Forty and Free: A Sweet Romance Series Bundle - Books 5 - 8

by Blake, Lillianna

  She stiffened the moment he touched it.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yes.” She smiled. “You just surprised me.”

  “I noticed this scar before, but you weren’t ready to talk about it. Are you now?”

  She drew a deep breath, then nodded. “It’s where a tumor was removed. It’s how I found out about the cancer in the first place.”

  “Why do you hide it?” He tugged at the edge of her collar.

  “I’m not so sure that I hide it from anyone else as much as I hide it from myself. Whenever I see it in the mirror, it bothers me.”

  “Can I see?” He met her eyes.

  “Sure, I guess.” She unbuttoned her collar and folded it down enough that he could see the jagged scar.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “No, it isn’t.” Her lips tensed. “It’s dark and rough.”

  “It’s part of you. So to me, it’s beautiful.” He brushed his lips along the scar in soft caresses.

  She shivered at the sensation and he saw the tears in her eyes.

  “I’m not sure I can ever see it that way.”

  “That’s okay, I’ll see it that way for you.” He kissed his way up along the side of her neck and found her lips. As they embraced, his mind filled with thoughts of how frightened she must have been when she’d been diagnosed. He tightened his grasp around her and pulled away from the kiss.

  “You’re never going to be alone again, Hope. Not if I can help it.” He searched her eyes. “Do you know that?”

  She nodded, then collapsed against his chest and shoulder. Her body trembled as he held her. He swallowed hard as the impact of just how alone she must have been for so long struck him. A beautiful woman, inside and out, who’d been forced to endure the most difficult part of her life without a hand to hold. He meant what he’d said. He would try his hardest to ensure that never happened to her again. He stroked her hair and rocked her back and forth. “It’s over now, sweetheart, it’s over and you’re here. You won.”

  “It’s so hard to trust that.” She sighed and snuggled closer to him.

  “I know it is.”

  As they finished their meal together the lighthearted woman he’d gotten to know returned and she didn’t seem to contain a trace of hesitation or doubt. It was hard for him to fathom how far she’d come, from a place of absolute torment to a place of absolute joy. He closed his eyes for a moment and prayed that he would never do anything to disrupt that.

  Later that day, after Chase had dropped Hope off at the ranch, he went into town to investigate more about how to set up the shelter. When he stepped into the post office to discuss registering a mailing address, the last thing he expected was to have his breath sucked from his lungs. Yet the instant he looked toward the counter, it was.

  His throat grew dry as he saw the ripples of her hair tumble down across her shoulders. His eyes widened when she looked over her shoulder and caught him standing there with his mouth dropped open.

  “Chase.” Her cheeks instantly reddened.

  He willed his feet to direct him anywhere but forward. And yet, as if he’d been sucked in by the force of her honey-sweet smile and her dark brown eyes, he moved toward her.

  “Karen. What are you doing here?”

  “I’m sorry. I was hoping I’d be able to drop in and slip out without anyone spotting me. I just needed to settle some legal matters that I couldn’t take care of over the phone.”

  “Oh.” He nodded.

  “Chase, I’ve been meaning to call you.”

  “You have?” He raised an eyebrow. “My number hasn’t changed.”

  “No, I’m sure it hasn’t. But I’ve been busy getting settled, and the new job is a bit more stress than I anticipated.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “I’ll adjust with time.” She shrugged. Then she looked into his eyes. “How are you doing?”

  How am I doing? He wanted to scream in her face about the pain that she’d put him through. He wanted to demand an explanation for going to his best friend instead of talking to him about it. There were a million ways he wanted to show her just how he was doing. But that sensation flared and then passed faster than he thought it would. In fact, his mind filled with thoughts of Hope.

  “I’m okay.” He smiled a little. “I’m actually okay.”

  “I’m sorry that I let things go on so long between us.”

  “It was that bad, huh?” He couldn’t deny the hurt that her words inspired.

  “That’s not what I meant. I just should have told you sooner—when I realized that we wanted different things. Chase, I let you fall in love with me and I loved you too, but I always knew it was not quite the same. I didn’t want to admit it, but the truth is, I always wanted to get out of this town and I knew that you wouldn’t want to go with me. You love this place and the people, and you would never want to leave.”

  “You never even gave me the chance. You never even asked me if I’d go with you.”

  “I couldn’t.” She lowered her eyes. “I couldn’t because I wasn’t sure what I wanted, and to ask you to uproot everything, without being able to promise you anything—that just seemed cruel.”

  “And just taking off wasn’t?”

  She sighed and shook her head. “I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”

  “Don’t be.” He turned and walked through the door. He heard her follow after him and then he felt her hand on his shoulder. When he turned back to face her, he was stunned to realize—yes, she was beautiful, but not the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen—not any more.

  “Chase, please—I want to explain myself.”

  “No, don’t.” He reached up and stroked his fingertips along the curve of her cheek. “There’s no need. You did the right thing, Karen. I never thought I’d say that, but you did. Because you left, I’ve had the chance to meet an amazing woman and I couldn’t be more grateful.”

  “I’m glad to hear that. Really, Chase. I only want the best for you.”

  “I wish you the same, Karen. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

  “Thanks.” She smiled. “Me too.”

  Chase experienced freedom for the first time since Karen had left. Freedom from heartbreak, freedom from wondering how to get her back, and freedom from a desolate future. It wasn’t until that moment that he realized what it all meant. All along, Karen had been right—and so had Joe.

  Karen had not been the right woman for him, and now he was more certain than ever, that Hope was.

  Chapter 31

  Hope parked her car in front of the strip of buildings. After Chase dropped her off, she’d been feeling restless. Something that he’d said to her had made her think too much. He told her that she’d won, that there was nothing to worry about, but that wasn’t the truth.

  The cancer could always come back. He didn’t realize that, and she didn’t want to tell him. Would he want to be with her if she was bedridden, if she was just a ghost of the woman he’d met? She doubted it. Who could handle that?

  That thought drove her into town to the grocery store. She wanted to be sure that she was eating as healthy as she could be, and since dating Chase, she’d let her diet slip. If she kept her body as strong as her spirit, there was a good chance the cancer wouldn’t come back.

  As she stepped out of the car, she smiled thinking about the plan that had formed in her mind. Maybe she couldn’t control whether the cancer returned or not, but she could put up her best fight.

  Her smile faded the moment her eyes landed on the two people that stood outside of the post office.

  She leaned on the side of her car and tried to catch her breath. It was easy to make assumptions. That’s what she tried to tell herself. But seeing Chase and the woman beside him made her heart drop. She didn’t have to be introduced to the woman to know who she was. She could tell from the way that Chase looked at her.

  That was it. All of the plans that swirled in her mind, a
ll of the excitement she had for the future, drained from her in the single moment that she saw the two of them together.

  Chase reached out and caressed the woman’s cheek, much the way that he often caressed Hope’s.

  It made Hope sick to her stomach to see the gesture of affection.

  She quickly unlocked her car and climbed back in. She didn’t want to add to her humiliation by being spotted by Chase, and perhaps even introduced to his true love.

  Her mind was going wild with possibilities. Was she there to claim him? Had he begged her to come back and she finally listened? It was hard to imagine that the man who’d held her so close just hours before was the same man that she saw gazing so affectionately at his ex.

  She started the engine and was about to pull away when she heard a knock on the window.

  “Hope—just who I wanted to see.” Chase smiled at her through the window.

  She stared at him for a moment, then pulled away from the curb. A glance in the rearview mirror showed him still standing there after she’d pulled away.

  Her heart ached with a mixture of hurt and embarrassment. Was she overreacting? She hadn’t even given him a chance to explain. But she knew he wouldn’t explain. He would just end things. If Karen was back in his life, then he would choose her. He would always choose her. That was something Hope had known from the moment they’d begun their relationship.

  By the time she made it to the ranch, her eyes were filled with tears. She was angry at herself for being hurt when he’d warned her from the beginning that he wasn’t over his ex. She hadn’t wanted to ever face this moment, but it had arrived.

  She parked the car and started to head for the door when she heard another car pull up behind her. She spun around to see Chase leap out of his car.

  “Hope, wait. I want to talk to you.”

  She stared at him for a long moment and willed her tears to fade. She didn’t want to cry in front of him.

  “I don’t want to talk to you, Chase.” She turned and walked toward the door.

  “Hope, I don’t know what happened, but whatever it is, I can fix it. Just give me the chance.”

  She sighed and turned around to face him again. “Don’t you have better things to do? I know I do.” She placed her hands on her hips and summoned all the strength that she’d regained since going into remission. No matter what, she couldn’t let him see just how weak he made her. She didn’t want him to witness the thousands of pieces her heart had been shattered into.

  “Hope? What’s gotten into you?” He walked toward her.

  She took a step back. “Just go, Chase, please.” Her chin trembled as her resolve threatened to crack.

  She wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer, she knew that. Then he would see her for who she really was—a weepy heartbroken woman who’d promised him she would accept him no matter what, but could not deliver on that promise when it came to her own heart.

  Emotions so dark that she wasn’t even sure where they came from swirled through her. She wished that Karen had never come back. She wished that Chase didn’t want to be with her any more. But she never once wished that she’d never met Chase. No matter what happened between them, she would always value the time that they’d shared.

  “Hey.” He walked toward her again, and this time she didn’t step back. “I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.” He reached for her, but she drew back.

  “I made the mistake of believing that I might be enough, Chase. That’s not your fault.”

  “What are you talking about?” He reached for her again.

  This time she pulled away and turned toward the house. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Don’t. Don’t walk away from me. Not now.”

  Chapter 32

  Hope froze with her back to him. His heart thudded against his chest. What had he done? What had he said? How was she about to slip away from him?

  “What’s going on, Hope?” Chase grabbed her hand before she could walk away. “Just earlier today everything seemed fine. What happened?”

  She turned back to face him. “I just can’t do this any more. I thought I could handle it, but I can’t.”

  “I don’t understand. What changed? What did I do?” His eyes widened as he clung to her hand. He was certain that if he let her go, he would never see her again. Just like Karen. He couldn’t believe that it was happening all over again.

  “Chase, please. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were truthful with me. I’m the one that let my imagination run wild. Even though you warned me that you weren’t ready, I let myself believe that there could be something between us. That’s on me, not you.”

  “What are you talking about?” His heart pounded so hard that he could feel it throughout every fiber of his body. “There is something between us, Hope. There’s plenty between us.”

  “I saw you with her.” She bit into her bottom lip as her chin trembled.

  All at once he realized what she meant. She’d seen him with Karen.

  “With Karen? Is that what you mean?”

  “Yes.” She looked away from him. “That’s when I realized that it’s never going to be us. It’s always going to be you and her. No matter what I do, no matter how long I wait, your heart belongs to someone else.”

  “No, it doesn’t.”

  “Chase. Just be honest with me?” She looked into his eyes.

  “It doesn’t. My heart no longer belongs to her.” He brought her hand to his chest and pressed it there. “Do you feel how hard it’s pounding?”

  She nodded and tightened her lips.

  “That’s for you, Hope. I hear its message loud and clear. If you walk away, my heart will be going with you.”

  She shook her head and drew her hand back from his. “It’s not that simple. You can’t let go of her and I understand that, but I don’t think I can come in second forever.”

  “You’re not in second. Yes, I saw her. But I didn’t feel the same way for her that I once did. I realized that I don’t feel for you the same way either. I feel something entirely different with you—stronger, more vibrant. I feel confident in myself when I’m with you, not as if I have to prove myself to you. I enjoy every minute that I spend with you. So yes, I did see Karen and I’m glad that I did, because it opened my eyes to the fact that she’s not the one for me.”

  “She’s not?”

  “No.” He wrapped his arms around Hope’s waist and gazed into her eyes. “You are. I’m sorry that it took me so long to acknowledge it, but I love you, Hope. I love you in a way that I’ve never loved anyone before. That’s what I came here to tell you.”

  “I love you too, Chase.” She hugged him in return.

  Hearing her speak those words made his entire body come alive with passion. There she was, with her arms around him, the woman he would spend the rest of his life with. He did not doubt it for a second. He held her just a little tighter to make sure that she couldn’t slip away. The very thought of her doubting his affection for her made his chest ache. He nuzzled the side of her neck, then brushed his lips to hers.

  After a slow kiss he looked into her eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, Hope. Not ever. I meant it when I said that you will never be alone again.”

  She wiped at her eyes and nodded. “I believe you, Chase. I do.”

  “Good. Because nothing could ever change that.” He held her close again and wished he could shield her from every ounce of pain that might ever cross her path.

  Suddenly he knew why he’d never given that ring to Karen. He hadn’t even bought it for her. He’d bought it for the woman he intended to spend the rest of his life with—Hope. No, it wasn’t time yet to offer it to her, but he wouldn’t wait long. He wasn’t going to let his second chance slip away.

  Over the next few weeks they were inundated with the process of getting the shelter ready. Chase built several of the structures and hired help for the others. He began making calls to other veterinarian offices to
inform them that soon there would be a shelter available for large animals.

  Chase noticed that Hope seemed to get quieter and quieter the closer they came to completing the shelter.

  He bought her a saddle for her birthday and showed her how to properly mount the horse. After a few sessions with him watching from afar, he discovered that Hope’s instincts were right. Toby treated her with respect and love. He never came close to bucking or going too fast for her. It amazed him to see the horse as he pranced proudly through the paddock with the most beautiful woman in the world on his back.

  It occurred to Chase that Hope had managed to transfer her will to live to Toby and to the little piglets that she helped rescue. She loved life in a way that was infectious and made others come alive again, including him. He’d never been filled with so much passion and excitement for the future before.

  About a week before they planned to open the shelter, he pulled Hope into the stable with him, laying her down gently on a soft pile of hay. “I never believed I could love a woman as much as I love you, Hope. I never even knew what it meant to love before I met you.”

  “I love you too. I couldn’t have imagined my life being this good, but I’m so glad that we’ve found each other.”

  “Are you?” He kissed her, then looked into her eyes. “You know that you can tell me anything?”

  “Of course I’m glad. What do you mean?”

  “I’ve watched you when you thought no one else was looking. You’re not happy about something. What is it?”

  She glanced away from him and closed her eyes.

  He kissed the curve of her neck and wrapped an arm around her waist. “Please tell me. Remember, we promised that we’d be honest with one another?”

  “I know, Chase. I’m sorry. You’re not wrong. But I’m not sure how to talk about it yet.”

  “Is it me?” He leaned back and waited for her to look at him. “Is it us?”