The Ivy Chronicles

by Karen Quinn

  “Sure.”

  As Philip took my hand, butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I’d forgotten the feeling of new love. We strolled up Jobs Lane to Main Street, looking into windows filled with knickknacks so superfluous you’d only buy them if you were a millionaire on vacation. We eventually wandered into Bookhampton, one of the few stores open late. It was my idea to see if Philip’s book was in stock. It was! I wanted to buy one, but Philip said he’d give me a copy for free. Later, we hoofed it back to Faith and Steven’s. They’d taken the car, but we didn’t mind the walk. It was a warm night and the moon was almost full. Some unidentifiable creatures (mosquitoes perhaps?) were chirping. It smelled like it might rain.

  “Such a beautiful night, don’t you think?” I said as we meandered along in the darkness.

  “Beautiful,” Philip said. He stopped walking, looked at me for a moment, then drew me toward him and kissed me so deeply and with such intensity that I understood for the first time the phenomenon known as “melting in his arms.” Philip Goodman, man of few words, had communicated his feelings perfectly.

  We walked the rest of the way to Faith and Steven’s without talking.

  When we arrived at the gate, Philip got all serious. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure,” I said.

  “If you’d been out drinking one night and the next morning you woke up on the beach, completely naked with no memory of how you got there, would you tell anyone?”

  I thought for a moment. “No, definitely not.”

  “So would you like to go to the beach with me?” he asked.

  I laughed. “Did you just make that up?”

  “Nah, it’s an old joke. I’m surprised you fell for it.”

  “I’m extremely gullible.”

  “So do you want to go to the beach with me?” he asked.

  “Are you joking?”

  “No, I’m asking.”

  “Okay.”

  He grabbed two beers from the outdoor refrigerator and we walked down the wooden path to the ocean. The sky was freckled with stars.

  “Come on, let’s sit,” he said.

  We sat near the water, on the packed sand.

  My teeth were chattering lightly even though it was warm and there was no breeze. I wondered if we were going to have sex on the beach. I’d never done anything that daring before, and to tell you the truth, it seemed like it would be uncomfortable. But I didn’t say anything.

  “See that ship over there?” Philip said.

  “It’s a cruise ship,” I pointed out.

  “Have you ever gone on a cruise?” he asked.

  “Yeah, you?”

  We looked at each other and smiled. This was awkward. Philip reached over and brought my face to his and kissed me gently on the lips. “Mmmm,” I said. Philip’s tongue met mine and we kissed slowly. Then we lay back in the sand and made out more urgently, our bodies pressed together like Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity.

  “I never knew it could be like this. Nobody’s ever kissed me the way you do,” I said.

  “Nobody?”

  “No, nobody,” I said laughing and kissing him again. All of a sudden, the water rolled up and soaked us both. “Shit, that’s freezing!” I said, jumping up.

  We ran to higher ground. “Let’s get out of these wet clothes,” Philip said.

  “Really?”

  “Really,” he said.

  “Okay.” I started to take off my pants and noticed that Philip was already naked. “How did you get undressed so fast?” I asked him.

  “I can’t wait,” he said. “Do you know how long I’ve been thinking about this?”

  “Is that so?” I said, pleased. I threw my clothes behind us so the surf couldn’t reach them. I silently blessed Faith for giving me the dream-team makeover, but still wondered how my body looked to Philip. If only we were in bed, where I could artfully drape the sheets over my trouble spots. Could he see my cesarean scar? I stretched my upper torso, pushed my chest forward and threw back my shoulders to look trimmer. One can only hope that moonlight and ocean spray act as soft filters.

  Peeking at Philip’s body, I noticed there wasn’t an ounce of fat on the guy. His enormous erection was at full attention in anticipation of my affections. I would have been completely mesmerized by his naked loins were it not for all that scratchy sand sticking to my body. What if he got some on his penis? That could hurt.

  We started kissing again. Soon, we were embracing and I forgot about the sand. I felt myself getting wetter as he pressed his muscular body against mine. I prayed silently that he preferred my soft womanly flesh to those bony young models he was probably more familiar with. He kissed me gently on the lips, then eased his face down to lick my neck, suck my breasts, and . . . was the bikini-wax a success? OH. MY. GOD. Not only is he gorgeous, he’s also generous in bed or sand or wherever. I moaned.

  We were startled by a jeep driving down the beach. Philip’s head popped up. He put his finger to his mouth. We were quiet as sandcrabs and didn’t move. Still, the jeep parked about ten feet away.

  A man with a flashlight got out and started toward us.

  “Shit,” I said to Philip.

  “Shhh,” he said, sitting up. “Let me do the talking.”

  The man stood in front of us and flashed his light right at my boobs. I swear he did it on purpose. “I don’t s’pose you two know it’s against the law to be nekkid on this beach.”

  “No sir,” Philip said. “We didn’t realize. We’ll get dressed.”

  “I’m afraid I’m gonna have to arrest you,” he said.

  5. Shocking News

  I could not possibly get arrested for being nekkid on the beach. Faith would never let me live that down. “What! Please, your honor, no. Don’t arrest us. We’ll put our clothes on; we’ll leave. No one has to know about this,” I pleaded. The horror!

  “Sorry—it’s the law.”

  “Officer, wait,” Philip said. “We’re staying right there at Steven Lord’s house. Let’s go talk to him. I’m sure he can help straighten this out.”

  “Ah, houseguests of Steven Lord. Uh-huh.” The cop thought for a moment, then went over to his jeep and called for backup.

  I got up to fetch my clothes. “Freeze!” the officer ordered, pointing his flashlight at me. “Hands up.”

  I stood, naked, with my arms in air, while the cop leered at my body in the spotlight. It was creepy and flattering at the same time.

  “Uhm, sir, can she sit down?” Philip asked.

  “Huh? Oh. Yes,” the officer said.

  I dropped to the sand like a rock. A few minutes later, sirens were blaring and flashing red lights brightened the sky in front of Faith’s house. A group of teenage boys who had been partying up the beach came over to see what was going on. They stood behind the cop, staring and giggling like we were some kind of freak show. The pimpliest of the kids pulled out a camera phone and snapped a picture of us. I felt like the village slut. Yeah, I know, I was sitting on the beach buck naked next to a man in his birthday suit, but still!

  “What’s the matter, never seen a woman without her clothes on before?” I hissed at Pimple Boy.

  “Never one as old as my mom,” he answered, cracking up his friends.

  This was so humiliating. Lights were turning on at Faith’s house. A few minutes later, Steven and Faith, in their matching bathrobes, were descending the wooden stairs to the beach with two cops. I hoped that we hadn’t interrupted any contractual sex.

  “Are these your guests, Mr. Lord?”

  “Yes, they’re with us,” he said. Faith was trying to suppress her laughter behind Steven. I wanted to kill her.

  “Well, if that’s the case, we’ll let ’em go this time.” The cop turned to us and warned, “Next time, take it inside.” He looked at the teenagers. “Okay kids, show’s over. Do your parents know you’re out at this hour?” Nya-na, nya-na. Now it was their turn to get in trouble. When the cop turned his back, I shot
them the bird, proving that I could be just as immature as they could.

  Saturday was as magnificent a day as a vacationer could hope for in Southampton. Eighty-eight degrees at noon, a gentle breeze, clouds so wispy they didn’t even count. Steven took Philip to Sag Harbor on his jet helicopter to see the new golf course he was building. Coptering ten miles was overkill, but I guess that’s what happens when you have too much money.

  I was teaching the girls how to build a proper sand castle. Mae and Lia were filling their buckets with wet sand, while Skyler and Kate handled construction. We made an enormous hill with four towers on top, surrounded by thick retaining walls.

  “Let’s build a moat,” Skyler suggested.

  “Good idea, every castle has a moat,” I agreed.

  I showed them how to dig a deep canal that circled the hill and then swirled out toward the water like a snail. Each time the waves came in, our canal filled up. It was extremely cool. The kids wanted to make the moat deeper, so I left them to it and went to join Faith. Sir Elton was sleeping under the beach umbrella.

  “Okay, I want to know every detail,” Faith said, putting down the newspaper. “Is he a good kisser? How’s his body? I couldn’t tell because he was sitting. Did you go all the way or did the cop bust you before you had a chance?”

  “Faith, don’t ask me that. I’m not the kind of person who kisses and tells.”

  “Come on, it’s me. I told you what’s in my prenup. And that’s highly confidential.”

  “Okay, okay, he’s a great kisser, there’s no fat on his body, and no, we didn’t have a chance to do it. That stupid policeman ruined everything. Maybe tonight, we’ll see. Can I have the ‘Arts’ section when you’re done?”

  “I’m done. Here,” Faith said. We both ignored the front page and the “Metro” section, preferring to stay uninformed and oblivious while on vacation.

  My cell phone rang. I fished it out of all the junk in my beach bag, almost missing the call. It was Bonnie, my old assistant.

  “Ivy,” she asked hesitatingly, “have you heard the news?”

  It’s never a good sign when someone starts a conversation like that. “What news?” I asked.

  “The Myoki tragedy, did you hear?”

  My stomach lurched. I jerked to attention, terrified to hear what she had to say, knowing she was about to put a damper on my vacation.

  “Three people died,” Bonnie said.

  “What? What happened? Oh, my God, who died?”

  “An executive vice president, a vice president, and a secretary.”

  “How did it happen? Oh, my God.”

  “What? What?” Faith was asking. I held up my hand to shush her.

  “We were having a team-building meeting in the Everglades. I was there helping Drayton. He made me his assistant after you left. Anyway, the executives had just finished swimming with alligators. Remember last year’s off-site, when you swam with dolphins? Well, this time, Drayton wanted to do something more in keeping with reality.”

  “I can’t believe Myoki would let its executives do something like that. They rode alligators?” I asked.

  “No, not exactly. We swam in a swamp where alligators were known to live. The goal was to feel the fear and do it anyway. We had this keynote speaker who talked about leaders who carry on in spite of great risk. The swim was our chance to look danger in the face and defy it. But the gator swim wasn’t the problem. It went fine. Afterward we celebrated with a barbecue on the boat. While we were eating, the consultants set up a hot-coal fire walk on the aft deck. They say if you can walk across burning coals in your bare feet, you can do anything. Supposedly, they’d had fire walks on this boat before, but this time, something went wrong. The coals ignited the wood on the deck and the ship went up like it was doused with gasoline. It happened so fast. No one was wearing life jackets.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I jumped. Everyone did. But our leftover ribs fell in the water and attracted the gators. They were swimming all around us. First they went for the food, then us. A rescue boat came, but not fast enough to save everyone.”

  “Bonnie, I can’t imagine.” I was out of breath just listening to this story. “What about Drayton and Konrad? Did they make it?”

  “Drayton’s dead. Olive Armstrong, too. She’s the one who took your place after they fired you.”

  “What?” I interrupted indignantly. “They replaced me? Those bums. I was fired to save money. That’s what they said.”

  “Yeah, well, you know Myoki. No one ever tells the truth. Anyway, do you want to hear the rest of the story or not?”

  “Yes, of course. Sorry.”

  “Konrad’s secretary, you know, the songwriter—he’s gone. Ivy, here’s the worst part. I was right next to Drayton when an alligator burst out of the water. Drayton grabbed me. I thought he was trying to save me. Instead, he pulled me in front of him like a shield. Can you believe it? Somehow, and I don’t know how, I managed to dive under him and the gator latched on to Drayton. Then it started spinning him. That’s what alligators do. They spin and drown their victims. Then they tear them apart piece by piece before they eat them. Did you know that?”

  “No, I didn’t. I mean, it’s never come up before. What about Konrad?”

  “He’s alive, if that’s what you mean. But he lost half his face, including his nose. He’ll never be the same.”

  “Oh, my God, that perfect face.” I couldn’t imagine what Konrad would do without it.

  “I know. I’ll bet he loses his job after this,” Bonnie said. “At his level, the aesthetic standards are so high. He won’t be able to compete with the heavy hitters. If they can’t use him on the cover of the Annual Report anymore, what’s the point?”

  “You’re probably right. What about you? Do you still have a job?”

  “I don’t know,” Bonnie said. “We just got back last night. If I’m not too traumatized, I’ll go in on Tuesday or Wednesday to find out. You know Myoki, they’ll use any excuse to reorganize.”

  “Bonnie, if there’s anything I can do, just ask.”

  I hung up, and told Faith everything. Reaching for the “Metro” section, we spotted the headline: THREE EXECUTIVES EATEN ALIVE IN OFF-SITE GONE AWRY.

  “Faith, do you realize I might have died if Drayton hadn’t gotten me fired? The woman who took my place was eaten.” Like someone who just missed getting on a plane that crashed, I didn’t know quite what to make of my good fortune. Truth was, I felt like whooping, wailing, and testifying—“Hallelujah, I’m alive, I’m alive, Thank you, Lord Jeezus, I’m ALIVE!” But that would have been in bad taste. Secretly, and I knew it would be unthinkable to say this, I felt that Drayton and Konrad deserved it. There. I thought it. They were mean to me, so God punished them, right? They were greedy sleaze-buckets who finally got theirs. Talk about being up to your ass in alligators, ha ha ha. I was so witty and clever when it came to puns. Oh, dear God, I can’t believe what I’m thinking. What kind of monster am I?

  Dear Lord in Heaven, forgive me. I take it all back. I’m sure Olive Armstrong was a fine person even though she took my job. And songwriter-secretary, his dreams of a future in musical theater—dashed for all eternity. Please God, bless these people. I am so sorry for them and their families. I mean that with all my heart. And I regret any wicked or inappropriately humorous thoughts I may have had. I was in shock. Thank you God for your understanding and forgiveness regarding this matter.

  I had a hard time enjoying the rest of the weekend knowing that Drayton, Olive, and songwriter-secretary had met such gruesome deaths. And Konrad, the Face. Like a surgeon who lost the use of his hands, what would he do now? I kept imagining what it must be like to be bitten, chewed, and spit out by an alligator. Would death be instantaneous or would you actually feel your bones snapping and your flesh ripping? It was too hideous to contemplate. But the possibility that there might be senior-level openings at Myoki was oddly intriguing.

  On Saturday night, I slipped int
o Philip’s room after everyone had gone to bed.

  “I can’t sleep,” I whispered.

  Philip lifted the covers and motioned for me to join him. I climbed under the sheets, which were warm from the heat of his body, and snuggled close. He kissed me softly. His touch was so tender. He made me feel cared for in a way that I could barely remember. Tears started to flow. I couldn’t help it.

  “What’s wrong?” he whispered, caressing my hair.

  “I don’t know. I feel so bad about what happened to the people I used to work with. What if I’d been there? My girls wouldn’t have a mother. I can’t put it out of my mind.”

  “Shhhh. You’re safe.” He kissed me more deeply this time. Then, his face moved down and he bit my neck. “Do you like it when I do this?” he asked as he began to unbutton my nightgown. If he thought he could distract me from thinking about the Myoki tragedy, he was right.

  “Mmmm, I like it.”

  “How about this?” he whispered, sucking my nipples.

  “Yes, please don’t stop.”

  Philip slipped my nightgown off and reached inside my panties. He rubbed me slowly and gently before removing them. As he moved down and began kissing me between the legs, I was so thankful I hadn’t gone for the bikini topiary. He looked up. “How’s this?” All I could do was clutch the bed and moan with pleasure. Reaching down, I beckoned him back. I couldn’t wait any longer. As soon as he was on top of me, I felt for his erection. I wanted him inside me and I wanted him now. In seconds he was moving in and out with such urgency that the shabby chic headboard banged against the wall and the bedsprings squeaked with each thrust. Bang. Squeak. Bang. Squeak. I tried not to moan or scream too loud so as not to wake the others in the house. I needn’t have bothered. Faith told me later that she and Steven had put pillows over their heads to muffle the noise. I hope that doesn’t mean I’ll never be invited back.

  When we had finally satisfied our lust, I snuggled into the crook of Philip’s shoulder and fell into a deep sleep.

  Late that night, I was awakened by a terrible dream. Drayton pushed me off a boat into an alligator-infested swamp. He and Konrad and all the other senior people from Myoki were laughing at me as I struggled to escape the clutches of an enormous bull alligator with two rows of razor-sharp teeth. Just as the beast snapped off my leg with its deadly jaws, I woke up terrified. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe, I said to myself. Then I noticed someone sitting calmly in the reading chair across from the bed. My stomach flipped. It was Drayton.