Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 5 - 8

by Blake, Lillianna

  “Is there a fire or not?” Miles shouted from his bedroom.

  “No, not you, Jack. Miles, there is no fire!” Tears threatened at the back of her eyes as she realized the disaster she faced. “I’m sorry, Jack, this just isn’t a good time.” She hung up the phone before he could even respond. That was it. Now he knew the truth. She was a mess, her life was a mess, and he wouldn’t want anything to do with her. “Kids, get your coats. We’re going for pizza.”

  “I don’t want pizza.” Austin groaned. “We always get pizza.”

  “Shut up, Austin. I want pepperoni.” Miles raced through the kitchen to grab his coat from beside the door in the same moment that Michelle turned to dump the rice into the trash can.

  She shielded him from the hot pot but the rice spilled in blackened clumps all over the floor. She dropped the pot to the floor as well with a clatter and put her hands over her face. Her entire body trembled. Never once when her husband was alive did she burn the rice. Never once did she give up and feed her family junk food with tears in her eyes.

  The smoke alarm finally stopped. The shriek from the video game didn’t sound so loud any more. Two sets of arms wrapped around her. She blinked back her tears and lowered her hands so that she could hug her sons in return.

  “I’m sorry, guys, it’s just been a long day.” She sighed.

  “Pizza is fine, Mom.” Austin looked up at her. “Can we get some wings too?”

  “Stop it, Austin. Help me clean this up.” Miles handed his brother a dustpan.

  As much as it warmed her heart to see her twelve-year-old step in to help, it also made her feel even worse. Never had she imagined being a single mother. Never did she consider that her boys would grow up without a father, and yet there they were with a teary-eyed mother and rice all over the floor. Would they remember this when they were adults? Would they blame her for having a messed-up childhood?

  As her emotions tumbled through her in a fury of self-doubt and pity, she realized that all she wanted was to talk to Jack. He comforted her in a way that no one else could. He built her up, no matter how far she tore herself down.

  “We can get wings—and ice cream.” She ruffled Miles’s hair. “Thank you both. I’m sorry, I’m just a little tired today.”

  “It’s okay, Mom.” Miles looked into her eyes. “We miss him too.”

  She had to turn away to hide the tears that flooded her eyes. She didn’t want her sons to see how easily she cracked. “I’m just going to change, and then we can go.”

  She hurried out of the kitchen and into her bedroom. In an effort to move on from her grief, she’d bought a new bed, new curtains, and new carpet for the bedroom. But the walls were still the same walls that had heard their joy over both pregnancies, their fights over the stresses of life, and finally, their shared tears as the reality set in that he wasn’t going to survive the cancer that consumed him.

  Her heart ached as she sat down on the end of the bed. How could she even think of being with another man? She took a moment to try to calm herself down. As she clutched the phone in her hand it buzzed. She looked down to see a text from Jack.

  Sorry your night is so rough. I’m here if you want to talk.

  A hint of relief eased the rawness of her emotions. He hadn’t given up on her after all.

  It’s not always this crazy. Going to take the boys for pizza.

  He responded right away.

  To your favorite place?

  She smiled. It was nice that he remembered things from their conversations. She told him that finding a new pizza place was one of the things that a therapist had recommended to her. So much of her life was wrapped up in memories of her husband that also creating new memories with her sons was as important for her as it was for them.

  Yes. We could all use a break.

  She stared at the phone for a moment and was tempted to call him. But she resisted. The boys were waiting. Her life was waiting. Jack wasn’t reality. He was fantasy. She looked down at her phone as another message came in.

  I’ll be up late tonight if you want to call. I’d really like to talk to you.

  Did she want to commit to a phone conversation late at night? She was already exhausted and it was only six. Still, he was being so kind to her.

  I’ll try.

  Two little words. Did she mean them?

  It was clear that he wanted to try, no matter how much she pushed him away. Did she want to try too?

  She changed quickly and gathered the boys to make the short drive to the pizza place.

  They settled in at the restaurant and placed their order. The entire time she chatted with her boys about school, sports, and repulsive bodily functions, her thoughts drifted back to Jack.

  When she needed someone the most, he’d been there for her. But was she ready? Were her sons? They were becoming young men, and she worried that the choices she made would impact their ability to have healthy relationships as adults. Even though they were ten and twelve, she still saw them as the children that had taken over her life in ways she’d never expected.

  As they finished their meal she pulled out her wallet to pay.

  The waiter cleared their plates.

  “Could I have the bill, please?” She smiled at him.

  “Oh, it’s already paid.”

  “No, I’m sorry. I think you’re mistaken. No one brought me the bill yet. I haven’t paid.”

  He smiled at her. “The boss says it’s paid, it’s paid.”

  “I don’t understand.” She looked over at the manager of the pizza place, who stood behind the front counter. He noticed her confusion and walked over.

  “Is there a problem?”

  “Yes, I’d like to pay for our meal.”

  “It was paid for over the phone. A gentleman called and asked to pay for your meal.”

  “That’s impossible.” She narrowed her eyes. “There must be some mistake.”

  “He said his name was Jack and that he’s a friend of yours.”

  “Jack?” Her eyes widened as she put two and two together. Jack knew the name of the pizza place because she’d told him about it before.

  “Is it okay? I didn’t mean to cause any problems. I thought it was a nice gesture.”

  “It is.” She smiled a little. “I just wasn’t expecting it. Thank you.”

  The manager nodded and walked away.

  “Who’s Jack?” Miles stared across the table at her.

  “Why did he pay for our food?” Austin balled up a napkin and threw it at Miles.

  “He’s just a friend of mine. Let’s go, boys. I promised ice cream, remember?”

  Miles frowned as if he might have more to say, but he picked up the paper napkin and threw it back at Austin.

  Michelle left a generous tip on the table, then herded the kids out the door of the restaurant. Whether she was ready for it or not, Jack had certainly found a way to be part of her reality.

  Chapter 4

  Jack folded his hands behind his back and stared out through the window at the backyard. He liked to watch the birds fly from branch to branch. The flap of their wings, the merry way they chirped, and their bright colors soothed him. He and his wife, Laura, would spend hours in the backyard, watching the birds and savoring their peace.

  Their only son had been born when they were both quite young. Noah was now in his twenties and seemed to have little interest in marriage or children of his own. Maybe it was because he’d been an only child.

  Laura’s inability to have more children should have been the first sign that something wasn’t right in her body. But the doctors missed it. Jack and Laura didn’t try very hard for a second child either. They were enamored with Noah and didn’t see a reason to disrupt the peaceful life that they were all enjoying together.

  Noah had been twenty when his mother died. It had been hard on him, but not like it had to be for Michelle’s sons. Not only had her young sons lost a parent, they’d lost some of their identity before they’d even ha
d a chance to develop into men.

  While he and Noah had been able to turn to one another to get through their grief, Michelle had struggled to hide hers from her sons, as she needed to be the breadwinner and the sole parent. Jack admired her strength, but he also wished she didn’t have to fight so hard. He wondered if she would take his gesture the wrong way. Would she appreciate it or was he being too invasive?

  He turned away from the window and walked over to the couch in the living room. He sat down on it and flipped on the television. As a basketball game played out before him, he glanced at his phone. No text. No way to know what she was thinking or feeling. Would she bother to call?

  He gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to take no for an answer. He rarely did. But was it fair of him to be so determined? How prepared was he to take the next step? It wasn’t just Michelle he had to think about, but her two sons as well—who he had to admit to himself did seem to be a little out of control at times.

  Then there was his son, who had no idea that his father was wading into the dating waters. It was easy for a child to look at their parent and assume that they didn’t have the same desires. But Jack did. He longed for a companion, for someone to share his life with. He didn’t feel any older than he did at nineteen when he was married. What was forty-five? Was it supposed to be some great change of life? If it was, he hadn’t experienced it yet.

  He flipped off the television and headed to his home office to go through some files for work. As he sorted through the documents he tried to ignore the quiet in his home. Never another voice. Never any random laughter drifting through the door. There was nothing to disrupt him. As peaceful as it might seem at times, it could also be quite boring to him.

  He didn’t realize how late it was until he glanced at the clock. Eleven. She wasn’t going to call. A rush of anger flooded him. Anger at her, for not wanting what he wanted and anger at himself for wanting it so much that he’d made a fool of himself by paying for her meal. He decided to grab a beer and sulk for a bit before he went to bed.

  As he walked into the kitchen his phone rang. It had to be her. No one else would be calling him this late. He forgot the beer and grabbed the phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi.” Her voice sounded so small, as if she’d had to will herself to speak. “Thank you for dinner.”

  “You’re welcome. I would have liked to share it with you. I hope your night got better.”

  “After that it did.” She sighed. “I guess you have an idea of what my life is really like now, huh?”

  “I have an idea of how much you’ve had to balance all on your own. That’s something to be proud of.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I do say so. Never sell yourself short, Michelle. You’re tougher than you think.”

  “Maybe.”

  He pressed the phone to his ear and stretched out on the couch. “There is no maybe. You have more strength than anyone I know. The question is, are you willing to use a little bit of that strength for me?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean that I’d like to meet you. I know there are thousands of reasons that you can think of as to why we shouldn’t, but none of those reasons matter. Being able to hold your hand, look into your eyes, see your smile—those are the things that matter to me. I know that you’re just trying to make the best choice for your sons, and I can assure you, I would never do anything to hurt them. At some point, though, you have to consider yourself in the mix. If I honestly believed that you wouldn’t enjoy spending time with me, I wouldn’t even ask.”

  “It’s not that simple, Jack. I really wish it was.”

  “You can make it that simple. Meet me for lunch. It doesn’t have to be more than that.”

  “We live four hours apart.”

  “I’m going to be in Michigan soon for work. I leave on Monday. I’ll be there for a few days. It’s only about a half hour from where you are. We can meet halfway if that will make things easier, or I can come to you. I will do anything it takes.”

  “Monday? Jack, that’s way too soon.”

  He clenched his jaw to keep from groaning with exasperation. Just hearing her voice made him ache to be there for her, even if it was just to hold her and promise her that the next day would be better.

  “When is the right time? Can you tell me that? Can you give me an idea?” His voice verged on frustration though he tried to control it. “A month? A few months? A year?”

  “I can’t answer that.”

  “You can’t?” He closed his eyes and drew a slow breath. “Then answer me this. You only have to tell me once. Do you really want to see what could be between us? I thought we had a very deep connection, but maybe it’s one-sided? Maybe I’ve let my imagination run away with me?”

  “Stop.”

  “Answer me.”

  “Jack.”

  “Don’t you want to know too?”

  “Like I told you in the e-mail that I sent, I don’t want to lose our friendship.”

  “As sweet as that is, and as much as I value you, Michelle, what I feel for you isn’t just friendship. I don’t know that it can ever go back to being just friendship. When I see something amazing, I want you to be beside me to see it. When I hear a funny joke, my first thought is to tell you about it. When I hear the strain in your voice—how overwhelmed you are—all I want to do is wrap my arms around you. I think about kissing you—”

  “Jack. I can’t.”

  “Please just tell me. That’s all I’m asking. Do you want this—do you think there might be something there too?” He braced himself for her response.

  He knew he was pushing too hard, but he couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t want to hear more excuses. He wanted an answer.

  Chapter 5

  Her heart raced as she listened to Jack speak so forcefully to her.

  He’d spoken to her that way before in chats, calling her out on her low self-esteem and insisting that Michelle take more time for herself, but in text like that, it wasn’t the same. Hearing the edge to his voice over the phone sent shivers along her spine.

  It had been so long since she’d had anyone care enough about her to push back against her excuses that she’d forgotten how good it could feel to matter to someone. But the question he wanted her to answer made every muscle in her body tense up.

  She’d been pulling back from him for some time, not because she didn’t enjoy his companionship, but because she enjoyed it too much. It felt like she was at the top of a hill on a roller coaster. As long as she remained perfectly still, she could avoid the plunge. But every time she spoke to him, the wheels inched forward along the tracks. It was nearly impossible for her to resist.

  If she said no to his question, she’d be lying. And she didn’t want to lie to Jack.

  “Michelle?”

  “Yes. Yes, I do feel something too.” The words slipped past her lips and inspired tears. Despite the fact that her husband had been gone for two years, it still felt as if she was breaking the sanctity of their marriage. How could she have feelings for another man?

  “Yes.” Jack repeated the word. “That’s all I needed to hear. I’m not trying to force you into anything, Michelle. But I needed to know if I was alone in this.”

  “You’re not alone.” She whispered her words and closed her eyes. “I just don’t know what all of this means.”

  “It means you’re going to meet me for lunch on Tuesday. I’ll text you with the time and the place.”

  “Just like that?” Her breath grew short.

  “Just like that. I’ll be there. It’s your choice if you are or not, but I will be there.”

  “What if I’m not ready?”

  “You’re ready or we wouldn’t be having this conversation. The question is whether you are strong enough to admit it. And I happen to know just how strong you are.”

  “I hope you’re right, Jack.”

  “Me too. It’s late. I know you have to g
et up early. Thanks for talking to me.”

  “You too. Bye, Jack.” She hung up.

  She didn’t want to wait there awkwardly for him to hang up first. The moment she hung up it hit her that she’d agreed to meet him in person for lunch. Of course she still had the option to just not show up.

  As she settled into bed, the question of whether she would go or not haunted her.

  The next morning Michelle woke up earlier than usual. She treasured the few extra minutes of quiet before the sun rose. It was Thursday, which meant that she would be meeting her friend for lunch. It was the only time she really did anything kid-free.

  She and Hope had become friends while Michelle’s husband had been in the hospital. Hope had been there as a patient too. Hope had been there for Michelle through everything, despite her own fight against cancer. Michelle trusted her advice more than anyone’s.

  After a shower that went longer than usual, she woke up her sons and began to go through the morning routine.

  “Mom, what are you doing?”

  “Hm?” Michelle dropped a sandwich in Miles’s lunch bag.

  “That’s Austin’s lunch.”

  “Oh, sorry.” She laughed. “I guess I’m a little sleepy.”

  Miles shrugged and switched the sandwich into the other bag. “Is it because of Jack?”

  Her heart dropped. She glanced at her son. “Who?”

  “I heard you—on the phone last night.”

  “Miles, you should have been sleeping.” She looked at her watch. “Hurry up, guys, or we’re going to be late.”

  “I forgot to get my homework folder!” Austin raced for his room.

  Michelle sighed with frustration. “Now we’re really going to be late. Hurry up, Miles, we’ll meet him in the car.”

  “Mom, wait a minute.” Miles stepped in front of her to slow her down.

  “There isn’t a minute, we have to go!”

  “Mom.” He crossed his arms and stared into her eyes. “It’s important.”

  “What? Did you forget your homework too?”

  “No, I just…” He frowned. “I want you to know that—I mean…” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.