Doubting Thomas-Nurse Hal Among The Amish

by Risner, Fay

  “Ach, Emma! You need to talk to Adam. Do not get upset. He can explain,” Priscilla said, rubbing the banister in one spot nervously with the dust rag.

  “Stop rutschiching around with that rag. You are hiding something from me. You say Adam can explain, but I want to know when does he wish to face me and do it? Priscilla, why are you so nervous?”

  “I think you do not like me. That makes me nervous,” Priscilla said bluntly.

  “Ach, Priscilla, you are so full of yourself I do not think about you at all. Lately when you do come to mind, I remember how loose you were with Eli Yutzy, and I worry for Bobby.” Priscilla's eyes fired up. Emma knew she hit a nerve. “Bobby cared so much for Anna Hosteller. He is just getting over that loss and does not need to be hurt again. What worries me, when I think of you, is your intentions now that you are going out with him. Not only that, now it wonders me that you are employed here. Have you something planned for Adam as well as Bobby? Are you just playing both of them, waiting to see which man takes the bait?” Emma descended the few steps left and rushed passed Priscilla to the door.

  Once she was in the buggy, she gave Ben his head. Pride saved her from tears in front of Priscilla, but alone in the buggy, her eyes filled and flooded over. Pent up tears of fear that she might be losing Adam, and tears of helpless anger that she might be losing him to flirty Priscilla streamed down her face.

  Before she pulled into the Lapp driveway, Emma bit her lower lip and breathed deeply in order to stop crying. She didn't want Hal and the others to see how upset she was. If she could make it passed them, she'd go to her room until she calmed down.

  The next Sunday worship meeting was at Joe Kitzmiller's farm. Emma watched for Adam, but he didn't come to the service. The Keim farm was a half mile away. Bobby and his mother, Lovina, came. It was not like Adam to miss a Sunday worship service, but maybe Priscilla had talked to him about her visit. Priscilla wasn't at the service either, but that wasn't unusual. She wasn't a member of the church so she missed occasionally.

  As soon as the service was over, Emma searched the room for Lovina Keim, Adam's mother. She was among a group of women entering the kitchen to serve up the fellowship lunch. Emma hurried to catch her, but Bishop Bontrager made it to Lovina first. Emma stopped. She was close enough to hear as Elton Bontrager pulled the stick thin woman aside. “I noticed Adam was not here today. Is he sick?”

  Lovina crossed her arms over her chest. She looked toward the kitchen like she'd rather be working. “Nah, Adam is not sick. He is just very busy.”

  The bishop probed, “He is not working on the Lord's day?”

  “Ach, nah. He would not do that. To tell you the truth, Bishop, he is avoiding Emma. She has so many questions, and he does not know how to answer her truthfully.”

  Emma tensed. She had to listen intently to catch every word above all the chatter surrounding her. So Adam was avoiding her. She hadn't imagined it.

  “I met John Lapp on the road yesterday. He told me Emma is really upset. She does not know why Adam is not spending time with her, and she is very worried. Adam should talk to her before long,” Elton Bontrager said. “This is not fair to Emma.”

  “I did not realize Emma was so worried. I will tell Adam what you have said. He must talk to her,” Lovina said.

  “Jah, and tell Adam for me, it may be difficult to wait on the Lord at a Sunday service, but it is worse to wish he had.”

  “I will tell him,” Lovina agreed.

  Emma stayed where she was until Lovina mingled among the kitchen workers. She didn't want Adam's mother to catch her eavesdropping. When was all the secrecy going to end?

  There were plenty of helpers in the kitchen. They didn't need her, and Emma needed time alone. She walked outside and along the side of the house. She could sit in the grass and think. It was shady, and the breeze was cool. She sat down with her legs curled to the side and picked at clover leaves, looking for a four leaf clover.

  Katie Yost and Jennie Yoder burst around the house. Katie said, “There you are. We have been looking for you, Emma.”

  “Why?”

  “We wanted to talk to you. Why are you out here by yourself?” Jennie asked.

  Emma shrugged. “I just felt like being alone is all.”

  “We hadn't had a chance to see you away from everyone,” Katie said. “I wanted to tell you I have my dress and apron made.”

  Jennie added, “Me, too.”

  Emma nodded. “Jah, I sewed mine so all three are done. That is gute.”

  Jennie studied her. “You do not look happy. Are you troubled about something?”

  Emma sighed as she raised her head toward the sky. “Jah, I am.”

  “Is there something wrong between you and Adam?” Katie asked.

  “Adam has been working a lot I hear. I have not seen him for days,” Emma said.

  “That is what we hear, too,” Katie said.

  “Jah. At least, you are not just sitting home. You still come to the singings. That is gute,” Jennie encouraged.

  “Jah, it is something to do to keep busy until Adam has time to go with you,” Katie said.

  “No need to go to the singings anymore,” Emma said dully. “I have been spending as many evenings as I can with my grandparents and aunt. I would not go to the singings after I marry so I might as well stop now.”

  “Jah, maybe. So nothing is really wrong between you and Adam,” Katie persisted.

  “I really do not know. I worry. I miss Adam, but I cannot find him to talk to him. He is never home, and today he did not show up for the service. I feel like he is avoiding me. Do either of you know something about Adam that I should be told?”

  “Nah, nothing that we should tell you,” Katie said, looking at Jennie.

  “You are worrying for nothing,” Jennie said adamantly.

  “What if Adam has decided not to marry me? I should be told that instead of excuses about how busy he is while he hides from me,” Emma fretted.

  “If that is what you think Adam is doing, you are wrong,” Jennie said sternly.

  “You are certain of that.”

  “Jah, Adam is very much in love with you. He is going to marry you,” Jennie assured her.

  “Jah, give him a chance to get caught up with his work. He will be done soon,” Katie said.

  Emma eyed her intently. “What work is he going to finish soon, Katie?”

  Katie shrugged. “Uh … whatever it is that is keeping him so busy. I cannot say.”

  Emma probed, “How is it you are so sure Adam will be done soon, Katie? How do you know that, and I do not?”

  “Well …. well,” Katie looked at Jennie. Jennie was biting her lower lip to keep silent. “It is just something I heard from Levi.”

  “What did you hear?”

  Katie looked so cornered that Jennie interrupted. “Adam will be less busy soon. Levi told me that, too.”

  “I hear many conversations happened between people that know what Adam is doing. I feel like I am in the dark about something. Have either of you seen Adam out with another woman?”

  “Stop that recht now!” Jennie snapped. “If you heard anything, it could not have been that.”

  “Adam would not do that to you,” Katie declared.

  “All recht, so do you think I should be patient just a little longer?” Emma asked.

  “Jah! That really is the best thing to do. You will be a married woman come September 15th. You will see.” Jennie gave her a hug. “Come on, we should join the others.”

  That evening, Emma got ready for the singing. She'd go by herself if Adam didn't come. At the sound of horse hooves, Emma peeked out. Bobby Keim drove in. This time he drove the two seated carriage. On the front seat, he had his date, Priscilla Tefertiller.

  Emma hated to see Bobby with Priscilla, but he hadn't asked her for advice. She wasn't a bit surprised that Priscilla's flirting ways finally worked with Bobby. She just hoped it wasn't working on Adam as well.

  Priscilla was unh
appy to see her walk to the buggy. Emma knew it would be uncomfortable to make small talk with Bobby and try to ignore his date's angry glares.

  Not to mention, she'd feel uncomfortable riding with the newly dating couple. She turned down Bobby's offer for a ride to the singing. She excused she'd rather stay home and visit with her grandparents and aunt.

  Noah listened from the porch. When Bobby drove away, he went to meet Emma. “You can ride with Daniel and me to the singing. I can see going with Bobby and Priscilla on their date would be awkward.”

  “Denki, Noah, but you are taking Jenny Yoder, ain't so?”

  “Nah, she is going with her brother, Mark, tonight.”

  “Not wanting to go with Bobby and Priscilla is only one reason I told Bobby I was staying home. I just cannot stand to hear the girls buzz like cicadas, full of questions and rumors about Adam and me. I do not have answers for them. Better that I stay home until I find out what is wrong with Adam.”

  Noah regarded her calmly for a moment. His voice was crisp. “Nothing is wrong with Adam. When he says he is busy you should believe him.”

  “Do you know something that I do not?” Emma asked sharply.

  Jah, you worry too much and needlessly,” Noah said, his composure guarded as he walked away from her. “I have to go hitch up Mike so Daniel and me can leave.”

  After devotions, Nora and Tootie followed Hal to the kitchen to help serve a cake. Nora wondered out loud, “Something bothering Emma? She hasn't been humming like she used to while she works.”

  Tootie added, “It's not like her to miss a singing.”

  Hal concentrated on slicing the applesauce cake. “I'm not sure what's ailing Emma.”

  Tootie said, “I think it is wedding jitters.”

  “Perhaps, that is it,” Hal agreed, but she made a mental note to talk to Emma when they were alone to find out for sure. Maybe something had happened she didn't know about.

  Hal got her chance while they hung clothes on the line the next morning. Emma worked, but she had a far away look on her face. Definitely, her mind was somewhere else.

  Hal shook out a shirt and penned it to the line. “Emma, you want to talk about what's wrong?”

  Emma pushed the basket holder a few feet ahead. Then she hung up a shirt. “What makes you think anything is wrong?”

  Hal shook out a shirt and reached in the bag for two pens. “Apparently, I'm not the only one that noticed you seem upset. Mom and Aunt Tootie mentioned to me they're worried about you.”

  “Ach! If all of you have noticed, I reckon I should tell you. I need to talk about this to someone before I bust.” She dropped the shirt back in the basket and fisted her hands on her hips. “I suppose you noticed Adam hasn't been to see me for a long time.”

  “Jah. I hear he's busy.”

  “That is what I have been told over and over already until now it sounds like excuses.”

  “But …. .” Hal began.

  Emma interrupted, “I worry Adam would make time for me like he always did if not for a problem. I think Adam might not want to marry me anymore.”

  Hal looked shocked. “You think he's getting cold feet?”

  “I do not know if his feet are cold, and recht now I do not care,” Emma said irritably.

  Hal tried not to grin. “Nah, I mean you think he has changed his mind.”

  “That is what I just sort of said.”

  “Have you mentioned this to Adam? You went to see him, recht? I can't believe he'd change his mind after all the years he has waited for you to marry him.”

  “I did go to the store. Adam was not there. His sales clerk, Priscilla Tefertiller, was. Can you imagine he picked her of all women to hire?

  I went upstairs to see how our apartment looks. He has not even started it. Where are we supposed to live? I checked in the work room. He has the English order of furniture done that was keeping him so busy.”

  “How about Eve Weber's kitchen?”

  “I do not know if he has finished that or not?”

  You know what I think. You need to have faith in the man you're going to marry,” Hal said bluntly. “If he says he's busy working, he is busy.”

  “I wish I had your kind of faith in Adam, but what if Adam has changed his mind? I do not want him to wait until the last minute and embarrass me and my family by not showing up at the wedding. That would be so humiliating.”

  “Ach! Adam definitely wouldn't do that. He isn't that kind of man,” declared Hal emphatically.

  Emma persisted, “I hope not, but what if he is?”

  “You shouldn't say such things about Adam,” Hal insisted.

  Emma looked sullen. “I cannot help it.”

  “All recht! Obviously, you aren't going to take my word for it that Adam is an honorable man. I don't know what his work schedule is so I can't help you there. I think you should talk to Bishop Bontrager. See if he can make some sense out of your worries,” Hal suggested.

  Emma perked up at the suggestion. “Jah, I can do that. I'll go by his house and see if he has time to talk to me.”

  That night after everyone had gotten in bed, Hal tossed and turned.

  John lifted his head and rested on his hand so he could gaze down at her. “What ails you?”

  Hal whispered, “I'm worried about Emma.”

  “Why?”

  “Emma hasn't been herself lately. Finally this morning, I got her to talk to me.”

  “And?”

  “Emma's worried about why Adam is staying away. It's not like him to ignore her like this and for this long. She thinks Adam wants to back out on their wedding. I tried to tell her Adam wouldn't do that to her. If he said he's working, he is. She should trust him.”

  “That was the recht things to say. Adam is completely trustworthy. He loves Emma, and she should know that by now without us telling her,” John said, sounding irritated.

  “Ach, John, you are recht, but Emma didn't believe me. You talk to her. Tell her you trust Adam.”

  “Ach, nah! I do not think I want to do that.”

  “Why not? Your words means a lot to your daughter,” Hal said.

  “Emma is full grown now although she does not act like it lately. She needs to work out her feelings by herself. You just said she did not listen to you.”

  “Jah, and I ran out of ideas so I suggested Emma talk to the bishop. Maybe he can help her understand she has to be patient with Adam. I hate to see her treat that hard working man this way behind his back,” Hal shared.

  “Sounds like the recht thing to do. Now go to sleep. Worrying does not help, ain't so? You need your rest.” John kissed her gently on the cheek. By the moonlight shining through the window, Hal could see he had a one sided quirk to his mouth. “Good night, Hal.”

  She turned onto her side and closed her eyes. Her last thought was, How could John be so calm about Emma and Adam's problem when the wedding is so close? That was a strange expression he just gave me. Does he know something I don't?

  The next morning, Emma announced she was going for a ride. Only Hal knew where she was headed. Jane Bontrager greeted her at the front door with a hug. Elton was drinking coffee at the kitchen table. “Gute to see you, Emma. Come sit down.”

  “Want a cup of coffee?” Jane asked in her gentle voice as she sat down in front of her cup.

  “Nah, I am not thirsty. Do you have a moment to talk with me, Bishop?”

  “Jah, and maybe two if you need them. I've been expecting you. Your father told me you have been fretting about something to do with Adam.” The bishop, his complexion very red with concern, gave her a once over look. “You are not eating enough to keep a bird alive from the look of you. Worry will make you lose your appetite.” Elton said knowingly, “I can see you are troubled by something. Was ist letz?”

  “I do not know where else to turn, Bishop. Hallie said maybe you could give me some advice. Worrisome thoughts about Adam nag at me all the time. As soon as we started discussing wedding plans, Adam has not been to se
e me except for taking me to two singings. I have this awful fear that he might not want to marry me anymore. I wonder if he's avoiding me, because he is having a hard time finding a way to tell me.”

  “Ach, Emma! Surely not. That does not sound like something Adam would do,” Jane cried.

  Elton frowned as he clasped his short, plump fingers together. “Emma, when you agreed to marry Adam, you trusted him to do what is recht by you, ain't so?”

  “Jah.”

  “I believe Adam Keim to be a man of his word. Has he ever as long as you have known him given you any cause to doubt that he was a gute and honorable man?”

  “Nah.”

  “Has anyone given you a reason why Adam has not come to see you lately?” Jane asked, her brown eyes filled with friendly warmth.

  “Jah, everyone I talk to says Adam is working. The last time I saw Adam he told me he had a lot of work to do.”

  Bishop Bontrager persisted, “But now, you have too much time alone on your hands. You miss Adam so you have become a doubting Thomas, because Adam is not spending time with you.”

  “A doubting Thomas?”

  “You need to read your bible about the disciple Thomas when you get home. He was the first doubting Thomas. He should have had more faith in Jesus just like you need to have faith in Adam if you truly want to marry him.”

  Emma wiped a tear off her cheek. “If I could just talk to Adam, I would feel so much better.”

  “That is almost the words Thomas said to the other disciples when he didn't believe them. Thomas demanded proof that Jesus had risen from the dead and was walking among them. So I suspect if Adam stopped what he is doing and came to talk to you it would not help you. No matter what Adam told you now, if you do not believe in the man, you say you love, you will still find a reason to worry when he is not where you can see him.”

  Emma's eyes flooded with tears. “What should I do, Bishop?”

  There was a note of gruff kindness in his voice. “Pray to God for the strength to trust Adam. He deserves your blinding faith and trust.”

  “I will pray, but can you tell me anything about what Adam is doing that keeps him away from me? You are out in the community. You hear and see things.”