Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 5 - 8

by Blake, Lillianna

  But for Michelle, he was nothing but a risk, a bundle of red flags that might lead to an even harder road for her to travel. He had to find a way to prove to her that he could be trusted. Normally it could take years to build that kind of relationship, but he didn’t want to wait years.

  Reluctantly, he unwound himself from her arms. He left the bed as carefully as he could.

  The morning light filtered through the curtains of the one window in the room. He walked over to it and peered past the gauzy material. The snow that had been piled high the day before had melted down to a few inches. They wouldn’t have any trouble on their hike to the lake.

  His heartbeat quickened at the thought of being alone with her there. It was one of his favorite places to be. He ran his hand along his forearm and remembered the way that she’d touched him. She’d become such a source of comfort to him.

  That same touch brushed along the curve of his shoulders, startling him slightly. He shivered with pleasure as her hand slid down his chest and her arms wrapped around his neck.

  “Good morning.” She kissed the back of his neck.

  “Great morning.” He curled his hands around hers and tilted his head so that he could kiss her cheek. “It looks like we might get in that hike after all. If you’re still up for it?”

  “Absolutely. I’ll make us some breakfast first.”

  “I’m sure there’s something we can scrounge up.”

  “You mean from that entire grocery store that you bought?” She smiled at him. “How much do you think I eat?”

  “I just wanted to be sure that I had everything that you could possibly want.”

  She gazed at him. “Jack, you are everything I could ever want.”

  He turned in her arms and offered her a light kiss. “You might want me to brush my teeth, though.”

  “I think we both could use some freshening up.” She laughed.

  He watched as she headed for the bathroom. He loved the fact that he could be so comfortable with her. It seemed so natural for them to be in the same space. The thought that it would end soon was enough to make him weak. But he pushed the thought away. They still had the day to spend together, and he wanted to make the most of it.

  After they finished breakfast they headed straight outside.

  “I think you’re going to like this place. I hope you will. It’s the reason that I bought the cabin.”

  “When did you buy it?”

  “Oh—uh.” He shrugged. “Not long after the wedding.”

  “Did you buy it for her? For Laura?” She smiled. “That’s very sweet.”

  “It doesn’t bother you?”

  “No. Should it?”

  “I didn’t know if it would.”

  “Would it bother me that you loved your wife enough to make sure she had a place filled with natural beauty where you could just focus on her—and in time your son too? No, that doesn’t bother me at all, Jack. It just tells me a little bit more about who you are and how generous and thoughtful you can be.”

  “You’re giving me a big head.”

  “I’m telling you the truth. I think you sell yourself short sometimes. You’re an amazing person. Being here with you has been really wonderful.”

  “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise.” He paused and looked into her eyes.

  “Seal it with a kiss?” She perked up her lips.

  “Sure.” He kissed her, then pulled away. “What other things can I promise you?”

  “I don’t need any promises.”

  “Why not? I was hoping to do more sealing.” He grinned.

  “You don’t need to make a promise to kiss me, just keep looking at me like that.”

  “Like what?” He brushed his gloved fingertips along the curve of her cheek.

  “Like you love me.”

  “I do love you. I promise.” He leaned in close and took a much longer time to seal that particular promise.

  Chapter 24

  It was a bit like walking on clouds, despite the fact that the snow was crunchy and cold. Jack’s hand in hers elevated her through all of the worry and uncertainty that plagued her.

  At first, Michelle thought he might be angry when she’d asked him to stop his advances the night before, but the respectful way he’d honored her wishes made her even more attracted to him. Despite the many nights they’d spent chatting about every detail of one another’s lives, being in person was just a little different. His behavior the night before reminded her that he was exactly the man she’d thought he was.

  There was something sacred to her about walking the same path that Jack once had with his wife. It was almost as if she could feel her presence there with them. As odd as that seemed, it gave her some sense of comfort.

  They moved through a thick patch of trees and emerged on the other side in the middle of a snow-covered field. Beyond it was a lake that wasn’t quite frozen. There were patches of snow and patches of open flowing water.

  “Oh, Jack, it’s gorgeous here.”

  “You should see it in the fall. Or the summer. Or the spring.” He laughed and wrapped his arm around her waist. “It’s stunning any time of year, really.”

  “I’d love to see it throughout the seasons.”

  “You will, I hope.” He led her down a slope to the edge of the water. “I’ve stood here so many times. It was the reason I knew that this was the place I had to buy. The way the sky blends with the trees and the trees reflect in the water—it’s one perfect image.”

  “Yes, I can see that.” Michelle rested her head against his chest. Jack’s warmth and his scent were just as beautiful to her as the scenery. “And it’s so very quiet.”

  “Now it is.” He nodded. “In the spring it’s quite noisy.”

  “I imagine so. It reminds me of the time—” Her voice caught in her throat.

  “What time?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Tell me, don’t be shy about the things you feel, Michelle. I’m here to listen, no matter what it is.”

  “It’s just that it was for our anniversary. He took me to a lake—a bit larger than this—out on a boat.” Michelle pulled away from his arm and stepped closer to the edge of the water. “He played his guitar and sang to me.”

  “He was a musician?”

  “Not really.” She grinned. “But he sure liked to try.”

  “I bet you were his biggest fan.”

  “I was.” She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of the cold air. “It didn’t matter how he sounded, because I knew he was playing for me.”

  Jack’s fingertips traced a slow path up along her back before settling on her shoulder. “He sounds like a great man.”

  “He was.” She bit into her bottom lip and willed herself not to tear up. This was not why Jack had brought her out to the lake. She was ruining his special moment with sad memories.

  She turned to face him, and before he could speak, she kissed him. It was an attempt to hide her tears. In the same moment that passion rushed through her, deep grief caused her heart to lurch. How could she speak of him, then kiss Jack?

  Jack pulled back from her overzealous kiss and touched her cheek.

  “You don’t have to do that, Michelle.”

  She tried to turn her face away so that he wouldn’t see the tears that slipped past, but his grasp remained.

  “It’s okay to cry for him, sweetheart. It’s okay to long for what was.”

  “But this weekend is supposed to be for us, and I’m ruining it.”

  “You could never ruin any time we spend together.” Jack sighed as he wrapped his arms around her. “You don’t have to choose, Michelle. It’s not between him or me. Don’t you think I know that if he was still here, you wouldn’t even look my way?”

  Michelle tilted her head back to look into his eyes. “That doesn’t bother you?”

  “No, it doesn’t. What you two had is completely different from what we h
ave together. In the same way that what Laura and I had was different. We were different people then—people who hadn’t lost the most important person in their lives. Now we’ve changed, and we’ve found our way to one another because of that. It’s not walking away from them, it’s becoming who we are now, after they’ve gone.”

  “I don’t know if I can see it that way. I’ve tried to change my perspective, but then this intense guilt—it just takes over. Then I feel bad that I’m letting my guilt interrupt our time together.”

  “None of that.” He kissed her forehead. “Alright? Don’t ever be afraid to tell me the truth or to tell me that you’re struggling. If it’s hard for you to have me kiss you, then I won’t. If it’s hard for you to hold my hand, then don’t. You don’t have to perform for me. All I want is you, as you are, and your honesty.”

  “I think I can handle that.” Michelle smiled. “If you’ll do the same for me.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  She kissed him lightly on the lips. “Sometimes I can’t believe that I’m so lucky.”

  “That makes two of us.” Jack paused a moment, then looked over at her. “Will we have time for dinner tonight?”

  “No, I’m sorry. I have to be back in time to make sure the boys have everything ready for school, to pick up a few things for the week and—well, the list is kind of endless, really.”

  “I imagine it is. But right now we have this.” He looked back out at the water and smiled. “We can stay here just a little while longer.”

  “Yes, we can.”

  Chapter 25

  The sight of pain in Michelle’s eyes was enough to cripple him. Not only did it remind him that she was still so fragile, but it also brought up his own emotions.

  The moments they’d shared beside the lake were bittersweet and inspiring for Jack. Bittersweet as they mingled with memories of his wife and inspiring as he realized that he might find joy in his favorite place again.

  The thought of returning to regular life made him cringe, but Michelle’s hand interlaced with his grounded him. Yes, it would be hard to walk away, but knowing he would be able to see her again was enough to soften the blow.

  As they wandered around the lake exploring what vegetation could be found, he sensed that she too was dreading the moment that they’d have to say goodbye. He reached down and plucked a wayward flower that had pushed its way through the snow near the edge of the lake. He held it up to her and looked into her eyes.

  “See, even in the middle of the cold it finds a way to blossom.”

  “Just like our feelings for one another.” Michelle smiled as she took the flower.

  “Exactly.” He shivered as a cold wind blew past his shoulders and bit the back of his neck. “I guess we should head back inside to warm up.”

  “Yes.” She linked her arm through his.

  They walked back toward the cabin in silence. He guessed that she didn’t want to mention the fact that once they had lunch, they’d have to then start packing—start letting go of the great weekend they’d had together.

  Jack opened the door for her and they stepped inside. Just as she kicked the snow off her boots, her cell phone rang. When she answered, he saw the change in her expression. She went from relaxed to tense all at once.

  “How could he not tell me about a science project that is due tomorrow? There is no way that he told me about it. If he had, I wouldn’t have let them go with you this weekend. No, there isn’t time to make an entire solar system before tomorrow. Not even if you help.” She sighed and pressed her fingertips against her forehead. “Okay, yes, I will head home as soon as I can. No, don’t worry about it. It’s not your fault.” She hung up the phone.

  Jack resisted the urge to tell her not to go. He wanted more time with her, but that was his needs talking, not hers.

  “Surprise science project?”

  “Yes.” She sighed. “I’m going to have to leave as soon as I get packed up.”

  “Are you sure there’s no other option? Maybe we could order one and have it delivered to his school?” He raised an eyebrow and placed his hands on her hips to pull her close. “Just this once?”

  “If only.” She groaned.

  “I know, I’m just kidding.” He kissed her cheek. “I’m sure you’ll get it done, and all of this stress will be behind you by tomorrow, alright? Don’t let yourself get caught up in it.”

  “How can I not? It means I’m missing time with you.”

  “It means that you’re doing what you need to do first, and I will always understand that. We’ll have more time soon. Right?”

  “Yes.” She lowered her eyes. “But I have no idea when.”

  “That’s okay. We’ll figure out all the details once the science project is done. I’ll make you some lunch while you pack up.”

  “How can you be so understanding?”

  “You forget that I’ve been there too. Things happen when you’re a parent, and I’m never going to give you a hard time about that.”

  “I appreciate that more than you know.”

  “We’re in this together, Michelle, even if we’re hours apart.”

  “Thanks.”

  She disappeared into her room to pack her things. Jack put together a sandwich and snacks for her, but his chest ached at the thought of her actually leaving. He forced himself to ignore the sensation. She had her own life and he knew that. Her boys would always come first, and that was exactly how it should be.

  When she emerged from her room with her bag, he greeted her with the sack lunch.

  “I put some extra bottles of water in the little cooler too.”

  “Don’t you need it?”

  “You can give it back to me next time we see each other.”

  “Jack, I’m not sure when that will be.”

  “Maybe we don’t know the date, but I do know that it will happen. Don’t worry about it.” He embraced her and gazed into her eyes. “In fact, I wish I could convince you not to worry at all.”

  “That might take a miracle.” She smiled and rested her forehead on his shoulder. “Thank you so much for this weekend. I loved every minute. I already can’t wait to see you again.”

  “It will be sooner than you think.” He kissed the top of her head.

  She pulled back and gazed into his eyes. “Not soon enough.”

  He kissed her. It was a long drawn-out kiss that he wished could last forever.

  She drew away from him eventually and sighed. “I have to get going.”

  “I know you do. But first, just one thing.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t want our last moment together here to be sad. Can you smile for me?”

  “I can.” She smiled and shook her head. “You always cheer me up.”

  “Keep that in mind, because I’ll be seeing you soon.”

  As he watched her go, Jack sure hoped that would be the case.

  Chapter 26

  Michelle piled the bags of groceries onto the counter just before her two sons barreled past her. She narrowly avoided dropping a whole gallon of milk on the floor but wrenched her wrist in the process. She drew a deep breath and reminded herself that it was one moment, it was one difficult moment, nothing to lose her mind over. She put the milk away and then started in on the rest of the groceries.

  Her cell phone rang. She grabbed it and glanced at the name. Jack. She drew another deep breath and released it slowly.

  They’d exchanged a few texts in the past few days, but she’d avoided going on the computer and also any phone calls from him. It wasn’t anything that he’d done wrong. She simply couldn’t keep her mind on the things that she needed to. Instead, her thoughts always drifted toward Jack.

  She did know that he was likely getting impatient with her for dodging his calls. It wasn’t fair to him.

  She pressed the answer button and put the phone to her ear. “Hi, Jack, I’m sorry, I’m right in the middle of putting the groceries away.”

  “I just wan
ted to hear your voice. If you’re busy right now that’s fine. Can we talk later?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t even made dinner yet, the boys have a ton of homework after dinner, and I’m already exhausted.”

  He cleared his throat. The sound made her focus her attention on him. “I’m sorry, Jack. I don’t know what else to say.”

  “You don’t have to apologize. I’m just concerned. Did anything that happened this past weekend bother you? I feel like you’re more distant than ever.”

  Her heart dropped at his words. Her inattention hurt him and that made her feel even worse. “No, Jack. It was a beautiful weekend. I think that’s the problem.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean it’s been hard to get back to reality. I’m dropping the ball left and right. I can’t seem to keep my head on straight.”

  “You need to rest.”

  “Please, please don’t say that to me. I know you mean well, but when am I supposed to rest? When I’m at work trying to hold onto my job? When I miss a meeting with the teacher because I forgot that I had to go to the bank to deposit money so that I can pay a bill that I should have paid last week?” She sighed. “None of that is your problem. I just can’t. This is me, Jack, the real me, not the woman you saw at the cabin. My life is hectic and overwhelming, and I’m just not able to be in a relationship right now.”

  “Wait, what are you saying?”

  “Jack, it isn’t that I don’t love you, you know that.”

  “I do. I also know that who I was with at the cabin, was the real you, just like this is the real you. And I love all of you. You don’t have to be a certain way to be with me.”

  “Jack, it’s just not something I can handle right now. I mean, when are we even going to get to see each other again? It’s just impossible.”

  “Nothing is impossible.”

  “If you say so.” She started to put a few more of the groceries away and realized that she’d forgotten to put the ice cream in the freezer. It was nothing more than a carton of melted goo. It just proved her point. “I have to go, Jack. I’m sorry.”