Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 5 - 8

by Blake, Lillianna

  She frowned and looked down at the floor. “You know that I do the best I can.”

  “I know. I just want you to know that I’m here to help.”

  “Why?”

  His heart flooded with emotion. There were so many reasons. She wasn’t supposed to be alone, she wasn’t supposed to have to worry about where their next meal would come from or whether the rent would be paid. She was just supposed to get to raise her kids.

  “Everyone needs someone. Just tell me what you need and I’ll do my best to get it for you.”

  She sighed and wiped her hands across her pants. “A nap would be nice.”

  “Then go for it.” He forced a smile through the feelings that weighed on him. “We can entertain ourselves for a little while, can’t we kids?”

  The little boy at his side nodded eagerly. The toddler already dozed against his chest.

  “You’re sure?” She eyed him with some uncertainty.

  “I’m sure.” He met her eyes with compassion. “Go rest for a little while.”

  Chapter 31

  The first few days were the hardest. Natasha thought about Thomas constantly. She checked her phone just as often. Surely he would come to his senses and call her. He would realize his mistake, miss her, and demand her affection.

  Instead, she got calls from friends and people at the charities she supported. Never did she receive a call from him.

  She tried to convince herself that he hadn’t felt for her what she thought he had. He’d moved on easily and she needed to try to do the same.

  Late one evening just after she put Emma to bed her phone rang. When she saw his name pop up on her screen, her heart dropped. She almost didn’t answer it.

  “Hello?”

  “I just needed to hear your voice.”

  “Thomas, are you okay?”

  “No, I’m really not.” His voice wavered as he spoke.

  “I’m here. I’m listening.”

  He detailed a visit he’d had with a prior student and his family. His voice was punctuated by shudders of frustration at how little he could do to help, and how strange it was to him that a father could abandon his children.

  “I’m sorry to bother you, Natasha. I just didn’t have anyone else to call. Not anyone who would understand, anyway.”

  “If you ever need me, I’ll be here.”

  “But it isn’t fair of me to do this—”

  “It’s fine, Thomas. Even heroes need a confidant.”

  “How could you see me that way?”

  “How could I not?”

  She hung up the phone that night as her chest ached with grief for the family Thomas had described to her and for the man that she knew Thomas to be. He was such a good person, but he had no concept that he deserved to be loved. It was difficult for her to hear his voice and know that he still resisted what was between them, but she was grateful that she could be there for him at all.

  The next morning she woke with a sense that she had to do something to help, even if it didn’t lead to his being part of her life. She began doing research to find the charities that he contributed to. As she considered whether to make a donation under her name or anonymously she stared at the screen. She fiddled with her pen. She flicked it back and forth, back and forth.

  “Mommy?”

  “Hm?”

  “You’re going to break that pen.”

  “Do you think? I’d better be more careful.” She set it down and smiled at her daughter. “Do you want to go to the park?”

  “No. I want to paint.”

  “Okay, shall I join you?”

  “No.” Emma frowned.

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re so sad. It’s hard to paint when you’re so sad.”

  “Emma, I’m not sad. What makes you think that?”

  “Mommy you are sad. You’re not supposed to lie.”

  Natasha sighed. One of the drawbacks of being a mother was never being able to get away with anything.

  She brought her attention back to her computer monitor and submitted the donation anonymously. She didn’t want Thomas to feel obligated to contact her or to think that he owed her something in exchange. Considering their battles over money, she was sure he would take offense if he knew what she’d done. But the money was going to a good cause and she hoped that it might change the lives of the children that Thomas interacted with.

  Natasha stood up and walked away. Not just from the computer, but from the idea of him. She needed to move on and not dwell on what couldn’t be. It was bad timing, according to him, and she couldn’t change his mind about that.

  As she followed after Emma, her phone rang. Her heart jumped at the thought that it might be Thomas, then dropped when she saw that it was Lucas.

  “Yes?”

  “How are you?”

  “Fine.”

  “How are you really?”

  “I’m fine, Lucas.”

  “That’s not what I hear.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Emma called and left a message on my phone. She said that you’re really sad and that I should make you happy again. What’s going on? Is this still about that guy from the cruise?”

  “Lucas, do you ever think you’re a little too involved in my life?”

  “I care about you, Natasha, you know that.”

  “I know. But this is not something that you can fix. I’ll be fine.”

  “Maybe I can’t fix it, but I can make him regret it.”

  “Stop it. Thomas is a fantastic person. I wouldn’t ever want anything to happen to him.”

  “You are a fantastic person, Natasha. He’s an idiot.”

  “Lucas, I’m serious. Thomas didn’t do anything wrong. He cared enough to be honest with me. I respect that.”

  “If you say so. But one word and I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  “No thank you, Lucas. I appreciate your concern.”

  “Maybe you should get back on that website.”

  “Enough, Lucas.”

  “Alright, alright.” He laughed lightly and hung up.

  Natasha was left gripping the phone far too tight. A part of her knew that Lucas was right. Even though she told herself that she intended to walk away from Thomas, she’d still hoped it was him on the phone. It was going to take her some time to truly let go.

  Chapter 32

  Each night was a journey for Thomas—a journey through old emotions, old thought patterns, and learning to get more honest with himself. Every night that he spent alone, he longed for Natasha to be there with him. It wasn’t until he worked through whatever emotions came up for him that he was able to fall asleep each night.

  Each morning he awoke with a little more clarity. Was it really so farfetched to think that he could marry again? Would it really bother him if she wanted to have a child or adopt? She was right, there was still time left for him to be a father if he wanted to be—which he knew in his heart that he did. Could he really be available to her in the ways that she longed for?

  The questions were running through his mind when he arrived for the fundraiser that weekend. He was a few minutes late and was surprised to see that it appeared to be in full swing.

  Donald walked up to him with a wide grin. “Did you bring the champagne?”

  “Why would I?” He glanced around the gymnasium at the celebratory behavior of the people and students that were participating in the fundraiser. No one was auctioning baskets or getting in line for the games.

  “Someone just made a donation that covers not only this year’s summer camp, but the next ten years as well.”

  “What?”

  “That’s not all. The school is getting all new tech gear, from the janitorial staff to the principal and everyone in between. Each student will have access to a computer, a tablet, and a full science lab. Can you believe it?”

  “No.” Thomas blinked. “Wait, tell me again?”

  Donald relayed the same information as Thomas looked a
round at the happy faces in wonder. How could such a good thing happen out of the blue?

  Then it struck him. Natasha. It had to be. There was no one else in his circle of friends or associates that was capable of making such a generous donation.

  “Do you know who made the donation?”

  “No, it was anonymous. But I can tell you that they asked to be notified when funds were depleted so that a new donation could be made.”

  “That’s amazing.” Thomas gritted his teeth. He wanted to be as happy as the rest of the people in the gym, but all he could think about was Natasha. Was this her way of getting him out of her hair? So that he wouldn’t call in the middle of the night and bother her any more?

  The thought angered him, but only for a moment. Then it disappeared. Of course it wasn’t. That wasn’t Natasha. She’d made the donation because she’d thought it was the right thing to do, and he guessed she intended there to be no strings attached.

  Could it be possible that she wanted him to reach out to her? He hoped it might be. After so many sleepless nights he’d finally faced the truth. He didn’t think he could continue a full and healthy life without her.

  As determined as he was to be strong, he began to realize that his strength was misdirected. It would take strength to risk a relationship again, not to hide from it. Was he strong enough and was Natasha patient enough? Those were things he couldn’t know for sure.

  As he enjoyed the fundraiser with the rest of the people in attendance, he thought about what it would be like to have Natasha there at his side with her daughter Emma as well. Maybe they would be happy. Maybe a third marriage wasn’t such a horrible idea after all.

  After he cleaned up from the fundraiser he headed out to his car. On his way there his mind raced. He was on the verge of taking a chance that he wasn’t sure he was ready for. Was it fair to stir things up again if he couldn’t be certain that he would be able to follow through?

  Natasha once told him that it was worth the risk to her. So why couldn’t it be worth the risk to him too?

  He got behind the wheel and stared out through the windshield.

  As he turned the car on, he still hadn’t made the decision. Would she be willing to talk to him? Would she even open the door for him? He had a little over an hour to mull it over.

  By the time he arrived in her neighborhood, he’d convinced himself that he would turn right back around. How could he apologize for what he’d done? He was a coward, when she needed him to be a hero. Was that something that she could ever forgive?

  He pulled into a parking spot just to think for a little while. There was no way she would have made the donation if she didn’t want him to come see her. Right? Or was he reading too much into it?

  He gripped the steering wheel and took a deep breath. It didn’t matter. He couldn’t live without her. If he didn’t try now, he’d have to try some other time, and he was already there. He climbed out of the car.

  As he walked toward the apartment building, a doorman opened the door for him. He smiled and nodded at the man. Then he was faced with a security guard at the front desk. He smoothed down his shirt and wondered if his pants were wrinkled. This was not the type of place that he could just walk into. He had to look like he belonged there, which he clearly did not.

  “Your name?” The security guard eyed him.

  “I’m not going to be on any list. I just need to speak to Natasha.”

  “Oh.” He skimmed a computer screen beside him. “Name?”

  “I said I’m not going to be on any list.”

  The security guard stared blankly at him.

  “Fine. It’s Thomas. Thomas Daniels.”

  “You’re on the list.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. Recently added. May I see some ID?”

  Thomas’s cheeks flushed. Would Natasha have gone to all the trouble of adding his name to the list of people that could visit her? It gave him hope that she might have been waiting for him to show up one day. He showed the security guard his ID, expecting the name on the list to be a different Thomas.

  “Alright, you can go up. Just sign here.” He held a clipboard out to him. “They take security very seriously.”

  “I understand.”

  Thomas scribbled his name on the clipboard. Then he turned and walked toward the elevator. With every step he expected the security guard to stop him and tell him it was a mistake. When the man didn’t, Thomas’s heart raced and the elevator doors slid closed. Within seconds he’d be looking into her eyes. What would he say? How would he explain himself?

  “Natasha, I love you. I’m in love with you. Please give me another chance.” He practiced the words in his head until the elevator doors slid open into a small hallway.

  He walked to the only door and knocked. He thought about what he would say one last time just as the door swung open. It was not Natasha but a man who stood behind the door.

  “Who are you?” The man straightened his shoulders and narrowed his eyes.

  “I’m looking for Natasha.” Thomas squared his shoulders and met the man’s eyes in return.

  “Lucas, who is it?”

  Her voice summoned a sense of anticipation that Lucas’s presence had no impact on.

  Chapter 33

  Natasha stepped up beside Lucas and looked past him at the door.

  “Thomas?” A wide smile spread across her lips. “What are you doing here?”

  “Yes, what are you doing here?” Lucas crossed his arms and stepped half in front of Natasha. “Were you invited? How did you know the address? Did security let you in?”

  “Lucas, stop.” Natasha rolled her eyes and gave his arm a light shove. “Come in, Thomas.” She stepped aside and gave Lucas another light shove to clear Thomas’s path. She could see his eyes widen as he stepped into the luxurious penthouse. She searched his expression for any sign of what his intentions might be.

  “I’m sorry to just barge in like this.” He looked into Natasha’s eyes.

  “Don’t worry about that.”

  “Natasha, Emma is going to be out here any second. Do you really think—”

  “Not a word, Lucas.” Natasha shot him a glare, then looked back at Thomas. “Is everything okay?”

  Thomas looked over at Lucas for a moment, then back at Natasha. “I just wanted to thank you in person for the donation. It was more than generous. You have no idea how many lives you’ve changed.”

  “It was supposed to be anonymous.” She shook her head. “I guess it wasn’t.”

  Thomas held her gaze. “I knew it was you. No one told me. I just knew.”

  “How convenient.” Lucas cleared his throat.

  “Thomas, this is Lucas. Emma’s father.” She gestured to the man who still stood only about a foot from her. “Lucas, this is Thomas.”

  “Lucas, it’s nice to meet you.” Thomas thrust out his hand. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  Lucas stared at his hand with disdain. “So have I.”

  Thomas lowered his hand and looked back at Natasha. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.”

  “You’re not. Lucas is starting to disturb me, though.” She locked her eyes to his. “Do you think you could take Emma to the park for a bit? Let Thomas and me have some time to talk?”

  “Do you think that’s wise?” Lucas swept his gaze over Thomas.

  “Yes, I can handle it, Lucas. Please.”

  “Mommy can I get an ice cream at the park?” Emma charged toward her and wrapped her arms around her waist. “Please. Please. Please?”

  “Emma.” Natasha brushed her hand down through her daughter’s hair. “This is my friend Thomas.”

  “Hi.” Emma peeked around her mother’s hip at Thomas.

  Thomas crouched down to her level and smiled at her. “Hello, Emma. It’s so nice to meet you.”

  She giggled and hid behind her mother again.

  “That’s enough, Emma.” Lucas held out his hand to her. “Let’s go get you the ice cr
eam.”

  “Lucas, she’ll be having dinner in an hour—”

  “There’s always room for ice cream. Right, Emma?” Lucas grinned.

  “Right!” She jumped up into his arms and laughed.

  Thomas stepped back to let them through the door.

  Lucas paused just before he closed the door and looked straight at Thomas. “We’ll be back in thirty minutes.”

  “Have fun.” Natasha smiled and closed the door after them. She tried not to show how mortified she was by Lucas’s behavior.

  “He seems nice.” Thomas slid his hands into his pockets.

  “He’s a little overprotective.” Natasha turned around to face him. Now that they were alone, her desire to embrace him nearly overwhelmed her. But she wasn’t sure why he was there yet. Did he come to ask her to leave him alone? She edged a step closer but didn’t dare to touch him. “About the donation, Thomas, I don’t want you to feel like I’m stalking you. I didn’t think that you’d know it was from me, but I guess that makes it sound even worse.”

  He stared so hard into her eyes that she stumbled over her words. Without saying anything he took a few steps toward her.

  Her breath caught in her throat as she anticipated his touch. “Thomas.” Her fingers twitched and she grasped one of his hands.

  “You’re not angry with me?” He curled his hand around hers.

  “No, I’m not angry. I understand the timing was off between us and you’re afraid and there’s a million reasons—”

  “Sh.” His lips swept against hers so suddenly that a small cry escaped her.

  With one hand still intertwined with his she wrapped her other arm around his waist to keep him from backing away. When his lips parted just a little from hers she drew him back into the kiss. Fear rippled through her that the moment the kiss ended, he would tell her it was a mistake—that he never should have come there, that he still wasn’t ready.

  He tried to break the kiss again and she drew him back in breathlessly.

  “Natasha.” He whispered against her lips and the curve of her cheek until he managed to reach her ear. “I’m sorry.”