Monstrous

by MarcyKate Connolly

  I stiffen. Ice creeps over my body, chilling me from the inside out. If I hadn’t stolen his memory of that night, he wouldn’t feel this way. He was devastated by his friend’s disappearance.

  I pull my hand away and he frowns. “What’s wrong, Kym?”

  Oh goodness, that look in his eyes. How can I tell him what I did when he’s looking at me that way? In spite of everything I am?

  “I must go. And you have to go, too, before they find you.” I push him back with one hand. “You must hide.”

  “Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of hiding places no one knows about. I’ll be safe. No one will see me unless I want them to.”

  I’ve lost the ability to speak. I swallow in vain and run into the forest.

  “Kym! Wait!” His footfalls patter after me for a few minutes, then cease. He knows he can’t catch me if I don’t want to be caught.

  But I’m afraid. I fear that he is wrong.

  He doesn’t know me at all.

  DAY FIFTY-SEVEN

  BIRDS CHIRP ABOVE ME AS SUNBEAMS SLANT BETWEEN THE BRANCHES. The trees and bushes are full of life, but I am dull and heavy.

  I am not even hungry, despite my predator instincts.

  I’ve wandered through the forest all night, not ready to return to Father’s house, not even with the dawn of a new day. My thoughts are too conflicted. Father is always good to me. He sacrificed so much for me in life and now even in death and second life.

  Yet so many things don’t make sense. Things that don’t cast Father in the same light in which I’ve always viewed him. Things that I would’ve thought he’d find abhorrent. Stealing memories when his daughter is deprived of hers? Leaving that girl on the road for an already grief-stricken city to find?

  I fear the wizard is closer than we thought.

  To make matters worse, now the city folk know what I am. They’ve seen me in my full form. Soon they’ll figure out I belong to Father and they’ll come for him. Despite the cover story I told Ren, I imagine he has already guessed at the truth.

  Ren. Who doesn’t recall he caught me taking that other girl from the city, nor that I stung him. Can I hope he’ll forgive me for taking his memory? If he can see past the strangeness of my body, perhaps he can see past that, too?

  If I ever see Ren again, I will tell him the truth about Delia. Father might not allow me near the city anymore after my antics the last couple of days. But I already miss Ren.

  When I tire of wandering in circles, I leap onto the lowest branch of a large fir tree. I burrow into the nook between tree and branch and let tears roll down my face uninhibited.

  The truth is, I have no idea what I should do. I thought I knew right from wrong, but everything has turned on its head.

  I need Father. I need Ren. And I can’t have both.

  I’ll do everything in my power to protect each of them in whatever way I can. Which means I must return to Father and confess what happened yesterday, why I didn’t return. He must be mad with worry, but I regret none of it. I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

  And I need answers from Father—about that girl, and about exactly what my venom does to those I sting. There can be no more secrets between us.

  If he cannot give me answers, I’ll know the wizard has him in his thrall. I’ll have to beg Batu to help me find a way to release him from it.

  And I’ll destroy that wizard, once and for all.

  I wipe my face with my sleeve, then lean my head back against the rough bark of the tree. I love the smell of fir trees, spicy and sharp.

  Something crashes through the brush.

  “Kym! Kymera!”

  I flutter down from my perch. “Ren, what are you doing here?”

  He bends over, hands on his knees, gasping. Fear fills his eyes and I recoil. Is he afraid of me now?

  “Run. Hide. They’re coming.” He heaves another breath. I rest my hand on his shoulder.

  “Who is coming?”

  “Everyone. The entire city. Pitchforks, torches. They’re hunting you. If they can’t find you, they’ll burn you out of the forest.”

  Father.

  My claws snap into place and my eyes change to cat’s irises.

  “Thank you for warning me,” I say. “I will go.”

  Ren latches onto my hand like a vise. “I’m coming with you.”

  My resolve to go to Father falters. I could run away with Ren right now. Far away where no one, wizard or angry citizen, could find us.

  But I can’t leave Father. No matter what he may have done since, he didn’t leave me behind, not even when I died.

  And Ren doesn’t remember what I did. I can’t just pretend it never happened, however much I want to.

  “No, go in the opposite direction. Flee the forest, hide.”

  “I’m not leaving you.”

  Tears burn in my eyes. Cats must not be accustomed to crying. “You don’t understand. I did something bad. It will make you unhappy.”

  Ren drops my hand like I stung him. “What are you talking about?”

  “What I told you before, about my parents? It wasn’t true. I’m not a real hybrid.”

  A puzzled look fills his eyes.

  “My father made me like this. He and I have been working against the wizard.” I flap my wings for effect. “He discovered where the wizard hides the girls in Bryre, and I rescue one every night. You found me taking a girl once. Do you remember at all?”

  Ren stumbles backward.

  “I don’t remember. I don’t understand. If you’re saving the girls, why have none of them come home?”

  “We send them to a safe place, but that’s not important. This is: I found Delia and saved her. She’s safe, but I sent her away from you because I thought”—my face reddens—“I thought you were sweet on her. I was jealous. I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

  I’m out of breath from speaking so fast. Every muscle tenses as I wait for Ren to respond. His face goes through several changes as he digests the information.

  “You took Delia?” His hands ball into fists.

  I nod. “From the wizard. I saved her, but to do that we had to send her away.”

  “Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

  “I am sorry, I—”

  “Delia is Oliver’s daughter,” he says through clenched teeth. “She’s the sole heir to Bryre’s throne since her older sister was murdered by the wizard.”

  Horror curls around me like a cloak of ice. “She’s a princess?” Everything makes sense. Ren is the king’s page boy. He delivers messages for him. Of course, he would be charged with delivering his daughter, too. That explains why the D for Delia was so prominently featured in those messages—they were concealing her from the wizard.

  Jealousy is a very stupid thing. It only leaves the bitterest taste behind—regret. One foolish choice and I’ve hurt far more people than I imagined.

  “Where did you take her?” His voice cracks.

  I’ve told him this much, I may as well tell him everything. “Belladoma. Father says it’s wonderful there. I know she is—”

  “Belladoma?” he whispers as he sinks to the dirt path, wrapping his arms around his head. “Belladoma?”

  The ground is tugged out from under me and I hover weightless and wingless over an abyss. Something is terribly wrong. Belladoma should have comforted Ren. Instead, it crushed him.

  “What’s wrong with Belladoma?” I ask, struggling to keep the panic out of my voice.

  His eyes fill with shock and anger. “Belladoma is the rival city that attacked Bryre. That the wizard protected us from. Are you really that stupid, Kym?” He spits as though saying my name leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

  I can’t breathe. “That cannot be,” I whisper.

  Ren stands, shaking as though he’s about to explode. He gazes at me as though seeing me for the first time. Shock. Amazement. Revulsion.

  “You’re a monster,” he growls. “And only a wizard can create a monster.”

 
It takes everything I have not to sting Ren to shut him up. So he can’t say those awful words. So I can’t hear them. Instead I run blindly through the forest.

  It is not true. It can’t be true. Father is a victim of the wizard, and if he’s enchanted, more so now than ever. How could Ren even suggest he’s the wizard himself?

  Tears pour over my cheeks. Nothing can hold them back. Ren hates me. Father will hate me for telling him.

  Ren’s words repeat in my head. I can’t make them stop.

  You’re a monster, and only a wizard can create a monster.

  I shove another branch out of my way; it snaps off the tree, raining leaves onto the path.

  How can Ren’s words be true? Yes, Father made me, but that doesn’t make him a wizard. Father is a scientist.

  I pause in my flight to catch my breath next to a birch tree. I lean my back against it. The trouble is, Ren’s words have put a name to the gnawing uneasiness that’s been slowly growing for some time. The fear whispering in the back of my head that something is wrong with Father and his behavior.

  But if Father is the wizard and not just enchanted, why would he bring back his own daughter while killing the others? What really happens to the girls after Darrell carts them off?

  No, Father is not like that. He can’t be the wizard. Ren is wrong.

  I double over as though I’ve been punched in the stomach, clutching my aching head.

  Flashing images burn in front of my eyes. Roses. Sculptured hedges. The parquet dance floor of the castle. Sun sparkling on all of them.

  Laughter fills my ears and the smell of roses fills my nose.

  I stumble forward and hit the ground, trembling.

  Why do these images in my head plague me? I’ve only seen these things by moonbeam and shadow. They don’t belong to me.

  But they might belong to her. Who was I really? And why won’t Father tell me more about my past?

  I must find Father. Warn him of the people coming to find us. He must answer all these troubling questions and put the poisonous doubts to rest.

  I manage to regain my shaky footing. The scent of roses lingers in my senses, though there are none here. I shiver.

  Home.

  I fly as fast as I can.

  I alight in the yard—startling the goat-chickens—and run for the front door.

  “Father!”

  My hands shake as I tear through the cottage.

  “Father!”

  Noise comes from his room. He bursts around the corner. “Kymera! Where have you been?”

  I throw myself into his arms. Stunned, he hugs me and pats my back.

  “What is wrong? What happened? I’ve been looking for you ever since you ran out on me the other day!”

  I clutch his shirt and bury my face into it. I wish I’d listened to Father. I never should have spoken to Ren in the first place. Then none of these fears would plague me.

  But the doubt Ren planted in my mind continues to thrust its way forward. There’s no way to unhear what he said. No way to unknow what I’ve discovered. But first we must get to safety.

  “They’re coming for us, Father. We must flee!”

  He looks at me askance. “What on earth are you on about, child? We are well hidden in the forest behind our hedges. No one can find us.”

  “People from Bryre. They have torches and they want to burn us out!”

  He grows still. “Why would they want to do that?”

  “Because I disobeyed you.” My voices wobbles. I need answers, but I must be careful. Telling him everything is more likely to inspire discussion than accusing him.

  “Kymera, sometimes you are such a fool. We are protected here. They cannot burn us unless they get inside the grounds, and unless you led them here yourself, they will not find us.” Father sits me down in my favorite chair by the fire. Pippa skitters away from Father’s stomping feet. “Now, tell me everything.” His gaze burns into me as though he examines the contents of my thoughts. The idea is more than unsettling.

  Father seems certain we’re safe, but worry gnaws at me. I have seen for myself how determined the city folk are. “I went into the city. I got caught in the crowd and my cloak came off. I tried to get away, but they captured me. Ren helped me out of the prison. He’s close to the king so he must have assumed he’d get away with it.” As I wipe my eyes with my sleeve, I can’t help noticing how hard Father clasps the arms of his chair. His knuckles are white.

  “What did you do, Kym?” he says in soft voice.

  “At first I just fled. But then I heard a horrible noise, wailing and crying. They’d found that girl who died from my sting. They blamed me. The crowd had already taken Ren. They were going to kill him for helping me. But I . . . I saved him. I flew down and grabbed him and left him in the forest.” My face reddens as memories of flying with Ren rush to the front of my mind. That will never happen again, but it’s one of the best memories of my short life.

  “You are an idiot, girl! You revealed yourself to the entire city? And took one of their own right out from under their noses? Do you want us to fail?”

  Father scowls as though he wishes to break me in half. I sink lower into my chair.

  “Of course not, Father. But I couldn’t let Ren die.” I twist my hands in my skirts. “I think I love him.”

  This earns a derisive snort. “Love him? You know nothing of love. Do not be ridiculous.” He shakes his head and his silver hair flies back and forth. “This is why I told you to stay away from the humans. They are too fragile and silly. That boy has confused you.”

  I bristle. “It’s not ridiculous. It’s true. I do. I think he did, too. At least as much as he could love a creature like me. I don’t know why he helped me, but it was the bravest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  I try to swallow, but find my throat has gone numb. My next question sinks into the tip of my tongue, terrified to be out in the world.

  But ask it I must.

  “Father, the venom in my sting, does it do more than put people to sleep? Ren caught me with a girl, yet when I saw him next, he had no recollection of it at all. And the girls, they never remember me the next day. The guards are always so shocked by my entrance.”

  Father’s eyes shine with a cold, hard light. “Yes, Kymera, that is the only reason why he helped you escape. He truly remembers nothing of seeing you with the girl. Your venom takes away their memories temporarily, up to about an hour before you sting them. That powder I gave you does the very same. You should be grateful for it. Why else do you think you’ve had such success sneaking in and out of the city?”

  I grow cold. “Why have you never told me this?”

  “Because I was afraid you would take it personally and refuse to use the barb since most of your own memories are missing.”

  He is right. I’m not happy about that. But is that the only reason he concealed it? “But how did you make the venom do that?” I’ve never heard nor read anything about venom that could do such a thing.

  Father smiles tightly. “You do not need to worry about that.”

  “But I am worried. The things people say worry me, too.” I toy with the end of my tail, studying the barb for the millionth time. “And that isn’t the worst of it. That girl’s body, the one my sting killed, I found her in one of your cold boxes. Why was she still here? Why did you keep her? And how did she get on the road?” I twist my hands together, mirroring the knots in my stomach. “Father, I am afraid the wizard got hold of her body. How else could they have found her on the road? We must strengthen our defenses around the cottage or he might come after us next!” Tendrils of fear wrap around me.

  Father frowns. “The girl was potentially contagious. Belladoma wouldn’t take her corpse, so I put her in my cold box until I had time to bury her.” He leans forward. “I didn’t tell you, because I saw no need to upset you. The wizard must have discovered where I buried her and left her in the road for the city dwellers to find.”

  Relief trickles in and releases s
ome of the tightness in my chest. Father has answers for all my fears. Perhaps he is not enchanted after all. “The wizard must be close, and watching us to have found her so quickly.”

  “That is a grave concern indeed. But do not worry, I will take care of it. We are safe here.”

  “What will you do?”

  Father scowls. “I said do not worry about it.”

  I recoil at the harshness in his words, but I press on. “There is more.”

  “Kymera . . .”

  The scales on my tail are duller than usual, reflecting my mood. “I told Ren everything. One of those girls was his charge, the youngest princess. Did you know there was a younger one the wizard didn’t get? I had no idea who she was when I took her, but I’ve felt guilty ever since.” My eyes are glued to the wooden slats in the floor. “I told him our plans. That we rescue the girls and send them to a better place. He didn’t believe me.” My voice cracks.

  The fire flares in the hearth, flames leaping up and licking the iron kettle. “You told him.” It is not a question and doesn’t require an answer, but the intensity in Father’s voice frightens me. The wooden arm of his chair cracks under his tightly squeezing fingers.

  “What did he say?”

  I swallow, desperate to clear the sand filling my throat. “He said Belladoma tried to attack Bryre years ago. He said I’m a monster. And only a wizard can make a monster.” Tears threaten again, but I hold them in.

  “So this boy knows everything, does he? In that case, you have sealed his fate. I shall have to take care of him.”

  Tingling flashes of ice prick every inch of my skin. “What do you mean?” I whisper.

  “He cannot be allowed to tell anyone what he knows.” Father stands and places a hand on my shoulder. A brush of cool seeps into my arm before I shove his hand away. Right now I need answers, not comfort.

  “Why? If he’s wrong, it should be easy to prove.” A horrible sick feeling wells up in my gut, buoyed by the weight of too many easily answered questions. “Father, tell me he’s wrong.”

  A pleading edge creeps into my voice. Ren must be mistaken. We have been saving the girls. But every nerve in my body screams that something is terribly wrong with Father’s behavior.