In the Band

by Jean Haus

  Great. Acoustic music with Romeo singing. Just what I need to hear and see. I’m guessing the new drummer hasn’t had enough time—though I learned enough in a month and a half—to learn enough for three sets. So why not crush me some more?

  Sam and Romeo come out carrying acoustic guitars. Of course, Romeo doesn’t say anything. They just sit, he taps a foot, and they break into music. I don’t pay attention to the particular song. Feeling miserable, I just stare at Romeo again. Though he glances at Sam and the audience every now and then, his gaze is mostly downward. His expression is a shield. After several songs—I can’t say how many—someone hands Romeo a banjo and takes his guitar.

  Sam taps his foot on the floor and they break into a fast, folksy rhythm. The song sounds familiar, but this folk stuff is more Romeo’s thing than anyone else. Suddenly the music slows, Romeo’s face tightens, and he sings, “Well I came home like a stone.”

  The words jog a musical memory—Romeo talking Mumford and Sons I think—but I’m too entrapped in the vision of him looking grieved and broken as he sings and plays. His eyes close as he sings the refrain with Sam, “I will wait. I will wait for you.”

  My hands clench in my lap. Frozen, I’m back on that bench in the skate park with him kneeling in front of me telling me he will wait for me. But the world keeps moving while the sad rawness of his voice wraps around me and sinks into my chest. The audience sways to the music but I’m falling a million miles away with each passing note. Romeo’s forlorn expression etches itself into my memory as I fall farther. And yet he sings, “I will wait for you.”

  The song ends and I finally land.

  Sara’s words from Christmas Eve rush into me. The falling can be an emotional, chaotic whirlwind. The landing jarring and eye opening. But if two people are really in love, there’s nothing in this world that can overcome it. Even if they can’t be together, love doesn’t cease.And suddenly her words become clear because I am in love with Romeo.

  The stage is dark and empty. My mind shocked glass.

  Justin comes out. The crowd goes wild. They’re in front of me but they are far from me. The room is a blur. Justin’s words incomprehensible. I’m drunk on self-awareness. I teeter on the edge of the chair from the clarity of my feelings. Justin and the crowd screaming a countdown to midnight cracks into my consciousness, but I bring my knees up and curl into a ball.

  The truth has been with me for a long time. In my misery, I refused to acknowledge it. Now the feeling roars through me and I can’t pretend anymore.

  I’m in love with Romeo.

  “Three! Two! One!” the crowd and Justin roar. The stage lights up. The crowd turns wild. A guitar wails. Drums pound. The boom of a bass joins in. High energy music. My favorite kind. But the music doesn’t marry into a song for my ears. All I can hear is…

  I will wait for you.

  The last twelve months of giving and giving roll through my mind. I’ve given up almost everything. A scholarship. Time. Playing the drums. And mostly Romeo.

  I’ll keep giving and giving. My mother and sister are worth the giving.

  But he’s waiting.

  For me.

  My eyes lift to him in all his rock glory while the rest of the room is a blur. There’s so much more behind the façade he creates on stage. So much more than his masculine beauty. Peeling back the raw sexiness of him exposes an astounding determination, a deep honesty, boundless compassion, and a startling intellect. Between his past and the man he has become, he’s perfection.

  How can I just give him up?

  The song ends. The stage empties. People mingle and drink around me. The scene before me continues to be a blur. My arms tighten around my knees as I question my resolution. Question how much I can give up until I lose myself. I feel like I’m back in time watching that first performance of Luminescent Juliet and staring at the card Romeo gave me while wondering if my life needed a change.

  Until love brings clarity.

  My mother and sister are worth sacrifices, but so is Romeo.

  And so am I.

  Over the heartache of the past year, I lost sight that my life is mine, is for me too. Taking care of my family shouldn’t eradicate my chance at happiness. I can’t be there for my family if I lose myself and melt away. Six months ago, even a week ago, I wouldn’t have agreed with the perception, would have thought it selfish. But with each passing day without Romeo, I’m becoming a drained shell while my heart breaks. I’m losing myself from the misery of losing us.

  Yanking my hood off, I stand and look around the huge room. Though I planned on slipping out quietly after the performance, I rush and shove through the crowd toward the empty stage. I spot Justin and Sam surrounded by girls at a table off to the right. I can’t see Romeo. Enclosed between a rail and a wall, a bouncer guards their section of tables. They raise shots and cheer inside their secluded area.

  The different bouncer doesn’t recognize me and refuses to let me through.

  “Justin,” I yell but the music above is loud.

  Yet someone notices me. Chloe, looking sexy in that black dress, comes over to the rail. “Riley! What are you doing here?”

  My hands grip the metal between us. “Where’s Romeo?”

  Her expression brightens but before she can answer, Marcus is behind her. “Out back. He’s packing up then leaving.”

  Without another word, I whirl toward the back door. A bartender yells but I ignore him and dash through the rooms filled with jars of olives, napkins, and maraschino cherries. Practically in a full run, I push the door open and fly outside, but the sight in the alley has me halting. Or at least trying to. Unfortunately, it’s snowing and the ground is slick. I don’t stop rather slide into the side of Romeo’s van. My head and body hit the metal with a thud before I hit the ground with a second thud.

  Romeo and April’s blurry faces appear above me. My vision of the world is spinning. Not just my mind.

  “Damn Riley, are you okay?” Romeo asks, reaching for my hand.

  No, I’m not okay. I just saw him and April in a tight embrace. Never mind the double collision or the fact I’m lying in several inches of snow or that my head is whirling. “I think so,” I say, becoming embarrassed at bursting in on their private moment and hurt because they had a private moment.

  April grabs my other hand and they pull me up. April lets go of my hand. Romeo doesn’t. He bends and slaps snow from my legs and backside with the hand not enclosing mine. “What are you doing here?”

  “I…” My head is pounding for several reasons.

  “I should go,” April says, stepping toward the door. Her long hair spins with the movement and catches falling flakes. “Have a safe trip, Romeo.”

  My eyes search his while the sound of the door shutting echoes in the alley. The falling snow muffles the sounds of the city, and leaves me feeling like I’m encased in a snow globe that could be shaken or shattered at any moment because I can’t read anything in the dark depths of his eyes.

  “Where are you going?” I ask.

  He breaks our gazes, bends, and finishes brushing snow from me. “Home for a few days.”

  “Oh.” My head actually, really freaking hurts but his hand wrapped around mine helps.

  “Why are you here?” he asks again.

  “I came to watch the band.”

  “I mean out here.”

  “Oh. Yeah. Um…” Shit, I sound like a goose-headed idiot. I reach up and touch my forehead. I am a goose-headed idiot.

  Romeo gently pushes my hand away and brushes his fingers across my skin. “You’re not okay.”

  “Are you with April now?” I blurt.

  His eyes narrow as one hand lets go of mine and the other drops from my head. “You think I’d use her that way?”

  “No,” I say slowly. “Of course, you wouldn’t.” Snowflakes fall between us. “I didn’t think. It was just an emotional response.”

  “Emotional response?” He crosses his arms over the wool of his coat.
“What’s going on, Riley?”

  I concentrate on the falling snow in the spray of light above the door before my gaze meets his. “I missed the band. I came to watch. Alone. And then…and then I watched you. You sang that song about waiting. It seemed like to me.” I press my hand against my chest. His eyes watch the movement. “And—and my perception of everything started to shift. By the time you finished the song I realized something.”

  “What?” he says while his eyes remain emotionless.

  “That I’m in love with you.”

  He continues to stare at me without even blinking. I’m not sure what I was expecting from my admission—perhaps a little excitement and a definitely a reciprocation—but he’s as cold as the snow-filled air.

  “Okay, um, I should go.” Tears sting my eyes. They’re not there from the pain in my head rather my heart. I’ve been breaking, but in seconds, I’m going to shatter into a million broken pieces of despair.

  His hand clamps down on my arm. “Will the profession of your love change anything?”

  My gaze whips to his. “I want to be with you.”

  “What about your family?”

  My head pounds in confusion. Why is he being difficult? Everything seems perfectly clear to me, even with a goose egg on my forehead. “I want to be there for them and with you.”

  “Can you do that?” he asks while his dark eyes drill into mine.

  Slowly beyond the pound rattling in my head, I realize he’s scared I’m going to leave him again. “Yes, I can,” I say in a tone laced with conviction. Because I will. Because I want to. Because I need to. “It isn’t always going to be easy, but I want this misery we’ve been in to end. I want to be with you.”

  Relief flashes in his dark eyes and his posture changes from stiff to fluid as he steps forward and cups my jaw tenderly. “Though only months, it feels like I’ve been in love with you forever.” His thumbs stroke my skin while snowflakes fall on my upturned face. His eyes burn into mine with the intensity that is Romeo. “I want to be with you forever,” he says in a broken whisper before his lips brush against mine. I sway from the power of his words and the feel of his lips. He pulls back. “I don’t think you’re okay.”

  “Oh, I’m good.” I lean closer until I’m only centimeters from his lips. “Actually, other than my head, I’ve never felt better.” My lips cover his and the pounding in my head dissipates from the heat of our kiss.

  ***

  I refused to go to the hospital even though Romeo was afraid I might have a concussion. He refused to let me drive home. So in the van I went. Due to the falling snow and the concentration it took for him to drive, the ride home was quiet. Except for the ding of my phone.

  Chloe keeps texting me, asking what’s going on. Lying on the couch, I finally answer her.

  Me: Slid through the snow. Bumped my head. At home. Romeo’s with me.

  Chloe: Ouch, you clumsy beeyatch. Romeo’s with you? Does that mean what I want it to?

  Me: Yes.

  Chloe: Hot damn! Finally.

  Romeo comes into the living room with a bag of ice and a dishtowel. “I think it’s gotten bigger,” he says, staring at my forehead. He sets my phone on the table, gently lifts my shoulders, and slides under me. With my head in his lap, he lays the towel wrapped ice on my forehead and uses his other arm to hold me by the waist.

  I close my eyes. The ice helps. Being held by him helps more.

  “You sure you’re okay?”

  Eyes closed I smile at him. “I’m good, actually great.”

  He reaches under my head and loosens my ponytail. “Your mom, she’s better?”

  “She is. She’s getting there.”

  “Is that why you came tonight?” he asks as his fingers travel though my hair.

  My eyes pop open and meet his. “No.”

  He looks away as the line of his jaw tightens. “Riley, it’s okay if you put your family first.”

  Struggling between the pain in my head, the ice on my skin, and his hold, I sit up until I face him. His expression is cautious and weary as my hand rests on his cheek. “It was never like that. You weren’t second. Ever. It was about who needed me.”

  His expression doesn’t change. “And now?”

  I draw in a deep breath. “I need you.”

  The tight lines of his face smooth into reverence. “I need you too,” he says softly, wrapping his hand around mine before pressing his mouth to the center of my palm. Then he gently pushes me back down onto his lap. He sets the ice back on my forehead. “And the band? Even after Justin’s temper tantrum and me punching him, they’d take you back.”

  Music will always be part of my life, and one day I’ll play again—I’ll be drumming until I’m an old lady—but now is not the right time. “I’d love to be in the band, but there isn’t enough time between school and family and you. I’d rather be with you.”

  He chuckles lightly. “Did I hear that right? Riley Middleton, drummer extraordinaire, would rather spend time with me than playing drums. I think the world just stopped spinning.”

  “No it’s still spinning.” I cover the arm across my waist. “Someone recently told me that if two people are truly in love, nothing can overcome it. Guess that includes an obsession with drums. I’ve become obsessed with you instead. You’ll always be first in my heart.” The pleasure in his gaze has me smiling. “But do you think I could step in once in a while? I was thinking I could do Sabotage every now and then.”

  His arm tightens around my waist. “Riley, I’ll let you have whatever you want.”

  “I just want you.”

  His smile is sweet and sexy. “You’ve had me for a long time.”

  I return the smile, close my eyes, and burrow deeper into his lap.

  Sometimes life is hard and painful and just plain sucks. And other times life is beautiful and brilliant and amazing. Right now, in Romeo’s arms, the brilliance of life shines on me with a ferocious glare.

  A Month and a Half Later

  My mother signed the papers a week ago. The divorce is finally official. And though she’s been better, it’s Valentine’s Day, which has me worried. Memories of special events bring her down. Since it’s a Friday and Jamie is at my father’s, I put my trust in Romeo and let him plan the evening with my mother included. Yet, I have no idea what we’re doing. He wants to surprise me.

  When he pulls up in front of the antique store where the band practices above, I’m in total surprise.

  I give him an odd look. “What’s going on?”

  His dark eyes shine with mischief. “Part one of the night. You get to play.”

  Though I was hoping for some alone time, at the thought of playing, excitement rolls through my gut. “What about my mom?”

  “She’s meeting us here after she gets out of work. We have two hours.” Reaching behind the seat of the van, he pulls out a small bag then leans toward me and gives me a quick kiss. “Let’s go.”

  Upstairs, Justin and Sam already wait. After some hugs and fist pumps, I’m behind the set. Unbelievably, within minutes, Romeo’s barking off instructions and handing out music sheets. It’s like I’ve stepped into a time machine as my fingers itch to give his skull a whack with one of my sticks. And the strangest thing? He’s decided Valentine’s Day is somehow connected to the eighties. He has us playing Livin’ on a Prayer by Bon Jovi and Should I Stay or Should I Go by the Clash.

  But hey, I’ll play anything with a lively beat. Once we start rolling, I’m just into the rhythm and loving every second. Except for in between playing when my boyfriend’s barking orders and back to being the dick I met in this room. Yet behind the drums, I can handle him being a jerk.

  After almost two hours of playing, Romeo announces a break. Sam slips downstairs for a smoke. Justin’s immediately on the phone with some girl. Romeo gives me a grin. Except for that grin, it’s like nothing has changed.

  “Come here,” I say.

  He sets his guitar on a stand.

  Whe
n he gets close enough, I give him a light thump on the top of his head. Though it couldn’t have hurt, he scowls at me.

  Now I grin. “I’ve wanted to do that forever.”

  His rolls his eyes while reaching into his back pocket. He pulls out a silver wrapped present. “I get whacked and you get a gift. How does that happen?”

  I snatch the gift from his hand and ignore the question because I’m wearing his present underneath my clothes. Wanting to surprise him, I finally let Chloe take me to Victoria-Slut-Secret.

  I tear off the silver paper in two seconds flat. A custom set of drumsticks lay in my palm. Tiny skateboards over flames curl around each one. I let out a laugh. “How cute! They’re perfect.”

  Romeo gives me an eyebrow arch. “Just don’t use them to tap on my head.”

  Before I can respond, Sam comes up with my mother and another woman. Romeo goes over and gives her a long hug then introduces his mother to mine. I slowly get up from the stool. Romeo and I have been trying to plan a weekend to visit his mother, but the divorce becoming final has kept me from leaving mine. So I’m stunned that I’m meeting his mother tonight.

  Tall and dark haired like him she’s attractive with strong features. After Romeo introduces us, she wraps me in a warm hug while I’m still shocked. My mother laughs at my expression then gives me a long hug and a warm kiss on my cheek. Once the introductions are finished, Romeo sends both mothers to the chairs against the wall and me behind the drums.

  Suddenly his eighties revival makes sense, considering our audience.

  We play the two songs for our mothers while they tap their feet, clap to the beat, and laugh. Playing, I remember thinking I’d never see my mother happy again, but even behind her laughter, the tight expression she’s worn for the last year is gone. Between her entry back into the real world and her weekly counseling appointments, she’s almost the mother I once knew.

  After our impromptu concert, Sam and Justin take off to the bar. Thankfully, they’re not coming to a late night dinner with the mothers and us. I wouldn’t be surprised from mere habit if Justin hit on one of them.