by Zoe Adams
“I guess I’ll see you later, then,” she said.
“All right.” Richard shook his head.
Leaving the race early had been the root of their first little fight. It had blown into a full-blown tiff with Indiana’s insistence that she needed time off.
“Time off from what?” Richard’s voice had gone from insistent to soft.
“You, us, maybe racing.”
Indiana tried to turn away, but Richard kept her locked in his very full gaze.
“It hasn’t been very long, Indy. Trust me, it takes time to develop a rhythm.”
“It’s not that, it’s me—I lost my fire.” She shook her head, trying to explain. She decided to sit down beside him.
“I like you right here.” He stroked her knee. “Now tell me about this fire you lost.”
Indiana closed her eyes and released a breath that was lucky to escape. “I love to drive. I used to just drive my Chevelle.”
She stopped when she remembered his thoughtful gift of the car.
“Yes, go on.” He unwrapped her fingers and vice-like lips.
“I just don’t feel the same way I used to about driving.” Indiana looked around warily. “I think it’s because I’m not miserable anymore.”
Richard threw his head back and laughed. “That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”
“I need some time to make sure that it’s not you distracting my racing skills.”
Richard looked like gravity defeated him. “How long do you need?”
“A week, maybe two.”
Indiana’s knee had been abandoned for the cuff of her pants. One finger had stolen her conscience as it slid around her ankle.
“You…” Richard left off. “It seems I have finally met my match. But what am I supposed to do without you? You know that you have me spoiled, don’t you?”
“It will only be for a couple days. And then we will see each other this weekend.”
“It might as well be the end of the world. All right, I agree to your condition, but you have to give me the whole two-day weekend.”
He quit teasing when their position went from upright to a full-out sprawl.
Chapter 26
Indiana drove away in her car from another time. She could not go to her windy home. It was still her private retreat, but now much too romantic for one. Ellen and various friends were not the comfort she needed.
Indiana’s inner tranquil springs drew from the silent distance of the road rising up to meet her. She felt halfway better, and then in that happy place she would find the man she left behind. It wasn’t a good thought, because then she would wonder what she was waiting for.
After a great stretch of road, Indiana found herself in front of her childhood home. The rush of coming home hadn’t diminished at all. She jumped from the car, a little excited as she ran into the garage. It had more enclosed square footage than the house. It felt different to see this time capsule from her childhood.
She walked down the rows of neatly lined machines and gleaming tools. Indiana moved to the very dusty cabinet and poured three shots of whiskey.
“This one is for you, Dad.” One swallow of fire and she knew soon there would be a little relief.
Indiana sat down on her father’s rolling chair and called her mother.
“Hi, Mom. Busy?” Indiana put her feet on the desk and felt her toes tingle with the victorious heat of liquor as trivialities were exchanged with each other.
“So you will never guess where I am,” she said.
“Where are you, dear?” Ellen’s tone of voice was sweet.
“I am at our house,” Indiana said.
“No, you’re not here.” The sound of shuffling and shades being checked came over the phone.
“No, Mom, our old house. You know, where I grew up. Everything is exactly the way it was left. Well, I haven’t been in the house yet, but the shop is the same.”
“What happened? Somebody bought it over the phone. They wanted the whole place.” Ellen took a sip of something.
“Richard Sand bought it and gave me the key.” Indiana eyed her two beckoning shot glasses. They were both sentimental shooters with stamped logos of classic and dated races.
“You and that man.” Indiana could almost see her mom shake her head. “Is he there with you?”
“No. I needed some time to myself. I might be a better racer without him.” Indiana took the beckoning shot.
“Oh, Indiana. You’ve liked him for years. And obviously he feels for you as well. Don’t trade loving a man for gripping a steering wheel.” Ellen sounded perfectly sensible.
Indiana felt different. “Yes, he’s a man who definitely needs love.”
“Indiana, you’re the one to do it.”
Indiana thought about it.
“Whoever would have thought?” Ellen whispered.
“I know, Richard is pretty great. So, you didn’t know that he bought this house?” Indiana was ready to be done talking.
“No, I guess no one did, or everyone would have known about it. Let me know how the house looks.”
The women ended the call.
Indiana picked up the next shooter. “This one is to my honey.”
The third shot was what she needed to call Richard.
He answered, and Indiana had her third conversation that day with him. He sounded veritably good, and in a very quiet house.
“Oh god, Indy, I hope you’re having fun,” he said.
“I am. I just got home.” Her meaning was never lost on him.
“Good.”
In her mind’s eye she saw him. He was sitting outside with a drink and a cigar. Yep, she just heard a nice puff, puff, puff.
“Richard, I really can’t believe it. This and what you did is really special, thank you.”
Ice cubes were trying to relieve the hard edge of the straight drink, and it stopped, and then started again.
“Yeah, well, you kind of impressed me when you put that motor together by yourself. Clarence would have wanted it that way.” Richard’s end of the line had wind, and avalanches of ice being swirled in a glass.
“I wish I could see you right now,” Indiana said.
They each considered the probability of that as somewhere in the not happening anytime soon range. The call ended on a pretty sad note.
Indiana took one more body-numbing shot. This one didn’t have a toast or a reason, it just felt good. Cleaning always helped, and she changed light bulbs and dusted shelves until the crack of dawn found the place spotless again.
The house sat in a different sort of neglect. No personal effects, but everything familiar remained. Memories emerged from under the dusty sheets. Indiana walked into the living room and stopped dead in her tracks. She didn’t have any more energy to deal with the assault on her receptors. She realized her sensitivity to the items was lost to memory.
She ran upstairs to her old room. Her bed sat there unused and untouched under a sheet. She removed it. The familiar bed caught her and she fell asleep.
Too much light in the dusty air, and sleeping fully clothed woke Indiana up in a few hours. She investigated the rest of the house. The rooms were mostly empty, save for the living areas. She wanted to leave the loneliness. She hit the road like it was lucky to have her.
Later that day she arrived at the track of choice. Indiana checked into a hotel room. She tried not to think about how much better it was to prepare with someone else. The solitary confinement opposed a brilliant opposite spectrum of being with Richard. All those cool reminders passed the night, hour by grudging hour.
Enough time passed to take her to the efficient crew of her newly tagged car. She raced through the preliminary race. She would be starting in fifteenth place tomorrow.
Indiana stayed by her car, hoping for a glimpse of the only other racer who drew her eye. She didn’t see him. Richard was very good at staying away.
The next day, before the race even started, Indiana felt numb again. She st
ood in her lane and waited. The stadium shook with the fury of horsepower and fists. A deafening roar of the crowd competed with her team’s talking. Indiana waited to come to life.
Finally she saw her fire starter. Richard was surrounded by people as he sought her out. Soon he was beside her. He fed her breath, soul, and heart. Only then did everything unmute.
Richard pulled his head back and groaned into her hair.
“I missed you so much. Time drags without you. And now I have to share you.” He picked up her hand and walked very slowly to the driver seat.
This race was different. Indiana didn’t think about the people left behind on the side of the track. She only focused on forward progression. The laps were just one continuous haze. Her racing skills consisted of finely tuned reflexes and stored knowledge of gas and air powered mechanics. It led to the burnout alley, and over to victory lane.
A woman finally won first place. It was only her fifth race of the circuit. Indiana took off her helmet and all ten pounds of her hair fell down her back. She felt very feminine when she held up a weak wave. The newest cup holder was passed around. Richard knew how to be there for her, and they were gone as soon as it was socially acceptable.
***
The next day, a pale and drawn Indiana stood in Richard’s corner. Her hat almost covered her whole face. It might have been more appropriate for the horse track. Mental and physical exhaustion should have given her the day off. But nothing could keep her away.
Richard’s racing matched his usual greatness. His continual high averages put him above most of the competition. He could do no wrong when he made all of those left turns. Richard ended the race in the top three.
The tedium of waiting had Indiana close to his side.
“I kind of like it when I don’t win first.” Richard appreciated their privacy after the race.
Chapter 27
Indiana’s success led to more work than she could handle. The incessant leash stuck to her ear rang off the hook. There was no day off for her to recover any mental or physical strength. The time she usually spent in her lover’s arms was instead spent moving into her childhood home.
The uprooting of the race team for the third time was not a great thing. The team had obvious questions about the new placement. Indiana placated everyone around her and agreed to work more by racing the Sunday circuit as well.
Indiana was pleasing everyone but Richard. He found out she would be flinging herself past the normal realms of work and into a double race week. It was their second fight.
“Why didn’t you talk to me first?” His voice sounded edgy through the phone.
“I don’t know, I guess I’m not used to asking permission.” She resigned herself to placating him, when all she needed was the opposite.
He groaned. “How many races are left on your Saturday contracts?”
“The whole season is left,” Indiana said loudly.
“That is something most men can’t even do. Racing two days? You know you are driving me crazy, don’t you?”
Indiana took the directional steer and lowered her voice. “Yeah, crazy in a good way.”
The week continued with long lover’s talks over the phone and whispered sentiments that were a poor substitute for other things.
The two-hour drive to Richard’s side was finally achieved late one night.
Richard had finally given her countless reasons to be with him. She wanted to look at his reaction and be able to read his pulse rate.
“It’s about time,” he grumbled.
Indiana felt so far past tired. She didn’t open her eyes when he pulled her close.
The next day brilliantly reminded them hard work had its rewards. Indiana’s future had arrived. She finally felt like a force to be reckoned with. Forget the famous name attached to her face. Her sponsors agreed with not branding her car. She held her own with the other experienced hands.
Indiana placed second. It took the usual long time to remove herself from the cage, and she sat on the window.
Richard stood behind her and his voice was hot when he said, “Hey.”
She nodded and he pulled her from the car. Indiana stood on pins and needles. The harsh feeling was an unwelcome blast to earth. She grabbed onto his arm. A hidden glance was exchanged and he didn’t let her go.
Indiana straightened her shoulders and circled the pit. She threw out smiles to her team, and their unity was ensured.
The next day, Indiana raced Richard. It was probably the longest day of her life. She didn’t know where he was, and pushed back the inquiry as best as possible. Her headset streamed music, filling in the gaps between barking orders and cajoling requests.
When Indiana drove, it was with a lead fury. The molten fuel thickened her blood and quickened receptors. The heightened sense of awareness that accompanied great speed was her good friend, and the forethought of preparedness was her religion.
Somebody else won first. Indiana placed in the lower quadrant of the spread. With the end of the adrenaline, so went all of the other energy. Indiana sat in her car for a long time. She had spent so much time cajoling the car. Indiana thought about this race, and the next. Her head quit pounding and her fingers started to feel something.
Richard attuned himself to her. He was there, pulling her from the car and heeding in an escape for the times. He walked slowly for her. Indiana could see his frustration, but nowhere else could hold her.
In the semi-privacy of the car, Indiana saw an angry shade of jade in his eyes. She should have stored some energy for the outlet of his simmering rage. Instead, she fell asleep on the chair beside him.
Richard picked her up. Indiana felt groggy and disoriented from the quick nap. A privately owned airplane carried them to the house on the hill. The bird arrived at dusk.
“Are you happy with your race?” he asked.
Indiana defended her choices. “Yes, of course.”
He studied her unendingly with those very intense eyes, and then dropped the subject completely.
They knew how to relax and recover, and they stayed tucked away in quiet comfort for three days. Being refreshed was the best reward. Indiana’s life meters were running back on full. The hardest part was the knowledge that their house would be empty again, and they would have to split up for the rest of the week.
They studied the track together. Its grade and inauspicious curves were a relative safe zone for their conversations. The race car had been timed to perfection. The smoothness of the car could only be attributed to precision and manpower.
The state of things around the shop had approached normality. Indiana felt remiss to have any upstarts. The men had all complained of another move and the extra distance from their pillows. Indiana had remonstrated by offering extra pay, incentives, and employee of the month bonuses. It worked out well for all, and everyone came to life for the shop.
The one problem that existed was her father’s old things. Indiana had a hard time packing up his memorabilia to make room for her well-deserved self. His desk still sat full, while old posters and outdated calendars lined the walls. Just the idea that he touched this pen last, or wrote down the reminder of Indiana’s birthday, was enough to throw her into distraction.
She knew it was unhealthy for her work environment, but had been waiting for the right time. Her speeding bullet car was finally loaded up, and the crew had been packed off. Indiana sat at her father’s desk with lined up liquid courage begging to be tossed back.
Indiana was near eye level with the amber drink when the door banged shut. She looked up to see Richard making haste toward her. They had already talked four times that day, and he was quick to wipe the surprise from her face. Richard didn’t register the things Indiana had been debating as he cleared the desk promptly and made a new use for it.
“You weren’t supposed to be here until tomorrow,” Indiana sputtered.
Richard’s smile was far too real. “I couldn’t wait that long to see my girl.”
Indiana sighed. “I’m glad. You really have no idea how good you are for me.”
“I’m pretty sure your workday should have ended about five hours ago.”
She shook her head because he was right on so many different levels.
The garage was one thing, but once inside the house, Richard shook his head in disgust.
“I am too busy to decorate.” Indiana shuffled herself out of the way.
Richard’s feet echoed throughout the halls, and he rolled his eyes at the makeshift couch bed.
“You are in big trouble for not taking care of yourself.”
Indiana was ready to show him how comfortable her sleeping arrangements were. Richard would have none of it.
“Ready to go, then?” he asked.
There was nothing she would have done differently to greet him today or tomorrow. The things she had were already cleaned or put in their homes. Her racing bag was already packed. Indiana fluttered around the house for a few seconds before they left for a more padded nest.
The next day Indiana rocked the lane, and could do no wrong. She raced like a dream of everything great. Fuel carbons were offered for consumption and exhaust floated like wings on the heavy escort. Speed inhibitors were beckoned to be broken and she wanted to go faster. The intense forward motion pushed her weight to the little custom bucket seat. The steering wheel accepted tight jerks from superiorly gloved fingers. Indiana’s bobbing helmet shook worse than she knew.
She saw Richard once. For a while he helped her pace off the pit.
Indiana’s car was in top form. She spun around the same track as yesterday. There was no ignoring her team’s voice piercing through the helmet. Indiana took an early break by pulling into the pit stop.
The car was tilted up for the tires to be replaced. The tank began guzzling gas, questionably weighing down the car. Sticky obstructions were removed from the windshield, and peeled back like a speckled sticker. With a lurch the car was ready, and back on the track.
Indiana lured her car along and inched into better positioning. She had successfully lost Richard to the sidelines, and right now not thinking of him was beneficial to her brain.
