Cruising Through to Fulfilment

by Ann M Pratley

  He was smiling so hard she was reminded of the day she met him, fresh off that bus. Handsome and debonair.

  "Set a date and write to Olivia and your other friends to let them know, and we will let Kendra know too so she and Tony can book flights over…"

  And so things went.

  Chapter 28

  It was soon confirmed that Tanya was pregnant and the dates for their flights were confirmed also, and then they were on their way back to New Zealand. Kendra and Tony were on the same flights to New Zealand, and in Tanya's home town her friend who was renting her house happily gave it up for the two weeks they were back, so the four of them had somewhere they could stay together.

  On entering her house, Tanya was suddenly nervous - David knew her home but Kendra and Tony lived on wealth, and she was a bit embarrassed at her little home, all of a sudden. But walking inside, her love for it was renewed and everyone found it 'cute'. She laughed it off - it was a house she had worked hard to be able to buy, and she loved it; that was all that mattered. Opening the back door and going out into the yard, she was overcome with emotion.

  David came up behind her and put his arms around her, while the others unpacked.

  "This would be better for a family than New York, wouldn't it," he said to her, as if reading her emotions, and she looked at him with a questioning look in her eyes. "I like our apartment, and I like New York, but Tanya, for kids, do you think it might be nicer to be here, with this yard and your friends nearby?"

  "Would you want to live in New Zealand?" she asked, uncertain.

  He held, kissed and smiled at her. "I have finished my work. I don't have to be … anywhere. I could sell the apartment and that would give us enough to pay this house off and have a lot still left over to live off."

  "But that apartment is your home," she said and he laughed softly.

  "No, it is accommodation but it isn't a home. This is a home," he said. "It is up to you - wherever you are, I will be happy - but if you would rather live here, I am very happy to also."

  She hugged him tight.

  "Let's enjoy our wedding, and then think about that."

  * * * *

  The wedding was full of joy. Olivia was there, giving hugs to Tanya and David, and making everyone feel welcome, especially Kendra and Tony, who were the 'extra special guests' of the night. After saying 'I do', David kissed her, full of love and happy to have found her. She looked so beautiful, with just the smallest of bumps starting to show on her tummy, and David revelled in looking at her, before sweeping her away for a love filled night in a local hotel.

  A few days before David and Tanya were flying back to America, Tony and Kendra left, leaving Tanya and David alone in the small cottage. They sat on the sofa in the sunshine, cuddling each other, talking about different options for their future.

  "Both countries have so much to offer," Tanya said to him, trying to think of pros and cons of living in each location. "And we each have friends in both places."

  David nodded. "True. We need to factor in being able to see people who are important to us."

  "But I hate winter here," Tanya said and David laughed out loud.

  "And I hate winter in New York!"

  They looked at each other suddenly, as if the same thought had come into their heads at the same time.

  "Could we keep this house and the apartment in New York?" Tanya asked, and David grinned.

  "Live here for the summer months, then go back over for summer over there?"

  "Yes," she responded eagerly. "Could we do that? Not once anyone starts school of course - then we would have to stay in one or the other, at least for most of the year - but that would be five years away."

  They smiled at each other, both liking the idea.

  "We can do this," David said, loving her simplistic thinking once again, and kissing her passionately to show her how much. "What about having the baby, though, Tanya? Would you prefer to be here for the birth?"

  She looked at him, surprised that she hadn't yet considered any birth plans as such. On thinking about that - with the option to be closer to at least Olivia - she did warm to the idea more than the idea of having a baby in the US.

  "I think I would prefer to be here for it, but when would I come back? We are leaving next week," she asked.

  "Would you rather stay here now, until when the baby is born?" David asked, silently horrified at that possibility.

  "No! I want to fly home with you next week. And I can't keep just staying here - for now this is someone else's home. I have been lucky that they let us have it for these two weeks, but I don't want them to be homeless." She thought about options. "No, I want to fly home with you, and then once we are there I will figure out flights to come back before I am too pregnant to be able to fly."

  He nodded at her, in awe of her once again for always being able to so easily figure things out and make plans, like nothing in the world was a bother.

  "Before we leave next week I will give notice for this house, so it is free when I come back. The lease is only week to week, so as long as I give two months notice, that should be fine."

  David took her hand and held it tight. A year ago he could never have imagined his life would turn like this. And it wasn't even just having found her - now there was a real possibility he could be a father. That thought escalated his happiness and depth of love for this woman beside him.

  Tanya jumped up and went to check the mailbox for the tenant's mail, and in doing so, saw on top of the pile, a letter addressed to her. She hadn't thought about mail for her and wondered immediately if any other letters had come for her in preceding weeks. She turned the envelope over and saw Paul's name on it, temporarily stunning and surprising her. She suddenly remembered the morning that he and Greg had left the hotel - the kisses she had shared with him - and felt like opening the envelope would be a betrayal to David. She stood, wondering what to do, and then thought about the pile of mail on the kitchen bench. She hadn't even looked through that - the top envelope was always addressed to the tenant so she had just assumed it all was.

  She put Paul's letter on the bottom of the current bunch of envelopes and walked into the kitchen to place the mail, in its entirety, on the bench. In doing so, she slipped Paul's letter to the underside of the pile, and quietly looked through the pile that was there, out of view from David for the moment. Then she saw another one … and another one. Going through the pile she found seven letters in total, all addressed to her. Looking closer she saw that four in total were from Paul, one was from Tracey, and two had come from Greg. Oh! She slipped them all to the bottom of the pile to dismiss them for the moment - she had to think before she opened them.

  She walked back to David and he looked at her, slightly alarmed.

  "Are you alright? You look pale," he said, showing his concern.

  She smiled at him, not wanting to bring up anything to do with Greg, especially now David was so happy.

  "I'm fine. I just need some fresh air," she said, walking into his embrace. "I am going to go and sit in the yard. Would you like to join me?" she asked and he eagerly agreed and followed her.

  Later, when David was in the shower, Tanya gave in to temptation and pulled her letters out of the pile of mail. She didn't want to open them yet so buried them in the bottom of her travel bag, to be opened at a later time … and subsequently forgot about them.

  * * * *

  The time came when they were getting ready to fly back to New York. Tanya had given notice to her tenant, who was incredibly appreciative despite having been told they needed to move on in two months' time.

  Tanya looked around her little home one more time before they got into the airport shuttle and made the long journey to her other, new, home.

  Walking into the apartment, both were confronted with the very pronounced difference between the city, the atmosphere and the apartment itself. But Tanya found herself happy to be there also - the view over the city alone was something that she had develop
ed a particular liking for and never got tired of.

  She started to unpack, and at the bottom of her bag was once again reminded of Greg and Paul as their letters caught her eye. She picked them up and stared at them, wanting but not wanting to open them. She was still standing like that when David came into the room. He took them from her hands, eager to see what had caused his wife the conflict that was on her face, and turning the letters over, had a moment of insecurity once again when he saw Greg's name on one of the envelopes.

  "Oh," he said, as if he understood a great deal, when he found himself confused and very worried all of a sudden.

  Tanya looked at him, trying to read his face.

  "You haven't opened these," he said, feeling nervous, but at the same time happy that the envelopes all appeared to be unopened.

  "No, I haven't."

  "Why?"

  She shrugged her shoulders.

  "It hasn't felt right to do that."

  He watched her. She looked honestly uncertain of what was the right thing to do, and instantly his confidence returned, knowing he had nothing to worry about there. He handed them back to her.

  "If you are worried about me not wanting you to, don't be. These people have taken the time to write to you, Tanya. It is okay for you to want to hear from them, and to keep in contact with them."

  She put them aside on the dresser and zipped up her bag to put it away.

  "I will … later," she said, dismissing them altogether. "Right now I want to take a bath … join me?" she said suggestively, and he let her think that all was forgotten.

  Chapter 29

  The two of them set about setting up a new life, transforming a guest room into a bedroom that would easily work for a baby, a toddler and an older child. It took them on a new journey in their relationship, learning new things about each other and enjoying working together on the same jobs and goals.

  One day when David was out, Tanya sat on the sofa overlooking the busy city and took some time to just do nothing except assess her life and the people in it. Her mind wandered to the letters in the bedroom, and she jumped up to grab them and brought them back to her spot. She felt like it was important to read them in a certain order, although at the same time she knew that was silly, but decided to ready Tracey's last, since that was likely to be the easiest to read. She put the two she had received from Greg in order and started to read.

  'Dear Tanya, It isn't a natural thing for me to do, this letter writing thing, but you are on my mind and I wanted to make sure that you knew that. I don't regret our time together on the cruise or in Vancouver, and I would like to see you again. Please tell me you feel the same way. I know the horrible thing that happened to Brigitte made you question who I am, but I hope you know that I was as horrified as anyone was. I had loved her, and being told she was dead was not an easy thing to hear. But I don't want to give up on what we felt together. Distance doesn't need to be any issue. I can come to New Zealand to be with you. Just tell me when and I will be there for you. Greg'

  Tanya sat, looking at the letter in her hand, feeling a bit shocked and surprised at this declaration, but went on to open his second letter.

  'Tanya, I have not heard back from you so assume that you are not interested in resuming where we left off. I just want you to know that I will still be here for you, if you ever change your mind. I have to go to New York next month but other than that, I can come to you or you can come to me. Please consider it. I still think about you, and I don’t want to give up on us. Greg'

  She looked at the date of the letter, and considered today's date - was he in New York right at this minute? She pondered that and found that the thought panicked her. Her and David were happy in their little bubble - what would happen if Greg was here and David knew that? She quickly dismissed the idea and put the letters back in their envelopes. Contacting Greg was out of the question, and when she explored that option she knew she didn't even want to see him. No, that chapter was well and truly closed, and even considering him as a friend or a pen pal didn't appeal - taking away the intensity of their physical match when they were in close vicinity, Greg wasn't actually someone she enjoyed talking to, given that they had nothing in common.

  She picked up Paul's letters and once again put them in date order, before opening and starting to read the first one.

  'Hello Tanya, I am sitting in my home looking out over the ocean and it reminds me of being on our cruise. Do you remember the day we were in Glacier Bay, and all the wildlife we saw? It was amazing! I want to do another cruise in Alaska. Perhaps you would like to go on one also and we can do it at the same time. It was so good to have someone on the last cruise who also appreciated what we saw and were able to do. It was amazing meeting you and it was nice seeing you in Vancouver. Even though we did not spend much time together, those were certainly a memorable few minutes before Greg and I left the hotel! You are an incredible person and I do hope I can get to know you better, somehow, somewhere. If you are ever in the US, look me up. I would be very happy to hear from you. I know things would be awkward with you and Greg but if you could look past that, so could I. Please stay in touch. Paul'

  Tanya thought about this letter before going on to open the next one. Dear, sweet Paul. He was a person she had been eager to stay in touch with, but now hanging over them was that kiss, and was it a betrayal to David to keep in touch with him? She picked up his second letter.

  'Dear Tanya, I did not hear back from you so I hope you are alright. For all I know you could still be in Vancouver! What a messy end to such a good holiday. Poor Brigitte. She and I never got on at all but she still should have had a long life. It seems to impossible for hers to be over. I received a letter from Tracey and she sounds happy to be home again. I am thankful that we met you both on the cruise as you made it so much more enjoyable than it would have been otherwise. I keep thinking about how short Brigitte's life was, and I don't want to sit back and wait for life to happen anymore. I want to do everything I want to do, and that includes seeing you again and kissing you again. I hope I am not making you uncomfortable. You know I would never want to do that. But I want to make sure my feelings are known and expressed. I don't want to miss any opportunity to make sure people around me know how I feel about them. Please write. Paul'

  Tanya took a deep breath. There was mention of the kiss, making her ponder her options now, as far as staying in touch went. But still, two more letters from Paul remained on her lap so she ventured on to the third one.

  'Tanya, I don't know if my letters are reaching you or not. If you are reading this, please let me know you are safe and well. I am now wondering if you made it back to New Zealand at all. Greg does not know I wrote to you, and in not knowing he did mention to me that he had sent you two letters and you had not replied to him. He doesn't know I kissed you either. These things I thought best to keep to myself. I don't know why but it is nice for me to have one thing that no-one else knows about (except you of course). I wrote back to Tracey but have not heard anything from her again. She is always so cheerful but she didn't mention that waiter. I don't know if something happened with him or not. Please write soon. Paul'

  This letter suddenly made Tanya sad. She loved where she was in life right in this moment, with David and with a baby on the way, but how did she come to do so many things that made everything uncomfortable to keep in touch? But Paul would probably understand and look past that kiss if he knew she was happy - wouldn't he?

  The fourth letter lay patient, waiting to be opened. Should she even bother opening it? Would it say the same things again? Of course there was no way to know, so she opened the envelope and pulled the fourth one out.

  'Hi Tanya, having not had any reply to my letters, I am assuming that either you are not receiving them or you simply do not want to reply. Either way, if you want to write to me in the future, please do. Kiss aside, I enjoy your thinking and knowledge, and consider you a friend. Paul'

  Reading this last letter sent Tany
a into tears. Perhaps it was due to pregnancy, perhaps it was really due to sadness because of a lost possibility for friendship, but she really did now want to cry about having been so stupid with Paul. They could have been in touch as friends and there would never have been anything to feel uncomfortable about at all. Why did she let that kiss happen? She let this question roll around in her mind, over and over again, knowing it was useless as she couldn't turn back time anyway, but what was she to do? What was acceptable to her - and to David?

  The put all of the boys' letters aside and picked up Tracey's.

  'Oh my gosh, Tanya, how wonderful it is to be back in my little home! I had a blast on the cruise and I couldn't have asked for a better cabin-mate, but the flying to and from Vancouver did shatter me. How are you? Did you have a safe journey back to New Zealand? That must be just as long as my flights so you might feel the same way about the length of travel. I got a letter from Paul, in response to a letter I had sent him. He said he had written to you but had not heard anything. He actually sounded quite worried so he got me worried by saying that. Are you okay? He mentioned that you might still be in Vancouver but didn't expand on that so I am guessing I have missed some gossip somewhere. Did you stay the whole week with Greg? And who was that girl at the terminal when we got off? It would be good to sit down and have a face to face chat again, wouldn't it. That last day, when we got off the ship, was so weird. Anyway, I am glad I did the cruise and that I met you all. I have not heard from Carlos so I don't think that was meant to become anything, but perhaps you and Greg were luckier. I hope you will write back. And if you are ever coming to London please come and stay with me! I would love to have you stay here in my home. Take good care of yourself. Tracey'