Finding Us

by S. K. Hartley

  Our lips met in a slow, sensual kiss. I had no intentions of it being slow, but the minute his lips met mine, I was in a world of clichés, the ones I read about in romance novels that made me question love. Butterflies danced around my stomach like they were on fire, burning deep inside while my heartbeat skyrocketed to new highs as his tongue stroked mine slowly.

  “Wow,” I said, pulling back from his lips.

  Tate chuckled softly as he rested his forehead against mine, but every time his breath fanned against my lips I could feel the emotional teenager break out from deep inside. The girl who just wants to be held, loved, worshiped; she’s breaking through the hard inner shell and further cracking the fractures of the mask desperate to keep her hidden.

  “Wow is right,” Tate said, placing a small kiss at the tip of my nose before jumping up from my body.

  I watched in fascination as Tate unbuttoned his jeans and dropped them to his ankles, clad in only his boxers he flashed a cocky grin my way. I couldn’t take my eyes from his body, sculpted in a way that had me almost drooling.

  “See something you like?” He winked before turning his back to me and dropping the last shred of material from his body.

  Speechless. Completely and utterly speechless.

  I was quickly up on my elbows, drinking in every single muscle that contracted underneath my gaze. He had back muscles. Back. Muscles. Drool worthy, core clenching muscles I desperately wanted to run my tongue over.

  Jesus, what was I saying? I shouldn’t be thinking about his damn back muscles, I should be ensuring that this… whatever this is, doesn’t turn into the mess I know it could.

  Snickering, Tate threw a wink over his shoulder before strutting his very fine ass into the bathroom.

  “If you change your mind, baby, there’s more than enough room in this shower!” he shouted from the bathroom and I heard the steady stream of water crashing against the shower floor.

  The pull to run into the bathroom and show him just how much I’d changed my mind was fierce, my heart completely taking over my head. But the moment I heard a low growl from the bathroom, my head finally took that exact moment to tell me this wasn’t smart.

  My head’s a fucking asshat.

  Taking my head’s cue, I threw on my discarded clothes that had been strewn across the floor in a careless heap. I needed to get back to my room: there was something I needed to do and I didn’t want anyone around to witness it.

  Once I had finally gotten my clothes back in order on my body, I knocked on the door of the bathroom. “Tate, I’m headed back to my dorm. I have a paper to finish.”

  I didn’t get a response, only the pounding of the water against the shower floor. Grabbing my cell, I punched out a short text to Tate for him to see once he finished in the shower.

  Got a paper to finish. See you at The Takedown. X

  Biting my bottom lip, I quietly made my way out of Tate’s dorm and up the flight of stairs to my own. My hands were becoming restless as I walked with purpose to my bedside. Reaching underneath my bed, I pulled out one of very few possessions I owned that I could never let go of. Sitting down on the rough carpet, I held the object close to my chest.

  Sitting in a large glass jar was every lie I had told in the last six years. One hundred and forty-nine small pieces of paper representing everything I hated about myself, each holding one drawn black heart. My very own jar of broken hearts.

  Unscrewing the mason jar, I leaned over to my bedside cabinet drawer, fishing out a small scrap of paper and a black marker. With a heavy sigh, I drew a medium-sized heart on the white paper, placing a kiss on top of it as a silent apology before placing it in the jar and screwing the lid back on tight.

  One hundred and fifty little lies sat in the jar staring at me, boring a hole right through my own heart. One hundred and fifty lies, one hundred and fifty hearts broken over the years.

  One hundred and fifty reasons for me to carry on running.

  Chapter Four

  The large crowd roared. Money exchanged hands as the cringe-worthy thump of bones being crushed echoed around the dimly lit room. Girls I recognized from college screamed and guys drank beer from bottles, but all eyes were in the cage in front of them.

  Blood suddenly sprayed through the cage, soaking a couple in the crowd who only cheered in response to the deep crimson that stained their clothes. My eyes darted around the room, taking everything in. It had been a six months since I was last in a room like this, full of people waiting for the main event, but this wasn’t just any main event: this was the event of the year.

  I rolled my eyes as I watched one of the men in the cage go down, a right hook to the jaw sending his large frame straight to the mat. The crowd cheered for a second time as the winner was announced. It seemed we were right on time as I watched a hooded figure walk out of the double doors from the back of the room, his face hidden from view as his hood cast a dark shadow over his eyes.

  Welcome to The Takedown: where anything goes.

  “If I get a single splash of blood on my face tonight, I’m going to seriously hurt Ace,” Neva shouted into my ear from beside me.

  I couldn’t help but giggle at her comment. Neva wasn’t the best person to deal with blood, but Logan was far worse. As a kid, Logan fell out of a large tree, breaking his arm and passing out the moment he spotted blood pouring from the wound. Poor kid, the bone broke right through his skin. Still, I couldn’t help but laugh when Tate told me he would give himself paper cuts just to see Logan pass out in school.

  “I’ll be sure to push Logan in front of you if I see even a speck of blood flying towards your face.”

  “Oh god, please don’t. I don’t want to pick his heavy ass up off that grubby floor.” She laughed, shaking her head she looked back to Logan as he made his way towards us with Tate.

  “He’s not that heavy.” I chuckled as Logan scowled at me from Neva’s shoulder.

  “Do I want to know how you know that?” She smirked.

  “Eh. Probably not.” I shrugged.

  Suddenly the room’s back in full swing as the man, who was still unconscious, was peeled from the canvas mat, and in his place was a towering figure dressed in board shorts and a black silk robe. The already dim lights were turned off and the room fell completely silent, the only noise audible from our spot on the floor was the heavy breathing from the victor of the first fight. I smirked; the victor was about to go down… and it was going to hurt.

  The large strategically placed speakers around the room quickly came to life, the loud boom making Neva jump beside me. I chuckled.

  “Ladies and gentleman, welcome to The Takedownnnnn!!” the announcer yelled through the microphone and the crowd cheered in response. “We have a very special treat for your asses tonight… after a six month break from the cage, we finally have him back for The Takedown Tournament. Hold up your beers, scream that name and welcome back to the canvas and metal… Ace ‘The Law’ Matthewssss!!”

  Still in his black silk robe, Ace acknowledged the crowd with a single head nod while his opponent visibly growled like a damn lion. Oh yeah, his ass was Ace’s.

  “Facing The Law tonight is Kade ‘The Marshall’ Riverrrr!!”

  The crowd roared with similar intensity as Kade bounced around on the balls of his bare feet while punching the air in front of him, whereas Ace just stared at his opponent with a blank expression. If looks could kill, Kade would be in a morgue by now.

  I assessed the room once more. To my left was a crowd at least a twelve deep of hyped up fans. To my right was a little less intimidating; I chose this particular spot so Neva didn’t feel as though she was caged in. Only a six deep crowd surrounded us. Then I spotted Jonah Rodriguez standing on a make-shift table, his hands grasping cash as fans all but threw bills at him, shouting out their bets on who would win the fight.

  “Yo, Rodriguez!” I shouted over my shoulder. His eyebrows pinched together as he searched the crowd for the person matching the voice. Clicking my fin
gers in the air in his direction, his brown eyes landed on mine, a smirk gracing his lips. “Two hundred says Kade is KO’d in thirty!”

  He pondered on my words for a moment before shaking his head, chuckling at what seemed like a ridiculous bet on my part.

  “Thirty minutes? You ain’t got much faith in your boy up there, Parker,” he sniggered, his eyes never leaving mine as he took more bets from frustrated fans.

  “Maybe you didn’t hear me clearly… thirty seconds, you clown!” I countered, making my way over to him and thrusting two one hundred dollar bills into his greedy hands. “Place the bet.”

  Rodriguez nodded sharply, turning back to the queue of people that had formed to place bets on tonight’s fight.

  Walking back to my spot next to my best friend and her boyfriend, I watched with eager eyes to see what Ace had up his sleeve for the fight. Before I could even contemplate what sort of moves he could pull out, Neva’s voice rang into my ear.

  “Did you really just put down two hundred dollars on Ace KO’ing Kade in thirty seconds?” Neva asked as I stood beside her. My eyes were suddenly glued to the cage as the referee went over the cage rules.

  “Yeah, Low. I know Ace is good, but he’s been out of the game for six months. Plus, Kade is undefeated in fifteen fights,” Logan added.

  I didn’t reply. The crowd in the room suddenly became quieter as we waited for the bell to chime, the signal that would tell us all the fight was on.

  The bell dinged.

  A body slammed.

  Blood broke the barrier of the cage.

  I lost my bet.

  “Holy shit,” Logan whispered, his eyes as round as saucers.

  “I don’t… Jesus. Low, is that… even possible?” Neva said, turning to face me.

  I shrugged, a small smile playing at my lips as I watched Rodriguez balk in absolute shock. I threw him a wink before turning back to the blood-filled cage.

  “Uh huh,” I smiled, watching as Kade was pulled by his ankles, his limp body dragged from the floor. Noticing Ace’s robe still hung from his body, I let out a sadistic laugh while shaking my head.

  Ace didn’t knock Kade out in thirty seconds… he did it in ten.

  The smile quickly disappeared as I felt arms encircle my waist from behind, completely catching me off guard. My heartbeat accelerated, it was beating with such speed I was sure the whole room could hear it over their cheers. The fear I usually kept locked deep down inside me burst through the banks as a fine layer of sweat coated my body, the intensity of my fear refusing to let up. I was frozen on the spot.

  Fuck.

  “You lost the bet,” a voice whispered into my ear, pushing the fear back to the confines of its prison and replacing it with… desire.

  Shit.

  “It wasn’t about winning or losing,” I replied, my voice suddenly husky from the close proximity of a hard, muscular body against mine.

  Tate James. My god, what he did to me, and that alone was god damn terrifying. His name fell from my lips with ease, his scent could quickly fill me with lust, and his touch alone could turn me into a giggling teenager. Sometimes, there were no words to describe what he did to me physically, but emotionally I knew exactly what it was, and I was all too aware just how fucking dangerous that could be.

  “So, what was it about?” he whispered, his teeth grazing the shell of my ear.

  “Everything,” I replied, my eyes as strong as steel.

  Tate looked at me like I had lost my damn mind, but in truth, this was about everything. Life is like a cage fight: a little terrifying, a little reckless, a little intimidating. But it’s also an adrenaline rush, blissful highs as well as depressing lows. You win some, you lose some, and it’s up to the fighter to decide if they stand and dust themselves off, or stay down and kiss the canvas.

  Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual; it’s a dog eat dog world and only you can determine if you’re willing to be the eater or become eaten. In my case, I was the eater, while the eaten that stood around me were completely oblivious. I had lied, cheated, and sometimes bribed my way to where I was, never flinching at the consequences of my actions. But now, I was dealing with an internal battle that could ultimately seal my fate.

  I was slowly unraveling around Tate, the stiches breaking at the seams with every whisper, every touch, and every kiss. It’s been three months of blissful hell—trying to keep myself together around him, trying to keep my true self hidden from him and those around me. I was a ticking time bomb, and I wouldn’t be the only victim when I detonated.

  Tate’s soft lips against my neck quickly pulled me out of my own little pity party, bringing me back to the here and now. My eyes moved to the cage; the guy cleaning the blood from the mat told me there was going to be a break between fights tonight. As Tate’s lips dropped feather-light kisses against my skin, I tried to spot Ace within the crowd. It was no use. Either Ace had snuck off into a quiet corner, or I just couldn’t concentrate normally with Tate so close to me. I only hoped it wasn’t the latter; my body’s reaction to his proximity was being a real problem.

  “Low, can you show me where the bathroom is?” Neva said, grabbing my hand. I clearly had no choice in the matter.

  I was dragged through the large crowd, now on hyper drive after another hour of alcohol and adrenaline, and weaving in and out of the sweat-lined bodies wasn’t easy as I was being dragged by a determined Neva. What the hell’d gotten into her?

  “Will you please let up on my damn arm? You’re going to pull it out of its socket!” I yelled over the still booming music.

  “Shut up and just move your legs,” she grumbled.

  “Kinda difficult to do ya know, Nev.”

  After a couple of ass grabs, hand pulling, and beer spillages, we finally made it to the confines of the ladies bathroom. A couple of girls around our age stood in front of the large mirrors above the sink, pouting their lips and adding a ridiculous amount of gloss to their already overly shiny lips. Ripping my hand from Neva’s tight grasp, I crossed my arms and looked at her pointedly.

  “What the hell was so urgent that you needed to all but rip my arm off?”

  Neva’s eyes flickered to the line of girls to her right who were shuffling their ridiculously large boobs around in their tops, trying to create cleavages that clearly weren’t there. I rolled my eyes and sighed dramatically.

  “Excuse me,” I said, stepping towards the girl closest to me. Her eyes roamed my skinny jeans and plain black vest top, clear disdain written all over her face. “Does anyone have a sanitary towel? My cooter is weeping something fierce and I don’t want to ruin my Saturday panties.”

  Neva snorted while the girls cried out “gross” and “that’s sick” before swiftly leaving the girls bathroom. I waved them off as I kindly held open the door.

  “Thanks anyway!” I smiled, shutting the door behind them.

  “That was way over the top and you know it.” Neva laughed as she took a seat on the sink counter.

  “But effective,” I pointed out. “Now, what the hell was all that about?”

  Neva looked down at her knotted fingers, biting her bottom lip before blurting out something that completely sideswiped me.

  “I think Logan is cheating on me.”

  What. The. Hell?

  “You’ve got to be kidding me?” I said, arching my brow. “Neva, Logan would never cheat on you! He loves you.”

  Was she serious? I mean, shit. They had been skirting around each other for so long, and after everything that had happened between them, now she thinks he’s cheating on her?

  “I know he does,” she said, casting her eyes to her left. “But I can’t help but think he is holding something back from me, and it’s making me freak out. After everything, Low, everything we have been through to get to where we are, he holds something back from me?”

  I knew what she was referring to, and it ripped me apart not being able to tell her, no matter how much I wanted to. It’s not my story to te
ll; it’s not my place to tell it either.

  “Neva, honey, I love you, but you need to read my lips when I tell you this. If he is holding something back, then you’re just as guilty for holding back your thoughts and feelings on this. Go and talk to him about it; if he is holding something back from you, then he will tell you.” Stepping towards the counter, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders, hoping my words may have sunk in. “What’s brought all this on anyway?”

  It didn’t escape my notice that I was completely contradicting myself.

  “I just… I don’t know. It’s just a feeling, I guess.” She shrugged, pulling back from my arms.

  If I thought Neva was vulnerable before, it had nothing on how vulnerable she was now. Christ, would they just give her a god damn break?

  “Talk to him. If you don’t, then I will. You know as well as I do it won’t be pretty if it comes to that,” I said with a wink.

  She finally cracked a smile as she pulled me in for a hug.

  “What would I do without you, Low?” she said, holding me tighter.

  “I hope we never have to find out,” I said honestly. It might have been the most truthful statement to ever pass my lips in the last six years.

  My phone vibrated in my back pocket as I pulled out of her embrace. Plunging my hand into my pocket, I pulled out my phone only to gulp back an involuntary scream.

  “I’ll meet you back out there,” I muttered to Neva as I walked into one of the stalls, locking the door behind me.

  “Okay. Everything alright?” she asked, confusion in her voice.

  “Fine. Promise, just need to deal with this,” I mumbled, still staring at the screen in my hands.

  The minute I heard the door slam shut, I finally pulled in a shaky breath I hadn’t even realized I had held onto it until my head throbbed after the rush of oxygen hit my system. Staring at me right in the face was the reason I held myself back, why I couldn’t get too close, why I decided to keep myself hidden. Now, everything people once knew about me was about to be blown out the window, and the truth was about to be revealed.