Time Jacker

by Aaron Crash

  Pinetree seemed to consider pouring himself another whiskey.

  Jack, though, chewed on a wing while at the same time laying the bracelets, the cap-and-ball revolver, and three of the goblets on the bar. “I’m looking to sell the gold and gems. Not selling the gun, just wondering if you know a place where I can find some extra cylinders and maybe someone who knows about ancient artifacts of infinite power.”

  Gabby sighed and her halo dimmed until it vanished. Like Jack thought, she wasn’t thrilled about him selling Meriton’s goodies.

  Meanwhile, Pinetree stared at the loot, then at Bailey’s horns, then back at the objects on the bar. “Uh, I know a guy in the gold and precious gems market in downtown Denver. I can set you up, trusting I’ll get a taste. As for the gun, you should go ask the Lauder.”

  Jack struck his head. “Right. Chet Lauder. I forgot he has that gun shop off the freeway. He could set me up. And sure, PT, I can give you a percentage. These aren’t stolen, by the way.”

  “No,” the bartender murmured. “Don’t expect they would be. You were always the upright citizen. Until, you know, the police academy. But that wasn’t your fault.”

  “It was all my fault,” Jack said. “And I’d do it again. You know I would.”

  The memories came back in a flash, of Jennifer, his friend and would-be girlfriend, coming out of the car, her dress torn, her hair mussed. The lightning showed the scratches. And the bite marks. The thunder roared, but there wouldn’t be rain. Just violence.

  Jack’s life had ended at that moment, and he’d drifted on the outside of law enforcement. However, his moment on the darkside had given him a newfound understanding of Pinetree and his lawless ways.

  Gabby covered her mouth with her hands. Tears shimmered in her eyes. “Oh, Jack, you and Pinetree have such love for each other. Paul does love you.”

  The bartender swept off his hat and wiped sweat off his scalp. “Just like a friend. I mean, Jack and I go way back. He remembers me with hair!”

  “We’re buddies,” Jack agreed. “And so he’ll get two percent of any sale he sets up.”

  Gabby smacked his arm. “You will not try to haggle with your friend. Five percent, at least. Or I will...” She huffed, clearly unable to finish the threat.

  “You’ll do what, Feathers?” Bailey asked.

  “Or I will be very upset,” the angel finished. She sat with a troubled look on her face.

  Jack would have to talk to her later, but for now, he addressed his friend. “So, PT, what do you think?”

  The bartender shrugged. “Two percent is fine.”

  “No, PT, five percent. The angel is right, and I’ve seen her fight. You don’t fuck with angels.”

  “Language!” Gabby said with a gasp. “But I do agree with the sentiment.”

  Pinetree lifted a goblet. “Do I want to know where you got this? Or how many women’s locker rooms you’ve been in? Or if you’ve robbed a bank yet?”

  Both the angel and the demon jumped in to talk at the same time.

  From the demon: “One women’s locker room, we killed an angel from some shithole place outside the timestream, and I would fucking love to rob a bank except they don’t keep a lot of cash in the branches anymore. Seriously. The average take on a bank robbery in the last ten years was two grand.”

  “No shit?”

  “No shit,” Jack said. If bank robbers did their research, banks wouldn’t need security at all.

  From the angel: “No robbery, and it wasn’t Jack’s idea to go into the women’s shower, and I disapprove of such things. But, yes, we did have to kill an angel who had lost their way.”

  Pinetree took it all in. “So, this shit got real. Are you quitting your jobs?”

  “Looks like it,” Jack said. “Though it depends on how much I can sell this stuff for. Or if you have an idea on how I can use this time-stopping power to make money that doesn’t involve grand larceny. I’m also against circus acts.”

  Pinetree sighed. “Yeah, if you don’t want to straight up rob people, then the whole time-stopping thing might not be a good money-making proposition. You can’t go forward and backward, right?”

  “We all go forward, Pine. One second at a time.”

  “Jackass. What about backward?”

  “Nope.” Jack ate another wing, drank some beer, and thought he was in heaven. In the end, he was a simple man. He didn’t need much.

  Gabby scowled. Talking about sinning had ruined her appetite and so there was a good portion of her onion rings still in the basket. “You know, Jack, the divine will provide for you. You don’t need to worry. You just need to do the next right thing. All of your needs will be provided for if you simply trust in the goodness of the universe.”

  Bailey looked disgusted but didn’t comment. Her eye roll, however, was nearly audible.

  Jack didn’t want to rain on the angel’s parade, but he was fairly certain that goodness and badness were of equal measure in the universe.

  Pinetree took a rag and wiped the sweat off his forehead. “Hey, Jack, can you start time again? I’m kinda getting freaked out in my own place.”

  Jack thumbed time back on again, and Bailey returned to her human form.

  The room was back to being filled with noise, chatter, and Johnny Cash on the jukebox.

  The European man rose from the booth and came over, just as Jack stuffed his treasure haul back into the backpack.

  The European had thinning blond hair and a flushed face. He spoke with a German accent. “Excuse me, sir. I couldn’t help but overhear you talking about the Enochian language. Was I wrong there?”

  Jack wasn’t sure about this guy.

  The angel, ever trusting, piped up. “Oh, yes, the Enochian language is the language of angels!”

  “Yah, I know this.” The European nodded. “Actually, I am collector of the language, of artifacts, texts, et cetera.”

  Pinetree sighed. “There goes my five percent.”

  “I wouldn’t go that far,” Jack said to his friend. Then to the guy. “And what’s your name?”

  “Heinrich Hofer,” the man said. He reached out a hand. “I’m from Vienna, Austria. I have been interested in angels since I was a boy.”

  Gabby blinked and her mouth fell open. “Gosh, he’s not wrong. He saw an angel, actually. He’s telling the truth. See, Jack, Heinrich is here to help us.”

  Jack glanced at Bailey. “Feathers isn’t wrong. Heinrich here isn’t German, so no weird butt sex stuff. Not that weird, anyway. Just your typical analingus type of guy. Respect.” The demon went back to eating her fish and fries.

  The Austrian frowned. “I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand what this beautiful woman said. However, I can’t argue that me being here is fortunate...if you do indeed have Enochian artifacts.”

  Jack took the bracelets out of the backpack. “Hey, Pinetree, can you tell me what gold is selling at today?”

  The bartender grabbed his phone. “$1,800 for an ounce.”

  Each of the bracelets weighed a half pound each, but it wasn’t the gold that made them special.

  The Austrian guy knew it. Heinrich read the scrawling script. “Meriton, a warrior in the Marianna Legion. A protector of the Eternity Cannon. Special commendation for loyalty and steadfastness. Special valor in the Battle of the Lost Hours. Yes. Yes.”

  “You can read Enochian?” Gabby asked. Her own bracelets were hidden in the sleeves of her jacket.

  The man nodded. “I’ve seen other jewelry, and I have a belt, with an inscription. There is a church in Istanbul, sacred to the Achaean Orthodox Church, that I travel to twice a year, but I do not wish to bore you. How did you come by these?”

  Jack shot Bailey a warning glance.

  The demon made a motion of locking her lips shut. She tapped her shot glass.

  Pinetree took care of her.

  “Fifteen thousand dollars each, maybe,” Heinrich said. “But I wouldn’t expect you to sell them to me today. You should have others apprai
se them. However, very few will understand the Enochian. Very few.”

  Jack glanced at the angel.

  She nodded. It was nice travelling with his very own lie detector. Bailey could probably do it as well, though she just wanted to read people to see what kinky shit they were into. Jack made a mental note to remind Bailey he didn’t want to know what kind of porn Pinetree liked.

  “Twenty-five then,” Heinrich said quickly. “That is more than fair. I know. I would very much like them. If you have a bank, I can transfer the money. We are driving to Telluride, but we’ll be back through here. Perhaps then I can pick them up?”

  And just like that, Jack had made fifty thousand dollars. He’d forgotten about the belt. He laid it on the bar.

  Heinrich breathed, “Oh, yes, there, this is the belt of Meriton. I have another belt like this, so very similar.” The Austrian then realized he was in a backwoods bar and grill, and probably shouldn’t be broadcasting that he had a shitload of money. “Perhaps we can exchange numbers. You can do your work in making sure I am being fair. Then maybe we can make a deal?”

  “Sure,” Jack said. And the Austrian hadn’t even seen the horn yet.

  Heinrich looked dazed.

  Jack knew how he felt.

  They said goodbye, Jack and his ladies finished their meal, and they left the place with only the Eternity Cannon. They left the artifacts with Pinetree. He would take care of the goblets, but he’d also get money from the angel gold sale because Jack wasn’t going to be a rich asshole, greedy for every penny. Then he’d be your typical asshole, exactly like the Tarringtons and the Malcolms.

  Pinetree said he wouldn’t tell a soul about Jack’s power, and Jack believed him. Besides, who would believe Pinetree anyway?

  Later that night, back at home, Jack laid in his bed and couldn’t sleep.

  Bailey snored loudly, but she was good. A little shove forced her on her side, which silenced the snoring.

  Jack crept out of his room and into the living room, where Gabby slept on the sofa.

  She slept far more demurely, her halo shining a little, brightening and darkening with every breath. It gave the room a soft glow that dimmed rhythmically. It was actually pretty and calming.

  He went out onto the fire escape, enjoying the cold air and smelling the night. He needed to get some sleep, but he was still keyed up from everything that had happened. Stopping time was one thing, but discovering a hidden world of monsters, angels, and demons? That made him wonder about the nature of reality.

  And the fact that they’d have to break into hell to retrieve Annie from a duke of hell’s palace? They had until Friday night because the flow of the Tempus Influunt did affect other places. Gabby and Bailey weren’t crystal clear on the details, but it wasn’t like a minute on Earth was a minute in hell. There were some discrepancies. From what the Clockwatcher said, Kerrata wanted to drink from Annie, and he’d want the slow seconds, which would give him the most power.

  Jack had fixed his money situation for the moment. Now he had to figure out how to reload the Eternity Cannon, and he was wondering about Evelyn and Hugo. They were important in some way. As was Annie.

  Jack got cold enough that sliding back into bed with the demon would feel good. Bailey did burn hot, which only made sense.

  Creeping back into his apartment, he went over to Gabby and pulled a blanket up to keep her shoulders warm. She was a mystery. She was so very pure and innocent, yet when it came to sex, she was anything but. Was she just a voyeur? Or would she eventually join Jack and Bailey in bed?

  Jack didn’t know, and he also didn’t know what would happen once they rescued Annie. Or if Annie would want him. They hadn’t even been on one date.

  He couldn’t imagine that Annie would want to join him in bed with Bailey.

  In the end, Jack just had to focus on the next steps.

  How did one get into hell in the first place? Wasn’t death involved?

  Jack wondered if it could be as weird as the Cast Away, Gone Astray. Or the Clockwatcher’s eon palace.

  The universe certainly was an interesting place.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  JACK WOKE UP IN HIS bed and felt for Bailey. He’d gotten so used to her sleeping next to him. Her scent lingered on her pillow, but she was nowhere to be seen.

  He heard murmuring in the other room. Pulling himself from the bed, Jack padded into the living room. There, Bailey was up, looking good in jeans and a red silk blouse. The outfit looked new. Had she already gone to Macy’s? She’d max out his credit cards easily. Pinetree better get them a good price on the artifacts.

  Gabby sat at the table, adding honey to a mug of tea. “Good morning, Jack. We have a busy day today. We need a hell key, and there’s the gun thing. And I so want to meet Evelyn Mundi and her son, Hugo. Are you ready for another day of adventure?”

  It was Wednesday, October 12, and they had until that Friday night to prepare. They had to be at the duke’s palace in hell to grab Annie from Kerrata.

  Bailey was drinking black coffee, only it was definitely spiked with something. From the smell, it was Kahlua. “Two hell keys,” Bailey said. “One to get us in, and one to get us out. And we want to snatch Annie before Duke Tanichron gets her. We don’t want to fight the duke. Trust me. He might have a tiny dick, but he also has the powers of hellish royalty.”

  “So who has hell keys? And are there heaven keys?” Jack asked.

  “No. Heaven is locked up tight.” Gabby giggled. Her eyes were bright and shiny blue, and not a hair was out of place on her head. She wore a navy-blue business suit now. “As for hell keys, you should ask Bailey. I think she has a plan.”

  Bailey made a motion in the air, and she suddenly had her double-headed war pick with the long chain looped up on the handle. “This is my demon’s tooth. All of hell’s children are born with weapons attached to our souls. I can use those weapons to forge hell keys. Problem is, we’ll have to kill the demons they belong to. You up for that, Jack?”

  “Killing demons?” He shrugged. “That sounds like something I can do. But will I need the Eternity Cannon?”

  “We’ll take it. Though Gabby is our real weapon. She was literally made to slay demons. However, we have to keep her safe from the Exoria banishment spells.” Bailey retrieved a pack of cigarettes.

  “Where can we find demons?” Jack asked.

  Bailey drew a cigarette out of the pack with her very red lips. Her eyes flashed black and the end ignited. “We go where people sin.”

  Gabby exhaled loudly. “Yes, that all sounds very dramatic, but wrongdoing shouldn’t be too hard to find. Humans are always getting themselves in trouble. But I guess sometimes trouble finds them. Like with Annie, and what happened to her. Or Evelyn Mundi and her son. I’m very curious about them.”

  “You’re gonna adore Evelyn, Feathers. She loves to eat pussy. Like, almost too much, you know?” The demon squinted as if she wanted an answer.

  Gabby blushed. “No, I don’t know. Oral sex can be a beautiful thing. There’s no reason to make it dirty.”

  “That’s just it. Evelyn was so dirty when she made me come. It was hot...a little creepy...but that made it hotter.”

  Gabby shot to her feet. “And now we’re leaving. We can buy a breakfast sandwich somewhere and get on with our day!”

  Jack had to laugh a little at that. “Fine, Gabby. Let me just shower, and we’ll hit the pavement. We have a big day ahead. Killing demons and what have you.”

  It wasn’t long before they drove away. Jack drove, Bailey rode shotgun, and Gabby was in the back, like normal.

  For kicks, he pulled up his matrix.

  <<< SEPTUA SANCTUS >>>

  Level: 2

  Current Kairos: 200/200

  Current Corpus: 200/200

  Current Nefesh: 200/200

  Current Ijjinaya: 200/200

  Current Psyche: 200/200

  Current Morpheum: 200/200

  Current Decaysia: 190/200

  Speci
al abilities:

  Potential Auxiliary Storage: 25/100

  Aeterna Kalpa Olam Hosted Synchronization

  Septua Conversion and Transfer

  <<< SEPTUA SANCTUS >>>

  Since yesterday, his stats had all maxed out, which made sense since he’d slept, he was happy with his life, and he’d had a good dinner of protein the night before. It was interesting that his Decaysia was low, and he wondered if that was why he was feeling better.

  He also found that the Kairos he had in his auxiliary storage was still there. It seemed he might be able to bank up that power. They might have to go Fug hunting before their trip to hell.

  Jack remembered how the Clockwatcher had called him a godling. Having extra time really was a gamechanger. If they had trouble making the hell keys out of demon weapons, he could also freeze reality to give them more time.

  Gabby caught his eyes in the rearview mirror. “I know you have Meriton’s horn, and I know you’re going to sell it to that nice Austrian man.”

  “Hiney Heinrich?” Bailey laughed. “He loves ass. Girl ass, just to be clear.”

  Gabby wasn’t going to be distracted. “I don’t like it, Jack, but I understand that currency is a part of your life on Earth. And I like that Pinetree is going to get money. His bar is very soulful. There are some places that serve alcohol that are rotting away, full of Decaysia. Pinetree’s isn’t like that. He does a lot of counseling. There is a lot of love between his regulars. It’s sweet.”

  “And fucking Meriton is dead, and we have his shit.” Bailey checked her hair in the sun visor’s mirror. “I’m getting better at my womanly primping. It’s so fun to have this body for so long.”

  “Super fun,” Gabby agreed. “So, Jack, you don’t have to worry. I just hope we can do good with this money.”

  “That’s the plan.” Jack threw the angel a smile.

  “We could tithe ten percent to charity,” Gabby offered.

  Bailey shook her hand at the angel. “We could buy homeless women vibrators. Sure. But hold up, Feathers. I have a question for Jack. Hey, Jack, you see your mother, right?”