TORN_A Rockstar Romance

by Vivian Lux

  Back in my room, I eagerly wiggled out of the t-shirt-with-maxi-skirt combo that was pretty much my summer uniform, then ran my hand over the dress, plucking a few stray threads that still clung to the fabric. The black was soft, like the color of the night sky halfway through twilight. When the stars first wink into view. It was a summer black, if that made any sense at all. I had to give it to my mom. She'd done well. The skirt flared prettily to the knee and the wide set straps would elongate my neck, especially if I managed to put my hair up .

  I pulled down my bra straps so they wouldn't show and then pulled the dress over my head and tugged .

  And tugged .

  "Oh shit," I muttered. I must not have undone the zipper all the way. I tried to lift it back up over my head, but it got caught on my newly massive tits .

  "Oh shit," I repeated. Panicked, I tugged down. I tugged up. I took a deep breath, sucking in, and yanked. But that only succeeded in getting me more stuck .

  Thrashing around, I banged into the wall with a loud thump. "Mum?" I shouted, my hands wiggling above me helplessly. The fabric was clinging to my nose. Claustrophobia was setting in. "Mother !"

  "You okay there, Lulu ?

  I froze in place even as my mind seized on the name. Lulu , I thought erratically. Cute .

  But then my ears caught up with my brain. "Um," I said, and I couldn't finish the sentence because my stomach was busy dropping down through the floor and straight on into the Earth's core. "Go away, Hudson ."

  I couldn't see him, but I could feel him there. Being too big and too relaxed about everything. "You stuck?" he asked, sounding a little sleepy. I'd woken him. Wonderful. My stomach continued its journey down, on its way through Earth's mantle on the other side of the world to come out somewhere in the Pacific ocean .

  "I said go away," I scowled, even though he couldn't see my face. Which was good because I was definitely about to start crying .

  "Hey, you're covered this time, at least," he pointed out. "Believe me, I've seen girls wear less than this backstage ."

  "You're not helping ."

  I felt him step towards me. He tugged a bit and the dress came free. "There. Am I helping now ?"

  My hands went to my breasts. Tears were stinging my eyes. "I got it fitted too long ago," I muttered, my voice wobbly .

  He stepped deftly to the side and whipped a blanket off my bed. I looked at him, unsure about what to say as he settled it around my shoulders. I clutched at it gratefully, and stood a little straighter. "What do you mean you got it fitted too long ago?" he asked once my tattered dignity had been restored .

  I pressed my lips together. He was my brother's bandmate. Practically a brother himself. I shouldn't feel shy around him. That was stupid. "I've gained a shedload of weight, all right?" I confessed. "Uni is deadly ."

  He grinned. "I wouldn't know about that," he said. "But I think you look dead gorgeous ."

  "Liar."

  "You think I'm a liar?" He leaned in a little, like he was inviting me to inspect him .

  I had to admit. "No ."

  He nodded. "Right. You look fucking amazing. Like some kind of statue they put in a museum. Wish I could draw like you can, because I'd totally draw you right now ."

  "With a dress stuck over my head?" I asked belligerently. "Or wrapped in a blanket like a burrito ?"

  "You have burritos here ?"

  I barked out laughing. "Yes Hudson. The British are aware of the existence of Mexican food ."

  "You ought to come with me to Dallas. I bet you've never had true Tex-Mex before ."

  I looked up at him. I was standing barefoot, wrapped in a blanket after getting myself stuck in the most embarrassing position imaginable, but somehow he'd smoothed all that over. He made me feel relaxed enough to get suddenly bold. I could feel a strange connection humming between us. And I needed to know. "Why'd you run away from me at the dinner table last night ?"

  If I'd startled him, he didn't betray anything more than a quick sideways darting motion with his eyes. Somehow I knew his real feelings were barely contained. That connection again. His arms hung loosely at his sides, but his fingers twitched ever so slightly, and I wondered what he was imagining he was grabbing on to. "I think you know the answer to that," he said slowly .

  I felt like I was poking a sleeping predator. This wasn't like me, being so nosey and rude. But then again, it was exactly like me to demand everyone reveal their feelings to me just as I couldn't hide mine at all. "No," I said firmly. "I don't ."

  "You do, Tallula." I looked up at him, startled by the suddenly roughness in his voice as he spoke. "Last night at the table? At the pool?" His eyes went down, tracing over my body as I huddled under the blanket, my heart hammering in my throat. "Hell, right the fuck now? We keep doing this when we know how fucking dangerous it is ."

  Some part of me knew what he was talking about, but the rest of me wanted him to say it aloud. So I'd know once and for all he was feeling something too. "Doing what ?"

  He opened his mouth and then closed it, then turned his head away. Looking at my bed, he just shook his head. "Every time I'm alone with you, I have to work really, really hard ."

  Leave it a voice screamed in my mind. Don't push it. Don't make him say it. It's too dangerous. You don't want to know .

  I did want to know .

  "Work hard at what?" My voice was breathy. It didn't sound like mine at all

  Before he could speak, my mother's voice floated up from downstairs. "Tallula? Are you coming down? How does the dress look, darling ?"

  Hudson stiffened and the connection that had been forming between us suddenly snapped. He stepped back, paused, then turned on his heel. A feeling like panic rose in my throat as he started to move. "Wait!" I begged. "What are you working hard at ?"

  He stopped and closed his eyes. I saw pain on his face, pain that I was causing deliberately and I hated myself for making him say it. "I'm working really fucking hard to keep from kissing you again, Lulu. Because every time I'm near you that is all I want to do ."

  "Tallula?" My mother's footsteps sounded on the staircase. I looked at Hudson and tried to say something, but there was too much to say and not enough time to say it before my mother caught us like this. So all I could do was shake my head as I closed my door .

  Chapter Nine

  Hudson

  E ven with a dress on her head. Even huddled in a blanket while glaring at me. Even when she was shutting a door in my face, she was still so fucking pretty it made my heart hurt .

  I staggered away from Tallula's closed door and slipped back into the guest room before her mother could catch me loitering near her almost naked daughter. Before she could catch me being a shit bandmate, a shit friend and a really fucking shitty houseguest .

  I knew I needed to stay away. But I kept getting drawn to her, drawn into moments where she was all I could think about. Where the million reasons not to kiss her didn't seem to matter much at all .

  Sitting stiffly at the edge of my bed, I tried to collect myself. From down the hallway, I could hear Tallula's murmuring voice and her mother's reassuring one. I suddenly realized I was straining to overhear what they were saying .

  That was stupid. I was being really fucking stupid. I sprang to my feet and decided to head downstairs before I did anything else so breathtakingly dumb. I needed to stay near Niall and remember why I couldn't be alone with Tallula again .

  I rushed down the stairs to discover that my bandmates were already awake and playing dress-up in the dining room .

  "Mornin'," I muttered, grabbing one of the few leftover pastries that
sat on the table, surrounded by crumbs. "Or maybe it's the afternoon? I have no idea ."

  "You feel like trying shit on for me?" Niall asked by way of greeting. He glanced into the great room where Reese was pacing in tight circles. "Seems like there are a few things I still need to take care of before I'm allowed to get married," he said tightly .

  I looked at Reese and realized she had Niall's phone up to her ear. And she looked really fucking pissed at whoever was on the other line. "Whatever you need," I told Niall firmly, and maybe a little too emphatically. Like I was trying to make up for some wrong I'd done him .

  He half-smiled. "Thanks, mate." He turned and bellowed, "Let's fucking see it then, yeah ?"

  Slowly, looking for all the world like a chastened kid at church, Jules Spencer emerged from the kitchen. I hid my laughter behind my hand, but Niall didn't bother. "Holy shit! I never thought I'd see the day !"

  "Yeah well, fuck you for getting married first," Jules complained, tugging at his sleeves. "I look like a fucking monkey." He raised his voice. "Hey, you're not gonna make me wear this shit at our wedding, are you love ?"

  From somewhere down the hall, August's voice floated back. "You're damn right I am !"

  "Bloody hell," he sighed. He turned to the giant mirror that hung on the dining room wall and inspected his reflection dolefully. "Thought we became musicians so we could avoid wearing fucking suits ."

  "Well speak for yourself. I look bloody amazing," Ewan retorted as he came into the room. He turned, checking out his profile in the big mirror. "Celia's gonna shit ."

  "If you do say so yourself, huh you arrogant twat ?"

  "Hey shut up for one bloody second and let Reese see?" Niall chastised him. "Darling?" he called, gesturing to her. "What do you think ?"

  "Need me to get into mine too?" I asked .

  Niall nodded and lowered his voice conspiratorially. "Seems like there's a problem with Tally's dress not fitting," he said, glancing at Reese .

  I swallowed hard but managed to keep my face neutral. "That sucks," I said .

  "Poor Tally," Ewan spoke up, still admiring his reflection .

  "Right, well, I think my mum's got it well in hand," Niall said, patting Reese's arm as she hung up and came into the dining room. "You want to put that on now, mate?" he asked, gesturing to the charcoal gray suit lying on the table .

  "Sure thing," I said, grabbing it and heading out into the great room, looking for some place to change. August was down the hall, shouting into her phone, doing last minute changes to the European leg of the tour we'd put on hold for the week of Niall's wedding. So I couldn't go get changed in front of her. There were a million rooms in this house, but I didn't feel comfortable poking around in them. So I just dropped my jeans, figuring I'd change quickly .

  A sound made me look up .

  Standing at the top of the stairs, her sketchpad clutched in hand, was Tallula, staring down at me as I stood there in my boxers .

  I looked up at her. She looked down at me .

  And then her face broke out into a smile. "My turn," she said .

  I grabbed the trousers and yanked them back up again. "We even now?" I asked her, trying to keep the smile from tugging at my lips .

  She shook her head. "No. You've seen me in my underwear twice. But it'll have to do, right ?"

  There was something in her voice that made my words catch in my throat. "Right," I said .

  We both stood there, frozen for a moment. Then she started down the stairs, sweeping past me and into the dining room. I quickly dressed the rest of the way and followed her in. "It fits," I announced, wiggling the waistband at Reese .

  "So it's just me that's the problem," Tallula said sadly .

  "Not a problem," Reese said, trying to reassure her. "We'll work something out ."

  "You're not supposed to be the one comforting me ," Tallula reminded her. "You're the bride. It's supposed to be the other way around." She glanced up at me and her eyes lingered for a moment. "I've never seen you in a suit before," she said, like the thought had suddenly occurred to her .

  "Yeah, I clean up nice, right?" I said, without thinking .

  Niall cleared his throat, as if to remind me that this was his fucking little sister I was talking to. The little kid tagging along in the stories he and the rest of the guys shared. But all I could see right now was the way her arm pressed her soft, smooth-skinned breast up higher, tempting me with the deep space of her cleavage .

  "I'll get out of it now," I said. "Before I get sauce on it or something." And walked away as quickly as I could without running .

  I'd just gotten this job a year ago. I'd only just achieved my dreams. Making a move on Tally would be like asking for them to kick me out. All of the guys, they were protective as hell of her. I wasn't even sure they saw her as a female .

  The memory of those perfect breasts with the soaked fabric of her bra clinging to them, leaving nothing to the imagination except the way they might feel heavy in my hand ...

  I had to get away .

  Once I was back in my T-shirt and jeans, I went back to the dining room. "Hey, I was just looking outside at the tent set-up. Those guys look like they need help ."

  Jules blinked like I'd suggested performing spontaneous dental surgery. "Seriously, Hud? Stop being such a Boy Scout and sit down. The set-up is their job ."

  Tallula was looking at me with her green eyes, and as Jules spoke, she set out her sketchbook and started scratching at it with her pencil. I shook my head. "Nah, they look like they need a big guy, there are a bunch of midgets on the team ."

  Ewan laughed. "Ay mate, that's because they're far away, yeah? Perspective and shit ."

  But I was already striding out of the room. Away from Tally. Away from her sketches and her ability to really see me. Away from whatever she'd seen just now that made her pull out her pencil .

  And most of all, away from Niall's searching eyes. I had to get away before he could see anything about me that I didn't want him to see .

  Chapter Ten

  Tallula

  H udson was staying away from me. And I didn't know how I felt about it .

  Me. The girl who projected her thoughts and feelings in neon lights. Who may as well hire a skywriter to tell the world her emotions. I wore my heart on my sleeve, but when it came to Hudson I felt like I'd misplaced that shirt entirely .

  My only hope was that this week would keep going by quickly. Because when he left at the end of it? Well, then it wouldn't matter if I wanted him to stay with me or stay away. He'd be heading back out on tour with Wreckage and I'd go back to being a student and being disappointed by men. Everything would go back to normal. And in the mean time, it was easy to find ways to busy myself in wedding preparations .

  Especially when I found distractions as pressing as missing flowers .

  "I'm trying," Reese said, her light eyes shining with tears I'm sure she had no intention of shedding. "Trying really hard not to be a Bridezilla about all this ."

  I put my hand on her shoulder. I was out on the looped front drive with her and Niall, all three of us watching for a florist delivery truck that wasn't coming. "It's completely fine if you want to throw a fit, sweetheart," I reassured her, rubbing tight circles on her tense shoulder. "I've thrown fits for way less than this ."

  She shot me a grateful look but in the next instant her lip wobbled. "I don't normally even give a shit about flowers, why is this bothering me so much ?"

  "Because it's your wedding and you don't want anything going wrong. And the entire shipment
getting lost is something rather ridiculously wrong." I took a deep breath, staring out in to the distance like it would give me some kind of answer and to my eternal irritation, my eyes managed to land on Hudson as he came walking back up the front lawn from the main tent .

  "Everything all right, ladies?" he called, giving Niall a smirk .

  I took a deep breath. "You heard about the flowers, right ?"

  He screwed up the side of his mouth. "The refrigeration died, right? Yeah, that's a bunch of bullshit if you ask me ."

  "It is." A tear slipped down Reese's cheek, and that was that. She was about to be my sister, and I was desperate for anything to stop her from crying .

  Niall looked like he wanted to murder someone and then let the earth swallow him when he was done. He kept looking at Reese and raising his hand, then letting it fall again. I'm not sure how many times Reese had cried in her life but it was making us all crazy .

  "So, okay," Hudson piped up. "Looks like we're gonna need to get some more ."

  "The wedding is tomorrow," I reminded him. "Where are we going to get flowers at this time ?"

  He looked back out on the lawn and a slow smile spread across his face. "Seems to me," he said, maddeningly slow. "That you've got a whole bunch of flowers at the ready, right over there." He gestured to the gardens .

  I wanted to smack myself in the head. I grinned at him. "The gardens ?"

  "Mum will have a fit," Niall groaned .

  "Oh come off it, Niall, we can pick from the back gardens. What are they there for, otherwise ?"

  "I can help," Hudson said, as cool as can be. "Give me some scissors ."

  "Clippers. Right. We can ask the gardener ."

  Hudson was nodding along with me. "Do you have a place to store them once I'm done ?"

  "There's this old root cellar. Almost like a walk in refrigerator, actually. But you're not doing it all yourself. Plus I reckon I'd better make sure you don't kill Mum's prize roses, right Niall?" Was I looking for an excuse to be alone with him again? Was I looking for that danger we both knew we were in ?