a B for my production grade. I know that I was late, and left early, but it is not fair that I should lose a letter grade because of that. By being late, I was not aware that I was breaking a rule that would affect my grade. I assumed my grade would be based on the QUALITY of my work and not attendance. No other teacher would do such a thing.

  However, I understand that this is not a regular class. So I would not object to a few points being taken off. Yet according to my calculations, even if I get an A on all the other assignments, I would still receive a B for this grade because of the weighting. It is ridiculous for me to automatically receive a B because of attendance, especially because my tardiness made no difference to anyone. There are many things in this class that are unfair, yet I doubt that even real newspapers treat their employees so unfairly.

  According to the official proclamation, one of the responsibilities of the advisor is to see that grades are given fairly. Simply put, I was not graded fairly. Therefore, it is your job to change my grade to something more reasonable. I expect this change to be made within the next week.

  Hugh Jazzhole

  I replied to Hugh with a clear outline of the parts of the proclamation that he signed (and the students themselves wrote). The lines stated that attendance is critical during production nights, and thus is a major part of their grade. While Hugh was busy stuffing his face at McDonalds, other students were working their asses off to make deadlines. I also said that as the advisor, I felt the grade was fair, and would not change it. I received the following email in return:

  Ms. Morris,

  I have read your statements but I’m afraid I remain unconvinced that I deserve the grade I received. I will briefly outline my reasoning below. However, if after reading my email you still feel that I deserve the grade I received then I will directly appeal my grade to the administration, and if necessary the district, in accordance with the student due process procedure outlined by the district and the state.

  According to the highlighted sections of the proclamation, by being on the newspaper staff I agreed to:

  a. adhere to all deadlines

  b. accept the grades given to me by my student editors (although the advisor has the ability to override those grades)

  In response to part A: As previously mentioned, my lateness did not affect my deadlines.

  In response to part B: Accepting grades from peer editors does not mean I cannot request a change in grade if I was treated unfairly, and clearly this is the case. Regardless of what the class is and who is “teaching,” students never have to accept a grade unconditionally. If students can protest a grade given in a regular class— taught by a professional teacher— then surely we can protest grades given by peers and overseen by an “advisor.”

  Additionally, I would like to point out the district’s grading policy for grades 6-12, as stated in policy number 157 (refer to the link below). As mentioned in section A, “grades should ACCURATELY reflect a student’s ACHIEVEMENT, and should be a FAIR representation of a student’s PERFORMANCE.” As I mentioned in my previous email, my grade was not the result of poor performance, but instead the result of breaking the rules (i.e. improper behavior). Grades are meant to measure academics and not behavior. If a student behaves poorly (like being late), teachers do not lower grades but seek proper disciplinary action instead.

  You may think I am overreacting to this situation. However, it is a very big deal. First of all, because of the weighting, this grade may determine whether or not I receive an A for the quarter. As you know, quarter grades are factored into the GPA, and in this very competitive world, one B can make a big difference.

  However, grades aside, this situation touches on much bigger issues such as fairness and respect. Any impartial observer would see that the grade I received was unfair. In addition, a person would need to be blind to see the lack of respect that I have received. My parents, teachers and administrators that I’ve interviewed can testify to how much of an asset I am to the newspaper and to this school. Yet I still get punished for the slightest offense. I consider this disrespectful.

  Therefore, the main reason that I am treating this situation as such a big issue is that I see it as a blatant sign of disrespect. The least you can do for the work I have put into the paper is give me the grade I deserve. If such clear signs of unfairness are ignored, I will have to take further action in this matter. Please take my grievance seriously.

  Hugh Jazzhole

  I was outraged by the level of insolence Hugh showed in his language towards me. I had been stewing in the words of this email for an entire weekend, and come Monday morning I was fired up. I called Hugh into my classroom and told him that although he mentioned the fact that he felt disrespected, I could not believe the level of disrespect he showed towards a teacher. As I said this, his lips started to shake. I thought of him putting my titles of teacher and advisor in quotes, took a deep breath and continued to rip into him. “How dare you speak to me that way? Do you really think that you will achieve your purpose, and get what you want, by treating me in such a way?” His lip was shaking violently, and he stuttered. “Well, do you?” I yelled. “Say something!”

  Suddenly a wad of spit came from Hugh’s mouth, and it rolled down his chin, mixing with a torrent of tears. He was so hysterical that he could not complete a sentence. “It’s just that… I mean… It’s not… I just…” I sat there and watched this little fit continue for several awkward minutes. He was embarrassing himself; snarfing, blubbering and exploding with phlegm. I really did feel sorry for him. He was a fucking mess.

  Like an infant after a full blown tantrum, it took him a long bunch of crazy deep breaths and mini crying spells to calm himself. I asked him if he was under a lot of pressure to get straight A’s. He nodded yes. He said that when his parents moved here from Korea they heard that Harvard was the best school. He was three years old at the time. Since then, they have been telling him that he must get into Harvard, or he will disgrace them. I told him that that is an awful lot of pressure and that if he wrote me a sincere apology letter, I would give him his stupid A. He did write me an apology letter, and while he was mostly full of shit, I had to see the sadness in his situation. A few months later when he received his rejection from Harvard, he sprawled out on the floor in the hallway of the school and refused to leave the building. His parents told him that if he didn’t get accepted, he shouldn’t come home. Hugh had enough problems, and I felt satisfied with my decision. Sometimes when teens try to act like
arrogant adults it can be rather convincing (some are 6’3 with full beards, which doesn’t help in this matter). But then they do something like cry uncontrollably over nothing, to remind you that they are just kids, and it can be very sobering. Poor Hugh.

  My final newspaper odyssey that I’d like to share occurred on one of the late nights when I was in charge of fifty plus teens. Since I could only be in one room at once, and the students were in four or five different places, things could get quite chaotic. One Friday night at around 11 PM, after an already long week, a girl came into the room screaming that a kid was shooting a nail gun.

  I later sent the following email:

  To: Ass. Principal

  From: Newspaper Advisor

  Subject: Late Night Issue (nail gun)

  Dear Ass. Principal,

  We are having a major problem yet everyone has left the building for the night, including all the security guards. It is 11 o’clock on Friday night. I am here supervising the newspaper staff. Seymour Butts, the sports page editor, has been going into each of the classrooms and up and down the hallways shooting a makeshift nail gun. He is shooting very large nails (I have saved several of them) at the ceiling and other students. I asked him to leave, and he started a huge argument. He refused to leave. He yelled at the other students in the computer lab that it is bullshit that he should have to leave and that they should all vote on whether or not he should have to leave. I told him that we were not voting on anything, that he was acting recklessly, and that there was no discussion to be had. He announced, “This is fucking bullshit! Everyone should stand up to her! We don’t have to take this shit! Fuck this!” Luckily, everyone ignored him, and he finally left the building.

  If we could please meet about Seymour on Monday, I would appreciate it. Not only should he be off the paper, I’m sure you’ll agree that there should be some disciplinary action taken.

  Thanks,

  J. Morris

  The following week we met with Seymour and his father to discuss his behavior. Although I was there, I did not say anything, for there was no reason to. (Keep in mind that Seymour was in attendance at the meeting as well.) This is what occurred:

  ASS. PRINCIPAL: Mr. Butts, as you know, we called you here today to discuss the incident that occurred at school last Friday night.

  MR. BUTTS: I would hardly call it an incident.

  ASS. PRINCIPAL: What your son did was very serious. He endangered many students, and while he may not have had malicious intent, he still acted very carelessly.

  MR. BUTTS: I’ll agree that what Seymour did was stupid, and I have discussed it with him. But do we need to have a meeting about it?

  ASS. PRINCIPAL: Mr. Butts, I am glad that you discussed this matter with your son. But disciplinary action must be taken.

  MR. BUTTS: Action was taken. He was grounded this weekend.

  ASS. PRINCIPAL: Again, I am glad that you are taking this incident seriously, but the school must do something to send a message, not only to Seymour but to the rest of the students and community, that this dangerous behavior will not be tolerated.

  MR. BUTTS: What are we talking about exactly?

  ASS. PRINCIPAL: Well normally the police would be involved in an incident involving a weapon-

  MR. BUTTS: Oh please! A weapon? A nail gun is not a weapon! Besides, he didn’t bring the nail gun in to hurt people with it. He brought it to school to work on a project.

  ASS. PRINCIPAL: That may be the case, but he still put many students in danger by using it in a reckless manner.

  MR. BUTTS: Listen, Seymour is a seventeen-year-old boy, and this is what they do. He wasn’t trying to hurt anyone, and he did not hurt anyone. Just give him a detention and let’s be done with this.

  ASS. PRINCIPAL: Actually we would like to suspend him from school for a few days.

  MR. BUTTS: Absolutely not! If you suspend him, he will be thrown off the baseball team!

  ASS. PRINCIPAL: Seymour’s actions must have serious consequences Mr. Butts.

  MR. BUTTS: That is for me, his father, to decide. You will not take the baseball team away from him. He is going to get a scholarship!

  ASS. PRINCIPAL: But Mr. Butts-

  MR. BUTTS: Look, my best friend’s wife is chair of the board of education. ASS. PRINCIPAL: Mr. Butts-

  MR. BUTTS: Just drop the issue. ASS. PRINCIPAL: But Mr. Butts-

  MR. BUTTS: It has been handled. Give him detention if you like, but this ends here.

  And it did end there. Seymour was not even given detention. It was not to be discussed again.

  Another fun part of the paper is that it is also published on the school’s website, for anyone to comment on anonymously. I was once, in passing, asked to comment on staff reductions for an article. Soon after, an anonymous discussion about my speaking and writing skills ensued:

  From: A Jaded Student

  Ironic that an English teacher is quoted in here using "less" when she should be using “fewer.” With illiteracy in the U.S. as high as it is, English classes should teach the English language.

  From: Another Disenchanted Student

  I am disgusted by this error. It damages her credibility as a teacher of English and thus the entire faculty and makes me feel utter embarrassment for my school.

  From: A Jaded Student

  It is obvious why we should learn formal grammatical and spelling conventions in school. However, literary analysis should be relegated to an elective course. Something that is merely a hobby should not be forced upon the entire student population.

  To: A Jaded Student

  It's completely irrelevant to point the finger at an English teacher for a grammatical error made in an informal conversation. Written and spoken word are not the same, and the teacher’s words do not need to be scrutinized for grammar, but for meaning.

  From: A Jaded Student

  I only meant that statement to be a prelude to my main point, because it is a good depiction of my frustration with this school, its faculty and curriculum (also, I don't agree that the fact that the statement was spoken informally makes the grammar irrelevant.)

  Unsurprisingly I refused to be interviewed for the paper ever again.

  DINOSAURS VS. JEWS

  Angus was a quiet student. I never heard anything from his corner of the room or saw anything unusual in his work until we started a unit on the Holocaust. I showed the class a documentary called Night and Fog. It is gruesome and has very graphic images from concentration camps, including a room with a six-foot-high pile of human hair and huge pits of rotting corpses. I don’t show this film to be morbid, I show it because I know that most students do not fully understand the magnitude of genocide and some don’t care. They need to be shocked into the reality of it. Apparently this film was not enough to shock Angus into caring. At the exact moment when a bulldozer pushes hundreds of lifeless bodies into a ditch, Angus let out a huge, audible yawn. When I looked at him in horror, he exclaimed, “I’m so bored!”

  I tried to ignore him. I tried not to overreact. He’s just a teenager, probably looking for attention, I told myself. Maybe this is a coping mechanism or a cry for attention. I wouldn’t justify it with the big reaction he was probably looking for. I collected the students’ response sheets and tried to shake off Angus’ behavior. This was his response:

  1. What is your emotional reaction to the film?

  I feel the same way every Holocaust film makes me feel- like I’m bored and I’m about to write an essay contrasting the protagonist and antagonist of a bad novel.

  2. What parts of this film are the most memorable for you?

  It isn’t memorable to me. I don’t know why it would be. The Holocaust has been stuffed down my throat since 8th grade and I don’t care. There are things that are much worse.

  3. If people in your town were being forced out of their homes because of their race or religion, what would you do?

  I’d continue what I was doing, which was not caring.

  He left the
rest of the worksheet blank, except for a drawing of an enormous turtle with a palm tree growing on its back and a steamboat with the word “NOEL” on it.

  You must be thinking that clearly we have an anti-Semite whose parents are in the KKK. Well, I assumed the same thing.

  I called Angus in for a chat. I asked him why he wrote such insensitive and alarming comments. He said the same thing he wrote on his sheet, that the Holocaust is boring, and he doesn’t care. I pointed out that he wrote that there are worse things in life. I asked him to name something that is worse than genocide. He said, “What about the dinosaurs? That was a whole species that was wiped out!”

  He was genuinely serious about that statement. I said, “They were wiped out naturally, not by other dinosaurs or species because of their religion or skin color.” He shrugged and said that he only cared about dinosaurs. I asked him if he had a problem with Jewish people. He said that he was Jewish. I was shocked. I admitted that I couldn’t understand his insensitivity, being that he is Jewish himself. He said, “Well I’m only half Jewish. My mom’s Jewish, and I hate her.” I asked him to elaborate, and he made me promise not to call her. I reluctantly agreed, and he said that he hates his mom because she is very negative and judgmental. And because he hates his mom, he hates Jewish people and doesn’t care about the Holocaust. But he really feels for the dinosaurs.

  ROLLERS AND GUMPS

  Every generation has its own vocabulary to which adults are oblivious. But sometimes it is critical that we know certain words, like the word “roller.” This is a term used to describe a whore because she is rolling around from bed to bed, particularly adept at performing oral sex. I learned this at a staff meeting.