Poisonous Desires

by Selena Illyria

  Urban squeezed her thigh, and she opened her eyes and turned her head toward him. “What?”

  He looked her over. A blush of heat washed over her face, down her neck, and filled her chest. “What?” she asked again.

  He said nothing, just continued to stare at her, as if imprinting her features into his mind for some reason.

  Nadia shifted in her seat but didn’t remove his hand. A few more seconds, she told herself, a few more moments, and then I’ll cut the tie. Time drew on with the two of them sitting there staring at each other. Embarrassment pushed at her sense of comfort until she couldn’t take it anymore. Nadia grabbed his wrist and pulled it off of her leg. He released her thigh but still said nothing. Urban turned away from her, dousing her in ice water. She felt cut off from her source of life, all alone and bereft. Swearing again, she slumped into her seat and focused her attention on the parking lot outside the window.

  “Why do you hide from me?” Urban asked softly.

  She jerked her attention away from the café and looked at him. “What?”

  Urban sighed. “You always pull away, never share anything personal, and shut down anything that could connect us. I want more than sex, you know.”

  Nadia nibbled her bottom lip. Warmth rolled through her chest, and she felt something inside of her unknot at his words. Despite the happiness that bubbled up inside of her, she had to bring herself back to reality and said, “We can’t do this now. There’s the case.”

  Excuses, excuses, her mind whispered to her. Her snow leopard remained quiet, allowing her to battle herself alone. The feline never interjected when emotions came into play. Nadia knew what the cat wanted, but couldn’t give it to them both.

  Urban shook his head. “No, while I have you here, you’re going to talk to me. You know I don’t fuck around; I haven’t slept with anyone else since I started seeing you, and yes, I do believe I’m seeing you, not dating per se, but we have something.”

  Nadia gritted her teeth in frustration that he wasn’t allowing her to put distance between them and distract her from her emotions. “This isn’t the time and place.”

  Urban snorted. “Yes, it is. I have you here, and I’m going to get to know you, break down those walls around you. I can’t guarantee that we won’t get hurt or burned, but I will kill the person who made you this way.” A growl followed that statement.

  The sound raised goosebumps on her flesh, her lungs constricted, and she couldn’t take in enough air. Nadia jerked her head away, trying to hide and put up barriers between them. Once she was sure she could say something without her letting something slip, she murmured, “What makes you think—?” She couldn’t finish the sentence, couldn’t fathom how to respond, nor did she want to lie to him. Her heart ached at his statement. Only Zerik had made that kind of vow to her. Ephram may be alive, but that was at Zerik’s whim; any moment her father stepped out of line, he was dust. To hear Urban say it, even if he didn’t know her situation, took her breath away. Conflicting emotions filled her: relief at having someone who wanted to take care of her and protect her from the boogeyman in her past, and anger that he dare presume that she needed that kind of shield. Nadia could handle her father, thank you very fucking much.

  “Did you think I wouldn’t notice?” he asked as he turned on the car and pulled out of his space. “You’re trying to keep me at arm’s length. I doubt it has to do with Zerik and what you do for him. It was something else. You pull away from anything personal, you try to change the subject when I’ve tried to talk to you about family, and you refuse to allow me beyond the foyer of your emotions. But you know we’re more than sex. You know that.”

  She chewed on the inside of her cheek to keep quiet. A tremble began in her hands as her legs started to jiggle up and down. Heavy emotions swirled around her chest, making her heart ache to burst to let some of her old wounds go. But if she allowed that, what would happen to her? What would protect her from Urban or from the disappointments of life? What would be her barrier when he let her down or when Zerik couldn’t help her? Who would stand up for her? We’re fine without anyone, she said silently, we can take care of ourselves. We don’t need you. The words were on the tip of her tongue to say, but they refused to come out. She wanted to say the words, to shove him back into that space that she reserved for him, but couldn’t, didn’t have the strength to do it. Already, being with him was wearing away some of her resistance.

  Urban continued to drive, but she felt his hand back on her thigh again. He gave it another squeeze. “Tell me something, anything. How about this, answer this one question. Do you have any siblings? That can’t be too damaging, right?”

  Nadia thought it over. It wasn’t like he could find Milena, right? Besides, he had no clue what her last name was, and telling him wouldn’t hurt too much. It would make him stop asking. Besides, it was a name. She wasn’t going to give him anything else. “I have a sister. I haven’t seen her in a while.” Nadia almost choked on the last part. Why the hell did I tell him that? I’m not drunk! She groaned to herself. More of her barrier wore away at that small confession. Well, at least I didn’t give him her name. She felt a modicum of pride, but her snow leopard only chuffed in amusement. Oh, now you show up, she growled at the cat. It turned with her and sauntered away, plopped down, and went to sleep.

  Urban stopped at a red light, leaned over, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you. What’s her name? You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  She mulled over the question. The pros and cons were far too many. Nadia looked over at Urban, who looked so relaxed and sexy. He’d rolled down the window at some point. Wind ruffled his hair. She licked her lips. Without a thought, she reached over and ran her fingers over the side stubble. The prickles tickled her skin and set off sparks along her arm. “Your hair got longer. Time for a cut?”

  He shook his head, grabbed her wrist, turned his head, and kissed her palm before going back to focusing on the road. “No, not yet, and no changing the subject.”

  She sighed. “Her name is Milena. My mother always wanted to go to Europe, so she gave us European names.” The words slipped out as if greased by oil, so simple and easy. No resistance necessary.

  Not that her father ever called them by their proper names. Nitwit, Moron, Whore, Slut, Witch, Failure One and Failure Two, among other things. Tears burned in her eyes. She squeezed them tight as the heaviness and knot in her heart returned. She took shallow breaths and tried to suppress the pain. Her psychic and emotional wounds ripped open as echoes of the past rolled around her head. The purring of her snow leopard dulled the ache.

  Urban brushed his fingers over her cheek. “Hey, baby, what’s wrong? Where did you go?”

  His touch muted some of her turmoil, but not enough. Tears slipped down her cheeks unbidden. “Fuck,” she muttered and wiped them away before more could fall. “Nothing, don’t ask, don’t,” she warned.

  Despite years of therapy and Zerik’s help, she couldn’t talk about it. Anger roiled in her stomach, breaking the moment. Thankfully, Urban didn’t push. He placed his hand back on her thigh and rested it there. She took solace in his touch but said nothing more. Her mental and emotional walls snapped into place, although with effort. Nadia needed alone time, a way to bring her defense back up and be stronger than before. With Urban here, she couldn’t breathe without his cologne in her nose; his presence continued to hit her like waves or punches, depending on how she felt. Right now she was too open. He saw too much; she felt so vulnerable, too naked. How could he see me? How could he read me so well? Fear trembled over her arms and legs and caused her stomach to quake. She closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth, holding each breath for a second before exhaling. Nadia continued the process until her emotions were under control.

  Urban ran his hand up and down her thigh with light pressure. “I won’t, I promise. We’re here.”

  He turned into a dirty parking lot strewn with trash and d
ust filled with luxury SUVs, sedans, and pick-ups. There were no children in sight, which was curious. “Where are all the pups?”

  Urban chuckled. “No kids allowed. The Summit is pretty much a vacation for parents. Interestingly enough, most of the alphas don’t have kids. They pass on the alpha status to the strongest among their pack, not a child or a sibling.”

  Nadia tried not to frown. “That’s weird. Most felines want to pass on their dominant status to their kids if they can hold out long enough. Zerik doesn’t have any kids, not even stepchildren, and he’s in the process of a divorce, but he’d never leave his Head of the Quorum status to anyone but blood. So I guess Inessa is out of luck.”

  She groaned as she heard herself. Zerik wouldn’t be happy if word got back to him that she was talking out of turn, and to a werewolf, no less.

  “You and Zerik close?” Urban’s tone was low, but she could hear the edge in it.

  Nadia considered not telling him anything but decided against it. He hadn’t made a big deal out of knowing she had a sister or what her name was, so why not give him more and see what happened. “Zerik helped me get through a tough time and gave me a job when I needed it. He’s…family, I suppose.”

  She wasn’t exactly sure what that word meant. Frustration filled her at how difficult it was to say one thing that was true without fighting her instinct to not get too personal. Her first instinct was to protect herself and her sister. Zerik knew all about her family background but didn’t hold it against her, and it had taken him three years to get all the information. With Urban she felt too much was at stake; he had something Zerik didn’t: control over her body and possibly her heart. She wasn’t sure about that last part. Did having someone constantly on your mind, feeling bereft without them, and yearning to hear their voice or feel their touch count as owning your heart?

  If he knew her, anything serious about her, he’d leave. No one wanted to deal with a broken doll, and certainly not a broken woman.

  Rather than allow him to open her door, she unbuckled her seat belt and got out, pretending to stretch her muscles. Her inner snow leopard wanted to explore, discover what new things she could find about her environment and the people who populated it. The scents that assaulted her nose were mostly werewolf musk and forest with some animal dung mixed in. Woodlands and shit she could take; the wolves, not so much. Nervous energy jittered along her nerve endings, through her legs, and up and down her arms as her heart picked up its pace. They were far from cat country; the mountains were in the distance, but that didn’t help. It would be a good couple of miles to trek up there on foot in human form, and in cat form the speed would pick up, but there could be a number of factors to consider: speed of wolves, bears, both shifter and normal, and other cats.

  Flaky cell signals, so no backup, and nothing to help her get word out if she were in danger. Nadia knew how to hot-wire a car, but that would be a hindrance in itself with timing and model of vehicle, condition, and how full the tank was. Her gaze darted here, there, and everywhere to take in the variables and figure out escape routes, which weren’t that many to her eyes.

  “Hey, look, baked goods,” Urban said, pointing to a table covered in the classic red-and-white, checked pattern, laden down with baked goods of all kinds.

  Her stomach rumbled, and she swore. It’s not like we haven’t eaten, she admonished her inner feline. Her tummy growled again, louder this time. “Fine,” she mumbled and darted off in the direction of the treats. Nadia slipped her index middle finger into her bra and pulled out a small wad of bills.

  “You keep—never mind. I’m going to go check in with the resident security to see what they have to say. Grab some doughnuts for me, the powdered kind. And a few pies and cakes, what the hell.” Urban dug into his pocket, took out his wallet, and slipped out a credit card. He handed it over to her. “Just don’t buy everything, okay?”

  She accepted the card, feeling awed that he would trust her, at least monetarily. Zerik had always sent someone with her when he gave her his credit card to shop.

  “Um, okay.” A hot flash filled her cheeks, and the tears were back. With a deep breath, she darted off to hide her reaction.

  The different desserts on offer weren’t that plentiful, but they looked too tempting to turn down. After strolling down the table to gain some control over her wayward emotions she selected a cake, some peanut butter cookies, a blueberry pie for Torger, and a few filled doughnuts for good measure. Her things were put in boxes and gift wrapped by a well-styled blonde in an expensive wardrobe: a silk blouse, wool pencil skirt, a simple blue cardigan, and pearl earrings and necklace with a perfectly coiffed bun; not a hair out of place. Her makeup was minimal but only enhanced her classic beauty and cornflower-blue eyes. Her porcelain skin had a light sheen of sweat. Her gaze darted here, there, and everywhere. Something wasn’t right, but she wasn’t sure what. Fear permeated the air between them, but there didn’t seem to be a threat anywhere. Nadia knew something was up but not to ask. She would keep an eye on her if their paths crossed again. She decided to act as if everything was normal. “Um, can I pick these up on the way out?”

  The blonde gave her a forced smile. “Of course.”

  The energy between them cooled, and the fear dissipated. Annoyance flittered into the space. Nadia felt a blast of cold hit her but ignored it. Werewolf bitches didn’t like anyone on their turf. She glanced around but didn’t see Urban. “Um, where would the security office be?”

  “Follow the arrows along the stone pavement. It’s clearly marked.” The blonde laid on the honeyed Southern accent that made Nadia’s skin crawl.

  Nadia gave her a small smile. “Thanks.” She snagged a cookie and darted off, praying the alpha bitch wasn’t leading her to danger. They were known to do that to get rid of possible rivals. She traipsed along dirt-covered rock walkways, past old, put-out-to-pasture werewolves that made wolf whistles and called out obscene, misogynistic come-ons that made her stomach roil. Urban’s scent was light; it almost got lost in the other musks floating on the air. She tracked him to a cabin on the furthest reaches of the campground. He stood in front of two beefy-looking werewolves that didn’t seem to be moving out of the way for some reason. She walked up to the group, aware that this could lead to trouble. Nadia relaxed her body but ordered her snow leopard to get ready.

  “No one goes in there while the techs are working, not you.” Beefy Number One sneered.

  Beefy Number Two stood there, looking like a stone gargoyle.

  “You want to keep me away, fine, I’ll call Torger and have him tell you to let me into the scene.” Urban pulled out his phone and began to dial. How he got a signal, she wasn’t sure.

  Amateur. She wasn’t going to wait for them to comply; she marched up to the group and looked at Beefy Number One. “How can you stand there and disrespect the dead?” she demanded. “How would your alpha have responded if he were alive to see you humiliate the pack?”

  Beefy Number One let his gaze caress her. The look in his eyes made her stomach lurch. She lost her appetite for baked goods, or any food, for that matter. Instead of being intimidated, annoyed, or taking her words into consideration, Beefy Number One stepped toward her and looked her up and down with an interested spark in his eyes that made her want to throw up.

  “Well, aren’t you a delicious morsel, even if you are a cat.” He spat as he reached out and placed a hand on her waist.

  She acted without thought as she heard Urban roar, “Get your hand off my mate.”

  Nadia grabbed Beefy’s wrist, bent it back, turned around, and pulled his hand behind his back, pushing his shoulder up and pressing his arm into his body.

  “One, never put your hands on me, ever. Two, you’re humiliating your pack. A woman and feline-shifter is about to rip your arm out of your socket and beat you with it. Now, if you don’t want that to happen, say you’re sorry and let Urban into the scene before Torger has to pull himself away from whatever he’s doing to come down here an
d turn your ass into a chew toy. Now, what are you going to do?”

  Beefy mumbled, “Sorry, you can go in.”

  “What? I can’t hear you.” A rush of pleasure filled Nadia as she demanded a response from the asshole. “Speak louder.” She wrenched his arm upward.

  “I’m sorry, and you can go in, Alpha,” Beefy said louder.

  Nadia grinned, released Beefy’s wrist, stepped back, and ducked before he could retaliate. Rather than allow him the lead time, she kicked him in the back of the knees until he fell to the ground, grabbed his hair, and pulled his head back, exposing his neck.

  Urban didn’t need to be told what to do; he bent down and brought his lengthened teeth to Beefy’s neck. “I am the alpha in charge, remember that.” Urban bit down until a small bit of blood beaded to the surface.

  She threw Beefy down to the ground and stepped over him. “Let’s go.”

  Adrenaline and arousal burned through her veins. Her nipples beaded, and liquid desire filled her womb. Urban wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her into the cabin. She didn’t protest his touch; instead, she cuddled into his side and purred at the contact. They didn’t part when they stepped inside. She took in the living/dining room area. Everything was simple and comfortable, from plush couches to dark oak tables. Smooth river stones formed a large fireplace with no fire in the hearth. A sizeable flat screen was mounted on the wall next to portraits of wolves hunting. Nothing in the place screamed that a woman had added her touch anywhere. The victim sat at a fully made-up table with four places all put together with simple white plates and silverware. At the head sat an empty glass of beer. The victim lay on his side, and a bowl of thick, creamy soup sat in a puddle on the floor.

  Nadia pulled away from Urban to look things over. Techs milled around the scene but didn’t seem the least bit interested in the fact that they weren’t suited up like ghostly, white condoms. One of the techs on the scene came up to Urban.