The Scots Never Forget

by Barbara Cartland

  “Yes – of course,” Pepita agreed.

  Only when she reached her own bedroom did she feel as if she might faint again.

  Mrs. Sutherland undressed her as if she was a child and then slipped her nightgown over her head and helped her into bed.

  “Where are the – children?” Pepita asked, feeling that she should be with them.

  “Dinna fret, miss, they’re quite safe and I’ll see to them while you’re restin’.”

  Pepita closed her eyes, thinking that all she wanted to do was to dream of Torquil holding her close against him and forget the horror of what had happened today.

  Even so she thought that it would be impossible ever to erase from her memory the agony she had felt in thinking that Rory and Torquil would drown and she would be unable to drag Jeanie back to safety.

  It had all happened so quickly, but she felt as if the Duchess’s mad voice and the scream she had given when she lost her balance and fell into the waves splashing high over the rocks below would remain in her memory forever.

  ‘How could she have planned anything so – diabolical, so wicked?’ she asked herself.

  She knew that it was hatred that had eaten into her like some terrible cancer that had gradually sent her mad.

  ‘Hatred is as dangerous and lethal as any weapon,’ Pepita thought and found herself remembering once again that the Scots never forget.

  Then, as her weakness passed slowly and her mind cleared, she knew that now that the children were no longer menaced by the Duchess, as her instinct had told her they were from the very beginning, she must leave The Castle.

  It was impossible to stay here loving Torquil and knowing that his love for her would destroy him as effectively as the Duchess would have done had she been successful in causing the boat he was rowing Rory in to sink.

  Now the Duke would need him even more than he had when Torquil had taken the place of the son he had banished.

  It would be a very long time before Rory became old enough to be of any assistance.

  ‘If I marry Torquil, it will destroy him,’ Pepita thought.

  Only to think of him made the tears, which she could no longer control, run down her cheeks and she knew that they came from her own weakness because her love consumed her whole body and her heart was his.

  But her mind and her determination told her that because she loved him she must do what was right for him and the only way she could do that was to go away.

  She knew it would be impossible to say ‘goodbye’ or to have him plead with her to stay.

  ‘I must disappear and go somewhere where he cannot find me,’ she thought.

  Then as she felt the pain of what this would mean flood into her as if a sword pierced her heart, she knew that the true love that she had for Torquil could not be selfish and self-centred.

  However much she suffered, she must think of him first.

  The mere thought of his handsome face, his arms round her, his lips seeking hers, made the tears run faster and she felt as if each one of them might have been dipped in her blood.

  ‘The sooner I go the better,’ she thought, ‘because every day I linger will make it harder both for Torquil and for me.’

  For a few days he would be very busy with the Duchess’s funeral and he would have to help the Duke entertain not only the McNairns but also the McDonavans.

  ‘That will be a good time to leave,’ Pepita thought, ‘when no one will notice me.’

  Once again she was up against the difficulty of having no money in addition to having to decide where she should go and what she could do.

  She felt that the most sensible thing would be to return to the small village where she and Denise had lived with their father until he died.

  At least the people there knew her and, although there were few big houses, there were the doctor and the Vicar and many of the tradespeople who knew her father well.

  She felt sure that they would help her until she could find work that at least would keep her alive.

  ‘I shall have to ask somebody in The Castle to help me,’ she thought and knew at once that the only person that she could confide in would be Mrs. Sutherland.

  She was sure that she could swear her to secrecy and, although it seemed very reprehensible, persuade her to lend her just enough money for the train fare from Edinburgh to London.

  Then she had another idea. She was not certain, but she imagined that it might be cheaper to go by sea.

  In which case there might be a fishing boat that would

  carry her from here to Edinburgh and in Edinburgh she could transfer to a ship that would take her South.

  It was the sort of thing she had never before had to plan on her own, but she told herself that now that she was alone, she had to be resolute and sensible enough to look after herself

  At the thought of the long years ahead without Torquil she found herself crying again and was ashamed that she should be so helpless.

  It was quite late when Mrs. Sutherland came into the bedroom carrying her dinner on a tray.

  Because she was expecting her to return, Pepita had wiped her eyes and managed to sit up against her pillows looking very pale but otherwise more or less normal.

  “It’s awful late we are, miss. The whole place is that upset as you can imagine, but I’ve brought you a bite to eat,” Mrs. Sutherland said as she came into the room.

  She put down the tray by the bedside and went on,

  “They’ve found Her Grace drifting out to sea, but there was naught they could do to save her. Terrible bruises there were on her face from where she fell on the rocks!”

  Pepita could not resist a little shudder as Mrs. Sutherland spoke and the housekeeper continued,

  “Mr. Torquil is helpin’ His Grace, and you are not to worry aboot the bairns. They’re both in their beds tired out with all the excitement.”

  “I thought perhaps they would come to say ‘goodnight’ to me,” Pepita said.

  “They wanted to, but I wouldna let them,” Mrs. Sutherland replied. “You’ve had quite enough for one day! You’re lookin’ washed out with it all! Now drink your soup while it’s hot and it’ll make you feel better.”

  Pepita tried to do as she was told, but, although a delicious dish of fish had been brought for her, it was impossible to eat more than a few mouthfuls.

  She lay back, planning what she must do and longing for Torquil until she felt that he must be aware of how desperately she needed him.

  Only when Mrs. Sutherland came back to take away her tray and ask her if there was anything else she wanted for the night did she say in a rather frightened tone,

  “I want your help, Mrs. Sutherland.”

  “Aye, of course, miss. What can I do for you?”

  “I-I have to – go away,” Pepita said, “and because I do not wish to – upset the children or for them to have any idea that I am leaving them – I must go secretly – and no one must be aware of it until I have – gone.”

  Mrs. Sutherland looked at her in surprise and then said,

  “For what reason would you be leavin’ when the children want you? I’m thinkin’ you’ve bin happy here.”

  “Very – happy!” Pepita said with a little break in her voice. “At the same time, you must realise that because I am English for me to go away is in the best interests of the children, who are Scottish.”

  “That is true,” Mrs. Sutherland agreed. “But we’ve liked you very much, miss, and we felt when we got to know you that we could understand why Lord Alistair married your sister and found happiness outside his own land.”

  “Thank you,” Pepita said. “I shall always remember you said that, Mrs. Sutherland, but I know it is right – for me to leave.”

  “You’ve somewhere to go, miss?”

  It was impossible for Pepita to lie and she gave a little sigh before she replied,

  “No, I must find somewhere – but it will be – very difficult as I have – no money.”

  She saw th
e surprise in Mrs. Sutherland’s face and she added quickly,

  “If – perhaps you could lend me enough for my fare South I promise I would repay you – but I do not wish to ask His Grace for it in case he inadvertently lets the children know that I am leaving them.”

  “They’ll miss you sorely,” Mrs. Sutherland remarked.

  “Children forget,” Pepita replied briefly, “and there will be so many new and exciting things for them to do here that they will not miss me for long.”

  “I had heard,” Mrs. Sutherland said tentatively, “that His Grace was intendin’ to find a Tutor for his wee Lordship.”

  “And it will not be – difficult to find a Governess for Lady Jeanie,” Pepita pointed out.

  “That be true,” Mrs. Sutherland agreed. “At the same time she wouldna be their aunt and, as we always say, ‘blood is thicker than water’.”

  “I have to go!” Pepita said resolutely. “So please – help me – and promise me you will not say one word to anybody else in The Castle.”

  “I promise, if that’s what you ask me,” Mrs. Sutherland said, “but how can you get away without anybody bein’ aware of it?”

  It was then that Pepita told Mrs. Sutherland her idea about a ship that would take her to Edinburgh.

  “I’ll make a few enquiries, miss,” Mrs. Sutherland said. “I’ve never moved very far from The Castle myself, but others on the estate have gone North and South, although I’ve never troubled to find out how they go aboot it.”

  Pepita gave a little laugh that had a hint of tears in it.

  “This is a little world all its own, Mrs. Sutherland, and you are very lucky to belong to it.”

  She thought as she spoke that the only thing she longed for was to stay here with Torquil and live in his Castle and forget that there was any world outside.

  In the short time she had lived in Scotland she had learnt to understand how, with their sport and the closeness of the Clan clustering round their Chieftain, people had no need to envy the world outside.

  There was so much to be done and so much satisfaction in doing it together with those who were blood brothers and had the same interests and the same ambitions and drew the same comfort from a togetherness that she had not found in England.

  She knew that, if she was a Scot and a McNairn, she would be one of them and they would look after her.

  Then it would be impossible to feel lonely or that the world was a great frightening place where she had nobody to turn to.

  She remembered Rory saying, as Alistair had said, that the Chieftain was the Father of his Clan and that was what the Duke was to his people.

  One day Rory would take his place and he would belong to them as they belonged to him.

  ‘The Scots are so lucky, so very very lucky,’ Pepita told herself.

  Then, almost like the voice of doom, she remembered that also they ‘never forget’.

  Although she was desperately tired when Mrs. Sutherland left her, she found it impossible to sleep.

  She could only know that she had to leave and that everything she cared for and everything she loved must be left behind.

  To think of leaving Torquil was an agony that seemed to tear her apart, but she knew how much it hurt her to leave Rory and Jeanie as well.

  They were the only relatives she had left and she felt that they were so much a part of herself that it would be like losing one of her limbs to part with them.

  The light from the fire flickered in the great room she was sleeping in and she felt as though the shadows were full of ghosts from the past who were telling her of other men and women who had slept in this room and suffered as she had.

  Yet they at least had belonged to The Castle and their Clan and had known that, wherever they went in the world, there would always be somebody of their own kin to welcome them home and give them a helping hand.

  ‘Could anybody be lonelier than I am?’ Pepita asked herself in self-pity.

  Then, as she felt the tears come once again into her eyes so that the light from the fire seemed to swim dizzily in front of her, she heard the door open.

  For a moment she thought that it must be Jeanie coming in from the room next door.

  Then she realised that it was the door into the passage and gave a little gasp as she saw who was there.

  Torquil closed the door behind him and came towards the bed.

  “Why – are you – here – what do you – want?”

  She spoke in a low voice, afraid that something terrible had happened.

  “I had to see you, my darling,” he answered. “I had the feeling that you needed me and I thought too, although I may be wrong, that you are unhappy.”

  Pepita gave a little gasp.

  She knew that it was his instinct, which, like hers, could sense what had not been obvious to anybody else.

  He stood for a moment looking at her in the firelight and then he sat down on the bed facing her and took her hand in his.

  “You look very beautiful,” he said softly. “I always wondered how long your hair was.”

  She felt herself blush and her eyes fell before his as she replied,

  “It is – wrong for you to – be here.”

  “It is never wrong for us to be together,” he continued, “and I could not sleep. When I felt you calling to me, my heart responded to your heart.”

  Pepita looked at him beseechingly and now he saw the traces of tears on her cheeks.

  Very gently, as if he was afraid of frightening her, he bent forward and his lips were on hers.

  He kissed her tenderly as if she was very precious and, because it was different from any way that he had kissed her before, she felt the tears fill her eyes and then run down her cheeks.

  Now she was not crying because she was frightened.

  Then he kissed her until her heart began to beat in a way that was only too familiar and, as Torquil’s kisses became more insistent and more demanding, she felt as if he brought life back into her body with a rapture that was as if he carried her up to the stars.

  When finally he raised his head, she was no longer feeling weak and helpless, but glowing with the wonder that he had evoked in her and pulsating with the ecstasy his kisses always gave her and which made her feel as if she was flying in the air and the earth was left far behind.

  “I love you!” Torquil said in his deep voice. “It is so wonderful, my darling. I feel sensations that I never knew existed and, when I kiss you, I know that we belong to each other and that neither of us can ever be complete unless we are together.”

  “I – love you!” Pepita replied. “But you know it – is – wrong.”

  “It is right!” Torquil said fiercely. “Nothing could be more right than the love we have for each other, which is perfect and so much a part of our existence that we cannot live without it.”

  Then, as if he was afraid that she would argue with him, he was kissing her again, kissing her until she felt as if there was a fire burning through her to reach out towards the fire that she felt on his lips.

  Only when he released her mouth and kissed the softness of her neck did she feel a strange wild emotion rise within her that she had never known before.

  Then she made a little murmur of protest and tried to push him away from her.

  At the same time her breath was coming in little gasps, her eyes felt heavy and she wanted his kisses more than she had ever wanted anything in her whole life.

  “I will not frighten you, my precious,” Torquil said, and his voice was deep and a little hoarse. “I have so much to teach you that I cannot wait very much longer for us to be alone together and I can do so.”

  Pepita wanted to reply that it was something that would never happen because she must leave him.

  But she knew for the moment that she could not spoil the happiness of being with him and the wonder of his kisses or take away the love she could see in his eyes.

  “You are so lovely,” Torquil said, “but that is not the only reaso
n why I love you. I adore your laughter, your clever little mind and the way you are always thinking of other people rather than yourself. I do not believe that any woman could be more unselfish or more feminine.”

  He kissed her again and then raised her hand to his lips.

  “All I want to do is to stay here all night kissing you and loving you, but, my darling, I must let you sleep. You have been through a terrible traumatic experience today and I want you to promise me that you will rest tomorrow.”

  “R-rest?” Pepita asked, hardly aware of what she was saying.

  “The house will be filled with mourners,” Torquil explained, “the blinds will be drawn and it will all be very gloomy and unpleasant. I don’t want you to be a part of it.”

  He put his hand on hers as he added,

  “Stay here with the children, and I will come sometime during the day to take them for a walk. Naturally sport or anything like that will be taboo until after the funeral.”

  “Y-yes – of course,” Pepita murmured.

  “When that is over, you and I will make plans,” Torquil said. “All I want you to remember at the moment is that I love you and that soon, very soon, I will be able to prove to you how much.”

  As if the idea excited him, he bent forward once again and kissed her until the flames flickered wildly in them both and Pepita wanted to be close and ever closer to him.

  Then, as if he forced himself to leave her, he said,

  “I adore you and no one could be more wonderful. Dream of me, my precious one, as I shall be dreaming of you.”

  Then, without waiting for her reply, he went from the room, closing the door very quietly behind him.

  Chapter Seven

  Pepita was saying ‘goodnight’ to Jeanie, who put her arms round her neck.

  “I love you, Aunt Pepita,” she said. “And I love being here in this beautiful big Castle.”

  “You are happy, darling?” Pepita asked.

  “Very very happy!” Jeanie answered. “And tomorrow I am going to learn to dance a reel!”

  Pepita kissed her and then stood looking down at her as her eyes closed slowly and she knew that by the time she left the bedroom Jeanie would be fast asleep.