Leashed to Faith

by Vicky Kaseorg

  “I won’t have to pay him back or anything?” I asked.

  Mr. Zeller looked down at his own copy of the agreement which he now perused, his finger sliding under each line as he read.

  “Well. There is one strange statement here, now that you mention it.”

  I leaned forward to see where his finger had paused. “He states that if your studies must be terminated, you will need to come to him in person to formally end the contract to mutual benefit.”

  “Mutual benefit? What does that mean?”

  “I am not certain,” Mr. Zeller said. “I can contact him and clarify that.” He jotted a note to himself, highlighting the line on his copy of the contract.

  I continued reading to the end of the page, keeping that strange line in my head. Nothing else struck me as ominous but I sure wouldn’t sign anything till that line was addressed. “Benefit” in Dr. Thanatos’ world had a whole lot different sense than in my world, I would bet my last French fry.

  That strange image reminded me that I was starving. I had skipped lunch to make it to the meeting on time.

  “What are all these other pages?” I asked.

  “Most are informational. Dr. Thanatos wanted to include a list of colleges that would be acceptable under terms of the agreement. He included courses of study and even rankings in a variety of areas.”

  “I can’t go to the college of my choice?”

  “No, but the list is extensive. Within that list you can choose any college and any degree.”

  “Is Mirror Lake University on the list?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is Harvard?”

  Mr. Zeller raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say what I bet he was thinking— No way, Jose, would the likes of you get into Harvard.

  “No,” he said. “In fact all the schools are here in NY.”

  Hmmm. Now that creeped me out a little. He didn’t want me leaving NY.

  “I presume he doesn’t want to pay out of state tuition,” Mr. Zeller explained.

  That made sense, but I still couldn’t quite shake the creep-out factor. Mr. Zeller said he would leave me for a few moments while I looked over the list of schools and he attempted to find an answer to my question regarding early termination of studies.

  I didn’t care about any other school than Mirror Lake. Timothy was here, Dr. Harried was here, and Talia was here. They were the only three real friends I had ever had. I was in no hurry to leave. Mirror Lake had a surprisingly good ranking for such a small college. It was listed as one of the top small colleges for Veterinary study, which surprised me. It even had an undergrad degree in “Pre-Veterinary Studies” which the info sheet said was not available in many other colleges.

  I flipped through the rest of the pile since Mr. Zeller had still not returned. He had been correct that most of the pile was information on the different colleges I could choose from. The last sheet was the formal acceptance of the offer. It also included the line about personally discussing any reason to terminate my studies before graduating with Dr. Thanatos to a mutually satisfying conclusion.

  Again…the hairs on my arms raised. What was he up to? He was up to something for sure, but I could not figure it out.

  Mr. Zeller popped back in.

  “I was able to talk with your father. He said mutually satisfying is defined in a page he just faxed to me. He had reviewed those stipulations with his lawyer and had not attached them with the initial set of documents.”

  He handed me a copy and then read aloud each criteria.

  “This is the first I am seeing of this, so forgive me as I review that with you. First, that you agree to follow a specific course of study which is to be completed within eight years. That is undergraduate work, which would allow you to be a part time student if necessary.”

  “What if I want to continue on to grad school?”

  Mr. Zeller quickly read through the rest of the page and shook his head. “He does not mention any graduate studies. I assume this applies only to undergraduate degrees but I can check with him for a definitive answer.”

  Of course. I don’t know why I assumed he would foot the bill for eight years of school, including graduate school. So much for the vet degree. No way could I cover the cost.

  “The second point is in the event you drop out or for whatever reason do not finish the undergraduate degree within the eight years. You will not be required to pay him back, but you will be required to sign away any inheritance you might otherwise obtain.”

  “Inheritance?” I said. “Why would he need to say anything about that? He can decide at any time to write me out of any inheritance.”

  “I don’t know,” Mr. Zeller said. “It does seem redundant. He can choose to disinherit you at any time. Maybe he doesn’t want you to drop out believing that he will support you for the rest of your life.”

  “I never asked him to support me,” I said, a little angrily.

  Mr. Zeller nodded.

  “The third point is that when you do graduate, you will extend an invitation to him to your graduation ceremony and you will attend that ceremony.”

  “So there are requirements that I interact with him! I thought you said that would not be a part of this agreement.”

  “Well, I had not yet seen this document, but it doesn’t say anything about any further contact or obligation. Only that he be invited. You are not required as far as I can tell to see him or even speak with him.”

  I am pretty sure Mr. Zeller thought I must be a terribly ungrateful brat. If I shared my whole story with him, perhaps he would cut me some slack. However, I had no interest in discussing the whole miserable tale of my life.

  “So I don’t lose out in any way if I don’t finish my degree? I don’t owe him anything? I don’t need to ever see him again…or at all throughout this process?”

  “That is correct. I would suggest you take this all home and discuss it with your own legal counsel if you have any, or any trusted advisors. It seems to me that Dr. Thanatos has offered a no strings attached funding for your undergraduate education. I will verify whether graduate school is included in this offer and get back to you.”

  Mr. Zeller gathered my copy of the documents and put them in a large Manila envelope. He handed it to me and thanked me for coming in.

  “When do I need to make a decision?” I asked.

  “Dr. Thanatos requested the documents be signed and returned within a week.”

  I nodded, and we shook hands.

  “I understand he was not the father to you he should have been,” Mr. Zeller said as I started to turn away. “However, he seems to be attempting to make amends.”

  I had nothing to say to that. It did seem to be that way, but I still felt he was as trustworthy as a python coiled around a juicy rabbit.

  As I meandered down quiet side streets on my walk home, Timothy called me. He wanted to know how the meeting with the bank attorney had gone. I filled him in and told him about the strange requirement I would renounce any other inheritance if I failed to graduate.

  “I would agree with Mr. Zeller that he is probably cautioning you to plan on getting your degree. I am sure he can afford this, but it is still a lot of money if you decided part way through to drop out.”

  “ I am not sure what I would want to study if I can’t go to vet school,” I said. “I never really wanted to go to college.”

  “Well maybe you don’t have to have that all figured out right away,” he said. “The first two years of college are pretty much the same no matter what your major.”

  “I wanted to be an artist,” I said. “Maybe I should major in art. Though if I did that, Dr.Harried would be disappointed.”

  “You probably shouldn’t base your decision on what other people will feel about it,” he said. “I didn’t know you were interested in art.”

  “Well, I never really had much time to do any art, except in middle school. Life got a little out of control by the time I hit high school. But I used to like to draw.”<
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  “You can always take art classes for electives, no matter what you major in. If you are a decent artist, they will be an easy A.”

  “Which my science classes probably won’t be,” I said.

  “Speaking of tough classes, I need to race off to mine. I can drop by later and look at those documents with you if you like.”

  “I would like that,” I said.

  No sooner had I ended the call with Timothy, than a frantic woman came running straight up to me.

  “Help, help!!”she shrieked, “There is a woman in the park, dying!”

  I don’t know what she expected me to do. Did I look like a doctor?

  “I don’t have a phone. Use your phone! Call 911!” she shrieked.

  I quickly did as I was told, and followed the woman who clutched my free arm and pulled me across the street to the park not far from the Women’s Center. It is the same park where I had encountered Maria, a woman who ended up choosing not to abort her baby because of our influence! (Me and Bo’s that is…)

  This time, the woman lying on the ground was clutching her midsection and it was clear from the blood on her pants that she was hemorrhaging. I did my best to alert the dispatcher on the phone to the details of the problem and the location. My work at the abortion center had actually prepared me for this one. This was someone miscarrying, or aborting. Either way about it, she needed medical assistance. I gave the dispatcher the name of the park.

  She urged me to be sure the woman was warm enough and to be sure the bleeding was not from a wound. She was, just as I suspected, a client from the Woman’s Center. She had told the nurse that she was bleeding, and that she was in pain. The nurse had insisted it was normal. After an hour, they told her she needed to leave. She had no ride home, and started to walk. She got as far as the park, when the pain and bleeding became so great that she collapsed. That is when the frantic woman who stopped me found her.

  Fortunately, the ambulance arrived only a few moments after I had. The woman, Tashima, was incoherent by the time the medics had strapped her on a gurney and lifted her into the ambulance. They slammed the doors and the siren blared as they shot away, in the direction of the Mirror Lake hospital.

  The woman, Jenna, who had flagged me down now looked at me, horror on her face.

  “A botched abortion?”she asked, echoing what I had said to the medic.

  “I think so,” I said. “She should not have been released.”

  “How do you know that? Are you a nurse?”

  “No. But I worked in the medical field…” Liar. Liar.

  “Well thank God you came along when you did. I had no idea what to do. I always have my phone with me but I must have forgotten to toss it in my purse. There was no one else around and I didn’t know if I should leave her. She collapsed right in front of me. You probably saved her life.”

  IF her life was saved, I thought. To be honest, she did not look so good as they catapulted out of there. I had seen one other patient hemorrhage following a surgical abortion. The blood literally started to pool on the floor at her feet. They took a long time to call the ambulance. Everyone there knew that if an ambulance showed up, all the pro-lifers would be filming the whole thing. It was terrible for business.

  By the time that woman was finally packed off to the hospital, she had lost too much blood. She didn’t make it. I had not been in any position of authority. I had not in any way been responsible, but I had watched in horror as the doctor and nurse hemmed and hawed about calling the ambulance. It was obvious to all of us that this woman needed help NOW.

  And here again, the negligence of the clinic had led to a woman ending up in pretty awful shape. If things proceeded as they had with the woman who died, the clinic and doctor would be the subject of an investigation. The clinic would be slapped with a minor infraction, closed for a day, and then reopen. It had happened countless times.

  I took the Manila folder out of my back pack and went to the nearest trash can. I held it between my finger tips as if it was poison and stuffed it in the garbage. I would not use once cent of Dr. Thanatos’ money. Not one cent.

  Chapter Six

  When Timothy showed up that night, I told him there was nothing to discuss.

  “I’ve decided to reject his offer.”

  “What? Why?”

  I told him about Tashima, the botched abortions I had witnessed, and how it all revolted me.

  “How can I use the money that he earned killing babies and destroying so many of the mothers too? I just don’t feel I can.”

  Timothy gathered me against him, stroking my hair.

  “You are an amazing woman.”

  It was nice of him to say, but all I could think of was how I had come to a conscience a bit late. So much water over the dam. So much to be ashamed of.

  “Maybe you should apply for a scholarship with Mirror Lake University. I mean your scores are great, and they love older students returning to school.”

  “I don’t know,” I said, snuggling against his chest. “Until I was offered a free ride, I didn’t think I cared at all about going to school. In fact, I spent most of my life running away from it.”

  “Just a thought,” he said. “You seemed excited about becoming a vet.”

  “Maybe a little. But maybe just a vet assistant would be good enough. Is there a degree for that?”

  “Let’s ask our friend, Mr. Google.”

  We spent the next half hour discovering that vet tech is a two year degree offered by many community colleges, including Mirror Lake Community College.

  “I bet anything you could get some sort of scholarship. You could even work part time while going to school part time.”

  I lay my head on his shoulder, contemplating this turn of events. I could do this. Maybe I even wanted to. And no babies had to die to fund it. Better yet, I could wash my life clean of Dr. Mortimer Thanatos.

  I had time to ponder. No sense rushing into it now that I had made the decision not to take the blood money.

  “I do wonder what he had up his sleeve,” I said.

  “Why?”

  “That line about mutual satisfaction if I ended up quitting. It was just so weird. Even the lawyer thought so. He asked if I had an inheritance coming from my mom that was contingent on finishing school. I don’t. We barely had enough money to survive, let alone put aside for college. But I can’t see any possible connection anything like that would have to Dr. Thanatos anyway.”

  Timothy shrugged. “I guess it won’t matter now.”

  “No. I wish he would just disappear. I hate that he keeps popping back into my life. It’s creepy. That’s what I was feeling while thinking about the offer. Tempting as it was, it was creepy. He had nothing to do with me all those years. Why would he be so interested in me now?”

  “You are his only child. He’s getting old. He could have died in that accident. People change when they are facing their own mortality. Maybe he just wants a legacy he could be proud of. I doubt his work gave him that.”

  “I refuse to be his legacy,” I said, a little too angrily.

  “No, I don’t blame you. But maybe he sees you as the only good thing that came out of his life. From what you have told me, there is little else.”

  Bo stretched and lay her head on my lap. She closed her eyes and was soon snoring softly.

  “Even if I were his legacy, I don’t have much of a stellar resume in that department either,” I said.

  “Your story is still being written.”

  “Hmmmm. Do you think the writer has the plot laid out or is just watching it all unfold as I am?”

  Timothy smiled. “I think there is a plot all planned, but with room to change as the situation calls for it.”

  We decided to gorge on popcorn and watch an old movie. We shared the popcorn with Bo and made fun of the cheesy moments in the movie. Timothy said that the writer of that movie could have used some better plot planning. He had an early morning class, so had to leave as soon as the mov
ie ended.

  I trudged to bed, feeling terribly weary for no very good reason. I curled up under my covers, thinking I would drift off to sleep instantly but ended up just staring at the ceiling, inexplicably wide awake.

  What would the plot of the rest of my life be?

  On an impulse, I flicked my phone on and googled, “God’s plan for my life.”

  I don’t know what I expected my phone to reveal, but it was surprisingly interesting. The first hit was a website called Open Bible. I clicked on that. A whole list of Bible verses appeared on the screen under the title, “God’s plan for my life.”

  It was a long list. I was fascinated. I had no idea the Bible was so specific about God’s plans for me. Here were the first four verses: