Next Time I Fall

by Jeff Erno

  “What did you say when he told you?”

  Steve took a deep breath. “At first I didn’t know what to say. My first instinct was to tell him to pray. I almost told him he was strong enough to fight it. I almost pulled out my Bible and read him the condemnation scriptures.”

  “Condemnation scriptures?”

  “That’s what I call them. There are six passages in the Bible that Christians use to condemn homosexuality.”

  Eric frowned, biting his tongue.

  “But…Eric, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t tell that kid something I now know to be untrue. I couldn’t say to him that it was just a temptation, a phase, and that it would pass when the Lord revealed to him the right woman.”

  Eric took Steve’s hand into his own again. “I’m really glad to hear you say that.”

  “I told him he was perfect. I told him God created him and loves him just the way he is. I told him he should never hate himself for loving another person, for finding another one of God’s creation attractive. I told him…I told him…”

  Eric waited, nodding slowly.

  “I told him I’m also gay.”

  Eric squeezed his hand. “And he’s the first one? I mean, other than me?”

  Steve nodded.

  “And on the one hand you feel overwhelmingly relieved. You spoke the words to another person, someone who’s known you as a pastor and as a fellow Christian. But on the other hand, you’re grieving.”

  “Yes,” Steve whispered. “Eric, this is the beginning of the end.”

  “And the beginning of a new beginning.”

  “It’s not that I’m afraid Luke will betray me. I know that would never happen, but I can’t lie anymore. I can’t go on deceiving the people I love, but I know there’s going to be a cost. I know there’s going to be consequences.” He took a deep breath and released it very slowly, then reached up with his free hand to wipe his tears.

  “You very well may have saved that young boy’s life tonight, Steve.”

  “And he’s been bullied so bad, sometimes by the other kids at church.”

  “Why? Because he’s gay?” Eric hated stories like this. He couldn’t stand hearing about kids being bullied. Things like that made his blood boil, and he wanted to just go bash heads together.

  “They make fun of his voice and mannerisms, call him names. Last night after miniature golf, one of the other kids said something that I thought was just a joke, and Luke was utterly crushed by it. He’s so sensitive.”

  “I can get you some information, some numbers and websites for groups that exist to help kids like Luke. The suicide rate among gay teens is astronomical.”

  Steve glanced around. “Do you have any Kleenex. I’m sorry…”

  Eric jumped up to grab some tissues from a nearby stand.

  “I’ll get those numbers from you, sure. I appreciate it, but if it’s something that can be looked up online, Luke might already have them. He’s a smart kid. I honestly think the most important thing about our conversation tonight was the fact that I didn’t steer him in a direction that might hurt him.”

  Eric handed him the Kleenex and sat back down. “Do you think that might happen? If his parents are real religious, they might try putting him into some so-called reparative therapy program. They might try to cure him.”

  Steve shook his head as he wiped the tears from his cheeks. “They aren’t Christians, or I should say, they aren’t like the really dedicated Christians who come to church regularly and participate in everything. Luke’s like I used to be. He’s been a dedicated Christian since he was young.”

  “Well, I think it’s great he trusted you. I’m glad you were able to be there for him.”

  “I’m afraid, though. Eric, I probably won’t be there much longer. When word gets out that I’m gay, I’ll be fired and kicked out of my church. Then what will I do?”

  “You’ll take some time to sort things out, and then you’ll find another job, a better one. And you’ll go on with your life.”

  “You make it sound so hopeful. You really do make it sound like a new beginning.”

  “It is, Steve. And I want to be a part of it.”

  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  Steve looked into Eric’s eyes and was struck by the man’s level of empathy. Eric had come from a different world than Steve. Their backgrounds couldn’t have been more opposite, and yet Eric seemed to understand the crisis Steve was having at that very moment.

  Something within Steve had snapped earlier that evening, and it wasn’t just a meltdown over his sexual orientation. When he’d spoken the words to Luke, confessing aloud that he was gay and without a hint of shame, he had crossed a line—a border he could never uncross.

  He tentatively reached out his hand and placed it on Eric’s thigh. “This week has been hard. Ever since we kissed on Tuesday, I can’t get you out of my head.”

  Eric slipped his hand atop Steve’s. “To be honest, I feel the same way. You’re in my thoughts constantly.”

  “Before we met, I would have considered you a bad person. I’d have thought of you as a man who’d turned his back on God in order to live a life of sin. But you’re not that at all. You’re kind and loving and generous. Though we’re different, in many ways we’re alike. You love animals—your dog especially—just like me. You like all the right kinds of music. You’re smart and funny. You’re the furthest thing from bad I’ve ever known, and if not for you, I know I wouldn’t have made it through the past few days.”

  “But without me in your life, maybe none of this would have happened.”

  Steve shook his head. “No, you’re wrong. It still would have happened. At some point I’d have had to face up to who I am. You’ve helped turn something that’s very difficult into something beautiful.”

  He leaned closer, not so much consciously willing himself to do so, but rather yielding to instinct. Eric’s lips met his and they kissed, softly at first but quickly escalating. The crush of Eric’s mouth against his own ignited a warmth within his chest, and his heart pounded like a bongo. He pulled back just briefly, then delivered a second, more searing kiss while placing both hands against Eric’s firm pecs. Eric pulled him in, their bodies now pressed together.

  “Steve…”

  He leaned back in order to look into Eric’s eyes. “Is this what love feels like?”

  “It’s probably too soon—”

  “No, I don’t mean it like that. I know it’s too soon to say I’m in love. But this feeling, this infatuation I have…”

  Eric nodded. “Is what they’ve been saying you’ll feel when you finally meet the right girl.”

  Steve smiled. “I guess I met the right guy instead.” He rested his head against Eric’s chest, and Eric wrapped his arms around him. “If I don’t go home tonight, the pastor’s going to be upset with me.”

  “Are you saying you want to stay?”

  Steve closed his eyes, savoring the warmth of Eric’s embrace. “I don’t want to leave you,” he whispered.

  “I don’t want you to go.”

  Steve hugged Eric’s torso, inhaling the familiar, intoxicating scent of his cologne. He lay there for a few moments, memorizing the rhythm of Eric’s beating heart, listening to him breathe. Finally he pushed himself back, sitting upright, and looked into Eric’s eyes.

  “Will you make love to me?”

  Chapter Fourteen

  For the past week, Eric had thought of little else besides making love to Steve, but would it be right to do so now? Was Steve ready, or would he freak out afterward and regret their intimacy? What if Eric opened up to him in this way only to be jilted when Steve began to feel buyer’s remorse and returned to the only life he’d ever known?

  “I want to…” Eric whispered.

  Steve reached up and caressed the side of Eric’s face with only his fingertips. His index finger trailed across Eric’s cheek and stopped at his lips. Leaning in, Steve pressed his lips to the corner of Eric’s mouth, then planted soft, tender kiss
es along his jaw, slowly easing his way down Eric’s neck.

  Without thinking, Eric parted his lips and took Steve’s finger into his mouth, sucking just the tip, then sliding farther to the first knuckle. He rubbed his hand against Steve’s back and moaned at the exact moment Steve’s tongue darted out to tickle the erogenous zone on his neck.

  Eric’s arousal throbbed within his shorts, and he sucked Steve’s finger all the way into his mouth, then slowly eased off. Steve’s other hand rested against Eric’s pectoral, and with his fingers he began to massage, then gently pinch.

  “I want you so bad,” Steve whispered.

  When Eric could take it no longer, he bolted upright, pulling Steve’s finger from his mouth as he took hold of his hand. He rose from the sofa, pulling Steve to his feet, then kissed him passionately as he slid his hands down Steve’s back all the way to his posterior.

  Their pelvises pressed together and Eric could feel the undeniable response of Steve’s cock. Eric pulled back. “Let’s go upstairs,” he whispered, then took Steve by the hand and led him up to his bedroom.

  Standing just inside the door, Eric pulled Steve into another kiss while simultaneously clutching the back of his dress shirt, gently tugging it free of his waistband. They continued to kiss as Eric’s fingers deftly unbuttoned the front of Steve’s shirt. He worked his way all the way down until at last the shirt hung loosely on Steve’s masculine frame, and then Eric unbuttoned the cuffs.

  Steve wore an undershirt, a ribbed tee, but as Eric pulled back and slid his hands inside Steve’s shirt, the erectness of the younger man’s nipples and the contours of his sculpted chest made Eric’s cock throb all the harder. He gently slid his hands onto Steve’s broad shoulders, still beneath the shirt, then slipped them downward until the shirt dropped to the floor.

  He took hold of Steve’s narrow waist and pulled him close again, kissing with passion as his tongue began to explore Steve’s mouth. Steve wrapped his arms around Eric, clutching his shoulders, then slid his hands down Eric’s back. The gentleness of his touch caused goosepimples to rise on Eric’s arms, and a shiver traveled down his spine. Steve pulled away from the kiss only to grasp Eric’s T-shirt and peel it upward. Eric raised his arms, allowing the shirt to come over his head, then tossed it carelessly to the floor.

  Now shirtless, Eric stood before the gorgeous, young preacher feeling utterly exposed. Steve stared wide-eyed at his chest a moment, then reached up to touch his pecs. “You’re beautiful,” Steve whispered. “Perfect.”

  Eric cupped the sides of Steve’s face with both hands and kissed him once more, then reached down and grasped the hem of his tank top. He pulled it upward, gently peeling the tight, stretchy fabric over Steve’s abdominals, then over his pecs, and finally completely over his head and off his body.

  As Steve lowered his arms, Eric took in the smoothness of his torso. He reached out, touching the bare skin, all the while taking in the magnificence of his masculine form. Eric’s hands glided over the smooth pecs and finally stopped along the sides of Steve’s lean body. Eric leaned in and kissed once more, stepping forward in order to guide Steve toward his king-sized bed.

  Steve responded to the kiss and submitted to Eric’s guidance, easing himself backward. Once they’d reached the bed, Eric grasped the buckle of Steve’s belt and unfastened it. He stood back just enough to look Steve in the eye as he then unfastened his pants. He smoothly slid himself to a crouched, then kneeling position in front of the younger man, and looked up into his gorgeous blue eyes.

  Steve placed his hands on Eric’s shoulders and gazed down at him. His fingers trembled ever so slightly. “It’s okay,” Eric whispered. “Try to relax.”

  The outline of Steve’s erection emerged as Eric peeled back his fly.

  “Take off your shoes, baby.”

  Still holding onto Eric’s shoulders for balance, Steve toed off his shoes, one at a time, and Eric slid them aside. He then slid the trousers down Steve’s thighs until at last they crumpled around his ankles. Eric pressed his lips against the fabric of the boxer briefs. He inhaled, savoring the faint musk, then exhaled, expelling his hot breath against the erection.

  Steve gripped Eric’s shoulders and tossed his head back slightly. Eric reached up and quickly grasped the elastic waistband of the boxer briefs, then peeled them smoothly down Steve’s thighs.

  He took hold of Steve’s waist and pressed gently, guiding him downward to a seated position on the side of the bed, then removed Steve’s slacks and underwear from his ankles. “Do you want to lie back?” Eric nodded toward the array of pillows at the head of the bed. “Go ahead, stretch out.”

  Steve looked into his eyes, then nodded. He scooted himself backward on the mattress and repositioned himself in the center of the bed. Eric rose to his feet and peeled off his own shorts and underwear, allowing Steve a look at his arousal. Though he wanted to make this experience a hundred percent about Steve’s pleasure, it was important he present himself equally as vulnerable as his lover.

  Steve’s eyes grew wide as he sized up Eric’s hardon. “Eric…I’ve never…”

  “I know this is your first time. Let me please you, baby.” He lowered himself to the bed, crawling between Steve’s legs. Placing his palms against Steve’s thighs, he spread them outward and kissed them, then looked up into Steve’s face.

  With one hand, Steve reached up and carded his fingers through his hair. With the other he clutched the comforter. Eric moved in, pressing his lips against the base of Steve’s hard cock, then darted out his tongue and licked his balls.

  Steve moaned and his legs twitched. His cock throbbed hard and Eric wrapped his hand around its base. He pushed himself upright and pressed his lips against the shiny, bulbous head, then licked around the glans. Steve reached out and grabbed Eric’s shoulders with both hands.

  “Oh my…gosh. Oh Eric.”

  As he wrapped his lips around the cock, Eric tasted the precum and pressed his tongue flat against the smooth, sensitive shaft. Slowly he descended, easing smoothly all the way down. Then he slid back up. Then down. Then up again. He paused and glanced up at Steve’s face. He looked down at Eric, gasping quietly. “That feels…like heaven.”

  Eric continued, now cupping Steve’s ballsac and gently massaging. He allowed his fingers to playfully tickle the crevice area between Steve’s balls and his thighs, knowing how amazing that felt to a guy being blown.

  Steve apparently agreed. He moaned a little louder. “I…I can’t last for long.”

  With this being Steve’s first time, Eric was actually surprised he’d lasted as long as he had. He returned his full attention to Steve’s cock and began to suck in earnest. Applying added pressure, he sucked in the sides of his cheeks and bobbed up and down, pulling Steve closer and closer to the point of orgasm.

  At last Steve cried out and squeezed Eric’s shoulders. Eric felt the cock twitch in his mouth as the cumload fired first into his shaft. Steve moaned and his legs twitched as the ejaculate pumped into Eric’s mouth. He continued sucking, keeping the shaft buried to the base, balls-deep.

  The thick, somewhat chlorine-tasting liquid coated Eric’s tongue and throat as he pulled back and gulped down every drop. He kissed his way up Steve’s abs, past his pectorals, and to his neck. Finally he found Steve’s lips. They clung to each other, kissing passionately, and then Steve pushed him back, staring into his eyes.

  “I want to…”

  Eric shook his head. “Let’s lie here together. You can help jack me off.”

  “But you—”

  “I just had the most amazing experience of my life. This is about you, though. Let’s take this slow, okay?” He repositioned himself beside Steve, wrapping his arm around his shoulder, and pulled him close. He took hold of Steve’s wrist and guided it to his own cock. “Let’s do this together.”

  They continued to kiss as Steve stroked him. Hornier than hell, Eric knew he wouldn’t last long himself. At last he moaned then shoved his tongue deep into
Steve’s mouth right as he crested his point of no return.

  They lay together on the bed cuddling. As their hormone levels eased back to normal, Eric felt as if he’d just run a marathon. Damn, it was worth it! He looked into Steve’s eyes. This would be the time Steve might start to feel regret or guilt. This would be the moment his past could come back to haunt him.

  But he looked into Eric’s eyes and smiled. “How could I have believed for so long something that beautiful was evil?”

  Eric leaned in and kissed him once more, a sweet, chaste kiss on the lips. “Let’s get cleaned up. I have a ton of Chinese food downstairs we can share.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Steve must have kissed Eric at least a hundred times before walking out the door on Saturday morning. He didn’t want to go. How could he return to his job at the church? How would he deal with Pastor Mathers at this point? Steve didn’t want to lie to him, but surely he’d notice Steve hadn’t come home the night before. At some point Steve would have to tell him everything. He’d eventually have to tell everyone, even his family.

  But was lying any more of a sin than what he’d just done? It certainly wasn’t in the eyes of the church. There really wasn’t anything worse than a man having sex with another man. To them, Steve would be a sodomite if they ever found out.

  He thought about Genesis 19 as he and Felix walked home. That was another of the six condemnation passages, and it contained the story of Lot, Abraham’s nephew, and his family. They lived in the city of Sodom which God had determined to be unrighteous. God told Abraham He was going to destroy the city with fire and brimstone and Abraham begged God to spare his nephew. So God sent two angels to the city to extract Lot along with his wife and daughters before the city was destroyed.

  Lot welcomed the angels into his home, but an angry mob gathered outside demanding that the intruders be turned over to them. Lot offered them his daughters instead, but they refused, saying they wanted the men. The angels blinded the men with bright light, and Lot escaped with his family, but as they were fleeing the city to head for the mountains, God began to rain down His fire and brimstone on the city. The angels warned Lot and his family not to look back, but Lot’s wife couldn’t avoid the temptation. She turned around and looked and was instantly turned into a pillar of salt.