Chapter 21
Alix hadn’t thought that she’d be walking toward Duncan’s room so soon after their fight in the car. Not that it was really a fight. More like an emotional roller coaster. If she was being honest with herself, she thought that had been the last time she’d ever see him. But a conversation with her parents had changed how she felt about certain things, and she didn’t want to leave the country without explaining herself to Duncan.
After leaving Duncan’s car that night, she’d gone straight to her room and burst into tears. She couldn’t figure out why, exactly. The emotional dinner, the fight in the car, the near crash—it was all too much for her to handle. Her parents arrived soon after and found her curled up under her blanket on the couch, chilled by the cool night air coming in the open window. In her crying fit, Alix hadn’t even noticed that it was open. She liked to leave it open during the day – it got so stuffy in the palace sometimes.
Her mother sat down beside her and took her in her arms.
“My darling girl,” she said, as the tears poured down Alix’s face. “Why didn’t you tell us you’d applied?”
Alix sniffed, melting into her mother’s embrace.
“I didn’t think I’d get it,” she admitted, her voice small. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed if I didn’t get in.”
“How could we ever be disappointed in you?” asked her father, who had come to sit on her other side after closing the window. “You’ve done so much already.”
“I’ve barely done anything!” she protested. “Just college, and a few charity things over the past few months.”
“That’s more than most of the young nobles around here, and you know it,” reminded her mother. “None of them ever saw university as anything but an excuse to get closer to the princes. You were top of your class at one of the best universities in the States.”
“They’re just so awful here,” she whined. “In the street, everyone was staring at me. The girls at the events are rude, they never talk to me. I can barely say two words in Prynessian, they all think I’m ridiculous.”
“You know you’ve gotten much better since you’ve been home,” said her mother with a smile, in her own, much more heavily accented Prynessian.
“And don’t you think that perhaps no one is talking to you because usually Duncan already is?” asked her father, sagely. “They might be jealous.”
She scoffed.
“I’ll be gone soon and they can have him. He needs someone mindless who’ll follow orders, just like he does.”
Her parents exchanged a glance.
“You speak so harshly about him,” said her mother. “But when he first walked into the restaurant tonight, your face just lit up.”
Alix blushed.
“That’s not true,” she said. “He’s just, you know, really attractive.”
She squirmed uncomfortably. She talked to her parents about a lot of things, but how attractive she found men wasn’t one of their habitual topics of conversation.
“Hmmm,” said her father, no doubt wondering what a ‘really attractive’ prince managed to get up to with his daughter.
“I know you’re eager to get away,” her mother said, coming back to the main topic at hand. “And we are very proud of you for getting accepted into the program, but you really could have told us sooner.”
“I know,” she said, sitting up. Her tears had mostly stopped by now. “I was going to tell you tonight. Really. But Duncan ruined everything.”
“I’m sure that he thought he was being helpful,” her father said. “He could see how nervous you were about telling us.”
“He was thinking of himself,” she said bitterly. “Just like all of the other egotistical maniacs here.”
“Now really, Alix,” scolded her father. “You know that not everyone is as shallow as you’d like to think they are. Helena stayed with us after you stormed off. She’s quite lovely.”
“And you’ve been friends with Stella since you were in diapers,” her mother added. “I used to think that the only reason you came to Prynesse during school breaks was to see her, not us.”
Alix crossed her arms petulantly and grumbled to herself. She couldn’t tell if she was more frustrated by her parents being right, or with the fact that they’d proven her wrong. Overall, people really had been relatively nice. They had put up with her fumbling in Prynessian with polite smiles, and welcomed her back into the small, private world she had only seen glimpses of growing up. She was, after all, one of them, even if she didn’t always feel like it.
There were, of course, exceptions to be expected. There were jealous and disappointed girls who had been hoping for Duncan’s attention this summer. And there were bigheaded, idiot rich boys, but she’d seen her fair share of those in Manhattan, too – even more than there were here, probably.
“You don’t have to like everyone here,” her mother went on. “Goodness knows I certainly didn’t when I would visit your father before we were married. But the work the nobles do is very important. It’s not their fault that they were born into this. If you stayed, you could really help.”
“I want to help people who are actually in need,” Alix said stubbornly. People being nicer to her than expected hadn’t changed that.
“Then go,” her father said with a sigh. “But not because you’re running away from a life you don’t want. Do it for the right reasons. We’ll always be proud of you for that.”
They stayed and talked a bit more, but it was late and they all had various events in the morning. After they left, Alix thought for a long time about what they meant. Was she running toward the right thing? Or running away from the feelings she didn’t want to admit that she had?
When the letter had arrived several days later, by official post, with details of her placement in Jordan, Alix was surprised that her strongest urge was to let Duncan know. She didn’t try to understand why, she just gathered her courage and headed to a room where she’d spent so many happy hours over the past few weeks. She was still leaving, and nothing could change that. But she didn’t want to leave without a proper goodbye. She needed to be sure that she was running toward the right thing.
Shaking herself out of her jumbled thoughts, she realized that she’d arrived at his door. She summoned her courage and knocked.
Chapter 22
Despite the flicker of hope that refused to be quashed by the evidence at hand, Duncan had been trying to forget about Alix for the past few days. It hadn’t been easy—especially once he realized how much had changed because of her. Even his room was different. When she started coming by every night, he had wanted to make her feel comfortable. He asked a decorator to redo a few things: switching out the silk sheets for cotton, using brighter, softer colors everywhere. He had told himself that it wasn’t for her, at first; it was just time for a change. Now, looking around, he saw that he had created an Alix-like room. It would be impossible to forget her here.
A knock at the door interrupted his moody thoughts and he jumped up, hopeful and expectant. At this hour, it could only be her. When he opened the door, it was all he could do not to ignore everything she had said to him in the car and take her into his arms. He smiled wide, in spite of himself.
“Hi,” she said nervously, playing with a lock of her dark hair. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” he said, leading her to the couch. Blue, cotton fabric had replaced the dark leather since she’d last been there, but if she noticed, she didn’t say anything. He sat next to her and waited for whatever she had come to say. His heart beat faster as he tried to keep himself from hoping she was here to tell him she’d changed her mind.
“I got my final placement,” she said all in one breath, not looking at him.
He inhaled sharply. Nothing had changed, then.
“That’s great,” he said, trying to sound enthusiastic—and failing.
“It’s in Jordan,” she went on, turning slightly towards him without looking at him. “It
’s where there’s the most need right now, and even without any medical training, I’ll be able to help with paperwork, welcoming people to the centers, helping them find what they need… that sort of thing.”
“I’m sure you’ll be wonderful,” he said encouragingly, though he wasn’t sure that she was looking for encouragement. He didn’t know what she wanted. That was, apparently, the problem.
“I’m really sorry I got so mad at you,” she said, taking his hand, still without meeting his eyes. She looked past him, to the wall behind him.
“It was my fault,” he apologized. “I was out of line.”
“Yes, you were,” she agreed with a small smile. “But I didn’t have to be so harsh.”
“I needed to hear it,” he admitted, more to himself.
“Your plan backfired, anyway, though” she went on. “My parents and I had a long talk. They’ll miss me, but they know that this is something I have to do. They’re proud of me.”
“I’m proud of you, too,” he put a finger under her chin so that he could finally look into her eyes as he said the words. “I love you.”
She took a deep breath.
“I know,” she said. “But—”
He didn’t let her finish. He kissed her with all of the passion he had in his heart, and after a brief moment of hesitation, she responded in kind. He knew she was leaving in just a few days, that the plans were already in motion, but maybe there was still a chance.
She wouldn’t have come to see him if she didn’t care for him. As he moved his kisses from her mouth to her neck, down her shoulders, gently lifting her shirt, he could feel it. She may not need him, but she wanted him. Could he make her want him enough to stay?
Duncan had to admit that the fabric couch was certainly more comfortable than the leather ever had been. He set a slow and steady pace, wanting to make it last as long as possible, not wanting it to end. If he could make this moment last forever, she wouldn’t have to leave.
The moment did end, however, and it ended spectacularly for both of them. As they lay in each other’s arms, spent and exhausted, he thought of one more thing he could try. A Hail Mary. She had used the expression once during a particularly boring cocktail hour. She had attempted to get Stella to call them with an emergency to get them both out, but she hadn’t replied. He remembered laughing out loud at the time, enjoying the American sports metaphors she would casually slip into her vocabulary on occasion. Now he’d see if it worked for Prynesse games of the heart, as well as in football.
She was curled up in his arms, every possible part of them touching. He breathed in her warm, familiar scent, running a hand along her dark hair that fell in soft waves down her back. She sighed deeply, her breath ragged as it hit his chest
“I wish I didn’t have to leave,” she whispered.
“Then don’t,” he said, shifting so he could look into her eyes. “Marry me.”
Chapter 23
This was a dream, Alix said to herself. Duncan had not just asked her to marry him, while laying naked on his couch, two days before she got on a plane for Jordan.
“You can’t be serious,” were the first words out of her mouth.
Duncan’s face fell visibly and she felt him stiffen next to her.
“I’m totally serious,” he said, pulling away to sit up and face her. She pulled a blue blanket around her, not wanting to have this conversation while completely nude.
“I’m leaving in two days,” she reminded him. “You’re just panicked about that. You’re still freaking out about Leo.”
“No, Alix, listen to me. I love you,” he said earnestly. “And you just said you don’t want to leave.”
“I just meant I was comfortable in your arms,” she said, a hint of panic in her voice. “I meant I can’t stay here all night. I have to start packing.”
“That’s really all you meant?” he raised an eyebrow, incredulous.
“You can’t love me,” she protested. “You barely know me.”
“Why are you so resistant to this?” he asked. “Why don’t you believe me?”
“Because…” she sputtered, the words getting stuck on the edge of her lips. “Because you’ll always love the crown more. You have to. My own parents left me for years because of their responsibilities. Prynesse will always come first.”
She hadn’t intended to admit such a thing to him. Despite all their late night talks, she’d usually kept it fairly light, never revealing anything too personal. The look of love in his eyes scared her, and reminded her why she had kept him at arm’s distance all summer. But he deserved some amount of truth from her, if it helped him understand why all of this simply wasn’t possible.
“No!” he insisted. “It’s not about the crown. It’s about love. Sacrifice for love.”
“You’re asking me to sacrifice everything for you. My dreams, my career, my future,” her voice was growing stronger. “What are you sacrificing by loving me? The hundreds of other girls you could be sleeping with instead?”
“No!” he said again. “Why do you keep saying you’d be so easy to replace? Am I that replaceable to you?”
“It’s not a question of being replaced,” she said, throwing up her hands in frustration. “It’s a question of space. There just isn’t space for this in my life right now. You knew that.”
“I know, I just thought...” He sighed, leaning back against the couch, running his hands through his hair. “Being with you this summer hasn’t been what I expected it to be. It’s become so much more for me. I thought you’d be staying here, going to school, and eventually it would become more for you, too. Now I’ll never have that chance; not with you, or anyone. Being king will change everything.”
She didn’t know how to respond to that. He stared with his pleading eyes, begging her with his entire body not to leave him. He wanted her to stay and help him. He wanted her to give up her future for him.
Despite herself, she could feel the tug of her heart at the thought of a different kind of life. One where she could see her parents and Stella every day, and where she could use her influence to help hundreds of charities, not just one. It was a future where she had someone next to her, helping her, where she didn’t have to do it alone.
She brushed those thoughts away quickly though. Duncan was being ridiculous. This was everything she’d been working towards for so long, and whatever inkling of feelings she was having for him, it wasn’t worth giving all that up for him. It was unfortunate that he felt much more strongly for her than she did for him, but he wasn’t giving anything up; just taking things away from her.
Alix shook her head.
“I’m sorry, Duncan. I can’t stay,” she said, standing to awkwardly gather her clothes that were strewn about the floor around the couch. “I’m sorry your life isn’t turning out the way you thought it would. But mine still can. I’m sorry if that’s selfish of me.”
“It’s not,” he said quietly, watching her get dressed. “You’re still giving up so much of yourself to help others. I just don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do that.”
“You will,” she reassured him, sitting down next to him and tenderly placing a hand on his cheek. “This is a huge responsibility, and you can do so much good with it. Listen to your brother and father. They’ll make sure you’re able to do it.”
He looked doubtful and lost. Alix wondered if he was on the verge of tears and didn’t want to have that as her last memory of him. Instead, she kissed him one last time, with all her heart, leaving the part of it that was his with him when she left.
Chapter 24
The next morning, Alix was packing, trying to figure out which of her ridiculously expensive outfits would be appropriate to bring with her.
None of them, she thought bitterly to herself. Even the suitcase laying open on top her bed was wrong. She would be arriving to help those who had lost everything, carrying a fifteen hundred dollar suitcase filled with clothing that she’d only worn once or twice.
&nb
sp; There was a knock at her door and she rushed to answer it. She had sent Stella an SOS text, and was looking forward to seeing her. Alix had been so wrapped up in Duncan; she hadn’t realized how little she’d actually seen Stella this summer, besides their movie date weeks ago. It hadn’t bothered her before, when she wasn’t sure that she’d actually be leaving.
Alix was used to having her best friend thousands of miles away, but this was different. She wasn’t going back to school, where the worst thing that could happen was a bitchy girl or a rude teacher ruining her day. She wouldn’t be a phone call away to help her sort things out.
Stella walked in, taking in the mess. She let out a low whistle.
“Geez, Alix, what happened? Did your closet explode?” She was more concerned than she let on. Alix was the most organized person she knew. To see her so frantic, with her room a mess, was something entirely out of character.
“Duncan proposed,” Alix said in a nonchalant voice as she continued to fold clothes.
Stella sat on the bed, on top of a pile of t-shirts in varying shades of grey.
“When?”
“Last night. I went over to tell him about my placement, to say goodbye in a nice way, and we…” Alix shrugged. Stella smiled.
“Ah, these princes have a way about them, don’t they?” she said with a laugh. “I can’t even count the number of times that I’ve been mad at Anton, and then we ended up in bed…”
“What is going on with you two?” Alix asked, suddenly curious. Stella had been unusually tight-lipped about finally achieving her lifelong goal of holding Anton’s attention for more than a few days.
“Don’t try to change the subject!” Stella warned, pointing a finger accusingly. “Proposal? Hello?!”
“He just did it out of panic,” Alix assured her. “Leo is abdicating—I assume that you know?”
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