The Girl Without a Name

by Rachel Burns

  Out of duty, I raised my hand to Tristan’s, and my head moved with it, lifting up. I was looking him in the eyes now. Someone was tying our hands together.

  I cursed the tear I felt running down my face. He was staring right at it. I was concentrating on not sniffling. The room was so quiet, and I knew that everyone here knew that we didn’t want to marry each other, but still, I didn’t want to make a scene or have them feel pity for me.

  Tristan started to speak. I remembered that this had been a very romantic moment for my siblings. They had taken the time to get to know each other beforehand. They had wanted to get married by the time they faced their partner for this ceremony. My siblings had blushed, smiled at one another, and the tears that they cried had been for happiness.

  “I promise to care for you, to be faithful to you, and to put no one above you. I swear to you that I will be there for you if you need me. I will cherish you above all others.”

  I was surprised by his words. How could he mean that? He was gone so much. It didn’t make sense. I was searching his eyes, looking for the joke that this had to be, but he was staring at me very intently.

  It was my turn. I had to say something now, but I couldn’t think of anything other than his hand touching mine. It was so warm. He moved a finger, pressing in against my finger. He wanted me to say my bit. Once I did, I would be bound to him forever.

  “I promise to be a good wife to you. To care for you and obey you.” I couldn’t think of anything else. My eyes darted around. It was uncomfortably silent in the room.

  Daddy started clapping. Soon everyone joined him, accepting that I wouldn’t say anything more.

  “Three cheers to the newly married couple.”

  Everyone cheered. Tristan looked relieved that it was over. He had done his duty, now it was time for his reward.

  The room had gotten so loud, and Tristan was slowly moving me to the door. Everyone was congratulating us, but he managed to slip out. “Show me where your room is.”

  Normally, Daddy would have brought me to the man’s house, and I would have lived with my husband at his house, but this was different. I would have to lead the way. I seemed to be spared little in life.

  I pointed with the hand that wasn’t connected to his. We went up the stairs as best we could with the way we were attached.

  He was smiling now. Of course, he was. Sex was great pleasure for a man and very painful for a woman her first few times. My body would give his pleasure while he gave me pain. I should probably get used to that.

  I pointed to my door, and he opened it. My right hand was tied to his left so he was better able to move around.

  He stopped and looked around. His face gave away nothing as he looked around, surveying my room. His eyes rested on my three gold bars for a second. Then he looked back at me. He smiled again. “Come in so we can close the door.”

  I obeyed him as I had promised. All wedding vows had to be kept. If not, a person could go to court. That rarely happened. But when it did, you could see it on TV. People liked to watch that stuff. I had always told myself that I would promise little so I could keep it. Now I wasn’t even sure what I had said. I was focusing on obey.

  Tristan was looking at our hands, they were wrapped up with a soft twine. Both of our hands were sticking up as if we wanted a teacher to call on us. It was getting uncomfortable.

  “How do we get this off? And if I get it off, will you run away from me?” He was squinting his eyes at me. I was now under his scrutiny. I already knew that he didn’t like what he saw.

  “I can’t run if you forbid it. I said that I would obey you.” I reminded him.

  “That remains to be seen.” He was smiling again, and I got scared. What if he was too good to be true? Daddy couldn’t look into his heart. What if Tristan killed me? I began imagining all sorts of terrible things that he could do to me.

  “You look very beautiful today,” he stated.

  Where had that come from? “What?” I must have misunderstood him. He had been very clear what he thought about my looks.

  “You look very beautiful today. You’re really very pretty.” He was staring at me.

  “But you don’t like me? You called me the ugly one?” Did he think that I had forgotten that? I doubted that I ever would. It had cut me to the bone, leaving scars that would never heal.

  “I never got a good look at you. But now I can see it. Your face is formed finer than your sisters. Your eyes are amazing. I am very pleased with your looks. I also like that you aren’t as giggly as your sisters.”

  “Why are you lying to me?” I asked him. His words were cruel. I knew what he really thought. This game was unnecessary.

  “I’m not.”

  “But when you came here, you always talked to them, and you looked happy doing it.” I pointed out. I wasn’t going to stand in front of him and pretend that I believed his lies.

  “I was young and drawn to obvious beauty, but you’re a classic beauty. Is that why your father favors you?”

  I stared at him. I didn’t know what to answer.

  “Okay, I think it is best that I give you the first rule. I want you to be honest with me, always. There will be no lies between us. Now answer my question.” He sounded so strict that I was a little scared of him.

  “Daddy told me that I remind him of his deceased wife. Both in looks and my accomplishments.”

  “Yes, my parents went on about your accomplishments. You impressed them. They had looked at over twenty young girls before they picked you. They insisted that you would be the best for me.”

  “Why me?” None of this made sense.

  “Because you had all the traits that they want for me and later for a child, if we have one. My parents are both smart. They think that’s important. They didn’t want me to marry a girl from an orphanage, but still they chose you.”

  He looked me over for a while until I couldn’t take it anymore. “We’re supposed to chew them off. I know that from the older ones.” I was still looking in his eyes. They were just so dark green, and they held my attention. I longed to blink.

  He looked at our hands and started to chew on the binds. The feeling of his mouth gently touching my flesh was sending shock waves through my body. I feared that I might not be able to stand on my feet.

  He stopped chewing and lowered our hands. We were still bound to one another. Why had he stopped?

  His free hand grabbed onto my head and pulled me close to his mouth. He kissed me then. Once he got started, he didn’t want to stop.

  “Sophia, it’s time. I want to undress you.”

  I looked over at our hands, but he didn’t seem to care about that little problem. He was opening his shirt and his belt.

  Would he hit me if I didn’t obey him? It was his right to do with me what he wanted. But he had sworn to care for me.

  My shaking fingers moved to my buttons, but I was extremely slow about opening them. His fingers joined mine, and my dress was open a couple of minutes later. He pushed it to the side and looked at me. He was grinning like it was his birthday.

  I never had a birthday. No one knew when it was. I never got a cake, and no one ever sang for me. Tears built up in my eyes as I felt sorry for myself.

  “Sophia, I won’t hurt you.”

  I nodded at him. He hadn’t promised not to lie. He only said that he wanted honesty. There was a huge difference. I couldn’t fact check his emotions.

  He kissed me gently again. His hand was on my shoulder, and he pushed my dress away. It hung over my arm by my wrist. He shrugged out of his shirt and jacket. They hung over our wrists too.

  He reached behind me and opened my bra and moved it along my arm to join our other clothes. He then removed his trousers. I looked away from him. I knew what men looked like. Our family was very open about things like that, especially by the swimming pool.

  He was pulling down his underwear and removing his socks. He was completely naked except for the clothes hanging over his wrist.<
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  “Remove the rest please,” he commanded.

  I nodded, still avoiding his eyes. I saw a tear drip onto the floor as I bent forward. I removed my tights and underwear. I stood up again, and he walked me backwards to my bed. He pushed me down on it and fell on top of me.

  “Déjà vu.” He was still grinning. “This is more fun when we’re both naked.”

  “Apple thief,” I said. I had no idea where that had come from. It just popped out of my mouth.

  “Biter,” he grinned before he kissed me. Suddenly, he moved his head away from me. “I forbid you to ever bite me again.” He looked so pleased with himself that I toyed with the idea to bite him and then say sue me. But his face was coming closer again, and I could feel him on the surface of my skin, his weight and his warmth.

  This is only a moment out of your life, I told myself. It will be over soon. Then he will be gone most of the time. I only needed him to give me a baby so Daddy would be happy with me because I was helping him with his cause. I didn’t feel that we were in any real danger, but Daddy had seen so much and experienced so much that he was paranoid. That paranoia was the reason that I was still alive.

  Tristan cupped my breast in his hand. I wasn’t really doing anything other than watching him to see what he would do.

  “Sophia.”

  I looked him in his eyes. What did he want now? He was about to get what he wanted. My older sisters and brother’s wives whispered about sex a lot. They liked it mostly. I had learned a lot by keeping my mouth shut and listening to them. So I knew that it was up to him to do the deed.

  “I’m truly sorry that I insulted you. I thought that I would see Charlotte walking down the stairs. And when it wasn’t her, I was surprised. I took it out on you. I’m sorry. My parents and your brother explained that you are the better choice. I want us to get along in spite of our odd past. You attacked me the first time you saw me, and I attacked you with words. We won’t do that anymore.”

  I nodded at him. I wasn’t sure if that was a command.

  He went back to gliding his hand over my breast. At one point, I wrapped my fingers around his where our hands were still joined, needing support.

  He took hold of himself, and then I just wasn’t alone in my body anymore; he had joined me. I was trying not to, but I had to cry.

  Chapter 19

  Everyone clapped when we came back downstairs. Our hands were still attached. The palms of our hands were no longer flat against each other. Our fingers were intertwined with each other.

  Tristan was ecstatic. He beamed at everyone. I felt like crying some more. I had done that a lot. Tristan had petted my face and whispered in my ear that he was sorry.

  We had been gone for over two hours. I knew that my sisters and sister-in-laws were upstairs gathering the sheets. They would be bringing them down any second now. I felt that was so gross and embarrassing. Proof that he had been man enough to make me do what he wanted.

  “Welcome to our family, Sophia. We are so pleased with this match,” his mother said to me.

  “Thank you,” I replied in a soft meek voice. Tristan had tamed me.

  “It’s a shame we can’t take her home with us. What with Tristan gone all the time, we will be lonely. But you could come and visit us.” His father looked at me hopefully.

  I looked at Tristan. He was still smiling at me. “I think it would be nice if you got to know them too.”

  “Your dad is so overprotective, but he needs to learn to share you.” His father looked like he meant it. “I mean really, he has other children.” I could tell that he was upset. This was completely against tradition. But Daddy managed to do this a lot. He saw our house as headquarters. This was our home base.

  I thought it was odd that Tristan’s parents were talking to us so normally. I mean they knew what we had done, and somewhere along the way Tristan had told me how long he had been waiting for this.

  My father came over to us. He was holding a glass of bubbly wine in his hand. Daddy smiled and looked me over. He turned to Tristan’s parents and chatted with them until my giggling sisters came in. One grabbed onto my hand and tried to pull me along with her. It became obvious that Tristan and I were still attached to each other.

  “My wife needs to get used to me,” he told my puzzled sister.

  She nodded and went off.

  Tristan followed them outside. I had to go with him. They were throwing the bloody sheet onto the fire, symbolizing that my childhood was over, and that I was now a woman. I watched it go up in flames while Tristan stared at me. He knew that I had cried like a baby, and that I really wasn’t very womanly. He had said nice things, but all and all he didn’t really want me.

  Tristan would always compare me with my sisters and not be happy with me. I decided that I would be quiet and obey him and basically try not to get on his nerves. He probably wouldn’t come home often anyway.

  ~

  It was time to eat. I was standing beside the long table, and Tristan was chewing us free. I watched him kind of spellbound. He was very attractive. The feeling of him brushing his lips around my wrist was sending electric shocks up my arm. I even had a feeling that he knew that he was doing that. I was finding it difficult to breathe.

  He was grinning at me. Once we were free, he sat me down at the table, so we could eat. He sat down next to me. His chair landed so close to mine that I moved my chair away a little, but he reached under the table and grabbed hold of the chair leg and pulled me right back to him.

  “You won’t be running away from me.” He winked at me.

  “Does everyone know about that?” He couldn’t mean the time that I had needed a break and had fallen asleep on the stone hill, could he?

  “I even helped look for you. The planet is small. You never had a chance.” He was too happy for my tastes. I felt a need to argue with him.

  “Yes, but I’m eighteen now. I can go anywhere I want.” I beamed back at him.

  “You mean anywhere I allow you to go.” Nothing could wipe that man’s smirk off his face.

  “I’m old enough to book a flight out of here.” I didn’t mean it, but I couldn’t not pick on him. There was just something about him that got my dander up.

  “Then I better be the captain on the ship, or you’ll be in a lot of trouble. Next rule. You may not leave the planet unless I am with you.”

  “You’re bossy.” I squinted my eyes at him.

  “I will protect what is mine.” He said that so nonchalantly. Didn’t he realize that I was trying to provoke him?

  “Yours?” I repeated.

  “I guess I shouldn’t have untied us. You seem to have forgotten that we’re now married. And here I thought that you were so smart.” He shrugged and started to eat.

  After a while, he leaned over to me and whispered in my ear, “I know how tame you are in the bedroom, so I’ll overlook the fact that you are trying to provoke me.”

  “Are you always so sure of yourself?” I asked him in a whisper.

  “That my dear is how I managed to become one of the youngest air captains in the universe. I’m in a league with your father.”

  “Wow, maybe I should wish for a war so you can become a household name like he is.” I smarted off.

  “Sophia,” he said sharply. “Never wish for war. I don’t need the fame. With it comes a great suffering. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  “To me?” I asked him confused.

  He nodded at me. “Don’t you know what happened?”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked him. He wasn’t making any sense. Did he mean Daddy’s wife?

  “Never mind. I want you to eat now so we can retire for the evening.”

  His words scared me. I didn’t want to go to bed with him again. As far as I was concerned, I never had to have sex again. He had only said that to scare me. He might not want to again. It might have been a trick to get me to be quiet.

  It worked.

  Daddy picked up his glass and spoke out
a toast. My older brothers also toasted us. Kyle made a toast that reminded Tristan how lucky he was to get me.

  Tristan also toasted me and welcomed me to the family.

  After we ate, there were fireworks. Daddy had gone all out, wanting to make this day special. I appreciated the thought, but it didn’t make me like this day.

  Tristan took hold of my hand and brought me back up to my room. He was quiet and removed his clothes the second the door was closed and locked.

  “Get undressed,” he told me.

  Why had I promised to obey him? I hadn’t meant it. I just couldn’t think of anything else. I guess I wasn’t as smart as everyone thought I was.

  With shaking hands, I removed my clothes and laid them over a chair. I knew there wasn’t anything wrong with my body. I trained, ran, swam and put in the necessary hours to be perfect. The problem was my face. I would look away from him while he had sex with me. That would be best.

  “Lie down. I want to touch you,” he told me.

  I lay down and looked away from him, staring at my bookshelf as his hands ran over my body. I reacted with goosebumps.

  “Are you cold?” he asked me.

  “Maybe a little,” I replied.

  He lay down on top of me, so he was covering my body with his. I didn’t like lying under him. It made me feel weak.

  He kissed my breasts and sucked on my nipples. He was being careful not to bite me, but I held my breath. I was stiff as I waited for the pain.

  “Sophia, relax. This can be nice for both of us if you relax.”

  “It doesn’t matter.” I wanted him to do what he wanted and finish. I wanted this day to end. I would so much rather be outside crying under that damn apple tree.

  Why did I always go to the one where I met him? Then I reminded myself that I had always preferred that tree. I wouldn’t let him ruin that for me.

  “Sophia, don’t cry. I hate that you don’t like this.” He stroked his fingers along my cheekbone.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I repeated.

  “I think it does.”

  I gulped and looked away from him again. “No, it doesn’t.”