Outing of the Heart

by Lisa Ann Harper

  ‘Press against my hands,’ Trent continued to instruct: ‘And close your eyes.’ She did all this without demur, but even more intrigued.

  ‘Now just let your arms and shoulders relax and follow my lead.’

  She could feel the warmth from Trent’s hands and the steady pressure from her palms. Slowly, in time to the music, Trent moved their hands up and down, sideways and around. Listening to the words of the song and letting the rhythm of the music flow through her from Trent’s lead, Ten found very seductive. She couldn’t help feeling a thrill of excitement flutter through her as her body was overtaken by the music … and Trent’s proximity. Now she was leading her into forward and backward sways of their arms: first one then the other. Suddenly she was aware of being drawn in, closer and closer to Trent’s body, experiencing a beautiful waft of her perfume as their bodies almost touched, then moved away.

  “It’s like leaning forward for a kiss,” she thought, her pulses racing. No dance had ever been like this. She loved it, never wanted it to stop. What this woman could do.

  Trent was feeling the heat build up in Ten. “You little Beauty,” she thought. “My, what a good time I could give you, and myself, for that matter.” The music came to an end; she brought their hands back to the centre and gave Ten’s a little squeeze before releasing them.

  Opening their eyes, they looked at each other without speaking. She could see Trent was quite as affected as she and became flustered, coloring up delightfully. To break the spell Trent laughed and, handing over her drink asked rhetorically: ‘Who needs a dance floor?’ She couldn’t speak; had momentarily lost control over her vocal cords, so instead took a sip from her glass. Trent stood and collected the chair. ‘I’ll return this to its rightful place. Thanks for the dance.’ She stood over her enjoying the sight of the heightened color in the decolletage. “Sid shouldn’t leave this one unattended,” she mused to herself: “You never know who may happen along.”

  At last Ten found her voice. ‘Tha … thank you,’ she managed to stammer, looking up into Trent’s face: ‘ … I enjoyed it.’

  ‘Oh, the pleasure was all mine,’ she assured her gallantly, the gleam in her hazel eyes penetrating into Ten with an intensity she found unsettling. Then, like a hologram, she was gone, swallowed up by the crowd.

  The tempo of the music had picked up again resulting in everyone letting off steam to East 17’s Overworld Storm Mix of LET IT RAIN. The high energy of the music helped Ten regain her composure. Trent had left a strong impression; one not easy to cast aside.

  Shortly thereafter, Reine appeared with a tray of hot, stuffed mushrooms, skewered through to hold the narrow bacon strip in place. She held a stack of napkins in her other hand. ‘How’re you doing, Tenille? Must take care of our other guest of honor. Fancy one of these?’ She held out the plate.

  ‘Thank you.’ She accepted the offering although didn’t really feel like eating. ‘Have you seen Sid, Reine? The room seems to have gobbled her up,’ she complained, an anxious expression crossing her face. Reine picked up on this and thought: “Poor kid. This must all be a bit overwhelming to her.”

  ‘I’ll keep my eyes open while I’m circulating. She won’t like to know you’re feeling left out.’

  ‘Oh, I’m all right, Reine,’ she hastened to disavow her of the thought she was pining. She was a little, but more because Trent had gotten her so mixed up. She needed to feel the reassurance of Sid’s presence; get herself centred once more in the secure and familiar.

  At that moment a gap opened up in the crush of bodies around her and she and Reine were able to see off to one side of the dance area. They witnessed Sid being dragged onto the floor by a young woman looking the epitome of lesbian chic. Short hair, cut in the form of a skullcap, straight across the front in severe bangs. She wore a low-waisted, long black dress and lightweight black boots, thick white socks in evidence above the leather. The line of the dress revealed her as slightly plump. Her make-up gave a fashionable pallor to her face, the lips being painted a rich blood red, outlined in dark purple. Ten could see Sid’s reluctance, but the other girl was not taking no for an answer. The music changed to EVERLASTING LOVE, sung by Gloria Estefan, just the right beat for a medium lesbian Two-Step, and quickly they were hidden from view by the other couples. Ten’s last impression of the scene was of the two girls, closely pressed together, locked in each other’s arms, as were all the other women. There wasn’t much movement on the floor now; everyone lost in the intimacy of the dance. She would have enjoyed the sight, ordinarily, but this time felt uneasy. She turned her head sharply towards Reine, a troubled look in her eyes.

  ‘Who is that woman dancing with Sid?’ To preserve an air of unconcern, she took a bite of the hors d’oeuvre, but Reine was not fooled.

  ‘Karen,’ she replied dryly. She softened her voice. ‘Don’t let that upset you, she’s a bit tanked up. Sid’s just avoiding a scene by humoring her. It doesn’t mean anything,’ she finished reassuringly. ‘When the dance is over, Sid’ll come by here, you’ll see.’ She bent back to Ten. ‘You OK? I must move on with these.’

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  ‘Atta girl.’ She urged another mushroom onto her, then continued to circulate. The dance came to a slow end and since the next number was quite boppy, the couples began to break up. Reine was correct in her surmise. Sid had disengaged herself from Karen and was now weaving her way over to Ten’s side of the room.

  ‘Hi, Honey. Sorry I’ve been gone so long. You OK? Where’s Milka?’ She took Ten’s hand and held it in hers as she looked quickly around.

  ‘Oh, Edina claimed her for a dance. The music brought back memories apparently.’ Ten, happy to have Sid back by her side, drew the hand in hers towards her mouth for a soft kiss. ‘I’ve been fine, darling. I’ve been watching the dancing.’ She looked up at Sid wistfully, her eyes even darker in their unexpressed concern. ‘I wish I could be dancing with you.’

  Sid squatted down in front of her and put both hands along the sides of her thighs. Looking up into her eyes, she said simply: ‘The time will come and ….’ Suddenly Karen appeared, waving a fresh glass of rum and coke in front of her face.

  ‘Aren’t you going to introduce us?’ she asked acidly. ‘After all, the old should meet the new, don’t you think?’ She stared hard at Sid then turning pointedly, directed a hard stare onto the seated woman. Ten, feeling nervously uncomfortable, thought: “So this is what Karen is like,” and was not happy with the discovery. Sid, for her part, could sense the belligerence in Karen’s voice. This wasn’t just booze talking. “Hell’s teeth,” she groaned inwardly: “I don’t need this.”

  Trying to keep her face amiable she proceeded in a conciliatory tone: ‘Karen, please meet Tenille Fenech. Ten, this is Karen Olhovski.’ She stood up now so the two of them were looking down on Ten.

  ‘So … I’ve heard about you. I wondered when we’d get to meet. You’re a lot older than I expected,’ she added nastily, her eyes shooting sparks of vengeful hatred.

  ‘Jeeze Karen,’ Sid interceded: ‘Personal remar–,’ but Karen wasn’t listening. She had moved in closer, bending down slightly so her face was on a level with Ten’s, leaving her feeling pinioned to the chair, no way of escape. There was an ugly look on the face in front of her as the teeth bared.

  ‘You’ll get to learn what she’s like all too soon.’ Venom roughened the slurred voice. The glass tipped perilously, but she noticed nothing, so intent was she upon wreaking havoc and discord. She spat out, even more enraged: ‘Then you’ll regret you ever set eyes on her … just like I do.’ So close was this furious face, Ten could smell the alcohol on her breath. The women near at hand ceased their bubbles of chatter and fell silent, moving back slightly from the unfolding drama.

  ‘Karen.’ Sid wanted this to stop; wanted to get Karen to behave civilly. She reached out to pull her away and give Ten space, but she shook her off.

  ‘Don’t …’ she turned on Sid, ‘ …touch me.’ the glare in her eyes
was vitriolic.

  ‘Karen,’ Sid tried again: ‘You’ve had too much to drink, don’t you think you shou–’

  ‘Back off, Henderson. …and don’t tell me what to do. You’ve finished throwing your weight around me,’ she hissed, her eyes narrowing with contempt.

  Attracted by the silence of the rest of the room, Reine approached this scene to render what assistance she could. She wanted to help get this woman under control before too many coarse words flooded her mouth and things got out of hand. But quickly Karen returned to her taunting of the hapless Tenille.

  ‘You’ll see. You’ll think you’re the only one in her life, but then you’ll find out different.’ There was a wild look in her eyes and her voice had risen to shouting pitch. ‘You don’t have what it takes to keep someone like Sid … especially while you’re stuck with these things.’ She kicked out at the canes leaning against the chair, but because they had become wedged and didn’t budge lost her balance, falling backwards, the glass and drink flying. Reine was able to break the fall, but the glass shattered. The sudden action brought the atmosphere in the room to a humming intensity. Everyone focussed on the four women, taking in all the details. This would be something to recount to absent friends.

  Ten’s embarrassment was acute; her flushed face passed through several vivid colors. Her hands, although sweaty, were ice cold. She could say nothing; just had to sit there and take it. Sid tried again, as Reine helped to lift the girl up and she took her other arm. ‘Come on Karen, let’s get you outta here,’ she muttered, dragging her bodily towards the balcony, hoping fresh air could bring her to her senses. A pathway dramatically opened up, as women stared at the advancing trio and made way. They were quite a spectacle. Now Karen was shouting at Sid, her temper causing her to vent pent up frustrations, the language crude and at times totally foul. Women began to exchange glances, rolling their eyes. No one likes to be put in the position in which Sid found herself. They sympathized. Who knows when a troublesome Ex. may turn up to cause an embarrassing confrontation? A collective: “There but for the grace of God go I,” was heavy in the air. Talk quickly resumed around the room, as the unexpected diversion drew to a close. Thea asked Ten if she’d like to move away to some other location: ‘At least away from this corner,’ she added.

  ‘Actually, I need a trip to the washroom.’

  ‘Fine. We’ll go together.’

  She felt better to be up and lost in the crowd. All those women staring at them had been unnerving. Following in Thea’s wake, her progress was facilitated by her opening up a pathway, but at the door she left her. She relieved herself and washed her hands. Checking in the mirror above the basin, her face looked strained and instead of flushed, the blood had drained away giving her a ghostly pallor. Brushing her hair, she didn’t want to leave the peace of this solitary space, but she couldn’t stay hidden. She kept seeing Karen’s leering face, the animosity in her hooded eyes. It was horrible. No one had ever addressed her with such disgust. This birthday was not turning out to be the joyous occasion she’d anticipated. She hoped Sid would be able to sort her out. She tied her hair back again and began to smooth out her dress, musing over this unexpected exchange. All she had expected was possibly a glimpse of Karen. A shouting match … never. This was too awful. Poor Sid. “She probably feels even worse,” she thought. “I should get back to her, otherwise I’ll only be adding to her worries and she doesn’t need that.” Thus fortified, she opened the door a crack and looked out. Everything was back to normal. Slowly, she made her way along the periphery of the room to finish up in the kitchen. Lyndall was there.

  ‘What a show.’ she exclaimed as she saw Ten, then added: ‘Are you okay? Can I get you something? A glass of wine, perhaps?’

  ‘No. A coffee if that’s possible, please. I think I’ve drunk enough for one night.’ Ten’s voice was soft with forbearance.

  ‘Not a problem. How do you like it?’ she asked.

  ‘Cream, no sugar,’ she responded, leaning back against the counter. She crossed her cast over her other foot to rest it. ‘You know, in a way I feel sorry for Karen.’ She hooked the canes on the ledge. ‘After all, I have what she wants. Making a scene doesn’t help, but in some situations it’s all that’s left.’

  ‘Oh, so you and Sid are together are you?’ Lyndall hastened on. ‘Like, I mean, more than as they say ‘just friends’.’ As Ten took a breath to respond, Lyndall knew the answer. She was looking at this beautiful woman and her heart sank. Her fantasies were over; her dream of anything more was shattered. Had there ever been one that came and went so fast? Well, she’d still try to get her in at the Centre. It would be a pleasure just to treat her eyes to such a delicious sight. She was placing the coffee on the counter when a gruff voice intruded on their silence.

  ‘There you are. Found you at last.’ Sid’s voice rang with relief. She came into the kitchen eyeing up Lyndall. Her again. She wasn’t pleased, but what could she do?

  ‘Mm..m, coffee. What a good idea. Is there one more cup in the pot?’ She looked hard at Lyndall, trying to assess the degree of threat she could pose, but on closer scrutiny decided it was negligible. Still, it always paid to remain vigilant. As she poured her coffee Ten enquired about Karen. She looked searchingly at Sid, trying to assess how she felt about the whole incident.

  ‘She’s quietened down. Thea is with her. Listen.’ She set her mug aside and went up to Ten, draping her arms about her shoulders. ‘I’m really sorry about that outburst. Karen has had too much to drink.’ Her concern was obvious. ‘I hope you don’t take her words seriously, darling. She was just being vengeful; striking out blindly. I don’t know why, she has a new girlfriend. I’ve met her and she seems quite nice.’

  Intently, Ten looked back. ‘She’s still in love with you, that’s why. No matter that she’s found someone else.’ Unsmiling, she let her words sink in, each one falling heavily, as she held Sid’s eyes. Sid would have to come to terms with this and deal with it, and/or Karen. She was the one who had broken off. It would be her responsibility to sort out the pieces. She would find out in the end that she couldn’t just walk away leaving behind unfinished business. Somewhere, somehow there has to be a resolution.

  ‘Yes, you’re right, Ten, but what can I do? She knows about you. She simply has to get used to the idea.’ Sid’s face hardened. ‘I’m not going to pander to her by indulging in quiet ‘tete à tetes’.’

  ‘Is that what she’s asking for?’ Ten enquired quickly, eyes narrowing. She sipped her coffee while she waited for the reply. Sid took a long swallow.

  ‘Oh, she’s being completely unrealistic. You can’t make her see reason,’ she exploded with impatience.

  At this juncture, Lyndall stepped forward to contribute her two bits to the discussion. ‘Listen, I volunteer at the Counselling Centre.’ They turned to look at her. So that’s why they were here, Sid thought, with relief. ‘Perhaps it would help her to talk to someone? She’s obviously still got some unfinished business.’ Lyndall looked across, first at Sid then at Ten and then back again.

  ‘Perhaps …’ Sid responded reluctantly. ‘I don’t know if I can convince her to give it a try. She really doesn’t like the sound of my voice at the moment.’

  ‘Not to worry,’ Lyndall assured her: ‘I’ll go find her and gently sound her out. If her judgement is still too clouded with drink, I’ll get her number and give her a call.’ Lyndall’s air of calm control began to allay their fears. ‘It’ll be all right. I’ll refer her to another of our counsellors. He’s very good in situations like this,’ she concluded.

  ‘He is?’ Ten queried in surprise.

  ‘Yes. Sometimes women respond better to gay men. There’s absolutely no threat and they have no need to dissemble, yet it’s clear he can understand where they’re coming from.’

  ‘Right,’ Sid agreed. ‘It could just be what she needs.’ Her face bore the lines of solicitude. ‘I hate to see her still so cut up. I wish her no harm. In fact,’ she revealed truthfully
, ‘I would be delighted to know she’s happy and content. Although,’ she added candidly, ‘with Karen that state would be hard to accomplish.’ She gave Ten’s shoulder a little squeeze, then stepped away to continue drinking her coffee. Lyndall rinsed out her mug and with a farewell, took herself off.

  ‘Darling, I hope this hasn’t spoiled your evening?’ Sid’s voice was rough with self-reproach and her brow creased with disquiet again, as she took Ten in her arms, pressing her yielding softness against her. Her kiss was delicious on the lips, then she rested her head against Ten’s cheek. Her arms came up in quick response to her need as tenderly she whispered: ‘No, it’s okay Honey, but how are you?’ She caressed her neck with slow, gentle strokes. ‘Are you enjoying your party? Thea assured me you like surprises.’

  She hesitated briefly, before lifting her head to reply: ‘Yes …’

  ‘But …’ Ten interjected.

  ‘Well, truth to tell, my love, after our afternoon together, I’d sort of pictured us alone somewhere, just being us, you know. And instead … well, here we are, in front of all the world.’ She smiled and continued rapidly: ‘But don’t get me wrong …’ and gave her a big hug, ‘ …I do like that everyone wanted to be at my party. Especially I appreciate all the trouble Thea and Reine have gone to.’ She looked questioningly at Ten. ‘You played your part, too, didn’t you?’

  She blushed, moving away in embarrassment, recalling her white lies.

  ‘Thea needed my co-operation, yes. But you know, dearest, it’s not my way to fabricate.’ She warmed to her disclosure, glad at last to be able to unburden herself. ‘It makes me feel far too uncomfortable and I didn’t like having to do it one bit. My only consolation was that it was all in a good cause.’ She paused for breath, then rushed on. ‘As for being alone together, it’s what I would much prefer too, but you are the guest of honor, so we can’t leave yet.’