Outing of the Heart

by Lisa Ann Harper

  Sid on the other hand was full of her suspicion that the grooms, exercise riders and hot walkers at her stable were planning something she wouldn’t like, for her last day. ‘They all shut up when they see me coming.’

  ‘Only two more days’ of suspense, darling. Do you think you can handle it?’ Ten joked.

  ‘No choice,’ Sid grinned in turn. She pulled into the alleyway alongside the store where she was permitted to park for thirty minutes. They let themselves in at the side door, then proceeded to the little back room everyone used for their own purposes.

  ‘See you tonight, Babe. Are you sure you don’t want me to collect you?’ Sid enquired. ‘Really, I don’t mind coming down,’ she assured her.

  ‘No Sid, I’m good. Jocelyn’s on tonight so she’s going to drop me off at the St. Clair streetcar stop. Now don’t worry I’ll be fine.’ She checked there was no one about then planted a loving kiss on Sid’s mouth. ‘See you tonight.’ She went out to report to Phyllis. Sid followed more slowly to say, ‘Hi’ to the others.

  On the return journey she conceived a plan for their last day together; no need to wait ’til she got back. It had been a long time since either of them had been to Niagara Falls and then it was to entertain out-of-town visitors. They would make a day of it. After the Falls, out to Niagara-on-the-Lake for lunch. They could take their time coming home. She would put it to her tonight.

  Back in the apartment she completed the last minute packing. Not clothes this time, just a sort through of her possessions for those little things she would like to have to brighten her room. In going through the knickknacks she realized she had no photo of Tenille and there were no photos of them together. Neither of them had a camera. She got on the phone to Thea.

  ‘Reine here.’

  ‘Reine, Sid.’

  ‘Hi good buddy, how’re ya doin’?’

  ‘Good, thanks Reine. How’re you guys?’

  ‘Great. Listen, thanks for an excellent evening, Saturday. We really liked Moira and Rani. Did Tenille go for that radio announcing, or whatever?’

  ‘Yes. She’s decided to give it a try. She’s gotten to know Rani better. They came out over coffee and that sealed it.’

  ‘Did they now?’ Sid could hear the wide-eyed wonder in Reine’s voice. ‘Well I had my suspicions, that’s why I was a bit provocative Saturday, but they didn’t bite.’

  ‘By the way it’s newscasting and … she gets to write it too.’

  ‘True.’ This time Reine was genuinely impressed. ‘Well that sure will keep her out of mischief. When will she be on and we’ll give a listen.’ She knew Thea would be interested. Sid gave the details then went on to her request. There was no problem so she arranged to pick up the camera, just a little idiot-proof jobbie, the next day on her way back from Mississauga, or on Saturday after work. Everything taken care of, she couldn’t wait for Ten to get home. If she slept now, it would pass the time, then she could get up for a brief visit when she got in.

  It was only a little after nine thirty when Ten put the key in the lock. She found a note propped against the coffee plunger. ‘Darling, please wake me when you come in. Love Ya. XOX’

  Intrigued and not a little concerned, she hoped everything was all right. Coffees in hand she carried them through to the bedroom, then a gentle shake to Sid’s shoulder and the eyelids flew open.

  ‘Hello my love.’ She put her arms around Ten and gave her a warm, sleepy hug. Ten kissed her quickly saying: ‘I’ve brought you a drink.’ She sat up and accepted the mug, crossing her legs under her and motioning Ten to sit close.

  ‘You’ve got me curious,’ Ten admitted: ‘There’s no problem is there?’

  ‘No Babe. Nothing like that. I just got this idea and was too excited to wait, to pass it by you.’ She had all Ten’s attention and plunged on. ‘You remember we thought to do something special, Sunday?’

  She nodded.

  ‘How would you like a trip to Niagara Falls; lunch at Niagara-on-the Lake?’ She delivered herself of this suggestion with an excited gleam in her sparkling eyes.

  ‘Oh darling, I’d love it. Just you and me away for the whole day.’ She put down her mug to give Sid a big, happy kiss on the mouth.

  While she got herself ready for bed, they worked out the details. Sid watched Ten’s every coming and going, the love light shining luminous in her eyes. She didn’t believe she had ever been happier.

  ‘Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to make us a picnic lunch, Sid? Lunch out could be a bit expensive.’ Ten slipped into a short sleeved nightshirt, three-quarter length, which she liked to wear now the nights were drawing in. It featured two cuddly teddies on the front wearing their nightshirt with two teddies on it. She had untied her hair and was going through the last brushes of the day. Sid loved to watch the fluid motion of her arm as she drew the brush through the myriad strands; to see the dark tresses shimmer and flow in wave after wave of glossy motion. There was a time when she had had to imagine things like this. Now she could be a voyeur and indulge her eyes to her heart’s content. The thought caught her up abruptly – not after Sunday she couldn’t. It would be back to imagining again.

  ‘Can I do that for you?’ the words out before the idea had even registered.

  Ten, seated on the little stool in front of the dressing table, swivelled around, a look of surprise on her face. ‘Sid, it’s late. You must get your sleep.’ What had gotten into her? But she experienced a shiver of pleasure anyway.

  ‘I’ve slept already. I’m not tired. Please?’

  How could she hold out against those imploring, aquamarine eyes? ‘Of course, I’d be happy to have you do my hair. I was only concerned for you.’ Holding out the brush, she smiled, then turned back to face the looking glass, as Sid slid out of bed and came to stand behind her. With the brush in her right hand, she picked up Ten’s hair in her left. It was long now, having grown considerably since their first meeting. It felt heavy and fluid, slithering through her grasp until she learned the nature of it.

  Beginning the rhythmical strokes, she watched Ten in the mirror, who looked back at her, watching. Eventually, overcome by the grooming, Ten’s eyelids began to droop and Sid felt her weight heavy against her thighs. How she loved this; would remember it for the rest of her life. One of those infinitely beautiful encounters; Ten, so totally relaxed, totally trusting, her mind and body given over completely to her ministrations, all control relinquished to her hands. Savoring this hallowed moment, she continued to lift, stroke and let fall, this torrent of waves. At last, putting down the brush, she swept her arms around the relaxed body.

  ‘Come to bed, Love. Come and sleep in my arms. Rest your head on my shoulder.’

  With great care she lifted Ten to her feet then carried her to the bed, so close to sleep already. She laid her down under the covers, then slipped in from the other side, turning off the bedside lamp. She took her in her arms and at the touch of their bodies, Ten snuggled in closer and murmured dreamily: ‘I love you.’

  Sid did not drop off, but stayed awake, listening to Ten’s slow breathing, feeling the flutter across her cheek of each breath. Yes, she would take all these memories away with her and when she was once again alone in her bed, would relive this tender, precious interlude. Eventually her body too, had to give itself up to sleep. She’d wanted for this time never to end; to preserve indelibly, every precious second in her brain, but she couldn’t hold on. Suddenly, her heart, swelling with so much love was gripped in agony. Her mind had become swamped with the pain of the loss to come. But it was her destiny to work with animals; her life-long ambition; this could not be denied. The thought came swiftly; she would live for the weekends, when they would be together.

  Another fear intruded into her consciousness bringing a momentary spasm, making her tense. Did Tenille have the endurance, the patience to wait? Could she understand how much all this meant to her? Better stop this before she spun crazily out of control, then Ten would be right and she wouldn’t have enough
sleep for tomorrow. She looked at the illuminated dial. No today. This was her last thought, her arms still wrapped around Ten, their legs entwined.

  CHAPTER 16

  Sid pulled up in front of her mother’s house, located on the northern outskirts of Mississauga. When she’d lived here it had seemed big, now it always struck her as compact. Ma kept a neat front yard, but nothing much ever grew. She had two scrubby cedar bushes either side of the front steps, otherwise it was grass and a Maple which caused a lot of work in the fall and not much shade in the summer. Still, it was a tree.

  Inside too, felt cramped, but part of the problem was the kids still wouldn’t put their things away. Billy was the worst. It seemed he needed to stamp his claim to every corner of every room and on every surface. Mavis didn’t come down on him hard though. She knew what teenage boys are like and it just wasn’t in her nature to go on and on. Sid noticed the leaves had all been raked up and the borders neatened. Perhaps this was Billy’s doing, now he was working for the Parks Department?

  Chelsey came running out to greet her sister as soon as she saw the blue car, happy and excited. Oh, it did her heart good to be back home again and sweeping Chelsey into her arms, gave her a big hug. None of the Henderson family were tall so with Chelsey’s extra weight she looked for all the world like a jolly bouncing ball and had the disposition to go with it. She noticed Chelsey had gained even more since last time. Ma fought an uphill battle. Their arms about their waists, they jigged round the side of the house to the back door. Everyone always used the back. The laughing voices brought Mavis to the door and now it was Sid’s turn to receive a warm embrace. Unlike Chelsey, she felt her mother was thinner. She stood back and eyed her up and down.

  ‘You OK Mam? You haven’t been overdoing things lately, have you?’ Her face creased as she stroked her chin.

  ‘Sidonie. Not through the door five minutes and already you’ve started to fuss.’ Mavis gave her cheek a little pinch. ‘You don’t change.’ In fact she thought her daughter had never looked better, radiating an aura of supreme wellbeing. Her heart swelled with pride in this precious offspring. She may not have turned out exactly as she would have wished, but at least she’d never had to worry about unwanted pregnancies; or even worse a daughter who wanted to keep her baby. She had her hands full with Chelsey and Billy, and the house wasn’t big enough for the three of them, let alone Sid with a baby. The thought didn’t bear thinking. Fortunately, Chelsey so far, hadn’t shown any interest in boys. This was lucky since she could have turned out to be one of the precocious ones.

  They all naturally gravitated to the kitchen. Mavis had made a start on dinner and Sid observed a recipe book open on the table. Normally her Ma never used one. She grabbed Seven-Ups for herself and Chelsey from the fridge, (her mother shook her head), and began idly turning pages as she popped the tops.

  ‘Listen girl, don’t you lose my place,’ Mavis scolded.

  ‘You giving vegetarian food a go, Mam?’ She continued to leaf through, knowing her mother’s bark.

  ‘I borrowed it from Fiona at work. She recommended this one. I thought it wouldn’t hurt to try something different. The kids are pretty good if it’s not too strange.’ She was industriously cutting up onions. There would have to be mountains of veggies to satisfy Billy. Sid returned the book to its original position and saw it was a vegetable frittata her mother was attempting. Apart from eggs it basically consisted of onion and green peppers. “That shouldn’t upset them too much,” she thought.’

  ‘The regular veggies will be peas and carrots and that’s easy enough. I’ve got a big bag in the freezer,’ Mavis explained.

  ‘This is going to be perfect, Mam. Chelsey.’ Sid took her hand in hers. ‘See what a nice supper Mam is making us.’ She showed her the glossy picture. It did look appetizing. Chelsey dragged on the hand.

  ‘Come and see the pictures in my room, Siddie.’

  Sid had spent an hour with her sister before Billy came home, just before six. Chelsey’s collection consisted of an assortment of large posters of hockey players from all over. There was no team allegiance, just the picture of the hockey player was enough. She had Mark Osborne and Tom Fergus of the Maple Leafs: Sergei Makarov of the Calgary Flames: Donald Dufresne from the Montreal Canadians and Grant Fuhr of the Edmonton Oilers. Then they looked at Chelsey’s collection of little glass animals. Sid had seen them many times, but Chelsey always loved to show them off.

  Billy greeted his sister with a degree of lordly indifference, but Sid could see he was happy to tell her about the courses and his new friends. He too, had the stocky build of the family, but unlike his sisters was a carrot top. With the physique of a boxer, he’d been in many a fight, but had never thought to pursue the sport, disliking any physical pain. He admired his sister for her weightlifting and gym training, though would never tell her so. The idea had attracted him too, but he wouldn’t play second fiddle to anyone. ‘Not on your sweet bippy.’ He wasn’t going to be looked upon as some kind of dingbat, following in his big sister’s footsteps.

  After supper, which Sid enjoyed very much, she insisted Mavis sit and relax, while she and Chelsey washed up. CBC was featuring a re-run of ‘Les Plouffs’. This successful sit-com was one of Mavis’ favorites.

  Billy had been disappointed there was no meat, but he still had eaten the equivalent of two platefuls. Chelsey ate hers because she knew it was the only way to get her ‘tin roof’; a favorite dessert which only came an special occasions. She could live on ice cream alone.

  She washed while Sid dried and put away. This was the better way around because although Chelsey had the best intentions in the world to be very, very careful, somehow glasses and mugs just slipped through her fingers. It was good for Sid to have this time with her though. They both got on so well. Chelsey did miss her sister. Billy was all right, but they really had nothing to say to each other. He would defend her to his last breath, but they didn’t talk. Siddie was much more fun.

  Eventually Chelsey was put to bed and Billy went out. Mavis could spend some time with her daughter, just the two of them. She was glad of this because she had something serious to discuss.

  ‘Yes Mam, what is it?’

  They were sitting across from each other, in front of the TV, but there was no sound. Sid found the flickering picture distracting, but she didn’t want to jump up yet again.

  ‘It’s like this, Sid. I’ve met someone I really like …’ her voice trailed away.

  ‘Mam that’s great.’ She beamed at her.

  ‘Wait, child. Let me finish.’ Mavis was finding this hard enough.

  ‘Sorry, Mam, go on.’

  ‘Percy is a real nice guy. I’ve known him about ten months now …’

  ‘But he’s married,’ she interjected, pulling a face.

  ‘Daughter, button your lip.’

  Sid brought her hand to her mouth in one of those gestures, reminding Mavis of when she was a little girl and had done something wrong. ‘Sorry again, Mam.’

  ‘As I was saying … I’ve known him for a while now and no, he’s not married. He’s divorced and has one son living with him. The other is with his mother.’ This time Sid stayed silent. She really wanted to turn the TV off, but she’d definitely left it too late. Another interruption and her mother would brain her.

  ‘This is the problem, Siddie. We want to be together. He’s got his own house and it’s a good size. Mind you, I think Billy might be moving out in the near future so it would only be me and Chelse going over.’

  ‘I don’t see a problem, Mam,’ she exclaimed impetuously.

  ‘The problem is Chelsey.’

  ‘Ah … now I get your drift.’ She was quiet, thinking through the various difficulties which could be encountered in light of this new aspect. Her mother went on, glad at last to be able to talk it through with someone sympathetic and understanding.

  ‘It will be very disruptive to her life. She’s settled into a nice routine. This house she’s happy in. It holds g
ood memories for her. She’s enjoying the sheltered workshop and the people there. Now she had to make big changes and adjustments from Runnymede and you know how uncontrollable she can be when she feels the least bit insecure. Can I ask her to go through all that again, risking her tantrums and violence? Especially in front of Percy and Shane, just as we’re all trying to get to know each other and get along?’ She stopped. She’d had these worries bottled up inside her for weeks, ever since Percy had put the proposition to her. She badly wanted to say, ‘yes’, but she held her guardianship very seriously.

  ‘What has Percy had to say regarding this dilemma, Mam?’ Sid couldn’t see a solution herself.

  ‘Oh, I’ve not shared this with him. He’s just waiting on my answer.’

  ‘I see.’ She pondered for a while. ‘Do they get along? Him and Chelse I mean.’

  ‘So so. They’ve met, but haven’t spent much time together. I had been thinking it might be possible for her to go to you …?’ she looked at Sid to see how this suggestion was being greeted. She saw a look of surprise cross her daughter’s face. ‘Of course, I realize this is out of the question with you taking up your studies an’ all,’ she added hastily. Also, to be honest, Chelsey was not Sid’s responsibility. “Let’s face facts,” she thought dejectedly, “no passing of the buck.”

  ‘Well, it’s not only that Mam. It could be equally disruptive for Chelsey to come to me as for her to go with you over there. By the way, where does he live?’

  ‘He’s out Burlington way.’

  ‘Oh dear, I see. Is that where he works?’

  ‘No he works here. That’s how I met him. He runs a delivery service and the factory is one of his clients.’

  ‘Well, if he’s serious about you and I don’t doubt his sincerity,’ Sid added, ‘then I think you’ll have to share these concerns with him. He’s no teenager. He’ll know everything isn’t always straightforward and compromises have to be made. My advice … talk to him.’ Sid hoped he was as nice as her Ma thought.