“Then you were alone—when you were diagnosed? No boyfriend? No family?”
Her touch on his hand tensed a little. “No one, really. I didn’t take much time out for friendships either.”
“You had no one to turn to?”
“Not at first. When I started treatment, I found a wonderful support group for cancer patients and their family members. If it weren’t for them, I really doubt that I would have kept going with the treatment.”
“You would have just let the cancer take over?”
“Why not?” She shrugged. “At the time, the doctors didn’t give me much hope.” She cleared her throat and stared hard through the windshield. “The treatment did not exactly fill me with the desire to live.”
“Wow.” He took a slow breath.
“I know it’s hard to understand.”
“No, it’s not that. It just struck me how close I came to never having the chance to meet you.”
“Me too.” She rested her head back against the seat and looked over at him. “Never once in all of the turmoil, in all of the sickness, did I even dream of meeting someone like you.”
“I’m so glad that you held on.” He curved his hand around hers and squeezed. “I don’t know that I would have.”
“People don’t have any idea what they’re made of until something like that happens. If someone had told me a few months earlier that soon I’d be half-conscious in a hospital bed, I never would have believed them. I thought I was invincible—that I would be able to overcome any challenge put in front of me.”
“But you did. You did overcome it.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I got lucky. Not everyone does. And I had the right people in my corner. Not everyone gets that either. My friend Michelle, who I met in the support group, was there for me through the entire journey, while simultaneously watching her husband fade away. He didn’t survive and he had two little boys that needed him.” She bit into her bottom lip. “It’s just so hard to understand why some people make it and some don’t. I came to the conclusion that there really isn’t a reason.”
“It’s things like that that make it difficult for me to have faith any more.” Chase pulled the car into the parking lot of the restaurant. “I used to say that everything happens for a reason, but that isn’t really true, is it?”
“No, I don’t think it is.” She gazed at the lights of the restaurant. “But at the same time, that doesn’t make me lose my faith. In fact, I found a faith I didn’t really have before.”
“You did?” He turned the car off and shifted in his seat to face her.
“I had to. I needed to believe in something. I needed to accept that there was something more to life than chemotherapy and the consequences of cancer. I got to a point where I didn’t need an explanation any more—or proof. I just needed faith. I don’t think I even understood what faith was before that moment.”
Chase sighed and closed his eyes. “I wish I could feel that way.” He grimaced as soon as he heard his own words. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. Of course I’d never want to endure what you’ve gone through. “
“I know what you mean. Having faith, this knowing inside, is so much simpler than trying to figure it out on my own. All of a sudden, I didn’t need a certain religion to be right or a certain set of rules to follow. All I needed was to be sure that all of this was going to lead to something—serve some kind of purpose. That was enough to make me lift my head off the pillow and take a drink of water.”
“I wish I’d been there with you when you were going through that. I would have taken care of you.” He reached up and stroked her cheek. “I wouldn’t have allowed you to go through that alone.”
“I know that.” She smiled as she pressed his hand against her cheek. “There’s no doubt in my mind that you would have never left my side.”
He leaned forward and kissed her. He didn’t care about the reservation or whether the date would go well. All he cared about was the fact that she was there. The thought of not getting the chance to meet her was enough to make the core of him shudder. Now that he had met her, he was sure he would never be able to let her go.
As they entered the restaurant, he marveled how lucky he was and how unexpected their meeting was.
For the first time since his breakup, he began to think that perhaps Pastor Reed had been right.
Chapter 17
Nothing meant more to Hope than his desire to comfort her at a time when he didn’t even know her. After witnessing some of the people in the support group lose their spouses and significant others because they couldn’t handle caring for an ill person, it was important to her to know that any man she was with would be willing to care for her, just as she would be willing to care for him.
At the table, with their meals ordered, she met Chase’s eyes.
“Thank you for tonight.”
“Don’t thank me yet, it’s not over.” He raised his glass of wine in the air.
She raised hers as well and clinked it against his. “To a beautiful evening.”
“How could it not be, with you?” His eyes sparkled in the candlelight. The restaurant was small and decorated with thick ribbons, luxurious curtains, and candles at every table. It was a very romantic atmosphere.
“You’re so sweet.”
“Am I? I’ve never thought of myself that way.”
“Never?” She laughed. “No one’s ever told you that?”
“No one that I’ve believed.”
“Well, you are. So how is work? I’m sure there are animals other than Toby that need your help.”
“Work is rewarding. Ninety percent of it is farm animals and house pets with little health issues, or regular checkups. It’s the ten percent that keeps me hopping.”
“And what’s that?”
“Animal abuse, neglect, abandonment. I’ve seen it so many times. People buy a ranch, fill it with animals, get in over their head, and then those animals have nowhere to go.”
“That’s so sad. Why would anyone do that?”
“It’s the dream, I guess. It seems like fun when they start out, but then reality hits that these farm animals are a lot of work.”
“No wonder you worried about whether I would stay.”
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything like that.”
“No, it’s fine.” She smiled at the waitress as their food was delivered. Once they were alone again she looked back at him. “After what you’ve seen, I can only imagine what you think of me. But I can assure you that I will not be taking on any farm animals unless I am certain I can care for them.”
“You’re not? Then why did you buy the ranch?”
She winced and lowered her voice. “Promise you won’t think that you’re right?”
“I’m not sure I can do that.” He chuckled. “But please tell me anyway.”
“I don’t really have a plan. I bought the property, and I guess I thought I’d figure it out as I go. I think a part of me expected that in being here my next step would be revealed to me.”
“And? Has it?”
She narrowed her eyes for a moment as she studied him. “I’m not sure.”
“Well, it certainly gave Toby a place to stay. Which has been invaluable.”
“I agree. He can stay as long as you need him to.”
“You know, it’s so difficult to find places for the recovering farm animals. Most people are willing to foster a cat or a dog, but ask them to take a cow into their home and they look at you like you’ve lost your mind.”
“A cow?” She grinned. “I have room for a cow.”
“You do.” Chase nodded. “But I still need to do some repairs around your place.”
“You don’t have to. I can hire someone.”
“I do have to. It’s my way of repaying your kindness—with Toby.”
“The thing about kindness is that it doesn’t have to be repaid. It’s given free of charge.”
“I’ve he
ard people say similar things before, but what strikes me is that you really mean it.” He trailed his fingertips along the back of her hand. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as kind as you.”
She opened her mouth to protest but before she could the waitress arrived to refill their drinks. By the time she left it seemed awkward to argue the point.
“Chase, do you ever think about your purpose here?”
“My purpose right now is to enjoy your company and pray that you’re enjoying mine.” He encircled her hand with his. “How am I doing?”
“Just fine, but that’s not what I mean.”
“Ah, the great purpose in life is what you mean?”
“I suppose that’s a way to put it.” She smiled.
“Actually, I think about it a lot. There’s no question in my mind that I’m here to help animals. But that doesn’t feel like the whole picture. What about you?”
“I’m not sure.” She looked into her glass. “I never really thought about it before I got sick, and since then—it doesn’t seem as if it would make much of a difference if I was here or not.”
“It would to me.” He squeezed her hand.
“Thank you.” She shrugged. “It’s not as if I’m not grateful for being here. I am. I’d just like my life to mean something, you know?”
“It does. More than you could ever know.”
She smiled at his words. She wasn’t sure if she believed them, but they did warm her heart. “It’s strange how I feel so comfortable talking to you about things.”
“I feel the same way. I can be honest with you—in ways I’ve never been honest with anyone. In fact, for this entire meal all I’ve thought about is when I will get to see you again.”
“Really?” She finished the last of the food on her plate and sat back in her chair. “I hope it’s soon.”
“That’s entirely up to you. I’ll make myself available for you, any time.”
The waitress cleared their plates. Once she finished, Hope leaned close to him. “I might have to hold you to that.”
“I mean it. You tell me when and where and I’ll be there.”
Chapter 18
As the words left his mouth, Chase wondered if he might sound a bit desperate. But he didn’t care. He wanted Hope to know how much he enjoyed his time with her.
She met his eyes and stared into them for a moment, before a slow smile spread across her lips. “I’m thinking about going to church tomorrow. You should come with me.”
“You want to follow up this amazing dinner with a church service?” He chuckled. “I’m not sure that’s what I would choose.”
“Oh? You don’t enjoy going to church?”
“Is that a deal breaker for you?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Not at all. I think someone’s beliefs are their business, and I certainly don’t expect anyone to believe the same as I do. I guess I just assumed—since you seemed familiar with Pastor Reed.”
“I did go to church—his church. But I’ve decided to take a break from it.” He glanced down at the bare tablecloth and sensed that the conversation was heading in a direction that he wanted to avoid.
“Because?” She met his eyes.
He hesitated and glanced away. “It’s a long story.”
“Great, because I want dessert.” She grinned.
“Me too.” He waved to the waitress. “What would you like?”
“I’d love a piece of chocolate cake.”
“Great choice, it’s delicious here.” He looked up at the waitress as she walked over. “Two slices of chocolate cake, please.”
“Oh, I’m afraid we only have one slice left. I’m sorry about that.”
“No problem, I can have something else.” Chase picked up the dessert menu to look through it.
“Or we can share if you want.” Hope’s cheeks flushed as she made the offer.
“You’re sure you don’t mind?”
“No, it’s fine with me.”
“I’ll bring it right out.” The waitress walked away.
Chase looked back across the table at Hope. “You’re going to love it.”
“I’m sure I will. So is that a no on church tomorrow?”
“It’s not a no.” He rubbed the curve of his jaw. “It’s more of an I don’t think it would be a good idea. Pastor Reed and I are better off in separate corners of town right now.”
“Did something happen between the two of you?”
“I think that I might have been a little blinded by my beliefs. I thought that if I lived my life as morally as I could, that would be enough to ensure a good life. But lately, I don’t really think that’s the case.”
“It’s true that bad things do happen to good people, but that doesn’t really explain to me why you stopped going to church. Not that you owe me any explanation. I guess, I’m just curious. You’re such a warm person, but the moment you saw Pastor Reed, you seemed to grow cold. Was that my imagination?”
“No.” He frowned. “Your instincts are right, as usual. We were once close friends, actually, and I relied on him for guidance. Without my parents around, I leaned pretty heavily on the church and the community for family.”
“That’s a great thing to do. I’ve found every church I’ve ever attended provided a great amount of support.”
“I thought it was. I thought everything was happening exactly as I wanted it to.” His jaw clenched.
“Then everything fell apart.” She nodded. “I’m familiar with that scenario.”
The slice of cake arrived and Chase pushed the plate toward Hope. “Try it out.”
“Oh, no way. If we’re going to share, we have to do this right. Forks up.” She held her fork up in the air.
Chase grinned and picked up his fork as well. “I’m not familiar with this tradition.”
“No problem, I’ll walk you through it. First, a toast, to our very first slice of cake and the many more that I hope will follow.” She tapped her fork against his.
“Many, many more.”
“Now, at the same time, we dig in.” She grinned and dug her fork into the cake.
He did as well. Then he hovered the fork close to her lips. “Is this the next step?”
“No, usually I feed myself.” She smiled. “But I like this new tradition.” She bit the piece of cake off the end of the fork and held up her fork to his lips.
As he savored the sweet taste, he realized that it could have been anything on the end of that fork and it would have tasted just as sweet.
“So good.”
“I agree.” She picked up a napkin and wiped her lips. “About tomorrow. Forget I asked. I don’t want to pressure you into anything. We can always get together in the afternoon if you’d like.”
“It would be nice to give Toby some extra exercise.”
“That sounds perfect. I’ll make lunch.”
“Great. I’ll be there.”
As they finished the cake, Chase thought about what she might learn about him at church. It wasn’t as if anyone in town had a bad opinion of him, but they knew quite a bit about his recent breakup—things he wasn’t sure he wanted Hope to know. But there wasn’t really a way he could avoid that. Eventually the truth would come out, as it always did in a small town.
On the drive home from the restaurant he tried to focus on the road. It was difficult for him to keep up with the conversation as his mind churned through the hurt feelings that brewed within him.
“Chase? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” He glanced over at her and smiled. “Sorry, I was a little distracted.”
“That’s okay. Anything you want to talk about?”
“I just can’t wait to see you again.” He turned down the driveway and followed it to her house.
She started to open her door but he placed a hand on hers.
“Please, let me walk you up.” He stepped out of the car and walked around to open her door.
As they walked up toward the house he slipped his hand
in hers. “I had a great time tonight.”
“So did I.” They paused under the porch light and she looked into his eyes. “Thank you, Chase.”
He considered thanking her in return, but the way she looked at him, and the warmth of her palm against his, worked together to drive a different desire within him. He brushed his lips against hers in a light caress.
She squeezed his hand and returned the kiss with more insistence.
From the stable Toby gave a loud neigh.
Hope broke away with a laugh. “I think we’re being supervised.”
“I think you’re right.” Chase shot a glare in the direction of the stable. “Maybe he’s jealous.”
“He should be.” She stroked his cheek and guided his lips back to hers for another kiss.
This time when they broke apart he gazed into her eyes. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
He kissed her cheek, then gave her hand a light squeeze. He didn’t want to let go. But if he stayed, he knew that things would move too fast for both of them.
As he walked back to the car, Toby neighed again. Chase couldn’t help but smile as he wondered what the horse might be trying to say.
Chapter 19
Hope slept better than she had in a long time. There were many things still up in the air about her future with the ranch, but what mattered the most to her was the excitement of dating Chase. Just when she’d begun to doubt that she’d ever meet anyone that she clicked with, she found a man that she couldn’t stop thinking about.
As she dressed for church, she thought about Chase’s loss of faith. She meant what she’d said to him. She didn’t require him to believe the same things she did. Half the time she wasn’t even sure what she believed. But she also knew how lonely and hurtful it could be to lose faith because of misfortune.
Before she’d actually found hers, she’d gone through several stages of both grief and fury. She swung between not believing in any god to believing in a deity only for the sake of hating it. There’d been an emptiness within her when she’d convinced herself that there was nothing at all to believe in.
Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 5 - 8 Page 44
