Leashed to Faith

by Vicky Kaseorg

  Bo now led me towards Timothy’s house. She must have wanted to visit Dumbo. We ambled along, enjoying the warmth of the sun that was now rising well into the sky, signaling lunch time was imminent. My stomach growled. We must have been on the sidewalk with Talia a long time.

  That did amaze me. I never expected I would join people like Talia when I was a worker in the abortion center. They were the enemy in my mind. I thought of them as harassing women who were making a difficult decision. I had listened to them many times of course, and they didn’t say anything nasty when they called out to the patients. They offered help and talked a lot about God. But the women did not want anyone making them feel more guilty. They already felt guilty enough. I still had mixed feelings, to tell you the truth, but the more I saw of what really happened in an abortion, the more I felt that guilt was exactly what they should be feeling.

  We had almost reached Timothy’s house when we saw him in front of us, walking Dumbo. Ok, that is an exaggeration. Dumbo was actually dragging Timothy, and when he saw his beloved girlfriend Bo, he was galloping with Timothy streaking behind him.

  When they slammed to a stop in front of us, Timothy was chugging air.

  “Our walks are always so invigorating,” he gasped.

  The dogs were tangling the leashes as they sniffed and circled and pounced on each other with delight. Timothy finally stopped sucking in air long enough to wrap his arms around me and kiss me. I melted against him, after a quick hesitation. You would think by now I would trust this good man, but I had had enough awful men in my past that my gut response was still to shrink from touch.

  “I am so glad we ran into you,” he said, his breath warm against the top of my head.

  “Me too,” I answered. That was as eloquent as I get in response to sweetness. I was still navigating the minefield of my emotions.

  “Hey, how about we walk to lunch? There is a new café near Mirror Lake with outdoor tables. Dogs are allowed on the patio.”

  I glanced at the irrepressible Dumbo. Visions of waiters toppling with stacks of plates and glasses flying through the air danced through my head.

  Timothy followed my gaze. “I know what you are thinking…but I have a secret weapon.”

  He pulled a large rolled up rawhide chew out of his jacket pocket. “Top secret but guaranteed to keep him entertained and quiet for an hour. I have one for Bo too if you want to buzz by my apartment first.”

  I was dubious, but it sounded like an adventure so I agreed. The day was definitely turning into a beautiful autumn day. I even took off my jacket, tying the arms around my waist as we walked.

  Mirror Lake is a cute village, with maple trees throughout the town. It is known for its maple syrup in fact. One of our first dates was to the famous Mirror Lake Maple Festival. That was when I became hooked on maple syrup... and Timothy.

  The maple trees were all turning a bright orange yellow. Lots of dark green pine trees were dotted among the maples, creating a really gorgeous symphony of color. The air smelled like leaves crisping in the sun. Sometimes the breeze caught hold of one of the bright leaves and tugged it loose. The newly freed leaf then pirouetted across the blue sky.

  I was thoroughly enjoying the warmth of Timothy’s hand in mine, the happy sound of the dogs’ nails clicking on the sidewalk, and the cacophony of color on the trees and scent of outdoor fires smoldering in fire pits. Since we were outside city limits, contained fires to burn leaves were allowed. I loved that smell.

  It was all heavenly, until we passed a young couple sitting on a bench outside a coffee shop. I glanced at my watch. There is no way she had already been to the Pregnancy Resource Center and followed through with an appointment. The young man and she were laughing as they cradled their cups of steamy coffee, not at all looking like people grieving over the first step of killing their child.

  Chapter Two

  Lakisha recognized me about the same moment I recognized her. She stopped laughing immediately. The same look of guilt and shame I had seen for three years while working with the women who came to the Women’s Center now clouded her face. The young man next to her looked confused, shifting his eyes back and forth between Lakisha and me.

  I would have gladly walked on and not said a word. It was none of my business what she did. My suspicion that she had not gone to the Pregnancy Resource Center was confirmed by her expression, but I was not in the least bit moved to interfere.

  The same could not be said of Bo. She stopped and lifted her snout in the air. I could tell she was about to let loose with her strong opinions. I was correct.

  “Wrrrrattttt oooooo drrrrrdrrrrdrrrooooooung????”

  I understood exactly what Bo had just said. Lakisha seemed to as well. Bo repeated herself after dragging me closer till I was standing right in front of her. She was a powerfully strong dog when she wanted to be.

  “Oh…hi,” Lakisha said, as though seeing me for the first time. “Your dog talks.”

  “Yes,” I said.

  I was not going to mention the abortion or the reversal. However, Lakisha must have felt a load of guilt because she brought it up immediately.

  “We went to that Pregnancy Center.”

  “Oh…that’s good.”

  “But we didn’t go in… we decided it was not a good idea. I mean what if the baby is already dead?”

  The man shook his head, heaved a sigh. Looked disgusted. I wasn’t sure if he was angry with her, me, or maybe even Bo.

  “What if it’s not?” I asked.

  “Are you gonna raise it?” the man asked.

  Ah. So that was the problem. I’d seen that a thousand times when I worked at the center. The woman sometimes had a sprinkling of maternal instinct but the father squelched it as best he could. Not always. Sometimes it was the father fighting for the baby’s life. That wasn’t the case right now, I don’t think.

  “No,” I said. I tugged on Bo’s leash to try to pull her away, but she was having none of it. She glared at the man as though she understood what he was doing. With a groan, I turned back.

  “But I’m not its parents. I thought you wanted to save it,” I said to Lakisha.

  “I did…” Her voice trickled to silence. Her eyes darted in the direction of the boyfriend and then back at me.

  “It’s your life,” I said, “But if you felt bad about killing your baby an hour ago, I bet you are going to feel worse if you don’t at least talk to the nurses at the pregnancy center.”

  “They won’t tell me anything she doesn’t already know,” the man snapped. “We got no money to raise it. I already got two kids. I don’t need any more.”

  Bo growled, low rumbles, deep in her throat. Her tail dropped and she crouched, as though ready to pounce. She was never a menacing dog — this was not her usual modus operandi.

  Eying Bo, the man shifted back, slightly behind Lakisha. No surprise there, honestly. I had his character pretty well sized up, almost as quickly as Bo. Even when I thought abortion was a fine solution, I hated the men who pushed reluctant girlfriends to abort.

  “They might tell you the baby is still alive,” I said.

  “It’s not a baby,” he said angrily.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “A piece of ectoplasm.”

  Lakisha’s hands crossed her abdomen, as though shielding the little ectoplasm from the man’s angry words.

  “Does ectoplasm have brain waves?” I asked.

  “It doesn’t have brain waves,” he said.

  “Lakisha told us she was probably at least seven weeks. Brain waves are detectible at six weeks.” I was proud of myself for having absorbed that bit of trivia from Talia.

  “You are full of s***,” he said. “Judgmental piece of s***.” My old me, pre-Talia days, might have spelled out explicitly what he said. But the new me had decided I wanted nothing to do with the old me. I figured if I wanted to climb out of the gutter, the gutter mouth had to be washed out.

  Timothy said, “Hey man, cool it…”
>
  Bo now stepped forward and her growl was more than menacing. It was a direct and pointed threat complete with a nice display of pointy sharp canine teeth. I had no doubt if the man moved one molecule towards me, his jugular was about to be ripped out of his throat. It was a side I had not known Bo possessed. I was comforted to see that she found me worthy of protection.

  It must have emboldened Lakisha because now she said, “It’s not just a piece of ectoplasm. I looked through that booklet they gave me. It has a spine and arms and legs…”

  “Those are fake photos,” he said, eyes still on Bo.

  That’s what I used to think too, back in my days working at the clinic. We would take the pamphlets from the women and toss them in the trash. We told them they were not allowed in the building since it upset the women, and was propaganda. I kept one and looked through it, not long before I made the decision to quit. When I got home that night, I googled fetal development to see if the pictures were accurate. They were. It made me sick to my stomach because I could not tamp down the growing horror that I had helped kill living babies. Little people.

  “If that’s true, you should be able to prove it. Go online and search fetal images,” I challenged him.

  “Yeah, I’ll do that when you give me a few thousand dollars to send the kid to college.”

  I didn’t have a dog in this fight, and the discussion was painful for me. Despite Bo’s determination to have it out with them, I was done. I dragged her back and told her, “heel.” I think the man thought that I was calling him a name, because he clenched his fist and his face flashed fury. Bo barked and lunged, which had the expected effect on the bully. He dropped back behind Lakisha again. (So technically, I guess I did have a dog in this fight…)

  “Let’s go,” Timothy urged.

  I pulled my snarling dog behind me and continued on our path without looking back. Bo yipped and grumbled for a good ten minutes, turning to snarl at the man every few seconds. He was for sure not on her Christmas list.

  She cheered up as we moved further up the street. Timothy did not speak until several minutes had passed and we were almost to Mirror Lake Café.

  “What was that all about?” he asked.

  “I met her when I was with Talia on the sidewalk this morning. She had an abortion.”

  “You were with Talia? I am surprised. I didn’t think you wanted anything more to do with that place.”

  “That is what I thought too,” I answered. “I didn’t plan it. Bo wanted to be there.”

  “But wait…if that girl had an abortion, why were you talking like it was alive still?”

  I explained how the abortion pill worked, and how abortion pill reversal was possible.

  “I had no idea that could be done,” he said.

  “I had heard of it,” I said, “But like most of what I believed about the pro-life groups, I thought it was a lie. It isn’t…at least not according to Talia. She told me she has held some of the babies born alive after doing the reversal. So anyway, that woman, Lakisha, took the pill but she was really upset. Not like she was acting just now. She stopped on her way out to talk to Talia, and Talia told her she could reverse the abortion. She even set up an appointment at the Pregnancy Resource Center to do it. I guess the mom has to act pretty fast if she wants to save the baby.”

  “So maybe the baby is dead now after all?”

  “Maybe, but Talia said it was 65% effective if they start the reversal medicine within 48 hours after taking the first pill. It has only been a few hours. But it is better to start it sooner.”

  “Well I am impressed that you stuck up for the baby. That guy was a jerk.”

  “I think he was pressuring Lakisha to abort,” I said.

  Timothy nodded.

  “I don’t know how Talia does this, day in and day out,” I said. “I was ready to punch that guy and shake some sense into Lakisha. I would not last a day on the sidewalk. I would take it personally when the women aborted anyway.”

  “Well most of them have already made up their minds by the time they are at an abortion clinic, I would think.”

  “You would think so, but it is surprising how many are still on the fence. I would say most of them feel some degree of confusion. Our job was to push them to just do what they came to do.”

  He raised an eye brow, but didn’t comment.

  “Despicable,” I said for him. “I know that now. I didn’t know it then. Or maybe I did but I didn’t let myself dwell on that. I figured if they didn’t have money to raise a baby, then aborting it made sense.”

  Unless you are the baby.

  That thought was completely unwelcome. I don’t know what part of my psyche felt it important to voice that mutiny against my guilty soul.

  Timothy, on the other hand, never one to pour salt on my wounds, took my hand and diverted my attention to the café, which was at the end of a short cul de sac in front of us. Other dogs lounged by their owners’ chairs, soaking up the autumn sun and waiting for delicious morsels to drop from their owners’ plates.

  That was too much temptation for Dumbo to resist. He darted forward to greet the peaceful dogs, which resulted in one lost hold on the leash, four dogs weaving in and out of the tables in an impromptu game of tag, two large trays of food sailing out of toppled waiters’ hands, and about $100 in damages which Timothy quickly promised to pay.

  We decided it would be best to have lunch at Timothy’s place.

  Chapter Three

  Ihad just settled down for a nap after all the events of the day when my cell phone rang. Caller ID identified Talia. I answered sleepily.

  “Hi Ruth,” she said, “I hope I am not interrupting anything. I just wanted to thank you for your help with Lakisha this morning.”

  Oh. I felt terrible. Talia would not have known the final outcome. I was sorry to have to be the messenger of such sad news.

  “She never went to the Pregnancy Resource Center,” I said sadly.

  “Yes, she did.”

  “No…I ran into her when I was on a walk with Timothy. We saw her boyfriend and her. She told us she decided not to do the reversal.”

  “Yes, she told me all about that.”

  I paused, staring at the phone.

  “She called me just a little while ago. She told me that she ran into you and Bo and she had decided, like you said, not to do the reversal. Her boyfriend talked her out of it. But then she did what you told him to do. She went home and looked up fetal development. And she researched pill reversal. Then she called the pregnancy center and was seen within an hour. She has started the reversal procedure. They found the baby’s heart beat. It is still alive.”

  My eyes popped wide open. All thoughts of sleep evaporated.

  “She said you and Bo saved the day…again. She was very impressed that your dog was upset with her, and even more so with the boyfriend.”

  “Wow.”

  “I doubt he will remain her boyfriend. He refused to go to the Pregnancy Resource Center with her. He told her she could call you to help her raise the kid. He was done.”

  “Woooood rrrrridddddungggggrr.” That was Bo’s response. She was as usual eavesdropping.

  “I agree with Bo,” Talia said. “We will be helping her, but I wanted you to know that you seem to have a knack for this work.”

  Of course I laughed. Bo did have a knack for sure, but I had so far been forced every time by her to step up to the plate.

  “I don’t know at all what to say or do. I feel completely unable to help,” I said

  “Well, God’s call is not about our feelings,” Talia responded. “It is about obedience. What God calls you to do, He will equip you to do.”

  “Shouldn’t I believe in Him first?” I asked.

  “That would be better,” she said. “At any rate, she told me that I should thank you and Bo for daring to speak up.”

  We got off the phone as a warmth settled in my soul. I have to admit it felt good to have been useful in changing Lakisha’s mind
about her baby. I hope she booted the boyfriend. I would not have wanted to be Lakisha now, not only because of the wretched boyfriend, but because the next couple of weeks would be dicey. If the baby was still alive in a week, its chances were pretty good, If it made it two weeks, Talia said they usually breathed a sigh of relief. I would not have wanted to be the one who had swung from wanting to kill the baby to wanting to save it and now had to wait and see the final result.

  It would have been much better had she never taken the pill in the first place. How much better life would be if we could just live it backwards, knowing what we know before we made our choices. Of course, that would be impossible, so after a few moments of contemplating what would be different in my life had I been able to do that, I shrugged and curled up to consider resuming my nap.