“Anton did mention it.”
Alix was impressed with her friend for not having called her the second she found out. She really seemed to be trying to control her gossipy ways lately.
“Well, he just wants someone to help him, like with everything else he does,” Alix said, rolling a pair of jeans in a distracted way.
“Do you love him?”
Alix shrugged.
“He’s sweeter than I expected, and smart, and funny,” she admitted. “I just don’t have room for him in my life right now.”
Stella waited to see if there was more. Alix continued to sort her clothes, not willing to admit any actual feelings.
“Did he say he loves you?” Stella tried another tactic.
“Yes,” Alix admitted. “But he just loves the idea of me, the idea of someone who actually knows what she wants—”
“Alix!” Stella interrupted, holding up her hands. “Whoa! Stop trying to talk yourself out of this. Knowing what you want and actually getting it are two different things. It’s okay to change your mind.”
Stella knew what she was talking about from recent experience. Alix finally stopped the charade of packing and sat down next to her on the bed, amidst the mountains of clothes.
“I haven’t changed my mind,” she said stubbornly. “I’m still going,”
“That’s not what I’m talking about,” Stella said. “Of course you’re going. But it’s the whole ‘I don’t need a man’ thing that you’ve had going on since you were like, twelve.”
Alix smiled as she remembered making a pact with Stella with words to that effect. Stella had quickly forgotten it almost as soon as she’d said it. After all, they’d been young and boys had suddenly become quite interesting, but Alix had held on to it for much longer.
“Why would it be so bad to love him?” Stella asked, putting her arm around her.
“I would have to stay,” she said. “He wants me to stay.”
“Did you ever think about asking him to go with you?”
“No. He can’t, not now that Leo is stepping down,” Alix said. “Besides, why would he do that?”
“Um, because he loves you.”
“So did my parents, and they still left me,” her voice was laced with bitterness that she hadn’t realized was there.
Stella pulled her in close.
“You know they would have been there if they could have,” Stella said. “It made me crazy, too, that you were so far away all the time.”
Alix started to cry. She would miss Stella, who knew her so well. Even if they hadn’t seen each other that often, it had been amazing to have her in the same city instead of across the ocean for the past few months.
“But look how awesome you turned out because you spent time away from all of this Prynesse drama,” said Stella. “None of us have even half the drive that you do. We’re just happy to marry another noble and continue with our nice, little lives. No wonder Duncan’s crazy about you. You’re so much better than all of us.”
Alix sniffed miserably. She didn’t think that she was better than everyone. Was that how people saw her?
“You’re too hard on yourself,” she told Stella, thinking of her conversation with her parents. “It’s not a bad thing that people here are the way they are. I’m starting to realize that.”
“Well that’s good to hear,” said Stella encouragingly. “At least you won’t leave thinking we’re all crazy, shallow bitches.”
Alix let out a wet, snotty laugh through her tears. There was a reason Stella was her best friend.
“Sorry you won’t be best friends with the future queen,” said Alix, as she stood up to start packing again. “But a doctor’s still pretty cool too, right?”
“Of course,” Stella smiled reassuringly. “And you can still come back here to go to medical school, right?”
“Maybe…” Alix looks thoughtful for a minute. “A year might be enough time for him to sort things out, don’t you think? Get his act together?”
“Sure,” Stella said optimistically. “If Anton can manage to focus on one girl for this long, anything is possible.”
“Seriously, what is going on there?” Alix was now dying to know.
With her friend’s drama as sorted as it could be at the moment, Stella was happy to turn the discussion to her own boy issues, which seemed easy in comparison.
Alix listened with a smile to hear Stella detail the situation. Anton was fabulous, but incredibly moody. He was passionate, but art came first. She was competing less with other girls and more with his studio, which she had never seen.
“What if it’s full of nude portraits of every other girl he’s been with?” she asked, “He’s never even asked me to sit for him!”
Alix happily spent some of her last few hours in the country talking with her best friend about boys, the way any girl would. It was a nice last memory of her time at the palace, which she hoped would help to block out some of the less happy ones.
Chapter 25
“This moping is getting a little out of hand,” Helena’s voice rang through Duncan’s apartment. She had come in without even knocking.
Duncan looked up at her from his position on the couch, the last place they had been together. He’d been sleeping there most nights, convinced that her scent was still clinging to the fabric.
“I’ve done everything I’m supposed to this week,” he said, and laid his head back down, turning away from his annoying twin. “Not just the events, but I’ve started shadowing father, and I met with three different advisors. Don’t ask me to do anything more.”
It had been the longest week of his life; finally seeing that his days would be filled with the kind of policy-making and politicking he had always avoided. There were endless decisions to make, and countless advisors to listen to before a single one could even be addressed. It was exhausting. No wonder his father wanted to step down before he was even 60.
Helena sighed. She had never seen him like this, ever, and it scared her a little.
“I know that it’s hard,” she said, sitting in the armchair next to the couch.
“No, you don’t,” he said bitterly. “You’ll never rule, Helena, how can you possibly know what it’s like?”
“I meant, I know that it’s hard to lose someone,” she said quietly.
Duncan turned to look at her, his eyes full of concern.
“Did something happen? Do you want to talk about it?”
Helena smiled at his protective instinct kicking in. It had been the same when they were little and anyone had made fun of her, even Leo or Anton.
“No, everything is fine right now,” she said happily. “But I’ve dealt with rejection before. You haven’t, not really.”
“Rejection…” The word felt strange on his tongue. “I hadn’t thought of it like that before. But that’s what this is, isn’t it? She’s rejected me for something else, something she wants more. Something that she thinks will be better than a life with me.”
Helena’s heart broke a little when she heard him actually say the words out loud.
“The program is only a year, right?” she tried to get him focused on possibly finding a solution to his sadness.
He nodded.
“Maybe two, if she does well. Which I know she will.”
“Will you still want her after two years?”
Duncan flashed her a look.
“Give me little credit. It’ll take more than Christiana in a tight skirt to make me forget about her,” he said.
Rather than the fun break he needed from all the memorizing of laws he’d been doing, the two galas that he’d attended that week had been almost impossible to handle. Word had gotten around that the reason he’d been staying away all summer was now in a faraway country, and the “wives in waiting” had wasted no time in trying to take her place.
“Well, if your goal is still to win her over, then you need to start building a life that she’d like,” suggested Helena. “There are some
things that you can change about your life, but others you can’t.”
Duncan thought about it.
“I can’t change the fact that I’ll be king,” he said, miserably.
“Well, no,” said Helena. “Not unless you’d like to leave it to Anton.”
He’d actually thought about that for the briefest of moments when Leo had first told him the news. One son stepping down for love was enough of a scandal to last a generation. Two would bring the monarchy to its final days. Leo might be that selfish, but Duncan wasn’t.
“She doesn’t like that I need help for everything,” he continued. “I’ll always need help, though.”
“No you won’t,” his sister reassured him. “You just feel that way because it’s only the first week. My first design project was the same. It was such a mess. I kept asking for help, and I was certain that I’d never be able do it on my own.”
“So what did you do?”
“I listened to the advice of my mentors. I accepted that it wouldn’t be perfect, but I knew that I could try again,” she said. “No one does it perfectly. If that’s what you’re worried about, then you’ll just have to let that go.”
Duncan considered this.
“Everyone will be disappointed in me if I fail,” he said. “This isn’t like choosing the wrong color paint. I could choose the wrong diplomat and start a war.”
Helena laughed.
“You’re being so dramatic,” she said. “You know more than you think you do. You’ve attended more events than the three of us combined. You work a room better than anyone I know. You’ve manipulated our parents into making almost all of your choices for you until now. You’re so charming, no one had ever said no to you until Alix came along. Do you think that’s true for everyone?”
He shrugged. He wasn’t used to seeing all of that in a positive light. He smiled a bit, starting to see that he might have certain talents that wouldn’t be totally useless in his new role.
“Thanks, Helena,” he said, finally getting off the couch to pull her out of her chair and into a hug.
“No problem,” she said, returning the hug warmly. “Now, just be sure to change the law for me like Leo promised, or I’ll take it all back.”
“The very first day I’m in power,” he assured her.
After Helena left, Duncan considered his options.
He could continue moping and following orders, just going through the motions. Or, he could try to do better. For her. But also for himself. Maybe she’d notice when she came back, maybe not. At least he had his path now, and he would try to make the best of it. It wouldn’t be perfect, but he’d do his best. And he’d pray that it would make a difference.
Chapter 26
Alix was writing a letter, just as she had predicted she’d be doing, though technically, it was an email and not a letter. She had taken to writing email drafts on bits of paper whenever she had a quiet moment at the camp. Their Internet connection wasn’t always reliable, and she never knew when she’d be able to have more than five minutes on a machine. Usually, she had just enough time to hastily glance at what she’d been sent and type out quick replies. Having something on paper helped to maximize her time.
She could have kept her phone. Her parents had actually insisted on it, at first. But she didn’t want to be tempted to email or call Duncan. If she did, she might convince herself to leave.
The work she was helping with was so important. She had only been there a few weeks, but seeing how their services and supplies made a difference in the lives of the refugees was amazing. She knew that she had made the right choice in coming. And yet…
“Alix!” The site director called her over. “Have you taken a break today?”
Alix shook her head.
“Well, for heaven’s sake, go take one now,” he scolded her, pointing to the break room. “You’re no good to us if you fall over from exhaustion.”
Alix hurried to the break room and was pleased to see that one of the team laptops was available.
She quickly pulled her notes from her pocket and logged into her email. Ten new ones since she’d last been able to check a few days ago, all from either her parents or Stella. Her heart fell a bit at not seeing any from Duncan, but she knew that she’d made it pretty clear it was over when she left. And he was probably busy with his new duties.
Hey Stella, she typed as fast as she could. If a nurse or doctor came in needing to use the laptop, she’d have to log off.
How are things at the palace? Is Anton behaving himself?
Things are crazy here. In both a good and a bad way. I’ve seen so many different medical conditions (don’t worry – I’ll spare you the details!), and seen how the doctors interact with the patients. They’re so frustrated with the lack of funding, but they never stop trying.
I can’t help thinking that this would be a good charity for Duncan to support, since he seemed to really prefer going to the humanitarian events instead of the more artsy ones. Should I tell him that? It was stupid of me to leave my phone, like leaving it behind would somehow make me forget about him. And this ancient flip phone that my parents insisted I get is ridiculous. I can barely hear them when they call, but it seems to reassure them. I’m perfectly safe—physically, at least. My heart still hurts. I didn’t think that it would hurt this much.
Work keeps me busy, though, so at least I don’t have much time to be all mopey. And my heartache is nothing compared with what all of these people have been through. I’ve been helping with the new arrivals and getting them settled. It’s not quite what I’d imagined, but that’s kind of the point, right?
I don’t want to sound too depressing, and I can’t wait to hear all of your news. Your last email was hilarious—did Amandine really say that to the Duke of Schorfall? I know that she was drunk, but still!!
Miss you tons.
Alixoxo
Alix typed a quick reply to her mother’s most recent email, just confirming their call later that evening. She never had much to say during their calls, but hearing their voices, despite the static, helped lift her mood.
A nurse came in and Alix jumped up immediately. She had meant what she wrote to Stella—she was grateful that the frantic pace didn’t leave her much time to think about her own issues.
The rest of her day went by in a blur of paperwork and handing out blankets and bottles of clean water. When she finally got to her bed that night, after a quick team dinner, she fell right into an exhausted, dreamless sleep.
Chapter 27
Duncan had been feeling better, but was still prone to moping, despite throwing himself into his work with new dedication. It was still hard, and he suspected it always would be. But at the end of every day, he told himself it was one day closer to feeling confident in his role. Leo had admitted it had taken him some time as well, when he first finished university, to get used to the idea. He said he’d felt like a fraud; just some kid, surrounded by their father and his advisors. He told Duncan that the only thing that had really helped was time, and learning more. Some things you couldn’t rush. Like getting over someone
But the more time that passed, the more Duncan seemed to miss Alix, not less. So when Helena invited him to come to dinner, it provided a nice distraction. He’d been the one complaining, after all, that they hadn’t been able to hang out much this summer. And now fall was already well under way.
Duncan was initially upset when he saw that Stella and Annabelle were there. He felt Alix’s absence sharply. Trying to focus on the positive, he decided that he would try to ask Stella if she had any news about Alix.
He avoided her, though, during pre-dinner drinks, sticking to government topics with Leo and asking Anton about his new series of paintings. When they sat down to eat, he worried that her name would come up somehow. He was sitting across from Stella, and he was sure that she could see on his face how much he wanted to talk about Alix.
Luckily, Helena was skilled at leading the discussion away from any diffi
cult topics. Recent movies, a charity concert they’d all be attending in a week, and other benign subjects were all part of a lively conversation during the first half of dinner.
Then, as the chef that Helena had hired for the night cleared away their duck to make space for the salad, Leo cleared his throat.
“We have some news,” he announced, looking immensely pleased.
Duncan tried to look interested, but knew that he probably just looked grumpy. It sounded like Leo was going to tell them when they’d be getting married. They needed to wait until the abdication was finalized, which wouldn’t happen for another few months; a great deal of discussion in parliament and with the king’s advisors, over the exact terms of Leo’s situation, needed to take place first. It hadn’t even really officially been announced to the public yet, but the whispers were there. Everyone knew a big change was coming.
It’ll probably be the very next day, after we sign the papers, Duncan thought bitterly, looking at his smiling brother. He just can’t wait for his happily ever after to get started.
Leo looked around the table to be sure he had everyone’s attention.
“Annabelle is pregnant,” he said, taking her hand and beaming at her. She blushed a deep red to match her fiery mane.
Their reactions ranged from stunned silence (Duncan) to gasps and swears (Helena). Anton nearly spit out his drink.
“Are you serious?” said Helena, sounding furious. “You idiot! You couldn’t have kept it in your pants until the abdication was final? It could still take months, and you won’t be able to get married in time. You know the law. They won’t be allowed to stay in Prynesse.”
In addition to the more restrictive rules surrounding the marriages of the royal family, there was an even older law still in the books, stating that any illegitimate children of the royal family could not remain in the country. While it had been very relevant in the 16th century to avoid disputes over the throne, it was not quite as useful in the 21st. Getting around Europe was easier now that it had been then, so it was more of a social punishment than banishment. Still, it had been enforced as recently as their great-uncle, who had been living in France with an entire branch of the family they’d never met.
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