by Nina Levine
“Gotcha. I’ve gotta go.” I ended the call and sat on my bike, allowing my thoughts to take over.
Two years ago, I'd cleared all connections from my life. I didn’t want hassles and I sure as fuck didn’t want problems with fellow club members. Allowing Carla into my life may not have been my smartest move.
Though, as much as I wanted to send her home, I knew deep in my bones, I wouldn’t.
I couldn’t.
She’d stirred something deep inside me. I had no fucking clue how or what. All I knew was that as much as I was fighting it—fighting her—my fucking heart had kicked back over and was beginning to rule my head.
12
Carla
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Havoc stood in front of me, his body tense under the fitted black T-shirt and jeans he wore, and his nostrils flaring. He’d arrived back at the motel just over five minutes ago and had brought a rush of fury with him. I hadn’t been expecting him for at least another forty minutes, and he’d caught me by surprise.
His anger caught me by surprise.
Frowning, I replied, “It didn’t seem important at the time. This isn’t anything but some fun between us. Nash didn’t need to know about it, and besides, I don’t make a habit of telling my brother the details of my sex life.”
“Jesus, Carla, you don’t get it, do you?” He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at me, waiting for my answer.
My breathing picked up pace as the weight of his anger crushed over me. I stood my ground. “No, I don’t get it, Havoc. I don’t get this dumb male shit that Nash has going on. I’m a twenty-three-year-old woman for God’s sake. I can run my own life.”
“That’s between you two. What I’m focused on is the fact I slept with a club member’s sister, and he’s not happy about it. A problem with a brother is the last fuckin’ thing I need in my life.”
Steadying my hand on my hip, I threw out, “So, you’re saying we should just go our separate ways now?” My blood pumped furiously through my body as annoyance engulfed me.
Why did I come to Sydney with him?
How could I be so stupid?
His body stilled and he blinked, but his anger didn’t leave his face. “I’m not leaving you alone in this city,” he snapped, confusing me even more.
I threw my arms up in the air. “Well if you don’t want anything to do with me, but you won’t leave me alone here, I’m not really sure what other options there are.”
He paced the small motel room, exhaling a long, harsh breath. Havoc truly was a contradiction. I remained quiet while he paced, unsure of where this conversation would end.
Finally, he stopped pacing and looked at me. “I’ll finish what I came here to do and then I’ll take you home. And then we’re done.”
“There is no we, remember? So there’s nothing to be done.” I stepped away from him and grabbed my bag and phone. “I’m going to get a decent coffee. Maybe when I get back, you’ll have calmed down and got your shit under control.”
As I took a step towards the door, his arm flicked out and his hand wrapped around my wrist. He yanked me to him and then shoved his fingers through my hair, gripping me there. His wild eyes bore into mine. “Maybe when you get back, I’ll fuck you senseless,” he growled.
White hot desire flowed through me at his words.
Angry sex.
The best kind.
His grip on my hair tightened as my arms moved under his so I could place my hands on his shoulders to hold him there. “Maybe you should.” My words came out all breathy. “I think it would do wonders for your foul mood.”
Another growl rumbled from his chest and he pulled my hair, yanking my head back. We watched each other through lust-filled eyes. There was no denying the attraction we felt for each other.
With one last tightening of his grip on my hair, he rasped, “Go.” He let me go as he took a few steps away from me.
The way he’d said that word was as if it was the last thing he wanted me to do, but the one thing he needed me to do. Havoc had never frightened me before, but in that moment, he did.
As I walked out of the motel room, I worked to steady my breathing as the concern swept through me.
What the hell has gotten into him?
* * *
“I don’t get men sometimes,” I complained to Velvet over the phone an hour later. I’d arrived back at the motel room to find Havoc gone. That hadn’t surprised me. What had surprised me was the note he’d left me on the bed.
I’ll be back in a few hours.
Need to blow off some steam.
I’m an asshole.
“What do you think has gotten into him?” Velvet asked.
I settled myself in the centre of the bed with my legs crossed. “I’ve got no freaking clue. It’s like he changed from this guy who asked me to come with him for some fun and sex, to this moody, dark guy who turns angry for no reason.”
“Well, I get why he was pissed about the Nash thing. You’ve gotta admit you were at fault there for not telling him your brother is a member of Storm.”
I sighed. “Okay, okay, so I probably should have told him that, but he got shitty at me for wanting to have sex on his bike. He’d agreed to it before we left Brisbane and then when I brought it up, he snapped at me and said he’d send me home if I pushed him about it.”
Velvet remained quiet for a moment. “Carla, what are you doing with him?”
I knew from her thoughtful tone what she was getting at, but I didn’t want to get into it with her. Hell, I didn’t want to get into it with myself. “I’m just having some fun. And some good sex. That’s all.”
“From where I’m standing, it doesn’t sound like you’re having too much fun with him. And as far as the sex is concerned, you can find that with another guy if that’s what you really want.”
I moved up the bed so I could lean against the headboard. Pulling my legs up against my chest, I wrapped my free arm around them and groaned. She’s right. “I don’t know anymore,” I murmured.
“What do you mean?”
Aargh.
“I don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore. I lost my job, my teacher failed me, which puts my plan off track, and I started sleeping with Havoc all at the same time. I never wanted to start liking him. I mean, he’s not exactly the kind of guy I see myself settling down with, but I think I’ve bloody well gone and started liking him.”
“So walk away now before it gets complicated, before you start to have real feelings for him. If he’s not what you want in a man, don’t settle.” She was speaking sense and my head was listening, but my heart didn’t seem to want to play along.
“I know that’s the smart thing to do…” My voice drifted off while my thoughts consumed me. Havoc was as far from my ‘perfect’ man as he could be, but who knew if my ideal guy even existed.
“Nash told me he’s the last guy you want to be hooking up with.”
At the mention of Nash’s name, irritation prickled my skin and I sat forward, folding my legs together on the bed. “What has Nash said?”
“He doesn’t trust Havoc around you. Said something about him being violent, but he didn’t give me details. What he did say, though, was enough to convince me that you really should think twice about this.” I loved the way Velvet gave me her opinion without lacing it with judgement. I knew she’d be there for me, whichever way I chose to go.
“I know Havoc is violent, but he’s never been violent towards me.” Images of our last conversation flashed through my mind and I did my best to push it aside. From everything I’d seen of him so far, his mood swing seemed out of character and I was the kind of person who believed in second chances. And as much as I’d felt frightened earlier, I believed he wasn’t a man I needed to fear.
“Well, I’ve never met the guy, and you’re the one who has been spending all this time with him, so you would know better. Plus, I also know that men tend to show the women in their lives a different s
ide to what they show the men in their lives. I’m presuming Havoc has an entire part to him that Nash doesn’t even know exists. Just promise me you will go slow and be smart where he’s concerned.”
I sighed. Mainly because she was right. I had a bad track record with men, always choosing the wrong ones. But also because I felt nothing but conflict where Havoc was concerned.
Swinging my legs over the edge of the bed, I stood and made a snap decision. “You are so right. I need to walk away from this as soon as I get back to Brisbane. I need stability in my life and Havoc’s a nomad for goodness' sake. There’s no stability in being a nomad.”
“I’ve got a guy I want to introduce you to when you get back. I think he might be what you’re looking for. He’s a vet who owns his own practice. No kids and his family is stable. I’ve met him and he seems like a good guy.”
I should have perked up at the information she was sharing with me.
He’s exactly what I want.
A man with a job and stability.
Yet I had that sinking feeling of not wanting any part of something.
I couldn’t figure out where that feeling was coming from so I forced enthusiasm. “Where did you meet him?”
“He’s the brother of one of my clients and came in to pick her up one day. He’s a really friendly guy.”
I had to get off the phone so I could try to sort through the mess of thoughts in my mind. “Sounds good, Vi. I’m gonna go and have a bath, but I’ll keep in touch with you and let you know when we're on our way home. Can you keep Nash at bay for me?”
A chuckle filtered through the line. “You’ve gotta be kidding me, right? No one keeps your brother at bay where you’re concerned. The only thing stopping him from being in Sydney right this moment is Griff. When he found out Nash was ready to rip Havoc’s balls from his body, he laid down the law and told him he had to stay in Brisbane. I think he threatened him with something if he disregarded the order. Then I managed to talk some sense into him, but be warned, when you get back, there’s going to be hell to pay. I’d suggest you tell Havoc to drop you off and keep going.”
We ended the call and I contemplated what she’d said. Nash was a pain in my ass sometimes, and I hated to give into him, but the last thing I wanted was to cause club problems for him.
You should have thought of this before you agreed to come to Sydney.
I traipsed into the bathroom and flicked on the bath tap. At times when I was mad at myself for rash decisions that led me into trouble, I liked to take a bath, give myself a facial and forget the world.
It was one of those times.
The phone call I received after Velvet’s, just as I was about to step into the bath, only proved that further.
13
Havoc
Silence greeted me when I returned to the motel room a few hours after I’d lost my shit at Carla.
Fuck, where is she?
I shrugged off my cut and dropped it on the bed before heading into the bathroom to take a shower. I’d call her once I finished in there.
As I stepped through the bathroom doorway, however, I found her. She was in the bath, plugged into her music with her eyes closed and her head resting on the edge of the bath.
I stopped and leaned against the wall with my arms folded across my chest. My gaze travelled the length of her body. Never letting me down, my dick grew hard while I took in her beauty.
“Fuck,” I muttered under my breath as I contemplated the wisdom of fucking her again.
I wanted to.
Hell, I fucking needed to.
She’s a brother’s sister for fuck’s sake.
I’d spent the last few hours going over and over that fact in my mind. My decision had been to head back to the motel, sleep on the couch and never taste her pussy again.
I hadn’t factored in having her naked body on display the minute I returned.
Shit.
“How long are you going to stand there staring at me?” she asked as she cracked an eye open to look at me.
“Until you get out and let me fuck you.” Both her eyes had opened and I pinned my gaze to hers, not letting her go.
Her eyebrows lifted. “I thought you were done with me.”
“Turns out I’m not.”
She stood and reached for her towel before stepping out. Continuing to hold my gaze, she slowly dried herself off.
Teasing the fuck out of my dick.
I fought the desire to reach out and rip the towel from her hands. My carefully constructed self-control was being tested and I knew it wouldn’t be long until I caved and took what I wanted.
Finally—finally—she finished drying off and closed the distance between us. “What if I’m done with you?” I knew she was full of shit by the breathless tone she used and the way her body leaned just that little bit too close to mine. It was as if she was trying to hold herself back, but her body had a mind of its own and couldn’t stay away.
I lifted a brow. “Are you?”
“I should be. After the way you’ve been treating me, I really should be.” Still all breathy.
Still in this with me.
I unfolded my arms so I could curl my hand around her neck. Gripping her there, I said, “Yeah, you should be, but you’re not.”
I feel the same way.
With our faces so close that her breath whispered across my skin, we stared at each other for a long time. The still air in the tiny bathroom consumed our apprehension piece by piece until all that was left was an unrelenting need to satisfy our hunger.
At the first sign of her softening, I tightened my hold on her neck and pulled her mouth to mine. She didn’t hesitate and a second later, our bodies pressed together as hard as our mouths did.
The smell of her arousal overwhelmed me and I let her neck go so I could slide my hands around her ass and lift her. Turning, I held her up against the wall and groaned when she wrapped her legs around me. The urge to drive my cock as hard and fast as I could into her sweet cunt threatened to take over as the only thought in my mind, and I took a moment to work through that and get myself under control.
Resting my forehead against hers, I focused on my breathing while I gave myself a talking to.
Focus.
You’ve got this.
You’ve fucking done this enough times to know how to control yourself.
But I hadn’t.
I’d never fucked a woman like Carla.
Had never been with a woman who stole my control the way she did.
She invaded every fucking sense of mine until I didn’t know right from wrong, up from down, red from fucking blue.
“Havoc.”
My head snapped up and I found her staring at me.
Unsure.
“Are you okay?” she asked, lines creasing her forehead as she tilted her head, frowning at me.
I stepped back and let her go. “I need to slow this shit down.”
She stood naked in front of me with an expression on her face that seemed to be half confusion and half frustration. “What does that mean?”
I wasn’t sure I even knew.
“It means I want you sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed waiting for me while I take a minute,” I bit out. My head was so damn full I thought it might actually explode.
Too many thoughts.
Too many fucking feelings.
I jerked my chin at her and snapped, “Go.”
Her eyes widened a fraction and I pushed my breaths out while waiting for her to submit. When she didn’t, I growled, “Carla, I need you to go and sit on the bed. Now.”
“I’m giving you five minutes to get your head back in this. I’m all for bossy and shit, but I draw a line at whatever the fuck you call what you’ve got going on at the moment. Barking orders at me is a whole lot fucking different than dominating me.” With that, she stalked out of the bathroom.
Thank fuck.
I dropped down and crouched on the floor. Bringing my hands up, I b
ent my head and threaded my fingers through my hair, cradling my head with my chin against my chest.
What the fuck are you thinking?
Hello, remember Kelly?
This is just sex.
But, Nash.
My breaths were coming hard and fast while I filed through my mind. The smart thing to do would be to walk out of the motel room and book another. This thing with Carla was not just sex. I wouldn’t be losing my shit if it were. I wouldn’t be dedicating so many goddamn minutes of my day to thinking about this if it was just about pussy.
I could get pussy anywhere.
I couldn’t get Carla anywhere.
What the hell was it about her that had so much pull over me? Because to even think about a club member’s sister the way I was contemplating Carla was fucking lethal.
I stood.
Resting my hands on the edge of the vanity, I stared at myself in the mirror. All thirty-one years of my life were etched on my face. Along with a whole lot of turmoil.
And need.
I splashed water on my face.
Just fuck her, and then walk the hell away.
14
Carla
“Come here,” Havoc demanded.
He’d taken his five minutes—well, six minutes and some seconds, but who was counting—and had finally left the bathroom to stand in front of the bed. Hard eyes stared down at me and I wondered what shit he had sorted in his head to look at me that way. I’d never seen those eyes before and they kinda scared me. Again.
But that voice of his…
It didn’t scare me at all. It turned me on in a way I’d never been turned-on and that was enough to make me scoot off the bed and stand in front of him.
His eyes held mine for a good minute before dropping to my throat. I looked down at the same time and saw his hands clench by his side.
Oh, dear Lord.
Yes.
I knew what those hands were capable of and I wanted everything they had to give.
