Outing of the Heart

by Lisa Ann Harper

  ‘Very nice.’ Tenille thanked her as she paid, then turned to Thea. ‘That’s me, now what about you?’

  ‘Reine and I want to give her a fun gift. Let’s pop down to the kitchen department. They have a variety of books on ethnic cooking,’ she told her, making their way across to the elevators. ‘We know she likes Thai food. This is to give her the hint that the kitchen isn’t an altogether alien territory.’

  ‘I like it,’ Tenille laughed.

  Taking the elevator was half the hassle the escalator had been. Everyone stepped politely back to give her easy egress. Thea chose her book without difficulty. There was no offer of free gift-wrapping here.

  Close by was stationary. They bee-lined for greeting cards, browsing through until something suitable popped. Tenille picked a glossy card featuring a bouquet of red roses lying next to two, half filled champagne glasses. The bubbles sparkled in the bright lights. The words inside were simple ones of love. Thea’s card was a humorous, rude one. The picture on the front showed a cartoon rooster lounging before the TV, signs of eating and drinking all around. Inside the caption read …

  THE YEARS HAVE REALLY BEEN KIND TO YOU …

  IT’S THE WEEKENDS THAT DID YOU IN …

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ANYWAY,

  They both chuckled, knowing Sid would get a charge out of it. Proceeding towards the exit, they passed ladies’ lingerie and brightly colored silk underpants, boxer style, caught Tenille’s eye.

  ‘Oh, she’d love those. Have we a minute to take a quick peak?’ She looked hopefully at Thea.

  ‘Sure.’ She stepped towards the rack. ‘These are nice.’ Thea picked up a sky blue pair with a dark navy stripe down each side. The silk had been sand washed and was soft and sensuous to touch.

  ‘Yes.’ Tenille’s eyes were darting along, checking them all out. ‘Do you think she’d like the blue, or maybe this salmon pink with the cream stripe?’ She felt bewildered by choice.

  ‘Well, which one do you prefer?’ Thea asked. ‘She’d like to wear what you like too.’

  ‘There’s a point,’ she conceded. ‘Well … I like the salmon, but I think she may prefer the blue.’

  Thea deliberated for a moment. ‘How about you buy them both, then? Or will that cost too much?’

  This could be an extravagance, but she really felt these would be special for Sid. ‘No, both pairs will be just right,’ she replied.

  ‘Buy those then,’ she said firmly, sure Sidonie would be happy with whatever Tenille liked. The sales clerk folded them in tissue paper before she put them in the bag. Thea wondered if she would need gift wrapping things, but Tenille revealed she was a pack rat from way back with ample supplies.

  ‘Okay. That’s it. We can head for home,’ she declared. ‘Stay here. I’ll bring the car around.’ Once comfortably ensconced, Tenille gave effusive thanks for all her help. ‘That’s what friends are for,’ was all she said in reply. They drove in silence back to the apartment, both feeling satisfied with the morning’s outcome.

  ‘Do you have time for lunch, before you go to work, Thea?’ Tenille asked, as they drew up outside the house. She checked the digital clock.

  ‘Just a coffee. Nothing to eat though. I’m trying to loose some of this.’ She patted the rounded curve of her hip. ‘I’m eating fruit only for lunch and I have it all prepared.’

  ‘You can eat it here, if you want.’

  Once inside, Tenille set about preparing the coffees.

  ‘I bet you’ll be happy to move into your new apartment, come Saturday,’ Thea commented. ‘After this basement you’ll enjoy the freedom of movement.’

  ‘Oh yes Thea. I can’t wait.’

  ‘You and Sid make a lovely couple, you know.’ Tenille smiled, well pleased. ‘It’s good to see Sid so happy with someone. Karen was never right from the start, but of course, Sid couldn’t see it.’

  Karen intrigued Tenille. Sidonie never talked about her. Just the occasional mention that was all, if something came up that triggered a memory. ‘What is she like?’ She couldn’t stop from asking, although not sure she wanted to hear the answer.

  ‘You’ll see for yourself, come Saturday.’

  ‘Karen will be at the party?’ She was shocked. Would she be forced to face this woman? Talk to her?

  ‘Yes. You’ll find the lesbian world is a very small one. The social wedge is scattered throughout with Exes.’ She thought it prudent to change the subject. ‘Everyone will be very interested to meet you. You’re relatively new on the scene and certainly an unknown,’ she clarified.

  This aspect hadn’t occurred to Tenille. However, like so many walks of life, those involved never completely lost touch. Names and faces were bound to reappear, over time.

  ‘Yes, Karen is currently with Mitch. I don’t know her personally, but she’s a good friend of a friend of Reine’s.’ Thea chuckled. ‘Did you follow all that?’

  She nodded: ‘Sort of.’ This wasn’t true. She was too disturbed. The name Karen just kept ringing in her ears.

  Thea was continuing: ‘So you see when word gets around about a party, the net draws them all in.’ She began to reminisce. ‘I remember going to a party in our early days, I was new with Reine, we weren’t an item and there were three of Reine’s Exes.’ She laughed, her mind diffracting as she looked back through the dispersed twists of remembered incidents.

  ‘Fortunately I was no novice, so I took them in my stride. After all, I could afford to be generous; I was about to take what they had lost.’ Admiration shone from Tenille’s eyes.

  ‘Yes, Reine was quite the lady-killer in her younger days,’ she mused.

  ‘I can believe it. Reine is still a very attractive woman. Not just her looks,’ Tenille expounded: ‘She’s got a way with her that can’t be ignored.’

  ‘You see it too? Well, when she was slimmer, had more youthful vitality than now, the young Femmes would flock around her, hoping her eye might alight on one of them. She still has a roving eye,’ Thea acknowledged, ‘but I know it’s only looking. It’s hard to let predation go when it’s been there all your life.’ A softness came to her eyes, behind her thick glasses, as she smiled to herself. ‘I think Reine was butch as a baby. No toddler even, was safe.’ Now she let go a full-throated laugh, hugely enjoying the memories of her lover’s antics.

  She asked her question again.

  ‘She’s feminine, like you, but she’s not a gentle woman. There’s a toughness about her that shows. She’s had some hard knocks in her time,’ Thea surmised: ‘Less able to give now, more demanding too. No, I shouldn’t say that,’ she corrected herself. ‘I don’t really know. You’ll have to judge for yourself.’ She leaned closer. ‘One word of advice though, don’t try to make conversation with her. If she comes up to you, okay, otherwise she could cut you down quite badly.’

  Tenille was astounded at the very thought. ‘I wouldn’t dream of approaching her,’ she exclaimed. Run a mile more like. ‘I wouldn’t have a clue what to say anyway.’ She finished off her coffee and clasping her hands in front of her, continued: ‘I must admit I feel nervous about this party now.’ She looked apprehensive, showing furrows of concern.

  ‘Don’t fret, Ten,’ Thea tried to reassure her. ‘Sid wouldn’t let anything bad happen to you. Knowing her, she’ll be by your side the whole time, making it clear who you belong to. Listen, your paths probably won’t even cross, there’ll be so many people,’ she concluded. It was time for her to go and as she organized her things, Tenille made enquiries about her volunteer work and if there could be an opening.

  ‘Leave it with me and I’ll let you know tomorrow.’

  ‘Thanks, Thea. Dinner is about seven-thirty, isn’t it?’ she confirmed.

  ‘Yes, thereabouts.’ As she stood on the threshold Thea turned and laughed. ‘Having you guys over Thursday will really put Sid off the track. She’ll never expect to be back again Saturday.’ They parted with a quick embrace. ‘See you.’

  Tenille began moving slowly about the apartment,
collecting up all signs of a recent visitor, her mind busy with thoughts of tomorrow night. The idea came that she could leave something behind at the apartment. Saturday she could ask Sidonie to pop in to pick it up. It would have to be something she couldn’t do without, something convincing. Time flew and before she’d come up with any ideas, she heard Mrs. Sandrelli ushering Sidonie into the house.

  ‘Darn. I hope she doesn’t mention Thea. I completely forgot to give a warning,’ Tenille admonished herself. She didn’t have to worry. Sidonie wasn’t going to hang about, making small talk. No, she was knocking on the door and calling out: ‘Here’s your local friendly Limo. Service.’

  * * *

  Sidonie had driven Tenille to the O&A for her doctor’s appointment and was now idly leafing through a stack of dog-eared TIME magazines. The waiting room had seen better days. It was located in the old wing of the hospital, the new being given over to hospital services and operating rooms. The other occupants were in various stages of recovery: with or without plaster cast; in a wheelchair; on crutches or with canes, the effect being one of total disorganization. She was the most relaxed of the people waiting there, not at all anxious over Tenille. Her progress had continued along predictable lines and she seemed to be her old self. Yesterday and today her spirits had been high, perhaps because she knew the cast change was imminent. She wasn’t fatiguing at the slightest exertion, if anything, she had too much energy. She couldn’t use it up enough. Today she would ask Doctor Suli about a mild sedative. She had been having trouble sleeping because of this excess of energy.

  Waiting, she let her thoughts return to a current theme occupying her mind of late. This was the possibility of a housewarming at the apartment, coinciding with her birthday perhaps? Could she be getting too old for a party? The magazine slipped to the floor. She gave up and threw it onto the pile. What about Tenille’s natal event? She should check. She’d appeared reluctant to discuss birthdays, being conscious of the age difference. Silly Sausage. Anyway, back to the housewarming. It would be a chance for her to meet all her friends and for them to get to know her. She’d neglected her buddies recently. This would make a good excuse to be back in touch. ‘Make a note,’ she said to herself: ‘Contact Ma Bell and get the phone put on.’ Calling from home, how wonderful.

  At this juncture Tenille appeared, looking pleased, a nurse by her side, but only as a formality.

  ‘Hi.’ She jumped up. ‘Everything go OK?’ A middle aged man, next in line for attention, had looked up when Tenille appeared. He sat forward intently, watching her every move.

  Sidonie, noticing his interest, smiled to herself. “Yes, Ten’s certainly a looker. Even on crutches, she can still catch people’s eyes and hold them. Especially when she smiles so radiantly. Hell’s teeth, it would be easy to put two and two together if she continues to look at me like that.” In fact the man had now turned his attention to her, probably wondering who was occasioning such a lambent glow.

  ‘Yes, great. The X-Rays show excellent healing so not only is my foot up, but I’ve got a rocker bar too. This means darling,’ Tenille whispered in Sidonie’s ear, ‘I can begin weight bearing as soon as the plaster is dry. Isn’t this a milestone to celebrate?’

  Sidonie held the door open as she said goodbye to the nurse, then they progressed to the side exit. No hassle with the car here. On their way back to #226, she broached the subject uppermost in her mind: the housewarming. Traffic was heavy and now she was stuck behind a bus; impossible to pass with this press of cars. The downtown commotion at rush hour really was hopeless. She was moving slowly west on Wellesley, but at this rate it was going to take forever. Tenille could see her patience wearing thin, her fuming increasing.

  ‘Let’s circle Queen’s Park and take Haskin,’ she suggested. ‘St. George will probably be faster than Bay.’

  ‘OK. Anything is better than this,’ feeling her temper fraying at the edges. “Sit back and don’t sweat the small stuff,” she advised herself.

  Tenille’s mind raced. Had Sidonie come up with this party idea because of her birthday on the 10th? Did she plan to move and have the party on the same day? What about Thea’s idea to give her a surprise? Perhaps she could deflect her train of thought, without deflating her enthusiasm.

  ‘Honey.’ Her voice broke into Sidonie’s concentration. ‘It sounds like a great idea, but … we’re not even moved yet. Don’t you think we should get ourselves settled first, then think of inviting people?’ Silence.

  ‘It’s only a party, Ten,’ Sidonie pointed out, screwing up her face. ‘They’ll bring the beer, we’ll provide the pretzels. As for the furniture, it’s better if there isn’t too much, leaves more room for dancing. I can’t see a problem.’ She glanced over at Tenille. If she really didn’t want a party, of course they could wait, but then it would be past her birthday. Tenille looked back at the girl, she had turned her attention to the road, so all she saw was a determined profile looking tough and serious.

  This was just what she had feared; Sidonie, ready to dig in her heels. Inspiration. ‘We’ll have to clear it with Moira and Rani first, don’t you think?’ she cautioned. ‘We don’t want to start off with our new landladies rubbing them the wrong way.’

  ‘We’ll invite then too.’ She looked confident. If that was her problem, then no worries. She felt sure there’d be no objection; in fact they’d have a great time.

  Try again. ‘How can you be so sure? We don’t know what they like,’ she argued.

  ‘Tenille, you are such a worrywart. Of course they’ll come. Everyone loves a party.’ She couldn’t understand her objections.

  Yes. This was the girl talking who would relish her own surprise birthday party. Tenille, smiling to herself, opted for the middle course. She suggested they ask them and take it from there; then added for good measure: ‘Otherwise I think it’s a great idea.’ She heard her but didn’t respond, concentrating on some tricky manoeuvring, crossing Bloor at St. George. Even with traffic lights, one had to stay alert.

  Inside Tenille’s, away from the noise and so many people, she could relax. She’d leave the subject of the party and try again when she was more receptive. It probably would be too much with the move and all. She’d been indulging a wishful fantasy.

  ‘Want a coffee, love?’ Ten asked solicitously, seeing she was beginning to fade. When the day starts at five and there’s no ‘catch up’, it wasn’t surprising.

  ‘An O.V. if you’ve got any left, Babe.’

  ‘Still three in the fridge.’ She opened one each and they could split the third for their refill. Sid came over to collect the beers and then set them on the night table. She took a long draught.

  ‘Ah, that tastes good.’ She stretched out on the bed with a deep sigh. ‘Come here.’ She put her hand out for her to join her. As she sank down, she rolled onto her side, snuggling into Sid’s neck.

  ‘I have to be careful of the cast since it’s not quite hardened,’ she explained. ‘I’ll just keep my leg over here.’

  ‘Oh yes, of course. Sorry.’

  ‘No apologies needed.’

  She turned her face towards Ten, feeling that delicious longing rise inside as she began kissing her inviting lips. The kiss was gentle, full of savor, the ending slow and tapering. Ten began to stroke Sid’s temple and the smooth roundness of her cheek. She saw her eyelids droop then remain closed. Yes, it had been a long day and she could do with rest. She always seemed to be on the go, looking after her.

  Ten adjusted her position to caress her more comfortably. Shortly she heard the slow, regular breathing of one who has completely succumbed to fatigue and sleeps. Such a dear, dear face she reflected, as she gazed at her beloved. A handsome profile. It wasn’t always possible to look as good in profile compared with full face, but hers was perfect. Was she biased? …rose colored glasses? No, she didn’t think so. No one could doubt that she had a most striking, well-proportioned countenance, no matter from which angle it was viewed.

  Brilliant golden ha
ir, falling in careless dishevelment, she looked like a Greek god. “Now could anyone resist her charms; let alone a poor maiden like me?” She smiled to herself in sardonic reflection. “My, you are whimsical sometimes, Ten.” Letting her hand fall to Sid’s shoulder, her fingers traced the muscles in her arm and forearm. It was not often she had the chance to indulge herself like this; when she could look as long as she liked, drink her fill of every detail. She brought her hand to rest on her rib cage, rising and falling with each of her breaths. She looked at her breasts but did not touch, fearing to disturb this sleeping Peri. Her gaze moved down. She enjoyed feeling the taut muscles of her stomach so flat, yet the outline softened by youth. There were no sharp angles. Her body must be at the peak of condition.

  Gently, very gently, she let her hand slide down to the top of the thigh, just beyond the edge of her shorts, the skin hot to the touch. Satiny smooth. Only very fine blond hairs grew here. This was in marked contrast to the leg below the knee, where the hairs grew in greater profusion; still fine, still blonde. She liked the fact that she didn’t shave. When she stroked her legs, she was never prickled. The flesh still felt silky smooth, despite the golden down. She let her head rest on Sid’s shoulder and dropped off into a light slumber, her hand remaining neglected where it lay.

  This was good for Ten. She was waking up too early, about four, then couldn’t get back to sleep. Sometimes she’d give up, turning on the light for a read, then try again later. By morning, she’d be ready to go into a deep sleep. How topsy-turvy. The relaxation pills should help. She was the first to stir, trying to change her position and the cast had clunked into her other leg. Sid didn’t move. She decided to make coffee, the smell would probably be enough to bring Sid round. Carefully she rose from the bed, then pushed herself upright on her crutches. Tomorrow she could take some weight. She checked her watch. It was almost six, time to get ready for Reine and Thea’s. With the coffee steaming on the counter, she hopped over to Sid’s side of the bed and sitting down, shook her shoulder.