Chapter 15
Tanya sat alone for some time, relaxing and thinking about these people who had passed through her life, and pondering about herself. In three weeks she had kissed as many men - Greg, David and now Paul. What did that say about her as a person? As a woman? It was simply far too easy for her to like someone, she thought to herself. And to kiss them. And even to be sexual with them. In general she considered herself a moralistic person, but she did have to question that when she logically looked at her behaviour over the past few weeks. And yet, physical activity did follow on from liking that person very much - she wasn't having sex for the sake of it, or with men she didn't already like and respect. Did that make any difference?
Her mind kept wandering, asking her questions that she couldn't answer, until she knew it was time to put the 'Paul and Greg' episode in a box and on a shelf in her mind. Right now she had a wonderful man upstairs, probably wondering where she was and what she was doing. She had no idea about the brief moments of insecurity he had now and then, so didn't know just how upset he was getting.
* * * *
Upstairs in his room, David paced the floor, sat on the bed, went to the bathroom and paced the floor some more. His awareness of Tanya being alone with a man whose ex girlfriend was recently murdered, along with the thought of Tanya being in close vicinity to the same man who she had been intimate with only a couple of weeks ago, was making him very nervous. He stood and looked out the window, determined to get these feelings under control. He was 42, after all - he was the one who should have the maturity to not feel jealousy. He did know, deep down, that she was honest in her saying that she wanted to be with him - he wasn't some consolation prize she was spending time with just because her previous beau had not worked out. He took a deep breath and made himself really see and appreciate the view out the window, over the harbour and up to the mountains. It was a beautiful city and he certainly could not regret having made this trip, not only taking into account having met Tanya, but also because of the greenery and scenery. Having spent the three days in Whistler had been magical, for so many reasons, and he thought Laney would not be sad for him in any way if she were looking down on him.
Thinking about Laney briefly saddened him and he took some time, standing there, looking out into the distance, to remember her again. When he heard the key card in the lock, he was deep in contemplation.
Tanya saw him standing at the window, seemingly in his own world, and she approached him quietly and put her arms around him from behind. His arms closed over hers, enjoying the feeling of her close against his back, and he felt her kiss the back of his neck, immediately making his brain switch off to previous thoughts. She kissed him softly, again and again, and he didn't move, enjoying the feeling too much. He felt himself growing, even from just this - something not sexual but which was having a strong effect on him. He enjoyed the sensation of feeling himself go hard, and the pressure that resulted from him being like that, clothed. Everything she did to him resulted in him feeling so turned on, and he loved it.
David stayed still until he could not stand it any more, and placing his hand over hers, moved her hand down and onto him, no longer feeling shy in his forwardness. Tanya felt his hardness and groaned against his neck whilst starting to caress him through his pants. He moaned at the sensation and felt Tanya's hand working over him while she resumed kissing his neck.
Tanya enjoyed feeling him like that - it turned her on in return to know that she affected him so much. Against her hand he felt amazing, and she skilfully undid his zip and delved her hand closer, taking him in her hand. Neither moved in any other way, as they both enjoyed the feeling of her moving her hand back and forth along the length of him. When his moaning started to increase and deepen, she guided him in turning around and pulled him to the bed, where she sat down and took him in her mouth while he stood in front of her. No move toward nakedness was made - to him he felt too aroused to want to change anything, and for her, she didn't want to stop her pleasuring, sensing he would not take long to climax.
He tried to hold back, determined that he wouldn't orgasm before he could pleasure in return, but the feeling of her mouth on him was too great and he exploded, feeling his toes curl and knees try to buckle. He stood breathless, oblivious to everything for a moment, even Tanya, sitting on the bed, and she revelled in watching his face. When he looked down at her she was smiling up at him, and he smiled shyly at her.
"Hi," she said, laughing softly, and he leaned down to kiss her properly, suddenly self-conscious about his present state of attire.
To ease his discomfort, Tanya stood up and put her arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He welcomed her and then kissed her again, passionately, and she felt herself awaken to another level of arousal. He kissed her hungrily, like he absolutely needed to kiss her, and it made her feel giddy. Quickly and eagerly he undressed her completely, placed her to sit on the edge of the bed, kneeled before her and eased her knees wide before using his tongue to taste and caress.
Tanya leaned back on her hands, oblivious to everything that had gone on that day, and let the delicious feelings flow over her, and it was a very short time before she felt her body convulse in beautiful waves.
She lay back on the bed, enjoying the feeling of her muscles recovering, and David undressed and lay down beside her, looking at her body and her face … appreciating again that he was here with her. That she was here with him.
When Tanya looked at him, she was compelled to align her body closer to him, put her arm over him and lean in closer to kiss him properly. He gladly wrapped his arms around her and they stayed like that, kissing softly and holding each other.
After a time, David pulled back to look at her face. Touching her cheek softly with his hand, he looked intently at her eyes and at her mouth, wanting to make sure that if anything happened, he would be able to remember her clearly.
"You look worried about something," Tanya said, startling him out of his thoughts, and he was reluctant to say or ask anything. "What is it?" she pressed. He kept silent, not wanting to break the moment by expressing his insecurities.
"Seeing you with him … it made me … uncomfortable," he stuttered, feeling ashamed for being insecure about a man so much younger than himself. "I just … hmm … actually I'm not quite sure what I'm thinking."
Tanya watched him and imagined herself in his position - visualised watching him with a woman who she knew he had been involved with recently. In fact, on pondering that, she realised that that was exactly where she had been with Greg and Brigitte. But in that situation she hadn't been jealous or worried - to her it just seemed that it was all so incredibly messy.
She took his hand, kissed it and held it tight against her cheek.
"Well he is gone now … but even if he weren't, you have nothing to worry about. I have never been someone who could be with one person and wish I was with someone else."
"Tanya, you were with him only a few weeks ago…"
"And now I'm with you."
He looked at her and admired her. She had such a brilliantly simplistic view of everything, whereas he knew he analysed things too much.
"How do you so easily stop wanting to be with someone, and be with someone else?" he asked, trying hard to ask the question without wording it in a way that might be offensive.
"I learned a long time ago that people come and go - people are always leaving, in one way or another. I just find it easy now to enjoy time with someone while I can, and when that time ends, for whatever reason, that gets filed away in its own little compartment in my memory, and I get up and move on with my life."
"You didn't feel anything for him during your time together?" he asked, trying to understand her.
"Of course I did. I enjoyed my time with Greg very much," she said, being honest but still cutting him sharply in the process. "And that time ended - it is finished. And now I am with you."
He tried hard to process her view on things, and found himself mes
merised by her ability to somehow invoke an idea as being good and being not good at the same time. It was good that she seemed certain to be over her previous beau so easily, but did that mean that when she was away from David, she would get over him just as easily? Could distance and time apart maintain her desire for him?
"I don't expect you will forget how much you loved your wife, just because you are here with me - it is the same thing. We spend time with someone - sometimes a long time, sometimes a short time - and then when we part, we find a way to keep moving forward without them. It doesn't mean that all of a sudden they didn't mean anything to us - we still have those wonderful memories - but we do let them become just a memory and not still an active person in our lives."
"But he is young … and handsome," David said, and Tanya laughed.
"Yes he is my age, and he is very handsome … but David, you must know by now that your age means nothing to me and that I find you extremely hot and sexy!" she said, smiling at him suggestively. "Come on, you must know how kissable you are." She kissed his lips softly. "And what a nice body I think you have," she continued, running her hands over his chest, tummy and down. "Let thoughts of anyone else go."
He reacted instantly and kissed her passionately. Whatever he was thinking and whatever he had been worrying about, was lost as she put a condom on him and lay back, welcoming him in.
Chapter 16
Tanya woke up at 5am the next morning with her mind active and alert. It was Saturday and in six days she would be getting ready to leave Vancouver and start her long journey home.
She could hear David's breathing beside her, peaceful but heavy, and found it a reassuring sound. Actually, she thought to herself, he really was a comforting and easy person to sleep beside. She had had enough partners in the past to know that sleeping in a bed with someone didn't always work well, but David seemed to slip into sleep quietly and stay that way all night. She smiled at thinking this thought - how easy it was to start getting to know someone so intimately that you could know how they sleep. Every day she learned something more about him and she knew that with him she shared the strongest feelings she ever had with anyone. Leaving him was actually going to be really hard, she thought to herself, and then felt a tear come to her eye at the thought.
David turned over and slowly woke. The room was starting to light up as the sun was starting to rise, and he could see Tanya's eyes glistening with tears as she gazed out the window from their bed. He pulled her closer and kissed her softly, and she responded with hunger, putting her arms around him and holding him tightly.
"Are you okay?" he asked, getting a sinking feeling in his stomach that she was going to tell him that she didn’t want to be with him.
She let a quiet sob out, after having tried so hard to keep quiet so as to not wake him.
"I am going to really miss you when I go home," she said, now starting to cry more heavily.
David smiled at her, with such a relief falling over him that he started to laugh quietly at her.
"Oh Tanya … we won't be apart for long when you go home, and we still have a week here," he said, revelling in his happiness at seeing her upset over their time together coming to a close.
It was the first time he saw her have such depth of emotion and the effect on him was overwhelming, like in that instant they reversed roles and he was back as the mature, older one, and she was back as the younger, more timid one. It was good for David to feel this, as it seemed to put everything back in the order it was at the start, before insecurity had struck him.
He wrapped his arms around her tighter, holding her to him, kissing her cheeks, forehead and lips, and would have happily stayed there, doing that, if she hadn't kissed him forcefully and engaged him again in making love, letting him take charge and take things at the pace he wanted, doing what he wanted … letting him once again become the mature man that he was.
Tanya also felt the realignment in their relationship and welcomed it. It was nice to feel like she could be timid and he could be strong - that was one of the things about him that attracted her to him in the first place - the way that he had held out his hand to her at Capilano and supported her in getting across it even though it scared her. Now he lay on top of her, moving slowly but firmly, kissing her, not rushing, and she was enthralled with him again, as she was every time they were together. He had taught her that pleasure did not have to be rushed - it wasn't about the finish line but rather the journey getting there, and the longer the journey, the better - and always she felt like she could drink more and more of him, like he was a bottomless cup.
* * * *
Later they sat in the bath together, him leaning back with his knees up, and her astride him, resting forward against his chest. Everything so natural and easy, he thought to himself. Nothing that felt awkward or to be embarrassed about. They didn't move toward anything sexual, both feeling relaxed and content.
"Come to LA with me," Tanya said suddenly, sitting up and looking at him.
"What?" he asked, having briefly found himself enraptured by the vision of her sitting upright in front of him.
"When I fly to Los Angeles on Friday, I am going to stay there for two nights before going on to Auckland," she said and he nodded. "Why don't you fly to LA with me and stay with me those two nights?"
She was smiling at him brilliantly and she looked … oh how she looked! He had to fight to keep his mind on the question, so focused on her eyes.
"I could…" he started to say and then his voice drifted off into silence.
"Is there a 'but' coming?" she asked, when it didn't look like he was going to continue.
He was thoughtful. He did have to get home to check on properties being developed for him, but he was supposed to be going home Sunday anyway so it would not make any difference.
"Are you sure?" he asked.
She laughed at him.
"Of course I'm sure! I'm going to go to Disneyland - I've never been there. Have you?" she asked, and he could see childish excitement on her face, causing him to laugh softly at her.
"No, I have not been to Disneyland."
He kept watching her, with that same enraptured look on her face that she had had the morning they got off the bus at Capilano. She was so breathtaking when she was happy, he thought to himself.
"Didn't you want to go when you were a kid?" she asked him and he remembered many times when he was a child, asking his parents if they could go on holiday to Disneyland, and them saying it was too expensive.
"Yes I did, but we couldn't afford it," he replied, remembering, for a moment, his parents. They were both gone now, having died within a few years of each other. More people who had died and left him. Another reminder that life was short and people come and go so easily. That life needed to be appreciated and really lived.
He pulled her down to him and kissed her before she pulled away and sat up again.
"I would very much like to go to Disneyland with you," he said, laughing, and she smiled brilliantly back at him, making him melt again. "I will call the airline and see if I can change my flights."
* * * *
The remainder of the week they spent doing sightseeing around Vancouver, seizing the time to visit and see everything they could. The night before they were to fly out to Los Angeles, Tanya had a bath alone, taking some time to think about everything. While the bath ran, she stealthily removed from her travel bag the lingerie she had bought earlier, and took it with her into the bathroom, determined to not let it just sit in her bag, untouched until she got back to New Zealand.
Sinking into the bath, she relived all of her time in Vancouver. It had been an adventure - there was no denying that. She thought about Greg, Paul and Tracey - friends from the cruise, two of whom had continued to be around since the cruise finished. Would she write to them all once she got home and regular life resumed? And how would things pan out with David once they were apart? Certainly she knew that she wanted to still be in his life, but once he got t
o his home, would he really consider it worth the price of a plane ticket all the way to New Zealand to see her? She prepared herself that he might not - in fact, he probably would not, she suspected. They had been together for a couple of weeks now, after all - and that was about the time that men generally moved on. She knew she seemed to get on well with men, but the power to hold them in her life was something she still had not yet mastered.
She bathed, pondered and groomed herself before getting out of the bath and taking her time to dry herself. She pulled the lingerie out of its package carefully and started assembling it - stockings, garter belt, see through corset - before taking time to look at herself in the mirror. Suddenly she felt self conscious and silly - what did she think it would achieve, putting on things like this? He was probably going to laugh, or be turned off by it. It was so unlike her to wear anything of this sort. But she had spent the money on it, and there really was only one way to find out if David would appreciate it or not.
Taking a deep breath, she dressed over her undergarments with a knee length skirt and a blouse that gave no hint of the corset underneath, and returned to the bedroom.
While Tanya was in the bathroom, David once again stood at the window, watching out over the city, looking at the lights. Tomorrow he would be flying to Los Angeles with Tanya - she had invited him to fly there with her, and stay there with her, and he smiled at that. She hadn't needed to - she could have taken those two nights in LA to be alone before continuing to fly to her home, but she had really wanted him to go with her. She was excited about it, and he loved the playful youthfulness she was exhibiting about going there with him.
David heard the bathroom door open and turned to see Tanya walk out, looking beautiful and smelling incredible. They were going out for dinner in a restaurant outside the hotel, and he quickly wondered if he wouldn't rather stay here with her instead. She saw him smile and could see his thoughts, and gave him a brilliant smile in return.
Cruising Through to Fulfilment Page 17
