The Surgeon's Secret Son

by Rebecca Lang

  Nell hurried from the kitchen into the sitting room where Alec was looking out of the large bay window onto the driveway of the house where Joel's dark red Buick was just coming to a halt.

  'Go out to meet him, Alec,' Nell said, even as her son was already rushing to the front door. 'I think it's better if you meet him by yourself. Don't let the dogs out.'

  The two dogs set-up a cacophony of barking, the old dog, Runty, who was now fourteen years old but still active, and the younger one, Cherry, who was seven years old.

  At the front door Alec stopped in his headlong dash. 'Mum,' he said, 'I'm scared. What if he doesn't like me?'

  'That's a risk you have to take,' she said, grinning at him, giving his shoulder a squeeze. 'What if you don't like him?'

  'I expect I will like him,' he said.

  'I expect he'll like you,' she said reassuringly. 'Go on. Remember that he'll be just as nervous as you are, if not more.'

  'Will he?' Alec said, incredulous.

  'Yes, because you've known all your life that he was your father, but he didn't even know that he had a son. So remember that before you judge him, Alec. He didn't know because I didn't tell him.'

  'All right,' Alec said, sounding very grown-up, as though he fully understood that the success of the venture was up to him fifty-fifty with his father.

  Nell opened the door for Alec to go out. 'Maybe you'd like to stay out there in the garden for a while,' she suggested gently. 'Show Joel your organic vegetable garden and the flowers you're growing. I know he's interested in those things.'

  She watched him walk in a determined fashion towards his father who was just getting out of his car, then she shut the door, feeling instinctively that this was something they had to do without her.

  Joel saw the boy coming towards him, squinting against the bright sun, his steps slowing a little as he came. It seemed utterly amazing to him that this boy was his son, and he felt an odd mixture of gratitude to Nell that she had produced this child, who was so like him that it was uncanny, and a sense that she had betrayed his trust, young and naive though she had been. As he watched the boy approach he knew that maybe he was being unfair to Nell, but he could not argue with the way he felt. Trust was something that one earned.

  'Hello, Alec,' he called, walking forward. 'I'm very pleased to meet you at last.' He held out his hand as they met. 'Your mother will have told you that I'm...your father.'

  Alec took his hand hesitantly. 'Yes,' he said, letting go of Joel's hand after a moment. 'Mum said I'm to show you the vegetable garden.' His voice was stoic, as though he was going to see this through, no matter what, as he looked at Joel curiously.

  'That's a great idea,' Joel said, grinning, touched by the boy's earnestness. 'I would be very interested in that. I have a garden myself in Montreal, which I'm going to be very sorry to leave when I move here to Gresham.'

  'You can start a new one,' Alec commented.

  'Yes, I can, and most likely will. Maybe that's something you could help me with,' Joel said.

  'Yes,' Alec said. 'It's this way.'

  They walked round the side of the house to the back, where there was a large garden, part in shade, part in sun, with the vegetable garden at the bottom and a small greenhouse. Joel reminded himself not to overdo the bonhomie, which would grate on the sensibilities of the child. He had witnessed it time and time again in other adults and it had certainly grated on him as an observer.

  'Do you have any dogs?' Alec asked as they came to a halt beside a small vegetable patch that was obviously Alec's garden.

  'No, but I do have a cat named Felix,' Joel said, 'who has great character. He's all black. He won't come in at night unless I whistle "Good King Wenceslas".'

  Alec looked startled, and then burst out laughing. 'Is that true?' he said.

  'Absolutely,' Joel said. 'It's caused me a certain amount of mild embarrassment, I can tell you, especially in the middle of summer. A few people who live around me think I'm off my rocker, but a few others know I've got a neurotic cat.'

  'I wish I could meet him,' Alec said wistfully. 'I've always wanted a cat, but it's difficult with the dogs. Granny has a cat.'

  'Oh, you will get to meet him,' Joel promised, warming to the unspoiled personality of his son, silently commending Nell and her family on the good job they had done with him. 'I'll be bringing him to Gresham when I come to live here.'

  'That's good,' Alec said.

  'Show me what you're growing here,' Joel said, squatting down to get closer to the vegetable patch. 'Let me see if I can identify some of these plants, then you can correct me if I get it wrong.'

  'All right,' Alec said. By his tone, it seemed that he was relaxing.

  Nell went out to the driveway, standing in the sunshine, to watch father and son coming towards her. By their body language, it appeared that they were reasonably at ease with each other, and some of the sharp anxiety in her died down. Life would go on if they didn't like each other, but she hoped for better things.

  Alec was chattering, looking up happily at his father. Casually dressed in light linen trousers and a linen shirt in a stone colour, Joel looked to her devastatingly attractive. Sometimes over the last ten years she had often thought that she would never find a man really attractive again, even Joel, so now the feeling came as relief, proving to her that she was not dead inside after all.

  'Hello, Nell.' Joel put out a hand to her and leaned forward to kiss her on the cheek, while she wondered somewhat cynically if he was doing that to impress Alec, or whether he really wanted to kiss her. Then she told herself sternly to just calm down and enjoy the day, the moment.

  'Hello, Joel,' she said.

  When he smiled, her heart seemed to turn over, and she grinned back. 'Come in,' she invited. 'Get acquainted with the dogs again.'

  'They sound as though they want to tear me apart.' He laughed as Nell opened the door and let the Dalmatians out to frolic around Joel, obviously identifying him as someone they had met before.

  'Would you like a drink of something, Joel...tea, or whatever? Or shall we just start our walk now?'

  'Let's walk,' he said. 'I can't wait to get down to that ravine again now that the sun's shining.'

  'Can you get the dogs' leads, Alec, please?' she asked.

  While her son was away, leaving them alone for a few moments, Joel looked at her as a man would look at an attractive woman. 'He's a great kid,' he said softly.

  Nell nodded, saying nothing.

  'Thank you for inviting me here, I'm going to enjoy this.' His glance encompassed her front garden, the warm red brick facade of her old house.

  'So am I,' she said, looking him full in the face. 'I'm very glad you came.' Like him, she was casually dressed in cotton twill trousers and a simple cotton blouse with the sleeves rolled up, yet she had taken care with her appearance.

  They put leads on the dogs and set out for the ravine walk, which started about two hundred metres from the house, with a rustic lane going down from the side of a street, through mature trees and bushes, to another lane that ran between high banks of land that were thick with trees.

  Once there, they let the dogs loose, who, overjoyed to be free, raced around in circles for a while arid then Alec threw a Frisbee for them to catch, and sometimes he threw it to Joel. They were all laughing, while the dogs were almost delirious with delight at having so much concentrated attention.

  Then Alec took off into the distance, running with the dogs, well ahead of Nell and Joel.

  'I have to congratulate you, Nell,' Joel said. 'You've done a very good job with him.'

  'Thank you,' she said, gratified. 'But I couldn't have done it without my parents. Also, Alec has a very calm, sweet personality, very sensible.'

  'Like you?' he said, turning to her, smiling slightly.

  'I thought more like you,' she said.

  'Don't put yourself down,' he said.

  'Just being honest,' she said, then smiled ruefully, looking at him to see if he had ma
de the connection between that comment and the lies she had told in the past.

  He had. 'About time, Nell Montague,' he said.

  'It hasn't been easy,' she said, hearing the defensiveness creeping into her own voice. 'There were many, many times when I was in despair about how I was going to cope. Worst of all was the guilt I felt when I was working and studying, thinking I should be with Alec more. I don't know how I got through it, really. As it was, I spent every spare moment with him.'

  'I can imagine,' he said. The unspoken words were between them that things might have been somewhat easier for her if she had told him.

  'It's easy in retrospect to say what could have been,' she said, responding to the unspoken, 'but at the time I had no idea what it would have been like if you had known. At least I didn't have to work in the summers when I was a student. My parents subsidized me so that I could be with Alec.'

  Their son was running back and forth, huffing and puffing, the dogs chasing him, then he came up to Nell and Joel and walked between them, holding a hand of each, chattering about the turtle he had seen once in the ravine by the stream, even though it was polluted, and the fox that he had seen. His presence there between them, so full of life and promise, strengthened for Nell the strange and powerful bond that she had always felt between herself and Joel. Glancing sideways at him, she tried to discern whether he felt the same.

  There were no clues for her in his expression, apart from what she thought was contentment as he looked down at Alec, caught up in his enthusiasm.

  Before Alec ran off again he took Joel's hand and Nell's hand and put them together. 'I want you two to like each other,' he said, walking backwards, looking up at them quizzically.

  As he ran away from them, they walked self-consciously holding hands. The warmth of Joel's hand against hers made Nell feel womanly, soft and vulnerable. At that moment she wanted to cry.

  Joel's grip was firm and he pulled her closer to him. 'He's also very bright,' he commented huskily, laughter in his voice.

  Not trusting her voice, Nell merely smiled and nodded in agreement, liking the feel of his arm brushing against hers. The ten years that they had been apart, in spite of the more recent time that they had spent together, seemed to hang between them like a tangible thing, a barrier, as well it might. This older, harder Joel was more unfathomable.

  'You've changed a lot, Joel,' she said after a while, as they sauntered in the sunlight.

  'So have you. We grow up eventually.'

  Sometimes, left alone, certain things Worked out, she considered. In some ways she had dreaded this outing, yet now it was more or less relaxed and rather wonderful. Bright sunlight warmed them as. they walked. The green leaves of summer shivered in a soft breeze.

  They were all pleasantly tired when they got back to the house.

  'I'll make some tea,' Nell offered, going through to the kitchen at the back of the house. 'Then I'll start preparing the supper. We'll have our tea on the patio.'

  In the rear garden next to the house, extending the full width of the building, with walk-outs from the kitchen-family room and the sitting room, was a flag-stoned patio with potted plants and chairs placed here and there on it. The sun was shining onto it, making it a welcoming place.

  'Can I watch television for a little bit, Mum?' Alec asked, helping himself to a large glass of orange juice from the fridge. 'There's a short programme I have to watch for a project at school. It's about conservation of the rain forests in British Columbia.' He looked at Joel. 'Would you like to watch with me?'

  'I'd like to help your mother first,' Joel said, smiling at him, not unmoved, she could see, by the appeal. 'I may watch with you for a short while.'

  'Can I, Mum?'

  'All right, but please fill the dogs' water bowl first,' she said, glad that Alec was behaving naturally in this situation.

  'OK.'

  Once Alec was out of the room, Joel helped Nell collect items for tea. 'I'm not a bad cook...if you remember, Nell,' he said.

  'I do remember,' she said, very aware of his nearness. The spacious kitchen did not seem big enough for the two of them. 'You could make a salad, if you like. I'm going to grill some salmon. Let's have our tea first, shall we?'

  On the patio in the warm sun, looking down over the garden that had so recently been under a thick layer of snow, life seemed good to Nell and she felt a little as though she were living in a dream, had felt that way somewhat from the time she had seen Joel's name on the conference programme. The dogs followed them out, to lie in the sun, tongues lolling.

  'How are your parents?' she asked, not knowing quite what to say to Joel.

  'They're becoming quite frail,' he said. 'Which is one reason why I decided to come back to Gresham, particularly as my brother travels a lot with his job, so can't spend much time with them.'

  Nell poured them tea from a tray she had brought out, using the activity as a cover-up for the seriousness of her question. 'It appeared to me that you didn't want me to find you, Joel,' she said. 'May I ask why? Was it because it was all over between us and you wanted it to remain that way?' She dreaded the answer, yet was confused by his obvious delight in seeing her at the conference, the passion of his embraces, his kisses.

  'That's something I would prefer to discuss at some other time,' he said. 'Just at this time I want to get to know you again...and Alec. Can you wait?'

  'I guess I'll have to,' she said, puzzled.

  Frustrated and ill at ease, Nell knew that for now she would have to be contented with that answer.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Nell stood in one of the wide corridors in the burns unit at Gresham General with a group of ten first-year medical students.

  They did not go into the rooms where the patients were in isolation in the burns intensive care unit; they looked through the wide windows that opened onto the interior corridor.

  'We can't go in here,' Nell said to the group as they peered into a room, 'because one of the serious problems with burns is...what?'

  'Infection,' one of the students piped up.

  'Yes, that's right,' Nell said. 'Infection is a major cause of death, too. Also, thermal burns to the skin are frequently complicated by...what?'

  'By smoke injury to the lungs,' another student said.

  . 'Yes,' Nell affirmed, moving on slowly down the corridor with her small group. Teaching was part of her role at the hospital, even though she was still a resident-in-training. 'Now, let me see if you've been doing your reading. How soon after thermal injury does host immunity become depressed?'

  Nell shepherded her group down the corridor and out of the burns intensive care unit to join the burns rounds. Some interesting case histories were going to be presented by one or two of the residents-in-training at these, rounds, where as many of the members of the department as possible would attend.

  They all walked quickly to a small lecture theatre not far from the burns unit, where rounds for teaching purposes were generally held, usually starting at half past eight in the morning, or earlier.

  'For those of you who didn't manage to get breakfast,' Nell said, smiling at her group, 'there will be food at the back of the lecture room...coffee and tea, fruit juice, pastries and fruit. After rounds we'll go to the wards to visit some of the patients who are not in Intensive Care. We'll meet up with Dr Matheson and Dr Deerborne.' How odd it seemed to her, saying Joel's name.

  With the students settled, Nell made a bee-line for a coffee urn, desperate for a cup of coffee.

  It had been two weeks since Joel Matheson had started work back at Gresham General. His arrival had caused quite a stir among the staff, as any good, new person was like the proverbial broom that was reputed to sweep clean. As for herself, she was mired in the routine of work, putting in long hours, being on call, dealing with emergencies, some of them horrendous, with not much time left over during working hours to dwell too much on her personal relationship with Joel. So far, they were working well together.

  Burns
cases were brought in from other parts of the province, many arriving by helicopter, landing on the roof of the hospital where there was a helipad.

  So far, she had seen Joel a few times outside work since he had moved back to Gresham. They had gone out as a threesome with Alec, almost like a family, she had thought at the time, except that there were undercurrents between herself and Joel, inevitably. They made her realise how much they had both changed. Alec, on the other hand, seemed delighted to have a father, was the only one of the trio who seemed able to act naturally all the time.

  Where it would all end, she had no idea. Speculating about it was a constant strain, bringing with it weariness. For most of the time when she was not at work her thoughts were centred on Joel, Alec and the relationships between the three of them. Sometimes it was a relief to be at work where she could, from long practice, tune out almost anything other than the job in hand.

  Joel had taken Alec one day to meet his parents, without her, telling her that he would take her to see them at a later date. It would be enough for them to contend with, he said, to find out that they had a grandson. In the past, when she had been sixteen, she had met them once.

  Nell had been particularly sensitive to the impact of Joel's presence on the female staff in the plastic surgery and burns unit, on both the medical staff and the nursing staff. There were not many unattached, attractive young doctors available, even in a hospital as large as Gresham General. Thus, she had found herself in an odd position, confirming to herself that she did indeed not have any claim on him, in spite of the powerful link that having a child with him provided.