Peach Blossom Pavilion

by Mingmei Yip

  I nodded, holding his gaze as long as I could.

  He swiftly squeezed my hand, then turned to walk. After he was away a few steps, he came back. "Precious Orchid, I'm sorry I can't keep you company. Are you sure you'll be fine by yourself?"

  I nodded again, giving my pocket a discreet pat. "I have the money you gave me."

  A smile broke on his face. "Good, go enjoy yourself. And don't forget to meet me at the south gate."

  "I won't."

  Then he hurried forward and soon vanished into the crowd.

  I walked unhurriedly, savoring the feeling of being rubbed and bumped by other human beings. The air smelled of a mixture of lush vegetation, incense, fried food, perfume, and human sweat. I inhaled deeply and sighed with satisfaction. Debris crunched and moaned under my feet; the soothing sound of distant bells trembled in the spring air. From time to time I'd even offer a smile to handsome strangers to show my good taste and appreciation.

  I looked up and saw a sky as blue as the sea and as clear as a clean sheet of rice paper. The air was cool and crisp. So crisp that I could almost hear when people waved their hands and blinked their eyes.

  This was the second time I'd felt a genuine sense of freedom. The first had been when I'd run away from Peach Blossom with Teng Xiong. Now her intimate yet strange name sent throbs of pain to my heart, followed by a sense of guilt. During the many months I'd been immersed in the oblivion of living with Qing Zhen, I hadn't thought much about my woman lover. Teng Xiong. While my tongue rubbed along the two words, my mind was filled with her elegant, effeminate image. I had no idea where she was now nor what she was doing. Did I dare hope she held no grudge against me for my abrupt departure? But almost a year had gone by. What if she had already fallen in love with someone else and had completely forgotten me? The thought made me sad. However, since I was the one who'd left her, I had no one to blame but myself. Rich and smart as she was, she could go wherever she pleased and do whatever she desired. That was real freedom. How I wished I were like her! If my money and jewelry had not been lost, I certainly would be better off now, much better. I could have bought a big, beautiful house, and maybe persuaded Qing Zhen to dissolve his vow as a monk and live with me. Maybe I'd also have a baby. I was sure it would be a cute little thing. Seed planted by an erudite monk in a ming ji! Instinctively my hand moved down to my stomach, but instead of feeling some vigorous kicking, it landed on flat, motionless flesh.

  Tears pooled in my eyes as I continued to walk, passing through corridors, subtemples, courtyards. Then suddenly, through my blurred vision, I spotted a little girl. She was three or four, all dressed in red. Her round, glowing cheeks matched her dress and shoes. Her eyes were big and round like miniature mirrors reflecting two darting black marbles. As she jumped and danced around, thick plaits bounced on her shoulders like fat chopsticks.

  My heart melted. I'd never seen a girl so captivating.

  Now she was yanking her mother's sleeve. "Mama, Mama," her pudgy finger pointed to a street stall and her sugary voice chirped. "Pudding! "

  The young mother, a rich, elegantly dressed tai tai, stooped to pat her head. "Is that what you want?"

  She eagerly nodded.

  A moment after grabbing the white-sugared pudding, the little one had already smeared it all around her lips.

  I chuckled at the sight while my hand reached to pat her head. To my surprise, instead of returning my friendliness with a smile, the little round face, now drained of blood and distorted by fear, looked as pale as her pudding.

  "Mama! Mama!" She dropped the pudding and yanked at the hem of her mother's dress.

  The rich woman turned and our eyes met. Her glance was filled with suspicion and contempt. Then, to my utter shock and surprise, she spat as if to cast away evil spirits, then pulled her daughter away.

  I watched their backs disappear into the crowd, feeling so upset that my body shivered. Suddenly I realized that it had been months since I'd looked in a mirror. With no pomade, no perfume, no makeup, but only coarse clothes and a dark-tanned face which suggested having to labor outdoors like a coolie-no wonder the tai tai had spat at me. They must have thought that I was a beggar girl, or a maid sent away because she'd contracted some terrible disease. Maybe the mother even thought I was a potential abductor! I felt queasiness simmering in my stomach and blood pounding in my temples. No wonder the little girl looked so scared and her mother so disgusted!

  Not long ago, I had been admired as a highly cultured and refined ming ji. But now I even thought I could smell a stench rising from my hair and clothes. Appalled, I dashed up to the stall, threw down a few copper coins, snatched a pudding from the vendor, and frantically flicked my tongue.

  "Haiiii..." I let out a long sigh, my tortured nerves temporarily numbed by the sugary pudding.

  Through my mind flashed memories of Mama taking me, Spring Moon, and Jade Vase out to have our hair styled, then buying us ice cream, then the little boy snatching it away and almost being hit by a car. Only now, I must have looked exactly like him, a beggar! While I was feeling sorry for myself, another image rose in my mind-the blue-eyed Mr. Anderson. Nine years had passed since my eyes had first met those of the barbarian. Then we'd met again at Peach Blossom when he came with his partner Mr. Ho. But they had stopped visiting. From time to time I still wondered where he was and what he was doing. I tried hard to remember his face, but all I could see in my mind was the kindness shining through his blue eyes.

  I let out another sigh, savoring the pudding and pondering the vicissitudes of life. Wandering around this huge temple complex, I felt like a stranger watching the world's twists and turns from the outside. This saddened me. When would I have the chance to belong, to grasp something permanently in my hand? While Qing Zhen had his concoction of immortality, what did I have?

  Thus thinking, I stepped inside one of the temple buildings, paid for a bundle of incense, then lit it at a bronze burner. Kneeling among the other fragrant visitors, I muttered prayers for Baba, Pearl, Ruby, Mother, Qing Zhen, and Teng Xiong. After that, feeling more relaxed, I continued to stroll, losing track of the time until I heard peals of drums and gongs.

  I strained my ears and hurried toward the sound. It was an open air theater with an ongoing performance. The area was totally packed. Those who couldn't get a seat were standing wherever they could squeeze in-along the sides, in the aisles, at the back. A few boys had even climbed up a tree to have a better view. I bought a cup of hot tea and a bun from a nearby stall, then squeezed my way to the side. Because of the many heads bobbing in front of me, I had to shift mine this way and that to glimpse the stage. The opera was Farewell My Concubine-a popular piece depicting the defeat of Emperor Xiang Yu during the famous battle between the Han and the Chu.

  Now the Concubine Yu, all dressed up in her pearl-tasseled head gear and an embroidered, sequined dress, was about to bid farewell to her lord Emperor Xiang. At this last moment with the man she loved and who she had faithfully followed all her life, she decided to perform a sword dance-a farewell entertainment.

  The performance was excellent. The double swords glinted and flashed in the air, sometimes resembling two shimmering bolts of lightning, other times two choreographing ribbons. The fiddle's high-pitched tone wept poignantly while the drums and gongs roared like tigers.

  "Hao! Hao!" Wonderful. People burst into loud applause.

  I looked around. The audience seemed to be an eclectic group of city people and country folk. Immersed in the dramatic illusion, they looked happy, troubles forgotten for fleeting moments as they watched life imitated on the transient stage.

  I turned back and saw Emperor Xiang, now singing:

  My concubine, for years you've always stood by my side during endless battles, Today we will have to go our separate ways.

  After that, Xiang asked Concubine Yu to bring wine. Yu poured two full cups, then waved a white-powdered hand and said tenderly:

  Please, my lord.

  Xiang's expression
turning sentimental, he began to sing:

  My concubine, now what I hear from all four directions is only the Chu's soldiers' song. It must be that Liu Bang has already conquered my land. My heart is dissolving and so is my qi!

  Tears spilled from the concubine's eyes. With her orchid fingers, she flicked a few drops into the distance. Her silvery voice rose against the black-painted evening:

  The Han soldiers have retreated, and songs of Chu floated everywhere.

  If my lord's days are numbered, so will be your unworthy concubine's.

  After that, Yu pulled the sword from Emperor Xiang's waist and plunged it into her own stomach.

  "Oh, no!" Some audience members exclaimed with a horrified expression.

  Others clapped enthusiastically. "Hao! Hao '

  What caught my interest was not the girl who played Concubine Yu, but the actor who impersonated Emperor Xiang. I couldn't tell whether he was handsome-his face was painted in black and white and framed by a long, artificial beard-but I was bewitched by his voice. It was the clearest, yet the most emotion-charged I'd ever heard, powerful enough to evoke roars of approval or silence the chatter of the audience. This man's voice was even more beautiful than Qing Zhen's, the only flaw being that it was not as resonant nor as wide-ranging. I stared intently at the actor, trying to imagine what his face would look like without the paint and the beard.

  The audience continued to cheer and clap while the curtain slowly fell, ending the drama both on and off stage. Unwilling to detach themselves from the tragedy still burning in the air, people lingered and moved slowly. I had to squeeze and push my way through the crowd to reach the stage. Then I turned and sneaked around to the back. Inside, some actors were taking off their makeup, others chatting, yet others sipping tea and munching snacks. I craned my neck and looked but couldn't see the one who played Emperor Xiang. Tentatively I stepped inside the small area and asked a young girl, "Little sister, who's the actor who played the emperor?"

  She pointed to a corner where, to my surprise, I saw a woman's back. She was taking off her makeup in front of a small mirror.

  "But little sister, that's a woman!"

  "Yes, but we're all women here." She pointed to a banner hung above the entrance. "See? We are the all-female Golden Phoenix Opera Troupe."

  I studied for moments the four embroidered characters and the gold-threaded phoenix. Then, as I was about to inquire more about this troupe, the woman at the corner turned and our eyes met.

  I was staring at the face of Teng Xiong!

  A smile bloomed on her face. Then she got up and hurried toward me. Ignoring the curious eyes of the other actors and workers, we embraced.

  When we finally released each other, she said, "Come, Precious Orchid, follow me."

  Teng Xiong led me outside of the backstage area. Making sure that no one was around, she pulled me into her arms and kissed me passionately on my lips.

  Long moments passed before she released me. "Why did you leave without saying goodbye?"

  I had no answer for that, so I just looked at her with my watery eyes and aimed at her my dimpled smile.

  "Look at you, Precious Orchid." She stood back to scrutinize me. "I can't believe that several months caused such a big change. You might as well be a farm girl now. Or shave off that tangled-up hair and be a nun. Do you want that?"

  I shook my head, feeling mortified. She must have guessed that I'd left her for the monk. Nevertheless, neither of us mentioned Qing Zhen.

  She said, "I'm sorry, Precious Orchid. I didn't intend to be mean. It just breaks my heart to see you ..." Her voice trailed off.

  "I must look horrible!"

  "No, Precious Orchid, you're always as refreshing as spring and as beautiful as the moon. It's just . . . " She paused again, then, "you deserve a better life than dwelling in the forest."

  Tears rolled down my cheeks.

  Teng Xiong pulled a handkerchief and dabbed my eyes. "Precious Orchid, I believe it's heaven's will for us to be together again, so please stay with me from now on."

  "But I ... can't. I have to-"

  "Yes you can. Those stinking males only know how to break a woman's heart and ruin their beauty. Let me take care of you. Please."

  And I did.

  As I hadn't bade farewell to Teng Xiong when I'd left her for the monk, now I didn't say goodbye to Qing Zhen when I left him for Teng Xiong. I didn't even look for him at the temple fair after the ritual, fearing that I'd again succumb to his charm and end up going back to that mountain prison.

  That evening, he must have waited and waited for me to show up and go home with him. After finishing the ritual, as it grew dark outside the south gate, he must have craned his neck to look for me. He might have even let out a sigh of relief or an exclamation of joy when he thought he'd spotted me, but alas, it was just another girl with long hair wearing a coarse top and pants. Perspiration must have coursed down his forehead and his heart must have skipped beats while he looked and looked and still the woman he loved was nowhere to be seen. He must have wondered if I'd been kidnapped, even raped, again. Or if I'd gotten lost, or run into some horrible accident. Anything. Anything nightmarish enough to tear his heart and splatter his mind with blood.

  I wondered how late had he waited in the heartbreaking darkness: two, three, four, five hours? After he'd finally gone home, though exhausted, he must not have been able to sleep even for a minute. He must have looked desperately all over for me again the next day. And the next. And the next ... He must have been in agonies of worry. How could I do something so cruel to someone I loved so much?

  I looked bitterly at my own reflection in the mirror and spat, "Whore!"

  28

  Separation

  s promised, Teng Xiong did take good care of me-like a newly- Lwed first wife. During our first night together in her hotel room, she saw how tired I was and so ran a hot bath for me. Then she bought several of my favorite dim sum. When my body finally felt clean and my stomach warmed (I had little appetite and ate only a few bites), I expected her to take my hand and we would visit the Wu Mountain together.

  But she said, "Precious Orchid, you must be exhausted, so if you want to stay up and talk, I'm happy to be your listener. But if you want to sleep," she pointed to the spacious bed, "that mattress is very soft and comfortable."

  I nodded, standing up from the table. She immediately came to me, tenderly caressed my face, then embraced me like an octopus. "Do you know I've become the luckiest woman in the world?"

  Not knowing how to respond, I smiled a wry smile. She took my hand, led me to bed, then flicked off the light. In each other's arms, we lay silently on the tofu-soft mattress.

  Teng Xiong's voice, gentle and thin, rose in the dark like a thread of incense. "Precious Orchid, please don't be sad."

  I remained silent. She went on, "I promise you'll never regret coming back to me."

  "Teng Xiong, I believe you," I said, then delicately extricated myself from her embrace and turned around so that she couldn't touch my face and feel my tears.

  She gently rubbed my back for a few moments, then pulled the bed sheet to cover me. "My Precious Orchid, fall quickly into your sweet dream village."

  The next day when I woke up, it was eleven in the morning. Teng Xiong had already ordered a simple breakfast of pork buns, scallion pancakes, and soy milk. Despite my near-starvation on the mountain, I'd had no appetite last night. But now, refreshed from a deep sleep on a soft bed and feeling secure, my stomach suddenly rumbled like a concubine's complaints. The buns tasted like lion's head meat balls, the pancakes like tender veal, and the soy milk like bird's nest soup. I gobbled down the food like a woman who has just escaped from famine.

  Teng Xiong looked at me with eyes filled with tenderness. "Precious Orchid, I can order more if you want. But I don't think you should eat too much right away."

  I ignored her remark and kept my hands pulling bits of bun and pancake up to my mouth, as if fearing they'd be snatched awa
y.

  When I finally finished, Teng Xiong said, "Today I don't have a performance, so I'll take you out to a dressmaker and then buy you some cosmetics and whatever else you need. Then we'll come back to take a nap. And in the evening," she smiled, "I'll take you out to celebrate our happy reunion."

  The supper club, situated in the lively Qianmen area near our hotel, had been open for less than a month. Although I'd been invited to several supper clubs when I'd been a lasing ji in Shanghai, those seemed but distant memories. Now I'd have my first taste of Peking night life-and with a woman lover! My heart started to pound when Teng Xiong helped me out of the hired car in front of a brightly painted pink building. We entered through a red gate; surrounding it were posters picturing female singers with Western clothes and hairstyles. Before I could take a closer look at the women, a guard had opened the door and gestured us in. The ex otic sound of jazz and the fragrance of perfume blended with the reek of cigarettes rushed to greet us. I took a shallow breath and looked. The inside was decorated with mirrors, colored lights, and lots of gold-columns, chairs, chandeliers. At first, it reminded me of a second-rate turquoise pavilion for Russian prostitutes. But my unpleasant recollection was quickly replaced by a cheerful mood when a captain arrived and led us to a seat by a corner.