For the Sake of Love

by Dwan Abrams

  Bria could not believe his nerve. If her feet weren’t throbbing like a toothache from all the walking around she had been doing all day, she would’ve left him sitting there looking as stupid as his question sounded. Is this negro trippin’? she thought. She wasn’t violent, but she felt like the lyrics from the LL Cool J song “Mama Said Knock You Out.” She frowned and said, “Excuse me?” She wished he had the nerve to repeat himself so that she could go off and give him a real tongue-lashing.

  He sounded angry. “I expected more loyalty than that from you.”

  “Hold up, Spade.” She wagged her finger at him. “You dumped me, remember? I don’t owe you anything.” She felt herself becoming upset. What kind of foolishness? she thought. Was he serious?

  He shook his head. “You know what? I’m wrong. I just never thought . . . Never mind.”

  “Never mind? How dare you do this to me again! Forget you, Spade!” She stood up, and he grabbed her arm.

  “I didn’t break up with you because I didn’t want to be with you. I broke up with you because I was diagnosed with cancer,” he blurted out.

  Bria didn’t realize that her knees had gotten weak until she found herself sitting back on the bench. Tears escaped her eyes. “What did you say?” she asked barely above a whisper.

  He repeated what he had said.

  Bria buried her freshly washed face in his chest and cried. Cancer? The thought frightened her. She wanted to hold him in her arms and never let him go. If she could take away his infliction and give it to herself instead, she would. That’s how much she loved that man.

  He rubbed her back. “Please don’t cry. That’s exactly why I didn’t tell you at the time.”

  If Bria could have stopped the world from turning and got off, she would have. “My God, Spade, are you going to die?” She felt her heart skip a beat. “Are you okay?”

  “Come to find out it was a misdiagnosis. I literally found out right before I had to come here.”

  She shook her head vehemently. “Why didn’t you just tell me? We could’ve gotten through this together. I never would’ve left your side.”

  “I know, but I wasn’t in my right mind. All I could think about was the death sentence I had received. I couldn’t think about getting married.”

  Oh God! Bria thought. She had made an even bigger mess of things. Why didn’t she just go with her first mind and wait instead of getting involved with someone else? Why hadn’t she trusted the love she and Spade shared? Or is it share? Did they still have that connection? She wanted to believe in their love, but how could she when Spade hadn’t communicated with her in weeks? She felt so confused.

  No matter how many questions popped up in her mind, Bria could not deny the fact that Kerryngton was a real factor. She cared about him . . . a lot.

  “I know I was wrong not to tell you, and I’m sorry.” He touched her shoulders. “I know I messed up, and I don’t blame you for how you feel. Just know that I never stopped loving you.”

  Until now she had avoided looking into his eyes. He had weakened her defenses by saying that he never stopped loving her, which caused her to lose her train of thought. She felt as though she had just looked into the eyes of Medusa and turned into stone. No matter how badly she wanted to, she could not move. He leaned toward her and she could feel his cool breath on her skin, smelling of peppermint.

  “I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right between us. I just know I don’t want to be without you, and I still love you. I won’t stop until I get you back,” he whispered in her ear.

  Bria tasted her salty tears and wiped her eyes. Through her blurry vision she noticed a pelican in the water. Then out of nowhere, a squirrel ran up Spade’s leg and onto his shoulder. Bria almost ran out of the park, it scared her so bad. Spade simply shooed the creature away. He yelled behind her and caught up with her. They walked along the bridge to get a better view of Buckingham Palace.

  “Exquisite,” was all Bria could say about the breathtaking estate.

  Spade wrapped his arm around Bria, and she flinched. She didn’t even know why she flinched; she just did.

  “Do you still love me?” he wanted to know.

  His question halted her breathing for a second. She knew she needed to answer his question carefully. If she went all in and confessed her feelings for him, he’d expect her to break up with Kerryngton, and she wasn’t ready or willing to do that. She looked at the ground and became nauseated by the sight of ants teeming all over a discarded hot dog bun.

  She looked away and said, “Yes, I do love you. I always will. But I’m not ready to pick up where we left off.”

  He removed his arm. “It’s like that?” He sounded so dejected.

  “Spade, please.” She felt herself getting choked up again. “As much as I loved you and still love you, you broke my heart. I had to change my way of thinking about you and us. I had no idea why you left me. That devastated me. When I didn’t hear from you, I thought that was the end of us. Kerryngton has helped me through a difficult time in my life. He gave me a reason to smile again.”

  “I don’t want to hear about how the next man made you smile. You’re my girl.” He patted his chest, then sighed. “You haven’t slept with him, have you?”

  “Of course not.” She sounded offended. How could he ask her that? He knew how she felt about premarital sex. He was acting brand-new. Like he really didn’t know her at all.

  “Thank God,” he mumbled. “Do you plan to?” He eyed her incredulously.

  “Stop it.” She wasn’t about to go there with him and entertain this conversation. “You’re focusing on the wrong thing.”

  “I want to be with you. As soon as I get the final test confirming that my results were wrong I still want to marry you.” He pulled a folded-up check from out of his back pocket and handed it to her. “None of that has changed for me.”

  “That’s because you had all the information; I didn’t. I had no idea what was going on with you or what you were going through. All I was trying to do was piece my life back together.”

  If he had been honest with her, she would’ve married him anyway. She would’ve stayed with him until he took his last breath and not regretted a single moment of being with him. She would never abandon him when he needed her the most. How could he not know that?

  She unfolded the check. “What’s this for?”

  “I got an advance from my deal. Give that to your dad. I want to pay him back for the wedding.”

  That was too much for her. She broke down crying and dabbed at the corners of her eyes.

  He wiped her tears away. “I’m not willing to give up on us. Ol’ boy might have all the money right now, but I’ma get paid too. I have a plan, and I’m working it. You’ll see.”

  “It’s not about the money,” she told him and meant it. “It’s about how I felt when you left me and how Kerryngton has made me feel since then.”

  He bent down, grabbed the back of her head, and kissed her. “I love you so much.” As he talked, his lips brushed against hers.

  Bria had never been more conflicted in her life. When she kissed Kerryngton, she felt guilty, as if she were betraying Spade. And now she felt guilty kissing him, like she was betraying Kerryngton. But she couldn’t deny that kissing Spade felt so right! She wanted to break away, but she found herself being drawn to him like a rock star to a supermodel.

  “Don’t give up on us,” he pleaded. Spade kissed her again before saying something else that tugged, more like yanked, on all of Bria’s heartstrings. “I remember you telling me that you prayed about me . . . us. And that I’m your kindred spirit.” He held her oval-shaped face in his hands. “If you believe you’ve already found The One, why are you wasting time with another man?”

  Bria turned her face away, not wanting him to see the guilt that panged her. She didn’t know the answer to that question. All she knew was that now she found herself caught up in the middle of a love triangle. She wished she could talk to her dad. H
e was always so good at offering her advice and helping her straighten out her problems. But he wasn’t there now, and even if he were, the ultimate decision rested solely on her shoulders. What was she going to do?

  Twenty-one

  Bria went back to the hotel and pounded on Nya’s door.

  “Why are you pounding on the door like a madwoman?” Chance asked when he opened the door to let her in. He rubbed his eyes. “Oh, you are a madwoman.”

  She cut her eyes at him and headed straight to the bed where she joined Nya who was underneath the black-and-white covers. She kicked off her sneakers and settled on the bed.

  “What’s the matter with you?” Nya asked as Bria lay next to her.

  “I met with Spade, and we finally talked.” She wrestled with a plush pillow until she found a comfortable position.

  Nya propped herself up on her elbow. “What did he say? Tell me everything.”

  And that’s exactly what Bria did. She told her everything. Bria talked for ten minutes straight without taking a break and without Nya or Chance interrupting her. When she finally did stop talking, she showed them the check. Nya and Chance just stared at her and the check.

  “Say something,” Bria insisted.

  “I wanted to make sure you were done,” Nya told her. She sat up on the bed. “I can’t believe Spade was diagnosed with cancer.” She had a sorrowful look on her face. “And that he paid you back. Are you sure he’s all right now?”

  “That’s what he says.” She lowered her eyes. “His doctor believes he was misdiagnosed; he’s waiting for some test to confirm it.”

  “I’m sad this happened to him . . . and to you. I always thought the two of you were made for each other.” She gave Bria a sympathetic look. “Spade is my boy. I love him like a brother, and it would break my heart if anything ever happened to him. I pray that he gets the clean bill of health he’s hoping for.” She sighed. “I just wish he would’ve told you what was going on with him.”

  “Me too.” Bria felt tormented inside. A part of her wanted to tell Spade yes, they could try again. She wanted to announce that the wedding was back on and live happily ever after with the love of her life. But she knew she couldn’t do that. Kerryngton was the type of guy any woman would be lucky to have, she thought. He could have any woman he wanted, and he wanted her. He made her feel special. Not that Spade didn’t make her feel special too, because he definitely did—this was different.

  Chance ran his hand over his bald head. Then he surprised both Bria and Nya when he broke out singing his own off-key version of the old-school song “Him or Me” by the group Today. “Tell me, Bria, what are you gon-na do? Do you really want Kerryngton, or do you really want Spade?”

  Bria tossed a pillow at his head. “Zip it.”

  He started laughing. “I’m just playing. But for real, who’s it going to be?”

  In exasperation, Bria admitted, “I don’t know.”

  “Well, let’s see,” Chance said. “You and Spade have history, and the love is deep. He hurt you, but there was a reason . . . a very good reason.”

  “That’s just it,” Bria interrupted. “He didn’t have to hurt me. All he had to do was tell me.” Anger festered from deep within and boiled to the top. “I shed so many tears over that man.” She felt herself getting choked up. “Why did he have to wait so long? It’s not fair.”

  Chance came over and gave her a hug. “No, it’s not fair. You just need to pray about it. But if I had to give my two cents, I vote for love. You and Spade are like peanut butter and jelly; you just go together.”

  Bria sniffled and used his white T-shirt to wipe the snot from her nose.

  Chance patted her hard on the back. “Thanks a lot.” He eased his way up, pulling the shirt away from his body.

  “Don’t mention it,” she said as she smiled sweetly at him.

  Nya added, “You already prayed about Spade a long time ago. You know he’s the guy for you. Don’t play yourself. Kerryngton is all glitz and glamour, but everything that glitters isn’t gold. Remember when actress LisaRaye went through a very public divorce from Turks and Caicos Prime Minister Michael Misick? Well, when she was planning their wedding she talked about him being platinum, baby. And that he was the real deal. She had women all over the world hating on her. He was supposed to be some great catch. See how that turned out.” She cleared her throat. “I’m just sayin’.”

  Sulking, Bria said, “Why didn’t Spade just tell me the truth?” She didn’t really expect anyone to answer her.

  “Pride,” Chance said.

  Bria and Nya both looked at him.

  “A man doesn’t want his woman to ever think he’s weak or not in control,” Chance continued. “He’d rather risk losing you than to have you look at him with pity or stay with him out of obligation.”

  “But he didn’t give me a choice,” Bria explained.

  “I’m not saying he was right,” Chance clarified. “I’m just saying that’s how some men are.”

  “As long as I’ve known Spade, and as well as he knows me, he should’ve known I wouldn’t have left him.”

  “That’s the problem,” Chance said. “He does know you. He knows you’re loyal to a fault. You would’ve stood by him no matter what. Knowing Spade like I do, he didn’t want you to do that. He was probably thinking about every scenario. He was diagnosed with a terminal condition. He had to worry about how that would affect you. He’s young, and he had probably never thought about his mortality until he got that death sentence. That’s a lot to deal with. And even if he could fight the disease, going through chemo would make him sick and weak. Can’t you see why he made the decision he made, even if you don’t agree with it?”

  Bria nodded her head. She hadn’t previously considered any of what Chance said. He helped her to stop focusing on herself and understand what Spade must’ve gone through.

  Chance continued, “Li’l sis, I know you’re caught up in this whirlwind romance with Kerryngton right now, but I’m going to keep it one hundred with you. Just a few months ago you were ready and willing to commit your life to Spade. I agree with my wife. Nobody could’ve told you he wasn’t The One. I don’t think you’re really torn at all.”

  His words stunned Bria. Nya and Bria stared at him with baffled expressions and said in unison, “What?”

  “No, I think you’re in love with Spade, but I think the diamonds-and-platinum lifestyle that come along with Kerryngton excite you. It’s new, different, and fun. Once that wears off you’ll find your way back to Spade. Just don’t wait too long,” he warned.

  She knew her friends made great points. What was she going to do?

  Twenty-two

  A private internal lift led Bria to Kerryngton’s penthouse retreat. Bria looked around the penthouse in amazement. She thought the dark limed oak paneling and red-leather-paneled bookshelves gave the lounge and study the genteel elegance of a refined gentlemen’s club, albeit with light contemporary touches. Her mouth opened in awe.

  “Do you like it?” Kerryngton asked.

  “It’s all that and a bag of Doritos.”

  On the upper turreted floor, as soon as Bria saw the king-sized bed she thought the place was fit for a king. The huge bed stood on a sumptuous rug surrounded by a dark stained oak floor, tinted with a light lime wash. The luxurious bathroom featured a walk-in shower encased in Nero Marquina stone and a bespoke Apaiser stone bathtub. She had no idea what type of stones Kerryngton was talking about but judging by the look and feel of the stones she knew it had to be top of the line. Kerryngton pointed out that the flooring had been formed from three varieties of marble.

  “Very nice,” she said.

  Outside, on the private terrace with breathtaking views toward Whitehall and Big Ben, there was a giant chess set. Bria had never seen a chess set so large. The pieces stood as tall as a one-year-old child. She touched one of the pieces and felt the smoothness.

  “Do you play chess?”

  She shook her head. �
��Not really. My mom tried to teach me, but I just never took to it.”

  Bria could’ve easily lived in that penthouse. She thought about an article she had read about smart women marrying for money instead of love. According to the article, heart-stopping, knee-weakening, “when-is-he-going-to-call” kind of love wanes in about eighteen to twenty-four months, but the kind that comes in dollars and cents lasts a lifetime. She had heard all of the catchy phrases: “It’s just as easy to love a rich man as a poor man.” Or, “No Romance without Finance.” And, “Marry the one you can live with, not the one you can’t live without.”

  Far from being a gold digger, Bria wondered if she was naïve in her thinking. She had never considered marrying for anything other than true love. Then she thought about something she heard Dr. Phil say on his show. He told one of the guests, “If you marry for money, you’ll earn every penny.”

  A faint smile appeared on her face. She knew that by worldly standards everything boiled down to money. However, she knew in her heart that the world’s way wasn’t necessarily God’s way. She believed what the Word said about love covering a multitude of sins. She also believed that love could motivate people to succeed and become their best selves. No matter what that article stated, Bria knew herself well enough to know that she’d choose love over money any day of the week. She decided to stay prayerful about what she should do and let God show her the way instead of leaning on her own understanding.

  After the tour, they enjoyed a lavish breakfast of freshly squeezed fruit juices, coffees, teas, fresh seasonal fruits, eggs cooked to their preference, streaky bacon, honey roasted ham, grilled mushrooms, vine tomatoes, cereals, and yogurts with granola. Although tempting, Bria passed on the freshly baked croissants and home-baked bread with English honey, strawberry jam, and thick cut marmalade.

  Over breakfast they talked about their plans for the day.

  “I’m superexcited about the Changing of the Guard ceremony at Buckingham Palace, taking a tour of the State Rooms, and a guided tour of the garden,” she said. She was so glad Kerryngton had already purchased their tickets online in advance.