TORN_A Rockstar Romance

by Vivian Lux

  And Tallula slapped him .

  The crack of her palm against his cheek was the loudest fucking thing I'd ever heard in my life. On instinct, I raised my hands to cover my ears .

  "Fucking..." Niall pressed his hand to his cheek and stared at her. "Have you gone bloody mental ?"

  "Stop fighting him, Niall," she shrieked, still keyed up. She shook where she stood, but she lifted her chin fiercely. "Stop being a bloody-minded fool ."

  He grimaced, rubbing his cheek and then clenched his fist. His voice was pure disappointed big brother. "Tally, I'll talk with you later, but right now I need to ..."

  "No!" She raised her hand again and Niall, half a foot taller than her at least, cowered a little. "I fucking love him, okay ?"

  He stopped as if she'd frozen him in place with her words .

  I stood there, heaving, a dull ache spreading in my belly .

  Off to the side, a single flash went off .

  "You don't," Niall whispered, staring at Tallula .

  She lifted her chin. Green eyes met green eyes, one set dazed, the other set filling with tears. "I'm sorry for keeping secrets from you, Niall. I know you hate them ."

  "Why?" He looked from me to her. "Why him?" He glanced at me. "Of all the women in the world, why did you have to...?" his eyes blazed as he got madder and madder. "Why would you fuck my sister ?!"

  "Niall stop it! This isn't something you get to decide !"

  "Yeah, you're bloody right. I don't get to decide who you get to be with, Tallula." He glared at me. "But I sure as shit can decide who I trust enough to play next to me onstage." He laughed ruefully. "And it's definitely not assholes who would lie to my face ."

  And there it was .

  My shoulders slumped. And in a way I was grateful to have it all finally out in the open. "Right," I said shortly. "I guess we can't work together then ."

  He stepped forward until we were nose to nose. But if he was trying to stare me down, trying to intimidate me, it wasn't going to work. You can't threaten someone who's already given up everything for love .

  And he must have seen that, because he inhaled sharply. Then, without looking at his sister, without taking note of the crowd that had gathered around us, he turned and stalked away .

  I lifted the hem of my shirt and wiped a trickle of blood from my nose, then turned to Tallula and tried to smile. "That went about how I was expecting," I said, trying to laugh .

  But she was staring me down, her fists clenched at her side. "You told him you'd be stupid to be with me?" she said, hurt in her voice .

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Hudson

  "B and meeting," August said, gently knocking on the open door of my room with two knuckles .

  I took a deep breath and rolled over from where I had been staring at the ceiling. "Thanks," I told her, standing up .

  "Don't thank me ," she said icily .

  "August..."

  "You fucked up ."

  "I know ..."

  "I don't mean with Tally," she huffed. "I mean with Niall. You should have told him right from the start ."

  I looked down. "I see that now ."

  "You keep yourself so closed off, Hudson," she said, a note of pleading in her voice. "You're not the outsider you think you are. This is a family ."

  I bit my lip. "I know," I said. Because what else was there to say ?

  She shook her head, setting her red curls bouncing. "I'm gonna push for you to stay, obviously. Because you're my discovery, dammit ."

  I chuckled. "Sorry," I said again .

  She sniffed and then sighed, looking pained. I thought she might say something more, but she turned and headed back into the main room .

  I hauled myself from the bed. Somewhere in the house, a door slammed and I wondered if it might be Tallula. She'd been hiding away, out of sight of both her brother...and me .

  I didn't much blame her .

  When I said I'd be stupid to fall for her, that was the truth. I'd be risking everything .

  But what I needed her to understand was that she was absolutely worth that risk .

  I loved her .

  And now I needed to head out and tell that to her brother and face him like a man .

  Another door slammed as I headed out into the main room. Jules and Ewan both looked up as I walked in .

  Then both their gazes slid past me and landed somewhere behind me .

  I turned .

  Niall looked away the second I caught his eye, but I could still feel the force of his gaze boring into me .

  I nodded a little and stepped into the room .

  "Right, well." Niall cleared his throat. "I'm just going to lay it out there then." He turned to me. "You lied to my fucking face about your intentions towards my sister. And now I don't fucking trust you and I can't play music with someone I don't trust ."

  A heavy, muffled silence fell over the room, like a blanket over a dead body. I could feel, rather than see, Ewan shifting, Jules tapping his foot in that frantic, nervous drumbeat. I wanted for either of them to speak up and defend me. I counted backwards from ten, and tried to still my racing heartbeat .

  "Show me," Tallula's voice echoed in my head .

  "Fuck," I said and when my voice broke, Niall looked up sharply, surprise written all over his face. I looked away, trying to collect myself, then remembered that wasn't what I was trying to do after all .

  "Niall, I lied to you because I was lying to myself, all right?" I looked back at him, holding his gaze. "You think I wanted to fall for your sister? You think I didn't know she was off-limits? But you've met her right? You know she's incredible. Can you really fucking blame me ?"

  He blinked and sat down heavily on a couch. "You think I'm an asshole," he said, then gestured down the hall. "I know she does. But I'm not pissed at you for being with her. I'm pissed at you for sneaking around like...like..." He trailed off and I knew he was remembering the old fiancée that had broken his heart and stolen his fortune. "You know I hate that," he said, refusing to say her name .

  "I thought it would be over when I left," I pleaded. He made a snorting sound and I spread my hands. "I know how that sounds, and I'm sorry. I didn't plan on falling for her, Niall. But I have. And I love her ."

  Niall shook his head. "Not good enough for me," he said. "You may think you love her now but what happens when we tour the States again? When we record? What happens to her being tied up with a musician?" He shook his head. "This isn't the life she ever wanted and I can't say I blame her, but I will blame you if you hurt her ."

  "I won't," I said faintly .

  "You will," he said, standing up. "You might not mean it. I know you're not a bad guy, Hudson, but you're in this life and she's not. I don't want you dragging her down with you ."

  "Shouldn't she be here for this?" I snarled. "Shouldn't she have some say in how she gets to live her life or are you acting like some kind of old time British lord dictating to us peasants ?"

  His eyes gleamed with anger. "Fuck you. She's my sister ."

  "Fuck you," I retorted. "She's my love ."

  He sniffed and stepped back. Glaring at me, he turned his head and shouted over his shoulder. "Tally !"

  "Summoning her, are you?" I couldn't help but growl .

  "You're right," he said shortly. "It's her decision." His nostrils flared. "But she needs to make it right now." He turned and yelled down the hallway again, "Tally! Oy! Tallu
la Claire Penrose, get out here !"

  There was no answer. The silence was deafening. I narrowed my eyes. Niall furrowed his brow. "Fuck," he huffed, turning and starting down the hall. "Where the hell is she ?"

  I grabbed his arm. "Let me ."

  He looked down, staring at where I held him. "Excuse me ?"

  "I want to tell her first," I said. "Let me have that, okay ?"

  I had never spoken to Niall so directly before, and it seemed to catch him off guard. "Right," he said, shaking my hand off and gesturing. "Have at it then ."

  I nearly sprinted to Tallula's door. "Hey!" I shouted. "Let me in," I begged the closed door .

  When she didn't answer, I reached down and jiggled the handle. "Tallula!" I shouted. "I need to talk to you, right now ."

  Silence. Maybe she was in the shower. I was momentarily distracted by the thought of water streaming over her body, but I shook my head and tried the door handle again .

  It swung open easily .

  Her bed was made. I stared at it quizzically and then stood in the center of the room, turning a slow circle, taking in her nightstand with a thick book lying facedown, her reading glasses set neatly on top. A chair shoved in the corner where the view from the balcony was the best had her bag slung carelessly in the middle, her sketchpad peeking out of the top .

  I closed my eyes for a moment, remembering the way her pencil had scratched over the page, and the way she'd looked at me, like she could see into my soul .

  "Tallula?" I called. There was no sound from the bathroom .

  She was gone .

  But without her bag? And without her sketchpad ?

  I could imagine Tallula leaving without a purse. But she never went anywhere without her sketchpad .

  The hair on the back of my neck stood up. I turned and walked stiffly back to the hallway. "Excuse me," I called to a housemaid .

  She turned, eyes wary .

  My Italian was such shit. "Do you speak any English ?"

  She made a gesture with her thumb and forefinger, indicating a small amount .

  "The girls," I asked. "The ones they took. Did they find them? The police ?"

  She opened her mouth and I held my breath hoping like hell she'd tell me the threat had passed. But then her eyes went downcast. "No signore. Non sono statit trovati ."

  "What?"

  "No found ."

  My heart was already racing and I could feel needles of sweat forming along my hairline. Two British girls, one with short brown hair .

  Just like Tallula .

  "Have you seen her?" I asked, stabbing my finger towards Tallula's door. "Did you see where she went ?"

  "Il donna?" she asked, pointing .

  "Si, si, the donna. Where'd she go ?"

  "No, signore. I did not see ."

  Throat tightening, I thanked her and broke out into a sprint. I skidded back into the living room where the rest of the band was still sitting, looking as shellshocked as I felt .

  "Tallula's gone," I said. "She's not in her room ."

  Niall looked momentarily miffed, but then cleared his throat. "Fine then. She probably left ."

  I whirled on him. "Without her sketchpad ?"

  Niall froze. He closed his mouth and pressed his lips together. "Her sketchpad ..."

  "Is still in her room," I said. "She wouldn't leave without it. You know that ."

  Niall was listing to one side. "Are you sure ?"

  Instead of answering, I grabbed him by the wrist and hauled him down the long hallway and past the terrified looking housemaid. "There," I snarled, stabbing my finger into her room. "Her bag and the sketchbook inside of it ."

  "I'm sure she's..." But Niall trailed off as he stared at the balcony. "Was this open when you came in?" he asked, looking at the sliding door .

  I blinked. "I think it was ."

  He went out on the narrow balcony and looked down. "Shit," he hissed .

  "What?"

  "The plants. There. See?" I looked out where he was pointing and saw the crushed tendrils of the trailing vine. "Someone landed on that ."

  "Or stepped on it when they were coming in. We were yelling and couldn't hear..." I trailed off and looked at him. "Something's wrong, Niall ."

  He pressed his lips together, his entire face gone bloodless. "I know ..."

  "Let's go ."

  He was right at my side as we burst out of the front door. "Tally!" he shouted, his voice strained. "Tallula?" I called, my voice louder, my vocal cords feeling the strain like they'd burst. I was going to pay for shouting, a little voice in the back of my head nagged. The one that was most concerned with being a rock star and being the best damn singer in the business .

  I told that voice to go fuck itself and shouted louder .

  "She could be anywhere,"" Niall groaned, huffing next to me. "Should we split up ?"

  I stopped at one of the cobblestone corners. "If she is with someone dangerous, I'm going to need you to back me up," I told him .

  He sort of blinked. "I wasn't planning on letting you go bursting in first ."

  "You'd better." I glanced at him. "I'm bigger. And faster. And frankly, you punch like a girl ."

  Niall barked out an unexpected burst of laughter. "You didn't seem to think that when I got you yesterday ."

  "A sucker punch to the gut is a different story ."

  "Hey, I'm sorry about that ."

  "Well..."

  "I should have punched you in the face like a man ."

  I looked at him and felt hysterical laughter bubbling up in my throat. Niall watched me warily as I felt myself slowly slipping from sanity. "We need to go," I stammered. "If they have her ..."

  "Should we call the police ?"

  "No time ."

  "But we don't know anything ...."

  "We know that it hasn't been long. Look for cars idly around. Look for guys who look out of place." My head was on a swivel, scanning the sidewalks. "Look for people on cell phones ."

  "How do you know all this ?"

  "I read. A lot ."

  "I knew that. You always hold back with the books instead of hanging out with us." He glanced at me quickly and then looked away like he was trying to remember he was pissed at me and failing. "Tally!" he shouted .

  I jogged around a corner and up the steep main road, looking for anything, everything at once. "Excuse me!" I called to a startled looking shopkeeper, out sweeping the dust from his walk. "Have you seen a girl? A British girl? Pretty? Brown hair right here?" I swept my hand along my jaw .

  He glanced at me, "No English," he murmured apologetically .

  Niall was right behind me. "Vogliamo trovare mia sorella," he said. "I capelli stanno fine e bruno a qui da la." He mimed hair sweeping along his jaw. "Hai vista mia sorella ?"

  I glanced at Niall, awed but not at all surprised at his ability to whip out perfect Italian at the drop of a hat .

  The shopkeeper's eyes went wide and he started saying something in rapid-fire Italian while gesturing up the street. I looked where he was pointing while Niall nodded .

  "He saw her," he said. "Let's go ."

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Tallula

  T he streets were oddly quiet. Which was good. More noise would have only made me even more skittish than I already was .
<
br />   The weight of how much I'd fucked everything up was settled around my shoulders, making me slump. If my brother couldn't forgive Hudson for sneaking around...with me , then there was no way they band could hold together. I could hear that strain in every shouted curse word that had floated down the hall, assaulting me as I tried to cover my head with a pillow. They still had three more weeks left on the European tour before they were scheduled for a few dates in Asia. Everything about the band's future hinged on what they were arguing about .

  Me.

  All the shouting, and all the cursing was because of me .

  I couldn't stand it .

  No one held a grudge like my brother. I'd watched Niall write people out of his life for far less than what Hudson and I had done .

  We should have told him from the beginning. I could see this now. But how could we have told him when we were too afraid to even admit it to ourselves ?

  I'd ignored my feelings for Hudson. I'd brushed them aside and told myself I wasn't dealing with them .

  I knew better than that. That wasn't who I was. I'd let my own fear of my feelings fuck everything up .

  Me.

  I was never going to let this happen again. I knew it .

  I lifted my face to the sky. White gulls wheeled in an ocean of bright blue sky. I felt myself reach down and feel for my sketchpad .

  My bag was not there .

  Neither was the ever-present sketchbook .

  "Shit," I muttered aloud. I'd been in such a panic to get away from the shouted voices that I had left it in my room .

  Should I go back? I never went anywhere without it. It was my talisman, my totem. Even when I wasn't drawing, I could always leaf through the pages and let them help me sort out my feelings .

  I really needed to sort those out .

  Right now .

  I walked a little more, letting the quiet envelope me, until I spotted a store with crossed paint brushes painted right onto the plate glass. An art store .

  Impulsively, I darted inside. I picked out a new charcoal pencil and grabbed the smallest, most perfunctory notebook I could fine .