Love Finds Faith

by Martha Rogers

  He had breathed in relief when she turned and headed toward the exit. She should be at the door by now. A moment later the door opened then closed. A whispered voice called out, “Levi? Are you here?”

  “Yes, over here in the shadows.” He kept a close eye trained on the back door to make sure no one followed as she hurried toward him.

  He grabbed her in his arms. “I’m so glad you came. I was afraid you’d be too mad to come.” Levi led her across the alley and into the shadows of another building.

  “I am angry, but you owe me an explanation. What in the world is going on with you? Your ma is worried sick.”

  “I know, but I had to leave. I tried to see you at the celebration on July Fourth, but never did find you. I’m so sorry I didn’t.” He held her against his chest and rested his cheek on her head. “Micah coming back and taking over ruined all my hopes and dreams for having the Circle G for you and me one day. I’ve been doing it all for Pa these past five years, but Micah was always his favorite.”

  She pulled back away from him to look him straight in the eye. “Levi Gordon, that’s the craziest thing I ever heard. Your ma and pa don’t have favorites. Micah is the oldest, and the ranch would rightfully belong to him unless your pa wrote a will saying different.”

  Anger intensified the brown in her eyes, making them almost black, but he couldn’t let that change his mind. “You sound like that new highfalutin lawyer they hired for the town. I know what Micah’s rights are, but giving your own sweat and blood should count for something. Besides, Micah abandoned us—including the ranch—for five years, with never so much as a good-bye or a note of his whereabouts. Then he comes prancing home without apology, and Pa falls all over himself welcoming Micah home.” He didn’t want to contradict Ellie directly, but Pa did favor Micah, and that was a fact. Pa would never let Levi run the ranch, at least not as long as Micah stayed around and probably not even if he was gone again.

  “Where are you staying?” Ellie asked.

  He shrugged and tried to put a note of cheer in his voice. “Out at the Hudson ranch. Turns out I make more money working with the Hudson outfit than I did working for Pa. I already have a spot picked out for my own spread, and soon as I can manage it, I’ll ask for my inheritance and strike out on my own.”

  Ellie said nothing, but the look in her eyes displayed the disappointment. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt her feelings or cause her any more pain and unhappiness.

  He placed his hands on her arms now wrapped around her middle then lifted a hand to finger the chestnut curls teasing her cheek. How he longed to undo all the pins and watch it cascade to her shoulders and down her back. “Ellie, I love you, and I want to marry you, but that can’t happen until I have my own ranch and herd. It may take a few years, but can you wait for me?”

  “Why should I? How do I know you wouldn’t run away from me like you have your ma and pa? One little thing makes you unhappy or angry, and off you go.”

  “Because I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you. I had the notion you felt the same about me.” He stared into her eyes now filling with tears. Had he been wrong all these months?

  “Oh, Levi, I do care, but I can’t lie to your parents and not let them know you’re close by. How can I wait for you like that?”

  “That doesn’t matter. Pa knows where I am.” He pulled her close to his chest. “I love you, Ellie. You have to believe me.”

  She pulled back again and stared into his face, blinking her eyes to keep the tears at bay. Then he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. At first she didn’t respond, but then her arms went around his neck, and she kissed him back with a love that matched that swelling in his chest.

  Then he stepped back. “I have to go. Someone might see me and tell Pa or Ma. I’ll find a way to see you again soon.” He released her and turned to leave.

  “All right, Levi, for now. I’ll be praying for you to come to your senses and make the right decisions. I’ll be waiting until next time.”

  Her words filled him with hope, and he welcomed her prayers. Maybe God would listen to her, because He sure had been silent in answering any prayers Levi had sent up. He swung up onto his horse and headed back for the Hudson ranch.

  CHAPTER 15

  MICAH STUDIED THE ledgers and then reworked the columns with the same results. July would end in the red unless something could be done in the next few weeks. If this trend kept up, the ranch would go under by the end of September. They had nothing left to put into the expenses of running the Circle G. And the month of work he’d promised would be ending soon with no apparent change in Pa’s mind about the will, even after Levi’s departure.

  How could it have come to this? Micah leaned back in his chair. He couldn’t leave now with things in such a mess. Even if Mr. Swenson approved another bank loan, it would only put them further behind. However, at this point a loan appeared to be the only choice. If they could get enough money to tide them over until the cattle drive in the fall, then the ranch could be saved.

  If Pa found out Micah had been going through the finances again, he’d be furious, but at least now Micah could see and understand the true situation. Pa still expected him to be out on the range every day with the others. That wouldn’t be so bad if Levi were here to share the burden.

  Micah’s concern ran to more than the figures on the page. Pa didn’t have the energy he once had, and many times he had gone home with some excuse for not completing his job. Pa had been close mouthed and unwilling to share anything with Micah. Micah remembered that first night and Pa’s rubbing his chest when he didn’t know Micah watched him.

  Micah slammed the books shut and shoved them back into the drawer then locked it. He’d have a talk with Pa right now before they went out to join the wranglers for the day. He shoved away from the desk, but the door opened and Pa entered before Micah could stand.

  Pa’s eyes filled with lightning and his voice thundered. “I thought I told you to mind your own business, and my office isn’t a part of your business.”

  Micah grabbed the edge of the desk to calm his nerves. “I know, Pa, but I’ve been worried about you and the ranch. I was coming to look for you just now. We need to talk before heading out for the day.”

  “So you think you have all the answers. I told you I’d take care of it.”

  “But Pa, we’re in trouble. You need my help.” If he couldn’t get Pa to understand and seek help now, all would be lost.

  “I know it doesn’t look good, but I plan to go into town later and talk with Mr. Swenson about the loan we discussed last week. It’ll take care of things until the cattle drive. It’s our only chance to survive the drought and come out even. We have a decent group of new calves to keep us going for next year.”

  “You’re mortgaged to the hilt now. Mr. Swenson may not even be willing to grant you another loan. What if he doesn’t?” Micah saw no way around the need for more money immediately, but they had to have something to fall back on in case the answer was a no.

  “We’ll worry about that after I’ve talked with Mr. Swenson.”

  Micah clenched his teeth. Pa’s stubbornness in facing reality had put them in this position, and it might bring even more trouble down on their heads. He geared himself up for another discussion that would most likely end up in another argument, but he had to try to reason with his father.

  Micah opened the drawer and pulled out the ledger book. “If I had been here to take over these, we wouldn’t be in the fix we are. I can see so many places where money was wasted or not used in the best way for the ranch. I blame myself for not being here, but if you’d let me handle all this now, I can plan some ways to make it all work.”

  “I hear you, son, and you can do all this, but you have to take care of the ranch hands, the cattle, and all that other stuff too. You can’t just sit here in an office and expect everyone to do your bidding. You gotta get out there and get dirty and sweaty with the rest of us.”

&n
bsp; “I know that, but you act like no one but you can add or subtract or know a debit from a credit or an asset from a loss. I know all about those, and I can help you here as well as do the other.” The riding, roping, and branding wouldn’t be so bad to Micah if he could also take care of where and how the money would be spent. Pa’s decisions had put them in this situation, and now he needed help, if only he’d admit it.

  “And just what makes you think you can do a better job at this than I can?”

  Micah’s hands clenched into fists. How many times did he have to explain all he’d learned and how he loved to work with numbers? He may not have done well in school in other things, but arithmetic had always fascinated him. “Have you even looked at any of the proposals I worked up for you? They show you what I can do, and you’d see how much sense they make for us. It does take more than bookwork to make a ranch run, but the books are a big part of it, and I’m good at it.”

  “I haven’t had time to look at anything what with Levi gone, and you not carrying your weight in his absence. Besides, it doesn’t make any difference right now. We have a problem, and I’m going in to see Mr. Swenson to settle it.”

  Deep breaths of air failed to ease the frustration at his father’s stubbornness. Somehow he had to make Pa see the reality of what they faced in the next few months. A bank loan was only a temporary fix in a very leaky dam. They’d probably come out even with a good sale, but then the same problems would come back if they weren’t resolved now.

  His father shoved his hat on his head and turned to leave. “I’m going out to get my horse and tell the boys I’m going into town.”

  “Pa, wait. If you’re determined to go through with this, I want to go with you.”

  “No. I can do this myself, and I don’t need your help or anybody else’s.” He stomped across the room then slammed the door behind him as he left.

  Micah slumped into his chair. He didn’t want to defy his father, but then he didn’t want Pa to face possible rejection alone. He’d wait a little and then follow him into town and be there nearby in case Mr. Swenson didn’t come through. On the way in he’d have to come up with another plan if the bank said no.

  Ruth cringed at the noise of a door being slammed. Joel and Micah must have had another disagreement. All those two had done since Micah’s return was to argue. Why did Joel have to be so stubborn? He refused to acknowledge anything was wrong. Whenever she tried to talk with him about the ranch or money, he’d hush her up real quick and tell her not to worry herself with any of that and take care of the home and their family. That may be fine for him to say, but her husband was a part of her family, and taking care of him was her first priority.

  She removed her apron and sat at the table alone. Margaret was in her room, and Rose had gone out to play with pets. That brought a smile. All the animals on the ranch were Rose’s “pets.” She stood at the edge of the trail and told all the cattle good-bye as they left for market, and even cried a tear or two that they would not come back.

  Rose and Margaret were two rays of sunshine in the darkness that hovered over the ranch. The shadow had been there for a while, but it become dark and foreboding when Micah returned and Levi left. Joel’s health continued to decline, but he refused to admit it and hadn’t been in to see the doctor since he’d been told he had a heart problem. He’d finally shared that with her, but her husband still held too many secrets from her, secrets she’d already discovered with her own intuition.

  With her head bowed, Ruth clasped her hands, sadness nibbling at her heart. Why did men have to be so stubborn and not want to admit when something was wrong? The stress of the arguments with Micah, Levi’s departure, and the problems with the ranch did nothing to improve Joel’s condition. Still he plowed ahead in determination to make things happen on his own.

  A shadow appeared across the table, and she raised her head. “Oh, Micah, I heard the door slam. What happened?”

  Micah slumped into the chair across from her. “Same old thing. Pa won’t listen to anything I have to say. I have some ideas of how to save on costs, but he won’t sit still long enough to hear me out.”

  She reached across the table with both hands and clasped his. “Pa has a lot on his mind what with Levi being gone and the worry about money as well as his . . . ” She stopped before she let the information about Joel’s health slip from her tongue. He’d be angry to know she even said this much.

  “You know about the losses and the debt we’ve accumulated?”

  “Of course I do, not in detail, but in general. Joel thinks I don’t pay attention to what I see and hear, and he won’t tell me himself. He keeps telling me not to worry and take care of things here in the house, but I can read between the lines.

  We’ve been together too long for me not to know.”

  He leaned forward and squeezed her hands. “Ma, you stopped abruptly a few minutes ago. Are you as concerned about Pa’s health as I am? I saw him clutch his chest one night while we talked.”

  How had this fun-loving, irresponsible boy turn into such a smart, observant young man? She blinked back a tear. “It’s more serious than he wants to admit or let anyone see. He’d skin me alive if he knew I was telling you this. None of the others are aware of anything wrong, not even Levi, although I have seen Margaret observing him with a keen eye, so she may suspect.”

  “What is the problem? Has he seen Dr. Whiteman?”

  “It’s his heart, and yes, he’s seen the doctor, but a lot of good it did him. Joel doesn’t want to follow directions and be told what he should and shouldn’t do to keep from having something even more serious happen.”

  “And my arguing, Levi’s leaving, and the money problems aren’t helping any. They only add to the stress he doesn’t need.”

  Ruth could only nod and squeeze her eyes shut. All the strength she had came from the Lord, and even that seemed to be slipping out of her grasp.

  “Ma, I’m so sorry for these past five years. I should never have left without explaining why I had to go, and I should have let you know where I was and what I was doing, but I wasn’t proud of those things then and I’m not proud of them now.”

  “You were just a boy searching for what you wanted from life. God gave you some answers and brought you back to us. It doesn’t matter to Him what you’ve done in the past; it’s what you do with the future that makes a difference.”

  Micah grimaced. “God and I haven’t been exactly on speaking terms since I left. I blamed God for all my problems and troubles. When I finally pulled myself together and got out of the mire, I decided I was through with God because He’d given me so much trouble.”

  In spite of everything Ruth had to chuckle at Micah’s obtuseness. “Son, God didn’t give you that trouble. You made it for yourself. You made poor choices and took the wrong turns in your decisions. Don’t you think it was He who protected you and finally gave you the strength to get out of that mess and then come home?” She pinned him with her gaze.

  Micah turned red and looked away. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought of it in that light. All I can say is that I was miserable and blamed God for letting it happen. Now this business with Pa makes me more upset than ever. Why would God do that to Pa?”

  “If I had the answer to that, I’d be able to answer the questions of the ages. We don’t know why God does things, only that He knows best and whatever happens is for our good.” The misery in his face spoke volumes. Micah hurt with a pain for which she had no remedy; only God could heal the hurts of this boy’s heart. He needed someone in his life to love him and work beside him. “What are your feelings for Camilla? She’s a bright spot in your life right now, isn’t she?”

  When no light sparked in Micah’s eyes, Ruth feared the worst. Once again his face said more than words as he sat in silence before her. After a moment or two he raised his gaze to hers.

  “Ma, I don’t know what I feel about Camilla. Something is missing. I see the way James treats Margaret and the way he a
dores her. She looks at him with such love in her eyes that it amazes me that my little sister could feel like that about a man. Camilla is a smart, talented, and beautiful woman, and I had begun to think maybe I could love her and make a life with her.”

  “And now?”

  “I don’t know, but I don’t want to hurt her. Sometimes her behavior and attitude toward others anger me, and I begin to wonder if I could ever love a woman like that.”

  Camilla’s attitude had concerned Ruth as well, but she’d said nothing against the girl. Most marriages were made up of two flawed creatures, but she wanted the best for her children. Right now she couldn’t picture Camilla as a ranch wife.

  “I’ll pray for you, son. God has a young woman out there already picked for you. If Camilla is the one, you’ll know it.” She wanted for him what she’d had with Joel from the very beginning. Their love had been strong from the first moment they met and grew stronger the more they were together. She’d die for him if necessary, and that’s what she wanted for her sons and daughters.

  “It doesn’t matter now anyway. I can’t ask a woman to share my life when my future is so uncertain. Camilla is accustomed to so much more than I can give her right now.” He shoved back from the table. “Pa was going into town to talk with Mr. Swenson, and I want to be there when he gets out. Pa shouldn’t be alone if it’s bad news.”

  “You’re right, he shouldn’t. Go on, and I’ll pray for you both. God still works miracles, you know.” She smiled, letting him know by her loving gaze that she considered his return one of those miracles.

  When the door closed behind him, her heart squeezed with fear, and she hurried upstairs to her bedroom. She sank to her knees on the floor beside the bed she shared with the man she loved. Beneath her, the rag rug had worn thin from years of her praying in that spot. Her men needed prayer, and that’s one thing she could give all three of them right now.