The Secret Kiss of Darkness

by Christina Courtenay

  It was his turn to laugh. ‘I beg your pardon, my lady, I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I am but a bastard. Sir John’s father sired me after his wife had died, but of course your husband has never acknowledged the relationship openly. I thought he might at least have told his own wife, but obviously I was wrong. You had better not refer to it.’

  The thin moon came out briefly and he saw that she stood rooted to the spot, peering into the darkness as if seeking enlightenment. Finally she said, ‘You’re telling the truth?’

  ‘Why should I lie about being a bastard? Ask anyone hereabouts, they’ll tell you exactly what happened. It wasn’t a secret at the time.’ He let go of her arm and made her an exaggerated bow, although as the moon had disappeared once more she probably couldn’t see him. ‘Jago Kerswell, at your service, my lady. I’m the proprietor of the King’s Head Inn down in the village. Feel free to make enquiries about me.’

  ‘No, no, I believe you. Indeed, why should you lie?’

  ‘As you say. Now tell me, please, Lady … what’s your name?’

  ‘Elizabeth. Eliza to my family.’

  ‘Very well, Lady Eliza …’

  ‘No, no, Mr Kerswell, you can’t call me that. I’m not a lady in my own right. I’m Lady Marcombe only by virtue of my husband being a “Sir”.’

  ‘And I’m a free-trader, Lady Eliza, I don’t concern myself with such niceties. Now where was I? Oh, yes, tell me what my dear brother has been up to. Is he cruel to you? Is that why nobody ever sees you out and about? You are ashamed of the bruises?’

  There was no immediate reply but he heard her draw in a sharp breath as if he’d hit upon an uncomfortable truth.

  ‘Lady Eliza?’ he prompted, his voice stern, but kind.

  ‘I … that is, I would prefer not to speak of such things to a stranger.’

  ‘Stranger? But have we not just established I’m family?’ He hoped she could hear that he was smiling, but thinking about the topic of discussion he grew serious once more. ‘Now, come, my dear lady, tell me what made you dash into the night in such a fashion? I really can’t permit my sister-in-law to wander about alone.’

  To his utter dismay the lady didn’t answer him, but burst into tears. Absolute floods of tears at that, and Jago began to wish he’d kept his mouth shut for once. If there was one thing he had no idea how to cope with, it was a woman crying.

  ‘Oh hell! Begging your pardon, but …’ He ran a hand distractedly through his hair, which was dishevelled enough from the sea breeze already and coming loose from its queue. This was not turning out to be such a perfect night after all. He had exulted too soon. Well, there was only one thing he could possibly do under the circumstances.

  With a sigh, he put his arms around Lady Eliza and pulled her close, rocking her like a child and whispering soothing words. The sobs racked her small body for a considerable time, but he did nothing to stop them. He knew it was cleansing, she had to let the anguish out. Only then could he find its cause. And find it he must.

  Chapter Three

  ‘Where on earth have you been? I was going to take you out for lunch today since it’s the only day I’m free this week.’ The impatient voice of her boss, Mike Russell, greeted Kayla as she entered the office and she stared at him in surprise.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry, you should have said.’ She managed to answer him in a fairly calm and reasonable tone, despite the fact that she was still shaking from her recent ordeal. ‘But today was the auction, remember? I did tell you I was going. That’s why I took the morning off.’

  ‘Oh, the auction. Damn, I’d forgotten. Sorry.’ He frowned and raked long fingers through his fair hair, making it stand on end, then bent to kiss her when no one else was looking. Mike wasn’t just her boss, he was her fiancé as well, but ever since he’d been made a partner in the law firm they both worked for, he had become self-conscious about open displays of affection.

  ‘We really must be seen to act professionally at all times now I’m a senior member of staff,’ he’d told Kayla, and although she privately thought that surely it didn’t matter since everyone knew they were a couple anyway, she had reluctantly gone along with this. Today, however, it irritated her, but she didn’t say anything. It wasn’t Mike’s fault she was a trembling wreck after all.

  Kayla hung up her coat on a hanger behind the door and shook out her shoulder-length hair before sinking down onto the seat behind her desk. To occupy her still shaking hands, she sorted through the day’s workload, while taking deep breaths to calm her erratic heartbeat.

  ‘Which tape do you want me to do first? This one?’ she asked. There were two piles of files, each with a small audio cassette perched on top, and she pointed to the nearest one.

  ‘What? Oh, it doesn’t matter. Either. They’ve both got to be finished before this evening.’ He still seemed a bit irritated and Kayla knew he hated to have his plans disrupted, but honestly, he hadn’t mentioned anything about lunch. Or had he? A flash of guilt shot through her. She had been rather preoccupied these last two weeks …

  It was all Auntie Emily’s fault. She had died just before Christmas and left all her nephews and nieces a legacy of fifteen thousand pounds each. Kayla’s portion had arrived in her bank account only two weeks previously, and she had by then decided what she wanted to do with the money.

  ‘I think I’ll buy myself a painting or an antique. Something which will increase in value, but at the same time be decorative,’ she’d told Mike. Even though it was her money to do with as she wished, she thought it best to at least discuss the matter with him. After all, everything they had would soon be owned jointly once they were married.

  ‘Are you sure?’ he asked. ‘Don’t you think it would be better to invest it in shares or something? It takes years before you can sell an antique and make a profit, but with shares you would receive regular dividends.’

  Deep down Kayla knew he was right. It would be a more practical option, but something inside her rebelled against the idea. It seemed mercenary and clinical and she was sure Auntie Emily had meant for her to enjoy her legacy by indulging herself in one way or another.

  ‘No, I want something I can see. Something to remind me of Auntie Em,’ she insisted.

  ‘Well, I suppose I can’t stop you. It’s your money after all.’ Mike’s displeasure had been clear, but for once Kayla ignored him. It was her money and she intended to spend it her way.

  Her mind made up, Kayla had gone to visit Sotheby’s, the famous auction house, which was only a few streets away from the solicitor’s office in Mayfair where she and Mike worked. She’d passed the building almost every day on her way to work, but had never entered it before. As she approached this ancient establishment for the first time, it was with a slight feeling of trepidation.

  Just inside the double doors was a small, dark foyer, where a uniformed doorman greeted her. She smiled at him hesitantly and continued straight on into the main reception area, which was spacious and bright. There was a large desk in the middle of one wall and Kayla almost tiptoed over, feeling seriously out of place.

  ‘Excuse me, but do you have a calendar of upcoming auctions, please?’ she asked the lady on duty.

  ‘Yes, of course, madam.’ She was handed a little leaflet and sat down on a red leather sofa to have a look at it.

  It seemed there would be a sale of British paintings within the next two weeks, and Kayla thought it best to buy the catalogue. She almost fainted when she was told the price, but didn’t have the nerve to tell the lady she thought it too expensive, so she paid quickly and left.

  Most of the paintings listed in the catalogue were way above her means, but Kayla went back to have a look the next day anyway. As she mounted the U-shaped staircase, which led upstairs to the viewing galleries on the first floor, the excitement took hold and she started to enjoy herself. She walked slowly round the rooms, stopping from time to time in front of a particularly lovely piece of art. There were some pretty landscapes, but nothing that really
caught her fancy and none of them gave her that instant urge to buy.

  Until she entered the last room.

  ‘Kayla? Kayla, hello, anyone in there?’ Mike’s voice brought her back to the present with a jolt.

  ‘What? Sorry, I was thinking about something.’

  ‘I said did you buy anything then?’ He was frowning slightly and drumming his fingers on her desk while waiting for her reply. It was a habit she was used to, as he wasn’t the most patient of men, but today Kayla had to restrain the urge to smack them into silence. God, what’s the matter with me? She took another deep breath to calm herself. It was unlike her to be so irritable, especially with Mike.

  ‘Yes, as a matter of fact I did. I bought a painting.’ She felt a guilty blush spread over her cheeks as she remembered exactly how much she had paid for it, but Mike didn’t notice.

  ‘Great,’ he said, as if her answer hadn’t really interested him much, and returned to their previous topic of conversation. ‘So, can we have dinner instead? I’ve hardly seen you all week. I’m sure there must be a thousand things we should be discussing with regard to the wedding. It’s not long now.’

  ‘Yes, I know. Five weeks and three days.’ She smiled up at him and he shook his head at her. Kayla’s count down amused him. She was sure he was just as impatient for their big day to arrive, although she knew he only wanted it out of the way since the whole process was disrupting his orderly life and the endless planning that was necessary drove him crazy. She swallowed a sigh. Mike wasn’t much of a romantic, but then all males probably thought of weddings as a palaver so he wasn’t unique.

  Unusually, though, a sense of panic shot through Kayla as the words echoed round her brain. Five weeks and three days? That wasn’t very long at all. Before this business with the painting, her pre-wedding nerves had been growing steadily as she counted down the days, but she knew it was normal. Today, however, she wondered for the first time why she’d been in such a rush. There was no particular reason why they’d had to marry so quickly. No, what was she thinking? They’d wanted to get married as soon as possible. She shook herself mentally and concentrated on the man in front of her, who was looking at her with raised brows, obviously waiting for a reply again.

  ‘Uhm, I have a bit of a headache today and it looks like you’ve left me plenty to do here. I might have to work late,’ she prevaricated. ‘And tomorrow I’ve promised to go out with Maddie and you’ve got that dinner at the—’

  ‘Oh, yes. Well, I’d hoped to spend some time with you tonight, but maybe I’ll go for a pint with the guys upstairs instead then. You haven’t forgotten the party on Saturday, though?’

  Kayla almost laughed. ‘No, of course not.’ As if she could possibly have forgotten about the party his parents were holding in their honour. A gathering of the Russell clan to inspect the latest addition to see if she would pass muster, she thought with an inward grimace. She’d been worrying for weeks about what to wear, but suddenly it didn’t seem to matter.

  She gave him a placating smile and took hold of his hand, which was still hovering above her desk, giving it a squeeze. ‘I’m sorry, Mike. I would have loved to go out tonight, but soon we’ll be together every evening, won’t we? Once the wedding is over and done with and I’ve moved into your flat, we’ll have plenty of time for ourselves.’

  ‘Yes, you’re right.’ He bent over the desk to give her another quick kiss, after first looking around again. Kayla felt another twinge of annoyance. What did it matter if anyone saw them? They’d soon be man and wife.

  ‘I’d better get on with this.’ She put on the audio headphones and inserted the first tape into the machine, effectively ending the conversation, but Mike hadn’t quite finished and tapped her on the shoulder. Reluctantly she freed her ears.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Don’t forget to do that Local Authority search for the Peterson’s house and send it off with the right payment. I promised them it would be done today.’

  ‘It’s on my list of things to do.’ Kayla gritted her teeth against another sudden wave of irritation as Mike disappeared into his office. She had been a legal secretary for seven years and knew as well as he did what needed to be done, but since his promotion he seemed to feel the need to reinforce his role as the boss from time to time. Sometimes, just sometimes, he annoyed the hell out of her. Another small doubt entered her mind, shattering her former confidence. Was she doing the right thing in marrying him?

  ‘Oh, for heaven’s sake, don’t be silly,’ she muttered. ‘Of course you are.’

  Kayla dismissed her doubts as pre-wedding jitters, switched on the tape and started to type. Mike’s voice droned on, dictating the same kind of letters she had typed a hundred times before, so she continued on automatic and let her thoughts return to her recent purchase. She wondered how soon Sotheby’s would deliver it. Within the next few days, perhaps? A quiver of excitement snaked up her back.

  The endless letters on the computer screen in front of her blurred and instead her thoughts returned to the first time she saw her painting in all its glory.

  Chapter Four

  Eliza felt fragile in his embrace, but so soft and womanly. Although small in stature, she had a luscious figure, and he was acutely aware of her full breasts pressing against his chest. Jago tried not to hold her quite so close, but she clung to him as if he was the only thing in the world that could save her. He tried to think of other things, but the longer he held her, the more he wanted her. It was impossible to stop his body’s reaction to her.

  She smelled divine, like honeysuckle and roses combined. Not just her person, but her hair and her skin, too. Jago breathed in deeply, storing her unique scent in his memory. He was sure he’d never forget this night for as long as he lived.

  He knew what she looked like. He’d seen her once or twice peering out through the window of the carriage as it passed through the village. She had wispy ash-blonde hair and hazel-green eyes fringed with thick, dark lashes, set in an enchanting little elfin face. There was no doubt that it had been her beauty which had captivated his half-brother, for she had no dowry to speak of, or so Jago had heard tell. And now she was in his arms, her lovely hair hanging loose over her shoulders, caressing the back of his hands as it was blown about by the breeze from the sea.

  When the sobs turned into sniffles, he turned her face up to his with a large calloused hand and lowered his mouth to hers. He kissed her as gently as he knew how. A secret kiss in the darkness that no one would ever know about. He was well aware he shouldn’t have done it, but the urge to kiss her was too strong to resist. In her weakened state she didn’t fight him, but neither did she kiss him back. He had the strange feeling she had no idea how, indeed had never been kissed properly before, but that couldn’t be? Or could it?

  ‘Eliza,’ he said quietly. ‘Tell me what troubles you. Perhaps I can help you.’

  ‘No. No one can help me,’ she whispered back in a voice as bleak as the sea in winter. She held on to him and he breathed in her fragrance again, then fought to control his desire so he could concentrate on her words. ‘Marriage is for life. I swore to love, honour and obey, and although I struggle with the first two, I have no choice about the third.’

  ‘I see.’ So she didn’t love her husband. Well, that wasn’t unusual. Most marriages were made for convenience, at least for women of her kind. But there was something else here that wasn’t right. ‘What is it John wishes you to do? In what way do you have to obey him?’

  ‘He wants me to give him a child. An heir. And I can’t. The Lord knows we have tried for two years now. Continuously.’ Her voice caught on a sob again, and he quickly kissed her once more to stop another flood of tears. It had the desired effect and this time she responded timidly, her lips moving softly, almost questioningly, under his.

  ‘Do you … er, does he not give you pleasure in the process?’ he asked, stroking her hair absently.

  ‘Pleasure? I don’t understand.’ She twisted in his arms as if to
try to see his face, but the darkness was almost impenetrable.

  ‘No, perhaps you don’t.’ He sighed and let go of her. His arms felt empty. ‘There should be pleasure in the marriage bed, Lady Eliza, whether there are any children or not, but you were right. In this I can’t help you. My brother is a fool.’ After a short pause, he added, ‘Look, I was serious about the other men. They wouldn’t hesitate to attack you and, believe me, it would be worse than anything John could do. Please, go home now and forget we ever had this conversation. It should never have happened.’ With a supreme effort he turned away from her and bent to pick up the kegs of brandy. It was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do.

  ‘Mr Kerswell? Jago?’ He heard the hesitation in her voice and held his breath, waiting for her next words, wondering if she had understood him. ‘Could you show me?’ She put a small hand tentatively on his muscular forearm. He felt her touch burn him like a branding iron and drew a deep steadying breath. He let go of the rope binding the kegs together.

  ‘I beg your pardon, my lady?’ He emphasised her title to make her realise the folly of what he thought she was suggesting.

  She stood her ground. ‘Just once? Could you show me that pleasure? Perhaps it would make it more bearable next time.’ Her voice was pitched so low he almost doubted his hearing, but both her hands were feeling their way up the length of his arms now, driving him almost insane with desire.

  This was utter madness. He knew it was a plea born out of desperation. John had driven her to the brink with his selfish behaviour. She was obviously not in her right mind and it was Jago’s duty to protect her from herself. He clenched his fists. When her searching fingers reached his face and traced its outline it took all his willpower not to drag her into his arms and show her then and there, but he couldn’t. He must not.

  He seized her by her slight shoulders and shook her roughly. ‘Have you taken leave of your senses, woman? Do you know what you’re asking?’