Tricky Wisdom: Year I

by Camryn Eyde

  I sighed. “Fine.” I turned and headed back to the kitchen, depositing her omelet, coffee and plastic flower on the counter. “I made you breakfast in bed. Sort of.”

  Olivia, for her part, at least looked a little ashamed. “Thank you. What’s the occasion?”

  “Us.”

  “Us?”

  “Yes. Now eat up while I change.”

  Thirty minutes later, and with a significantly heavy backpack hanging from my shoulders, Olivia and I walked into Boston.

  “Where are we going? Is there a seminar on?”

  “We’re having a day off. No study. No medicine. Just you and me.”

  Her hand began to sweat a few minutes later and I was forced to let it go so I could dry my hand. “You okay?” I asked as we neared Boston Common.

  “Mmm.”

  Convincing. “So,” I said as we entered the Common. “This is my plan.” I swept my arm across the horizon full of people milling about the park in various stages of fun and relaxation.

  “I don’t understand.”

  I shook my head and reached for her hand. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

  Deep into the park, I aimed for the tree I scoped out last week. Pulling a blanket from my backpack, I spread it on the grass and gestured for her to sit.

  “We’re having a picnic?” she asked.

  “Of sorts.”

  She arched an eyebrow at me then looked dubiously at the rug. I sat down and organized the contents of my bag. Thermos of coffee. A couple of containers of food. Water. Sunblock, and hats.

  Olivia sat beside me and sighed.

  “Have you ever been on a picnic before?” I asked.

  “No.”

  “Not even as a kid?”

  “Not even then.”

  That was mildly depressing. “Well then, welcome to your inaugural picnic. I’ll be your hostess for the day, and I promise fun, food and fresh air.”

  Olivia gave me a frown. “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why are we doing this? I have things to—”

  I reached over and took her hand and gave it a sharp squeeze. “Stop. Stop thinking about school just for a few hours. All the things you have to do will be there when we get home. So, do me a favor and just…I don’t know…relax? Do you know how to do that?”

  Olivia’s eyes narrowed. “No.”

  I sighed and let my thumb skim the back of her soft hands. “Then let me help you, okay? Please. For me?”

  She rolled her shoulders and sat up straighter as she contemplated my query. Taking a deep breath, she looked across the park and studied the other park-goers. After a long exhale, she said quietly, “Fine.”

  That felt like an overwhelming victory to me, so with a broad grin on my face, I guided her through the picnicking etiquette. Eat as much as you can, wash it all down with a beverage, then laze about staring at the clouds.

  We were staring at the fluffy white shapes in the sky an hour later when she said, “So how long are we doing this for?”

  “The picnic? For the rest of the day.”

  She huffed.

  “Hey, you promised.”

  “I didn’t promise, I said I’ll try.”

  “So, try then.”

  “I have.” She sat up and sighed.

  “Then try harder,” I said, sitting up as well.

  “Darcy, this kind of activity, it isn’t me. I can’t be idle, not when I have other things to attend to.”

  “Study isn’t going anywhere, but your life is.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean? You think I’m wasting my life studying a profession that’s supposed to save lives?”

  “No, that’s not what I meant at all.” Huffing out a breath and running a hand through tangled hair, I shook my head. “What I mean is that sometimes you need to live a little. Medicine will always be there for you, but this,” I said, sweeping my hand across the view again. “This is what you’re missing while you’re cooped up at a desk. Without this perspective, without living, how are you supposed to understand why you’re saving people?”

  “What do you mean, why? I thought that much was obvious.”

  I growled as she misunderstood me again. “Liv—”

  “Olivia.”

  “—it’s these kind of experiences that you’re trying to let people get back to. These kinds of memories you want the kids you’ll be saving to grow up and enjoy. Do you see what I mean? If you haven’t had them, then you won’t understand just how precious the gift of life really is.”

  She arched her eyebrows at me and a dark, scary look crossed her face. “You’re trying to tell me I don’t understand how precious life is?”

  I shook my head with a weary sigh. Was this woman going to constantly misunderstand me?

  Olivia stood, brushing off her jeans. “This picnic is over.”

  I rushed to my feet. “No. It isn’t.”

  “I’m not going to sit here doing nothing while you lecture me on why my life is miserable. You have no idea where I’ve come from and what I’ve experienced, so you can take your arrogant judgments and shove them elsewhere.”

  “Stop.” I grabbed her arm before she had a chance to escape.

  She tried to yank her arm from my grip. “Let me go.”

  “Liv, please.” My breath had shortened with fear that Olivia was going to run and I’d lost my chance with her for good. The look in her eyes was unlike anything I’d seen before. It wasn’t annoyed Olivia. It wasn’t caring Olivia. It was a scared one. One that looked ready to run and never stop. “Please,” I said in a whisper. “I’m not judging you. I just…I…” I sighed. “I just want to make some memories with you. You know? Something that we can look back on and smile that doesn’t involve classes, and study and cadavers.”

  She scowled at the grass at our feet.

  “You’re right, I know nothing about your past, and if I said something that hurt you, I promise I’m sorry and didn’t mean it.” I sighed and let go of her arm. If she wanted to leave, who was I to stop her? Surprising me, she stayed still. Considering that, I figured I should start telling some truths. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  She looked at me. Progress.

  “I…I don’t know what it is you want. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I think we’re supposed to be dating, but I’ve got no idea. All we really do is share a bed. I feel like I’m barely hanging on. I want to touch you like all the time, but…” I took a deep breath. “I don’t know if you want that.” Rubbing my forehead and ignoring the hot water welling in my eyes, I looked at the rug perched in the shaded grass and said, “I wanted to do something with you, something girlfriends would do together, to see if I can figure it out. I’m clueless here.”

  After a considerable silence, Olivia said, “I’ve noticed.”

  I let out a tense chuckle and chanced a look at her. She was staring at the red plaid blanket on the grass. “You’re right,” she said. “I haven’t made many memories like this. My life has been…hard.” She sucked her bottom lip in her mouth and looked nervous and on the verge of tears. “I…” She huffed out a breath. “I want to prove I wasn’t worth tossing away.”

  My heart shattered. Olivia was accomplished, incredibly clever, and should have been the apple of any parents’ eye. I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and tell her she was worth everything, but I figured that may have been too much for her right now. I reached out and took her hand, happy she allowed the touch. “Sit with me,” I said quietly.

  She took a long breath through her nose and inclined her head on the exhale.

  We sat, and I pulled something from my backpack to hand to her. She blinked at the sudden appearance of her notepad and the lecture notes she had been neck-deep in yesterday. I laid back on the rug and patted my stomach, hopefully conveying to her that she could use me as a pillow.

  “Are you sure?”

  I patted my stomach again and to my eternal delight, she picked up her notes and lay against me.
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  I sighed and relaxed under her gentle weight, and as I stared at the clouds and ran my fingers through her hair, I fell asleep as a contended girlfriend.

  I woke disorientated, and with a weight draped down the length of my body. Blinking, I turned to find Olivia had abandoned her books and was asleep against my side. I smiled and took in the beauty of her resting features. “So beautiful,” I whispered and pressed my lips against her temple. She stirred under my touch and blue eyes soon blinked up at me. I ran my knuckles down her cheek and emboldened by her sleepy stare, I leaned down and kissed her.

  It was the first time I’d initiated this kind of intimacy, and felt the rush of adrenaline flood my body. Savoring the taste and touch of her lips against mine for as long as possible, I managed to make the kiss languid and tender. This was a new dimension for us, and Olivia’s response was to go boneless and pliable below me, allowing me to take the dominant stance. Confidence joined the adrenaline coursing through me, and I deepened the kiss with a moan and possessive delve of my tongue.

  Olivia submitted to it and our breath shortened as the act got more and more intimate and passionate. Evening spring air touched my skin as my shirt rode up when her hand pushed below my top, and with a surge of need to repay the touch, I let my hand run up her side to fondle my first ever breast. Feeling her supple and weighty breast below my hand nearly short-circuited the rest of me. I forgot to breathe. I stopped the movements of my mouth and tongue, and I focused entirely on exploring her chest. Running my thumb over her shirt found a nipple rising to erection at the touch. With a squeeze and pinch, I took hold of the small bead and rolled it.

  Olivia’s moan and arching back almost undid me, and quite prepared to have her right there and then, I would have if it wasn’t for the dog that bounded over us.

  I sat up with a scream as a slobbery tongue covered my face. The owner, a severe-looking man, looked far too pleased with his animal’s actions. “Get a room,” I heard him mumble after he whistled for his dog, Fido, to come.

  I sneered at his back and wiped slobber off my face. Looking down to see if Olivia was as indignant as I, I found her smiling at me. This smile I didn’t know. I’ve seen the doctor smile. The caring smile. The sarcastic smile, but this one…I shuddered and my stomach flopped. I’d do anything to see that on her face, and judging by her next expression, she knew it, too. That smile was a deadly weapon.

  Chapter Twelve

  Spring break came and went and knee-deep in May, I found myself alone in the apartment studying one Sunday night. Olivia had become obsessed with attending seminars, and while I went along to a few, I couldn’t get excited by genetic-level virus attacks. Olivia, who had become warier since that picnic date, hadn’t given me that deadly smile again. In fact, she hadn’t smiled at all. At the increased rate we were studying, I hoped it was more a case of the unavailability of time, and not a lack of willingness.

  Yawning and stretching, I considered my options for the remainder of the evening. I wasn’t working at Sunny’s that night, which usually meant a rapid-fire study session to catch up and consolidate notes. After doing exactly that for four hours straight, I was over it. It was only nine, and I wasn’t expecting Olivia until after ten. Already in my pajamas, I curled up on the couch and stared mindlessly at the TV for an hour. Ten soon became eleven, and then at the stroke of midnight, my worry kicked in.

  Grabbing my cell, I text Olivia.

  Hey Liv. You fall asleep at the seminar or something?

  I waited and got no reply. Calling her Liv should have irked her into response. Frowning, I dialed her number.

  “Babe!” she answered loudly. There was music and voices in the background.

  I looked at my phone to make sure I dialed the right person because it was going to be a cold day in hell when Olivia was going to call me babe. I arched my eyebrows to see I had the right number. “Olivia?”

  “Come drink with me!” she shouted.

  “Uh…what?” I frowned and looked over at the massive calendar on the wall. We had an eight-thirty lecture in the morning before an afternoon of lab work. More poignantly, Olivia didn’t drink. Ever.

  “Come on,” she whined. Olivia never whined either.

  “Where are you?”

  “The Squealing Pig.”

  I blinked. She was at a bar? A loud noisy one.

  “Kara is here. Say hi, Kara.”

  A new voice came on the line. “Hey, Darce. Your girlfriend is a riot.”

  I pinched myself. I had to be dreaming this. “Ow.”

  “Huh?” Olivia said.

  “Liv, why are you at a bar with Kara past midnight?”

  Olivia groaned. “God, are you doing the mother routine?”

  “No, I’m doing the ‘who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend’ routine.”

  Olivia made a grunting sound. “Whatever. Come or not. I don’t care. I have Kara.”

  The dial tone sounded in my ear, and I think I was dressed and jogging towards my girlfriend in record time. Thankfully she had chosen to get herself wrecked in a bar only minutes from our front door.

  I burst in and stopped still. There, at the bar, was Olivia and Kara giggling at one another. Kara’s hand sat dangerously on Olivia’s thigh. What the heck was going on?

  I charged over and knocked Kara’s hand away.

  “Sweetheart,” Olivia said, launching into my arms and kissing me soundly.

  “Umm…” I said when she stopped kissing me with her whiskey-tasting mouth. I couldn’t help it, but that taste burned all the way down to my panties. Clearing my throat and ignoring how easily I was turned on, I glanced at Kara.

  “Hi, sexy,” she said with a wink.

  I quickly looked back at Olivia, expecting some kind of jealous retribution. Instead, she said, “She is, isn’t she.” Olivia looked me over. “She has no idea what she does to me.” She moved the hand she already had on my waist and cupped my backside with a squeeze. I yelped. Kara did the same on the other cheek and I backed away from the pair of them.

  “You don’t drink,” I said to Olivia.

  “I do. Just not very often.”

  “So why tonight?”

  Olivia’s drunken carefree grin slipped and revealed the pain behind her mask. A surge of protectiveness overwhelmed me, and I ignored her empty remark about how she felt like letting her hair down for once. The Olivia I know is so in control she practically has her bodily functions scheduled to within a five-minute margin. This Olivia looked…wrong.

  “Come on, we’re going home.” I took her by the waist and helped her slip from the bar stool.

  “What? No. Kara and I—”

  “Have had enough.” Olivia protested physically, and I fought to retain my grip on her waist.

  I changed tactics. “Liv, take me home,” I said, adding a wink and licking my lips.

  The grin that blossomed on her face made me swallow.

  “Can I come too?” Kara asked.

  Olivia and I turned to her and said in unison, “No.”

  Kara pouted.

  Olivia patted her arm and dropped a kiss on her cheek. Olivia may not have been feeling jealous, but I sure the hell was, and tugged my girlfriend away from the woman. “Bye, Kara.”

  My playful, flirtatious, drunken girlfriend swapped personalities when we entered our apartment. Expecting I was going to have to fend her off, instead, she burst into tears and scared the life out of me.

  “Shit. Liv? Are you okay?” I wrapped my arms around her only to be pushed back against the wall.

  “Don’t! Please. Just don’t touch me.”

  “Ah…okay?”

  She glared at me for a moment, before sighing and staring at her boot-clad feet. “Sorry. But I need to be alone tonight.”

  And with those words, she stalked off and shut our bedroom door leaving me in no doubt I was spending a night on the couch. I glanced at my old room. Or perhaps the single bed. It turns out it didn’t matter where I slept. I could he
ar Olivia crying, and desperate to see her, I hovered by her door, hand on the doorknob, willing her to call for me. She never did, and when her sobbing tapered off, I rested against the door, eyes closed and wishing I knew the answers to this new puzzle. It was obvious she was hurting, but why was a different conundrum.

  Chancing my luck, I cracked open her door to find her with a small bottle of whiskey in her hand and passed out on her bed that was littered with photographs. The lamp on her side table glowed peacefully over her tight-balled form. She was still dressed in a jacket, jeans and boots, and deciding to make her more comfortable, I went to her.

  Scooping up some of the photos, I gasped when I saw them. In the pictures, was a young Olivia cradling a baby dressed in blue. A smile glowed on her face and a young man hovered over her shoulders in some shots looking equally as pleased. I pressed a hand over my chest. Olivia had a child? I gasped, staring at her peaceful face. She blinked her eyes open and smiled drunkenly at me. “You have a son?” I asked, still shocked by that piece of information.

  She noticed what I was holding and peace flew right out the window. “Get out!” she screamed. Clumsily snatching the photograph from my hand, she scooped the rest into a messy pile. “Get out of my room.”

  Something in me cracked under the rejection. She was hurting and all I wanted to do was comfort her, however, I suspected if I went near her she might bite or something worse. Still, I wasn’t leaving. “Where is he? Where is your son?”

  Olivia’s face crumpled and my heart broke as I read the truth in that expression. “You have no right to ask me that.”

  “I have every right.”

  “No, you don’t.” Olivia stood and had screamed those words in my face. I stepped back at the vehemence of it.

  “Wrong. I’m your girlfriend. We’re supposed to lo—like each other, trust each other, and support each other when we need it most. Why won’t you let me help you?”

  “Because I don’t need it, and I don’t need you!”

  I gasped and stepped backward.

  Olivia’s chin wobbled. “I don’t need anybody.”