Cruising Through to Fulfilment

by Ann M Pratley

  Paul lowered his eyes when Tanya caught sight of him glancing at her, and he was embarrassed for feeling the slight pang of jealousy that had presented itself. He knew it didn't make any sense for him to be jealous because he hadn't been attracted to Tanya physically anyway, but it was still there, starting to eat away at him. Tracey saw everyone around her in their own thoughts and knew it must be time to provide an escape for them all.

  "Movie, anyone?" she asked and all agreed eagerly, knowing that was the best way to forget plaguing thoughts.

  * * * *

  After the movie the girls took time to go shopping in the boutiques, not looking for anything in particular but wanting to buy themselves something nice. Tanya found herself looking at things that Greg might like and made herself snap out of the trance because she knew she was in no position to act that involved with him. In the past when she had been positive about the man she was with, all she got from him was a look of boredom or a panic attack. It seemed there was no median for her with men, so now she would relax and enjoy the time she had with Greg and try not to make too much out of it. She hadn't ever had a short term fling before, so why not do it just once? Maybe it would help her with understanding men, for the next one that came into her life.

  * * * *

  At the same time the girls were searching for something to spend money on, Paul and Greg were outside on the loungers, watching the beauty of the bay once again. Paul had become so consumed by his worries for Tanya that finally he had to speak up.

  "Greg, how are things going with you and Tanya?" he asked, not sure if he wanted to hear the answer or not.

  Greg looked at him, smiling. "Paul, she is great. I have never felt this way about anyone ... I feel like she has woken me up, you know? She sees beauty in everything and she shares that with me..."

  He paused and looked at Paul, seeing the tenseness in his eyes. "Paul, I know that you are worried, but this is kind of strange for me, too. I have never let myself be physical with a woman until we have been going out for a long time, but with Tanya ... I don't know ... she is willing to take the chance and act on physical desire, and so am I. We both know what we are doing, so don't stress about this. We'll be okay. Okay?"

  Paul nodded. "Yeah," he answered, knowing the subject had been closed but wishing he could get to the bottom of it all and come out with a better feeling about it.

  Back in the girls' cabin a similar conversation was going on.

  "Tanya, I know you know what is right for you, but are you sure about all of this?" Tracey was asking.

  Tanya smiled. "Tracey, do you think it's wrong for me to act on my feelings even though I know it can't go anywhere? I mean, people do this all the time - they go to bars and pick someone up just for the night ... why should I turn away from Greg just because we have a week together and no more? He doesn't usually have short term flings either, so it's not as if he is just an asshole and I am his latest victim..."

  Tracey was speechless. Tanya hadn't told her about Greg's idea of spending another week together in Vancouver, mainly because she wouldn't believe it until it happened. She may have never played the one night stand role but she still didn't let herself believe everything a man said.

  "Alright, then, I won't ask any more questions, but if he does turn into a creep I want you to promise to tell me so that I can..." Tracey said, going into a silly looking mock karate move, and Tanya laughed.

  "I promise."

  * * * *

  At dinner that night, Tanya sat back and watched Tracey and Carlos do their nightly routine of looking into one another's eyes from across the room, enjoying the interaction they held for one another. As Tanya looked at them she wondered if any shipboard romances ever actually continued after the cruise was over.

  She was now aware that Greg and her had only another two days together at sea, and was prepared to say goodbye to him on the day of disembarkation. She had willingly walked into the situation with both eyes open, knowing the end was already near, so she knew she had no right to be upset about it. She wondered what Tracey had planned for Carlos since he was crew and that was an even harder situation to work around.

  After dinner the girls met up with Greg and Paul and made their way into the show lounge for the evening's theatrical production. It was something else that Greg had never spent any time on, but was now intrigued by the stage shows which held his attention from beginning to end.

  As they sat through it he held Tanya's hand, and every now and then he would squeeze it just to let her know that he was enjoying being with her. Once again, at the end of the evening, the two of them left the others, to go spend some time alone. This time they didn't touch each other, just lay on the couch in the lounge and held each other while looking out to sea and talking. It felt good just to be in each others' arms with no-one around to disturb them, and when Tanya kissed Greg he relished the touch and then pulled back to look at her.

  "When we get to Vancouver I am going to keep you in that hotel room, all to myself," he said and she smiled unsurely.

  "You really want to stay in Vancouver with me?" she asked and he looked surprised.

  "Yes, of course I do. I went to the front desk this morning and asked them to change my flights, so there's no problems there. Do you not want to spend the week with me?" he asked, now being unsure himself.

  How silly she was being, she thought to herself. He wouldn't have made the suggestion if he didn't want to do it, would he. She smiled and kissed him again.

  "Of course I do." And kissed him again. "And when we first get to the hotel, I am going to undress you deliciously slowly." Kissed his neck. "And kiss every part of your beautiful body." Kissed his lips. "Do you think you could like that, Greg?"

  He moaned and pulled her into a tight hold. "You are going to get me into trouble, young lady. You know I can't keep my hands off you when you talk like that, don't you?" he said, starting to grin at her but kissing her at the same time, breathing in her scent and the entire beauty that surrounded her.

  They kissed for a long time then, neither making any move towards anything more. Just kissed and held each other like it might be one of the last few times they would have together.

  When Greg felt Tanya start to drift off to sleep in his arms later, he pulled her up.

  "Come on sleepyhead, I'm taking you to bed." She laughed quietly.

  "Do you promise?" she joked and he laughed and kissed her forehead.

  "Only a few more days, Miss Beautiful Tanya, and then we can sleep and make love together all we want. But for now I'll escort you to your cabin and then I will go back to mine."

  * * * *

  Next morning they were all up early to join their tour in what was once the capital of Russian America - Sitka. From the ship they travelled to the town on one of the ship's tenders, and from there visited popular historic sights, as well as the eagle Raptor Rehabilitation Centre. All were intrigued with the birds, and astounded by their size and ability to stand so tall and regal.

  Before boarding another boat to go back to the ship, the girls left Paul and Greg to go and do some serious shopping.

  "It will be our last chance," Tracey had pleaded all of them earlier and now that they were out on their own, Tanya and Tracey both had a good laugh with each other, playing around and being foolish like a couple of schoolgirls.

  Someone came up behind them and whispered in Tracey's ear and when they turned around, there was Carlos, grinning from ear to ear. Tracey suddenly blushed and lost some of her so-well-known confidence, but soon regained composure as they all started to walk down to the dock once more. Tanya left them on the dockside alone while she boarded the tender, with the promise that she would save them seats, and once on the boat she turned and saw them in each others arms, kissing with such fervour that she wondered if it wasn't actually a case of love at first sight for them. She had never believed in such a thing before, but she was starting to now.

  Soon they were on their way back to the Glacial Su
n, and as the tender moved through the water they could see the ship getting bigger and bigger. It was the first time during the week that they had been able to get a view of her from the sea side, and Tanya pulled out her camera to take a few shots. The first cruise liner she had ever been on. Would it be her last?

  * * * *

  Late in the afternoon, Tanya took some time to lie down on her bed and think about all that was going on in her life. Along with the loss of her parents, she had also had a bad time with relationships over the last few years and her job wasn't going anywhere either. She worked as a typist in a large corporation office ... just one of the ants that the big men felt they could step on each and every day. At night she had been studying computers the year before, and was eager to move into a good position where she could apply her knowledge and actually learn something at the same time. And now she was 25 years old, which way did she want to turn? She knew it was time to make a transition and she also felt it was now right to start a family and settle down, it was just a matter of finding the right place and the right person...

  All of a sudden she started thinking about her family and her childhood, and started to cry as she remembered little things that had happened at different times, and she knew she still had a lot to face up to, despite how strong she felt most days.

  * * * *

  In another cabin on board, two young men were sprucing themselves up for another formal night and Greg, in particular, wanted it to be special. He had played with the idea of giving Tanya the authentic dream catcher he had bought for her in Skagway earlier in the week, but had decided to wait until they were in Vancouver. He now had confirmation of his flight changes but that, too, would be a surprise for her.

  When the group met up together once more, Greg and Tanya became oblivious to everyone else again as they kissed and hugged each other. It was the first time Tracey and Paul had really seen them be intimate with each other, and they both admitted to themselves that the two did seem made for each other. Like two pieces completing a puzzle, with them being different in so many ways. After pre-dinner drinks in one of the cocktail lounges, the four made their way to dinner, once again having to split up for the two hours while Tracey got to be the happiest of them all, having her beautiful waiter tend to her every need.

  After dinner they all walked outside together, all enjoying the peace and quiet away from the 'oldies', as they cheekily referred to everyone else on board. It seemed everyone was caught up in their own thoughts, Tracey about Carlos, Greg and Paul about Tanya, and Tanya about all of them. In only a few days they had all become such good friends, like she had known all of them for many years.

  The mood was broken when Tracey insisted they all go and do some serious gambling in the casino. None of them were big spenders but it seemed a good idea, just to break the thoughts that were flowing. If they did have one more day together, why dwell on it and be sad about it? As they walked into the casino, Tanya caught Paul looking at her with such a sad look that she wanted to put her arms around him. Usually he was so cheerful, yet over the last couple of days he had seemed more sombre. She had wondered if it had something to do with Greg, but was sure that since they were good friends, he wouldn't be the kind of person to get jealous over what was happening between then. Would he?

  When she and Greg were alone later, she questioned him. "What is wrong with Paul, Greg?"

  She saw a strange look pass over his face, not like she had seen before.

  "Why do you think there is something wrong with him?" he asked, looking a little bit annoyed, she realised. She shrugged her shoulders and looked out over the sea.

  "At the start of the cruise when I met you guys, he seemed so happy all the time. Now he always looks sad ... haven't you noticed?"

  She was studying his face now, and he knew he couldn't do anything but be totally truthful with her. "I think that he worries I am going to hurt you. He likes you a lot, Tanya, and even though he and I are friends, I don't think he fully trusts me with you."

  They were silent for a moment.

  "At the start of the week I thought that you and he might get together..." he said and she was surprised.

  "Why would you think that?"

  "Because you have so much in common. All this incredible land and beauty ... you share a strong interest in that and it's something that I have never known before. It makes more sense that you would be attracted to someone like him..."

  She shook her head and smiled at him. "No, it makes sense that I would keep someone like Paul as a good friend, and even though he is a good looking person and a good person inside, I'm not attracted to him. That is something that Mother Nature deals to us and she didn't deal it to me and Paul - she dealt it to me and you. Do you have a problem with my being friends with Paul? Are you jealous or something?"

  "Yeah, I get jealous of you. You and I may have a great physical attraction and you inspire me incredibly, but I can't see what I have to offer you ... not even good conversation."

  Tanya moved to him and put her arms around him, looking into his eyes.

  "Greg, if two people who have exactly the same knowledge and understanding of the world around us, sat down and talked, do you think they could learn anything at all? I would think that it would be the most boring conversation either of them had ever had. You have so much to give, you should never underestimate your worth to anyone, especially yourself. So we are in Alaska ... one of my interests and not one of yours. If I were to go to other parts of the United States, you would be educating me ... don't get upset about where Paul and I stand. I have a lot of respect for him, but I want to be with you." She kissed him. "Just you."

  And then they were kissing again, this time hungrily and almost at a point of desperation for them both. Greg held her tight in his arms, not wanting to let her go. He still hadn't told her about his staying in Vancouver being definite, and she hadn't asked. He hoped that she wasn't going to be upset ...maybe she didn't really want him to stay with her after all ... so many conflicting thoughts went through his mind but all he could do was hold her.

  After walking around hand in hand and kissing each other, they said goodnight and went to their respective cabins.

  * * * *

  Paul greeted Greg when he walked in the door and watched him lay down on his bed, deep in thought. It took a few moments for Greg to ask the question he had to.

  "Paul, I asked Tanya earlier in the week if she would like to spend next week together in Vancouver," he said and looked at Paul to make sure he wasn't hurting his friend. "I have managed to change my flights so everything is set, but I want to surprise Tanya - do you think she would be upset if I left it till we actually get off the ship?"

  Paul looked at the ceiling for a moment, feeling a little confused but knowing that he was in no position to be. "Greg, I don't know ... she seems the kind of person who would love surprises, I guess ... when exactly do you intend to surprise her?"

  "I thought I could keep it quiet right up till we get off the ship, and then meet up with her at the hotel," he answered and saw Paul looking thoughtful.

  "That's pretty cruel, Greg..." he said, with a small smile on his face. "The only problem with it is that you would have to be pretty sure of where she is staying, otherwise you could miss her completely. If she decided to change her flight at the last minute or something, and were to go to the airport instead, you wouldn't know until it was too late."

  Greg thought that over and nodded. "Yeah, you're right, I don't want anything to go wrong ... I'll find the right time. Maybe at breakfast tomorrow the subject will come up anyway."

  The lights were put out and Greg lay awake for a long time, anticipating Tanya's reaction when he told her. But why hadn't she asked him, anyway? He realised now how much he deeply wanted to be with her, not just sexually but completely. How would an American and a New Zealander find a common ground, though? He would be so proud to take her home and meet his family. He wondered how close she was to hers, and soon was as
leep, dreaming about the new love in his life.

  Chapter 6

  On the last day of the cruise Tanya woke up wondering if it would be the last day of something she felt was genuine, for the first time in her life. She had thought about everything Greg and she had shared in words and actions since they had met, while she lay in her bed the night before, and she was now beginning to feel a sadness that she had let it all happen because she was going to be hurt when they said goodbye after all. She had tried to play blasé but could not be that way, as much as she tried. Greg did mean something to her and she wished there was some way that he could want to be with her just as much, but that was where she had always had problems with men and she knew that that may never change.

  The day was passed with shopping for last minute gifts and souvenirs, the last bingo session, and dining in the restaurant where Carlos gave Tracey his promise that he would find her in the morning and say goodbye properly.

  After dinner Tanya found herself looking at Greg and feeling a pang of panic that the time had passed too quickly. When Greg met her eyes she knew he was also a little sad about them having to be separated.

  The four of them stayed together throughout the day and the evening, somehow trying to make the most of every moment with each other.

  * * * *

  Later in the evening, Greg pulled Tanya aside and held her close as they lay down on deck loungers together. When he felt her starting to cry in his arms he smiled.

  "Don't cry Tanya, we still have another week together, you know..."

  She looked at him with surprise on her face.

  "Well, I said I would arrange things, didn't I?" he said, grinning at her and enjoying watching her face transform - from sadness to happiness and then to suspicion.