Lilian's Spell Book

by Toby Litt

  I walked a little way along into the trees and then turned around to look at what I knew would be, had to be there – the new house, perfect in every detail, just as it had been before and yet, in a way that only I would ever understand, completely different.

  Chapter 60.

  Making sure I could find the place again easily, I buried the golden book at the foot of one of the tall trees. It was the biggest tree – the tree directly in front of the door of the house.

  I marked the place with a stone then, just to be sure, paced out the distance to the front door. Twenty steps.

  Then I walked inside and gave everyone there the fright of their lives.

  Jack rushed to give me a hug. Peter put his free arm around me, careful not to crush Mary.

  ‘Yes,’ I said, in answer to their repeated question. ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘How?’ said P.C. Hollerhan, completely bemused. ‘But you were down in the cellar.’

  ‘No,’ I said. ‘I wasn’t.’

  Hollerhan wanted to arrest me, I think, but he didn’t know quite what for.

  ‘I was the one kept prisoner,’ said Mr. Gatward.

  ‘But you’re all right?’ I asked.

  ‘A bit shaken up,’ he said. ‘And pretty sore all over. But I’m fine, generally.’

  ‘Oh, thank goodness,’ I said.

  ‘However, I think I need to speak to this man,’ said Mr. Gatward, and went quickly over to the Police Sergeant.

  Longbone – who was hanging around in the shadows – left pretty fast, after I asked what he was doing there in our house.

  After Mr. Gatward had spoken to him, the Police Sergeant went to have a quiet word with P.C. Hollerhan – who was then escorted to one of the cars. They put him in the back.

  Peter wanted to return to the hospital as quickly as he could, but I insisted on doing one thing.

  I went into the kitchen and turned both taps on.

  They worked.

  I washed my hands, and they got wet. I washed my face.

  I filled a glass with water and drank it down in one. It tasted wonderfully normal.

  They kept me in hospital under observation for twenty-four hours.

  My next brain scan showed a recovery that one consultant called ‘remarkable’ and the other ‘miraculous’. They asked if they could do some more tests, perhaps write a paper about me. I said I’d be happy to do anything that helped medical science, but that I doubted they would learn much from me that was useful.

  Mary’s arm was put in a little sling that annoyed her. We were told to be very careful how we picked her up.

  The woman from Social Services came to see me in the morning. She said she understood this had been an accident – she had read the paramedics’ reports – but that we were having too many accidents for her liking. If we had any more, she would have to start looking for what she called ‘contributory factors’. So, we wouldn’t be able to keep any alcohol in the house for a while.

  On the Tuesday, Peter drove us back in the car. The rainstorm had cleared itself away. The weather was sunny again. Peter hadn’t asked me what had happened. He was waiting for me to bring it all out. Jack wasn’t so coy.

  ‘Why did you really escape from the hospital? Were they sticking too many needles into you?’

  ‘Something like that,’ I said.

  They told me their side of the story. After he dropped me off at the house, Mike had immediately called the police. He was sure I was in no fit state to have been discharged from the hospital. The police checked with the hospital, who were alarmed that I’d escaped. They contacted Peter, to see if he had helped me. Peter insisted that they take him and the children straight to the house. He told them there were hiding places only he knew about. So, Jack got another ride with lights on and sirens wailing.

  When they couldn’t find me, they started to search the woods – though all they found there was Robert Mew.

  So, P.C. Hollerhan was left in the house to hide out and listen for any sound of me – which was when he called Longbone and put the kettle on. Everyone else drove only as far as the main road, where they waited anxiously for word of me. After a while, Mr. Gatward appeared, walking along the road. But there wasn’t time to find out what had happened to him. This was just when Hollerhan radioed for backup, because he’d found me and had me cornered, or so he claimed – and the whole convoy raced off in a long line up the drive.

  ‘We’d heard you’d locked yourself in the cellar,’ said Peter. ‘And then you appeared out of nowhere.’

  ‘Not quite nowhere,’ I said.

  I was so glad to get back to the house. This time, walking in to that familiar warm wood-polish smell, was the first time it really felt like home.

  It also felt different – more fragile, less permanent. I knew that its powers had gone. But this would have to be proved by our regained appetites, and the fact that our little cuts and scrapes took the usual time to heal. We had to hope there wouldn’t be anything worse than small injuries, just as we’d always hoped.

  Jack was really disappointed he wasn’t able to fly, like before.

  ‘What if I never do it again?’ he said.

  ‘At least you did do it,’ I said. ‘That’s more than most people.’

  He was glum for a while then said, ‘I probably just need to practice more.’

  ‘No jumping off anything high,’ I said. ‘Promise?’

  ‘I promise,’ he said.

  I’d completely forgotten that I’d arranged for Miriam Shoulder the Health Visitor to come on the Tuesday – hardly surprising. She’d been before we were back, not found us, and put a card through the door. I called straight away and rearranged her visit for the following morning.

  Peter wanted me to go to bed but all I really wanted to do was sit on the bench in the garden and watch the day pass – the sundial on the back wall of the house, telling its always-slightly-wrong time.

  Jack had decided he wanted to be goalkeeper, so he had Peter taking endless penalties against the hedge.

  I watched them all afternoon, feeding Mary whenever she got hungry, as happy as I’ve ever been before or since.

  It was all so normal – just a family being together in their garden – but I appreciated it so much more than I would have done, in other circumstances. In its own way, this was as magical as anything – Jack diving to left and right, wanting to know I’d seen. Mary looking happily around at everything she could see. Peter encouraging Jack, checking on me and Mary, just generally being Dad. This was the everyday alchemy we made ourselves. Time turned into gold.

  Chapter 61.

  I let Peter give Mary the last feed of the day, formula from a bottle. It grieved me to see Mary sucking so happily on that plastic thing which wasn’t me. Weaning certainly hadn’t gone quite as planned – but Peter was beaming down at her as she hungrily sucked. I knew I probably should have let him do this a bit earlier. What was I going to do with the freed up time? Read a book?

  When the children were in bed, I took Peter with me down to the cellar. The door didn’t seem splintered at all from P.C. Hollerhan’s attack. It must have been the last thing in the house to repair itself. The window that Matthew and Gracie smashed had stayed broken – perhaps because a Policeman had been standing keeping an eye on it the whole time. With Peter beside me, I opened the doors onto the four dull empty rooms that were now there – even the Water room was dry boxy brickwork, like the Air room used to be. The phoenix brass knocker was on the door to the fire room, shining brightly. Peter looked surprised to see it there, but said nothing – not for a while.

  Step by step, I took him through what I had seen and then what I had done. We went up into the house, and I showed him exactly where I had walked when they had all been stood still as statues. Then he followed me into the cellar again. I described the rain of gold that had run around me and into the tunnel. I told him everything I could remember of what I’d seen and what I’d felt. I didn’t want there to be any more secrets betw
een us.

  Peter kept very quiet all the way through. Sometimes he would ask me a question, usually about what I thought it all meant.

  I had to explain to him several things Mr. Gatward had explained to me – for example, about what a retort was, and how it collected all the gold together when the house burnt down and the gold flowed out of the base material.

  ‘When the first house burnt down, in 1580, that wasn’t an accident. It was an experiment – a trial run. It didn’t work, but maybe it gave them an idea how to go on. Remember about the base material, that’s important.’

  ‘I see,’ said Peter, he was still staring at the door knocker.

  ‘What is it?’ I said.

  ‘This,’ Peter said, walking over and lifting the clapper. I thought for a moment he was going to knock, and wake the children, or something else. ‘You know I said I remembered seeing another phoenix – being lifted up to look at it? And you thought it was a carving on the ceiling. Well, I think this is it. I think what my great uncle showed me was this.’

  ‘But that’s impossible,’ I said.

  ‘Only if you don’t believe people can fly,’ Peter replied with a smile. ‘I’ve always told myself that what I remembered was being lifted up. Because what it felt like was something completely different – something much more scary. What I actually remember is flying high up to the ceiling, with an old man holding me tightly by the hand and telling me not to be afraid. But I think the whole thing was so terrifying that I never wanted to think about it, or anything I couldn’t explain, ever again.’

  ‘You flew!’ I said, and gave him the biggest hug.

  ‘I did, and long time before the rest of you lot,’ he said.

  ‘I have a little more to say,’ I said. ‘But it may not top your major revelation.’

  ‘Come on,’ said Peter. ‘I’m sure it will.’

  Taking Peter by the hand, I led him until we were both standing in front of Lilian’s portrait. When I returned to the house, I’d half expected to find her changed. Particularly, I thought her book would have disappeared, and she would be holding something else – perhaps a phoenix. But there she still was, exactly the same.

  ‘The base material was Lilian,’ I said. ‘Lilian’s body. She changed into the gold, just like the bread transforms into Jesus’s body in the Mass. That’s what the other alchemists didn’t understand. That was her secret.’

  ‘Not any more,’ said Peter.

  ‘It’s very scientific and religious,’ I said. ‘As well as being very magical.’

  When I’d finished he just looked at me and said, ‘You’re pretty magical yourself, you know.’

  ‘No,’ I said, ‘I’m just ordinary.’

  We stood there for a while, then he took me in his arms. I felt his warmth and love all around me, in a way it hadn’t been since the affair. He was completely back with me.

  ‘You don’t regret making the decision you made?’ Peter asked. ‘We could all have lived a hundred years.’

  ‘Being nagged to death by Father Trovato,’ I said. I thought about it for a moment. ‘Of course, it would be good to know we’d all be healthy. But, no. I want to grow old with you – and that involves the growing old bit.’

  ‘Here?’ he asked. ‘In the house? Not back in London.’

  ‘Of course here,’ I said. ‘I want us to live here the rest of our lives.’

  ‘Fine,’ said Peter. ‘But the local M.P. hates us and Father Trovato’s still going to nag us.’

  ‘I think that when he realizes this house has changed, he might start to lose interest in us. We won’t be such special cases anymore.’

  ‘Because, you know, I’m happy to go back to the flat, if you ever want to change your mind.’

  ‘I won’t,’ I said. ‘This is the place for us.’

  ‘And money?’ Peter said. ‘It’s going to be… interesting.’

  ‘We’ll scrape through, somehow,’ I said. ‘We always have.’

  ‘Maybe we’ll have to sell the lawnmower,’ Peter said.

  Chapter 62.

  As before, Miriam Shoulder came. She was very concerned about the pulled elbow, but I assured her the doctors had said Mary would make a full recovery – just so long as we were careful with her. She was also disappointed that when she came to weigh her Mary had only put on a couple of ounces.

  ‘I’m sure that’ll change,’ I said. ‘She’s been eating almost non-stop the last couple of days. Like she’s making up for lost time.’

  ‘That’s good,’ the Health Visitor said. ‘But I’d still like to keep an eye on her.’

  We arranged for her to come back the following Tuesday. I could hardly blame her for wanting to keep an eye on Mary.

  But what if Mary had gone for weeks and then months without putting on an ounce?

  The first thing I’d have had to do in keeping us all alive forever would have been ban people like her from coming in the house.

  What a palaver it would have been. And how terrible for Mary to be stuck at one stage. All the Jonsons before us must have sent their children away, so they could grow up.

  I’d been very worried about Mr. Gatward, and wasn’t going to feel happy until I’d seen him for myself, and heard his own account of what had happened to him.

  So, Peter arranged for Mr. Gatward to come around the next morning.

  It had taken him a bit longer to recover from his ordeal than it had me. He told Peter and me from the start what had happened to him. Because we knew it wasn’t going to be suitable, we’d sent Jack off to play in the garden. He was excited because I’d arranged for him to go and play with Archie and Harold, later that afternoon.

  ‘I wasn’t really asleep, more like on and off dozing, when I heard someone coming up the stairs. Of course, it was very frightening. But when I saw it was Gracie Dearie, I was strangely reassured. You see, I’d never taken that pair all that seriously. Everything about them was so exaggerated as to be comic. Well, they certainly weren’t comic this time. They were dressed head to toe in black. And they were very clear what they were after – Lilian’s book and its contents. They asked me where it was. Politely at first. I wouldn’t tell them. I’d given you my promise that I would guard it with my life, so when it wasn’t in my jacket pocket I put it in a little hiding place I have under a rickety floorboard. That’s where I keep my pension money. They searched around and made a bit of a mess. When they couldn’t find it, they started to become a very threatening. I tried to escape at one point, and they put a sock in my mouth to stop me shouting. Luckily, it was a clean one. And they tied my hands behind my back. Tightly. I knew they’d planned this because they had brought some rope along specially. It was bright yellow.’

  Mr. Gatward seemed to be quite enjoying telling his story. I was glad to see he wasn’t too traumatized.

  ‘Well, when it became clear they weren’t going to find the book, and I wasn’t going to tell them, they decided to take me somewhere they could be a bit more persuasive. By this time they had changed completely. Matthew had twisted my arm behind my back. We’d had a bit of a struggle in the bedroom, knocking this and that over. They hustled me into the back of their very quiet car. It was about three o’clock – no one about. Once we got to their house, they handcuffed me to their bed. They’ve got quite a little torture chamber there, I can tell you. I’m a bit embarrassed to say, really. It wasn’t too uncomfortable for the first hour, then I felt the blood cutting off from my arms. In the end they agreed just to have me cuffed by the one leg.’

  ‘Still,’ I said, ‘poor you.’

  ‘They kept asking me where the book was, but I simply wouldn’t tell them. Gracie was the worst. She threatened to do all sorts of things to me. She even went and fetched a whole lot of knives and peelers and things from the kitchen. And Matthew started discussing the most painful way to harm me. They got quite, what should I say? – this excited them, sexually. They disappeared several times. And, when they came back, Matthew seemed to have calmed down. He ke
pt saying they really didn’t want to hurt me at all. He said they would let me go as soon as I told them where to find the book. Gracie got very angry with him, at one point. She said time was running out. Apparently they believed they were coming up to the one moment in the year when the alchemical experiment might work – Midsummer’s Eve – the turning point of the whole year. Sunday turning into Monday, too. I could appreciate the logic of that, even when handcuffed to a bed. They knew a lot more about alchemy than they’d let on before. I’m pretty sure they had been touring round, looking for historical references to alchemists. When they came across Hidden Histories, I’d put enough into it that they felt they were onto something. They didn’t want anyone else to find out about it, either. That’s why they bought up all the remaining copies. They didn’t send them out to their friends at all. They had them in a big pile in the corner of their bedroom.’

  No wonder they’d been able to lend me a copy.

  ‘They asked me lots of specific questions about what I’d found in the archives. They promised me eternal life if I would just help them achieve it themselves. I think this was their thing – as they didn’t have any material worries, they’d decided to live as long as they possibly could. This led them to believe a lot of very strange things.’

  I remembered their odd conversation with Peter and me, when they came round for dinner – how they’d wanted to talk about the soul and what it was worth. I told Mr. Gatward what they’d said, and also that they’d told us they couldn’t have children.

  ‘No other kind of immortality, you see. And anyone looking for eternal life is going to end up interested in alchemy sooner or later. Gracie kept on at me, but I could see although she was holding a knife to my throat she didn’t really want to cut me. Then Matthew went back to the house and had another search, more thorough this time. They kept me all Saturday. When they heard the ambulance coming to your house, they got very excited. And when they found out you’d gone off to hospital, and Peter and the children had gone with you, they could hardly contain themselves. They started planning their break-in there and then, despite not having the book. It was bizarre – as if I was no longer in the room. They thought just by being in the house when Midsummer’s Eve began, they would learn something – the big secret. Apparently, when the police caught them, they managed to speak to P.C. Hollerhan alone. He hurried straight round to release me, but told me not to tell anyone about it. Then he just left me there, outside the door, and drove off again. So, of course, I made my way to your house. I wasn’t going to let him get away with that. Not likely. They’re all as bad as each other, that bunch.’