by Zoe Adams
He was lying on the cold floor, reading a magazine.
Indiana did not expect to see him look so good, even in sickness. Richard’s green eyes were on her. It wasn’t enough to stop the swirling feelings, he made them worse. She shut the door, and barely made it to her own target. Her head was in the toilet and she never felt so unattractive.
They had the twenty-four hour flu together. It was horrible, but if they were comfortable before, now they were family. They lay around and watched movies without popcorn. Their weakened state had them on separate couches with a table between them.
Not being able to put anything inside of their bodies left a staggering amount of needs. Stomachs growled, eyes were spent feasting on eye candy, old movies provided adequate background noise to distract them. They spent time getting closer and then one of them would jump up and run to the other room. Then the cycles of inching closer would start over again. They teased each other, and tried to restore themselves to some sort of normal health.
Indiana was lying on her side in front of Richard. She had abandoned her own couch for his, and he accepted her back graciously. If only their bodies didn’t fit so nicely, maybe he wouldn’t have needed to reassure them by petting her hip. If only he didn’t jumpstart her heart with a milligram of pressure, or hot exhale on her neck. She was lost, looking for something they were both too sick to have.
***
The next day Indiana felt more alive than before. They were back in the world of fulfilling goals. Richard and Indiana tried to be oblivious to the questioning looks from the shop’s workers.
They had a new closeness, and it was undeniable.
Indiana stood beside Richard and ducked under the raised hood of her car. They had been glowering at an insufficiently polished head that could still be smoother when it sucked gas through it. They agreed it would be sent back to the grinder.
His fingers brushed hers. The innocent action transferred energy. Indiana looked up at him excitedly. From the world’s perspective, he was holding both of her hands, staring deeply into each other’s eyes from the closeness of their faces.
That was how they were when they were interrupted. Indiana’s hands were dropped like they were scorching hot. Richard’s face changed to a different seriousness. Indiana stood in a frozen crossfire.
A sheriff pulled into the lot conspicuously. Richard was promptly arrested for contact with someone who still couldn’t legally speak for themselves. She was left holding a piece of metal that would not find its way home that day.
The afternoon arrived with the buzzing of helicopters. News vans kicked out inquisitors.
Now everything made sense—the shop wasn’t hungover, they were hung up on tabloids. Indiana logged into Richard’s computer and her jubilant face spun everywhere. The biggest news, of course, was the weekend of races. First he in her corner, then another of her being waved over to his car, then they were holding hands before their upsetting dinner. The clincher was the oldest one—a picture of when her age made a difference. They were sitting on barstools, his lazy finger resting on her pelvis.
The pictures didn’t lie—they were both extremely happy, and touching each other’s senses in every glimpse. She should’ve known better than being obliviously happy.
This bad attention happened when she was already down. She had been too sick to read a news headline. The one time she had excused being with a vibrant man, and not answered her phone or emails.
Of course it was the one time she shouldn’t have walked out of the house without educating herself on the state of the world.
Everyone accused Richard of messing around with a minor. It didn’t matter if Indiana was more educated than any her age, and most his age. Indiana hadn’t given herself to a fumbling adolescent like she was supposed to.
The heart wanted what the heart wanted, and no amount of time or obstacles had hindered desires. Richard hadn’t done wrong. As much as she wished her long wait over, she knew she was blessed for her suffering. Richard’s blessing would have to be realized very, very soon.
Indiana shut herself in Richard’s office and locked the doors. The shades looking out over his babies were drawn. She warily watched television on mute and began long phone calls. She had waited her turn for life to let her join in, and she was ready. Indiana had to find out who had given the information.
Suddenly, her adversary’s face loomed on forty-seven inches of crystal. Her old manager, Justin Johnson, smiled at the camera. As usual, he began to fill the airwaves with questionable complaints. The normal annoyed feeling about him grew into full-blown anger.
“Oh sure, Richard Sand would come to the shop about once a week. They would go to her office, alone, all the time. Then after a race she would leave and be gone for a couple of days, and no one knew where she was.”
The interviewer stood shocked and appalled. “Did he know about her age?”
“Everyone knew she was young. Indiana made sure everyone knew she was under the limits.” He smiled very broadly at the camera.
“You seem to know Indiana Bernstein very well.”
Justin shone on his moment of fame. He would say anything to keep a microphone in his face.
“Yeah, she’s like my sister, you know? I’m worried about her too.” He flexed when he winked at the camera. “Call me, Indiana.”
Indiana rolled her eyes and shut off the main source of distress.
She got Richard out of the tank that day, but she wasn’t there to greet him at the station. A limo waited for him instead. At the very wise council of many people, she was not at his house, warming it like she wanted to be.
Indiana had gone to the lawyers, then to the hospital. It took probing and more embarrassment. Five different professionals concluded she had never been penetrated. The charges were dropped and she was allowed to disappear with as much grace as possible.
Too much information had shocked everyone into relative relief. The things that were nobody’s business were now dinnertime talk. How could a sex crazed man, with a long history or debutantes and models, not have done it? How could a young prodigy be held to the same standard as the normal teenager?
Indiana raced the setting sun to the only place belonging to her. The windy house on the hill was its normal, steadfast relief. She fell in the door and didn’t turn on the TV or lights.
There had to be a way to let out some of her embarrassment, or shame. It wasn’t normal for a girl to lust after a full-grown man. There was no relative normality to compare her very sheltered life to. Being different had been a conscious form. Now it made her a target.
The next day she stayed hidden away. Indiana had enough cans of food to stay alive for a month, and she would line one of each variety on the counter facing the table. The morning was passed trying to decide which fortunate tin can taste would keep her alive.
She tossed a little golf ball and the first can to clatter to its side would be the first to boil away in a pan. That was her day, and then the excitement came at night.
Indiana stood on her roof and practiced driving golf balls into the distance. White, virgin balls were best flying into dusk. They were gathered in the morning when she was still trying to sleep.
Indiana heard an approaching car. It was her first reminder that the clay around her really wasn’t parched Mars, and the elements that beat her house were not unfriendly to the entire planet.
Across the distance she saw his orange car racing toward her. Its sleek chromed grill tamed the wasted land at incredible speed.
She jumped from her perch on the lonely roof. Indiana’s heart flew to the floor of the canyon.
Indiana hadn’t looked in a mirror since her morning shower. She ran into her house and tried to compose herself. She looked in the mirror. Her hair fell loosely from its bun. Her clothes had oil stains on them. She jumped into a leather suit of matching pants and vest.
The bright headlights fell on her house. Richard’s car stopped and it growled into park. The lights were
the last thing to be shut down before Richard stepped from the car.
If he were a vision, she would expect it be so. Nothing could be finer. He was already there, giving her kisses and joy. He soothed her. There were no words for what needed to be righted.
Their greeting surpassed all other stolen moments and kisses combined. It led them inside the house in record time.
“Richard,” she moaned.
“Indy,” he stuttered.
Indiana took him to the master bedroom. The glowing white room was awash in moon shadow and stardust. Indiana got to receive her reward for waiting.
Richard was sliding into protection, and Indiana stopped him. After their talk, and all the reassurances of responsibilities, he told her that some things he would be feeling for the first time also. One beautiful night turned into a three day event.
“How did you ever find this place, Indy?” Richard stood in all of his glory, looking out the window.
“I just drove around. How did you find it?”
“I have my resources. Even here in the middle of nowhere, you couldn’t hide from me. There is no way I’ll stay away from you.”
They admired each other across the room, but even the distance was not a safe zone. With the speed of lightning, Richard let his full energy be redirected toward her.
“Just drove around, huh?” He started making tracks down her side with his slow finger.
“Yes.” Her voice cracked and she grimaced.
He already told her she had to answer his questions, no matter how thirsty or dry her throat was, or how much her tone would change or crack. Indiana told him of her long drive after he rocked her world in that little blue boat.
“Oh god, the boat.” The reminder tethered him to her. “We can’t leave yet. You might be late for your entry laps tomorrow.”
Indiana’s forehead smoothed when he brought up the next day. “I’m not going to race.”
Richard sat up. “What?”
“My mom will be glad and my investors have already made tons of money. I don’t care if I take a week off. I just…” Indiana swallowed, and tried again. “I can’t pretend anymore. You and I should be able to be together.”
“Oh, I agree. Did you think I could let you go? A lot of things are changing in this world, but we can still have what we want.”
Indiana looked at him skeptically.
“Indy, do you want to race, or not?”
“Yes.”
“Then you are going to race.”
Indiana looked up at the ceiling. “What if I just want to stay in bed?”
Richard was ready. “Agh, the trials of being the first boyfriend. I see you need more training.”
Chapter 25
Indiana’s next race was a nightmare. She bumped both sides of her car’s front end. When the passenger tire casing disintegrated on the wall, she was forced to make a pit stop.
Richard leaned into the window. “How are you doing?”
Indiana gave the affirmative.
His nervous nod did not stop. “All right, you are doing fine. Do you want some water?”
He popped a bottle of clear liquid through the window, and their little ritual made her feel a little better.
Back on the track, she finished reasonably well for feeling like death. Her hands had been numb since lap twenty-five. Her car felt like it was in a Baja race across the desert. Weaving up and down the track, her stability was comparable to a balloon releasing its air.
Indiana struggled to get out of the car. She pushed her weight to the ground that was sure to be under her feet. She stood by her car for what seemed like forever. Her body finally adjusted to not speeding with the fury of lightning.
Richard knew her so well. He gave her space and air, but he remained silently beside her. She turned around and let him take her. She finally had the energy to smile and walk around the car. A quick survey revealed the depths of racing endured. Her car had taken a battering.
Indiana shrugged. It was just another day at the office; there would be promotions and off days. Indiana may have put up some semblance of bravery and indomitability, but her fingers were frozen and clammy. She walked with a hopeful gait that could literally buckle her knees at any given moment.
Richard hustled her away with the ease of a veteran. Once they were alone and the dark mirrored sunglasses were removed, the conversations began.
“What is going on, Indy?” His face was very close to hers.
“I don’t know.” She shrugged. “It was like the first couple of laps, I could not wake up, and then it was all I could do to steer. My body is so tired.”
Indiana couldn’t tell anyone but Richard the truth. Racing made her extremely tired. Anyone else would make her stop doing it.
Richard smoothed his palm over her wrist and pressure points were relieved along a trail of nerve endings. It helped her relax. She could easily adapt to being mollified. Indiana quit focusing on what she did wrong, and instead focused on the good things she received.
The next day showed a much more reserved girl beside Richard. Indiana didn’t even want to go to the track after yesterday’s sad finish to the hard race. It had made her so tired. But knowing about Richard’s preparations pulled her from bed. She wouldn’t be the cause of him starting late.
This was her usual day off to do nothing. After the weeklong event of losing and forming new muscles, she was more tired than ever. Usually, her physical self held no bounds. It would drag her through all seven rings of hell in one week. Currently, the demons that had kept her a slave were placated. Feeling at ease was a new root for her to grow from, or wilt.
Indiana knew standing on the sidelines would be hard under normal circumstances. But proving she was brave enough for cameras and obsessive inquiry got in the way of being a spectator.
Someone called her princess and someone else called her racing royalty. All the references to family made Indiana miss her dad even more. She hoped her tears remained hidden behind her dark sunglasses. Her compliance for strangers was over. All they would get was stiff folded arms and an aloof gaze past the din. She stood frozen and withdrawn. Richard raced like he’d been born on a flying carpet.
He ended the race in the upper echelons of the spread. The satisfaction of a job well done brought his million-dollar smile to the forefront. He announced that not doing the same old thing every day could definitely bring a better return. Indiana bore the weight of that receipt silently when she blushed and turned.
Indiana couldn’t wait for the quiet, and she continued to wait. The car was tucked from view in its trailer.
Richard transitioned from doting on steel to flesh before they were even inside the fleeing limo. Indiana was grateful for the attention she received. They both found ways to fill the two hours before getting to the monolithic white bedroom under three walls of stars.
The week passed almost like the one before. Indiana had lost another day of work. It was so much easier to adhere to Richard’s schedule. It was set a day behind hers, but she reasoned her team was professional and they didn’t need her there all the time anyway.
The other reason Indiana had excused herself from work was because she needed insane amounts of rest. She was freaking out that the tired spells might be because her energy was no longer being used by herself, but a little seed instead. Countless tests and doctors affirmed the negative results were accurate.
Downplaying her tiredness was done by playing up their tirelessness. Richard hadn’t really worked with her before to be able to compare her complacent look with previous angst. She was glad he had always frozen her a little, and now the cover helped her accustom to his life.
She didn’t know how to be a girlfriend, let alone be a rich man’s girl. Richard definitely had a standard for how he liked to start and end his day. Sharing the time in between was a given, and his green girlfriend was working on sharing anything. The aforementioned dilemma, combined with constant comments regarding the fabulous father who had helped s
omeone or made someone’s day, seemed to put her in an undeserving position. Indiana still hadn’t earned her racing stripes. Dependence on approval from people outside of academics was a new form.
Indiana was painstakingly aware that she had to carve her own destiny. She had plenty of time. Late Thursday night Indiana had the shop to herself. The building belonged to Richard. He sublet the unused half. It had been great the first week when some of her team had been his. Now she was ready for a little less commotion.
She gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles and gave her breath back to the ether. Adjusting herself in the seat did not bring any comfort. Flexing, she waited for the rush of adrenaline. There was nothing. She was beginning to question her line of work. The extremes it took on her physical body compared to the authentic rush it brought was hard to navigate.
She locked up the shop late. Indiana drove Richard’s growling green horse and parked at his front door. He waited with sauces, a chef coat, and wine.
Richard didn’t need to seduce or cajole. He was all man, and part of his allure was calmness.
“Exciting day at the office?” He poured her a glass of wine.
“No, I actually stayed just to have some alone time with my car.” She had finished washing her hands and leaned in for her quadruple enjoyment.
***
Indiana’s next race scored lower than the previous. Indiana was lucky to have both ends of her car getting smashed in the pileup instead of being one of the unfortunate others.
Her already leaking adrenaline gave out completely. The shakes were not a pleasant accompaniment to stretched arm muscles. She stopped the car at a waving flag, but being inside the pit did not ease her frame. The day was over, and the race had just met the halfway point.
Indiana lost, and she left the fields as soon as possible. Her man had been reluctant to leave early. It was just one more thing for her to think about.
She watched his body language announce disgust at her pending departure. Indiana took a deep breath that pushed back her shoulders.
