Here Be Monsters!

by Alan Snow

  “My friends, we have a number of problems. Firstly, we have to get Arthur back from the Cheese Guild and return him to his grandfather. And secondly, I think we must find out what Snatcher is up to and put an end to it.” Willbury paused. “I have some disturbing new information. Snatcher, we think, is in possession of a terrible new invention.”

  Marjorie shifted uncomfortably.

  “It is a machine that resizes things!”

  There were gasps from the crowd.

  “Yes! And I believe Snatcher and his mob are responsible for the tininess of our tiny friends.”

  Match and the little cabbagehead who was sitting on a step-ladder among the underlings squeaked loudly at that.

  “We don’t know what he is doing with the size he takes from the creatures—but I think we can be pretty certain that whatever it is, we’re not going to like it. We have to get into the Cheese Hall. Does anybody have any ideas?”

  Willbury looked around expectantly, but there were no replies.

  At that moment, Tom and Kipper suddenly burst through the door, drenched.

  Match and the little cabbagehead were standing on a stepladder.

  “Willbury!” cried Tom as he and Kipper scanned the surprised faces. “We’ve just spotted cabbageheads on the towpath! Two of them! What should we do?”

  “We’ve just spotted cabbageheads on the towpath!”

  “Cabbageheads!” said Willbury. “Where could they have come from—all the cabbageheads from the Cheese Hall are down here with us, aren’t they, Titus?”

  Titus nodded, looking excited.

  “Then I think you had better go up and find out what’s happening.”

  Titus stood and dashed past Tom and Kipper and up the stairs to the deck. Tom and Kipper followed, along with the other cabbageheads and Willbury.

  As soon as he reached the deck, Titus ran to the side of the ship and down the gangplank, past the police, and along the towpath till he approached two cabbageheads who were in the shadows. The cabbageheads came forward, and the three seemed to be holding a conversation. Then Titus turned back toward the Laundry, followed by two new cabbageheads who held hands and looked about nervously. Titus led them past the Squeakers, who ignored them completely, and up the gangplank.

  Titus turned back toward the laundry, followed by two new cabbageheads.

  The cabbageheads all ran to meet one another, hugging and whispering. After a few minutes the huddle broke up, and Titus, looking extremely agitated, came over to Willbury and began whispering in his ear. When Titus had finished, Willbury threw up his arms. “Oh, dear me! The cabbageheads have all fled their homes. It seems that the water level underground has driven them out!”

  The cabbageheads all ran to meet one another.

  “How did they get up here if the holes are all blocked?” asked Kipper.

  Willbury looked puzzled. “That is an excellent question. I—or rather Titus—shall have to ask them.”

  Titus scampered over to where the cabbageheads stood, and they formed another huddle. After a few moments he returned and whispered in Willbury’s ear again. Willbury turned back toward the others with an expression of surprise on his face.

  “They came up through the rabbit women’s tunnels.”

  “They came up through the rabbit women’s tunnels! Arthur had told me about the tunnels, but he didn’t know where they were. Apparently they come up in the woods just outside town.”

  Kipper grinned. “Well, that’s how we get into the Cheese Hall then. We get under the town and burrow up!”

  Tom and Willbury turned to look at Kipper in surprise. “You’re right, Kipper! You’re not as green as you are—no, that would not be very appropriate,” said Willbury. “Titus, would your friends show us the way to the rabbit women’s tunnels?”

  The Squeakers who were still drinking tea and looking very wet and grumpy.

  Titus returned to the new cabbageheads and whispered to them. They nodded.

  “But how do we get off the boat?” asked Tom. He looked across at the Squeakers, who were still drinking tea and looking very wet and grumpy. Any attempt to get off this laundry by the crew was going to be noticed.

  “I’m not sure . . . ,” said Willbury. “Why don’t we go tell the others about the tunnels and get out of this rain? There has to be a way to get past the Squeakers.”

  Tom and Kipper looked sheepish. “We are supposed to stay up here and keep watch.”

  Willbury smiled. “I don’t think anybody is going to attack us in this rain. Why don’t you come down with us?” he said kindly.

  Everyone looked at them expectantly when they got below deck. Willbury began immediately to apprise them of the new developments. “Gentlemen, the cabbageheads who have joined us have just come up from the Underworld. They have found tunnels that are not blocked, which come up just outside the town walls, in the woods. Kipper has suggested that we use these tunnels to get under the town and burrow up into the Cheese Hall.”

  There were murmurings of approval when he told them of Kipper’s plan.

  “It’s going to take a lot of burrowing,” Bert reminded them.

  “Yes . . . yes, it is,” Willbury agreed. “We’ll need as many hands and paws as we can muster. Volunteers?”

  A sea of hands and paws went up, followed by a cheer.

  “Good. But we still have a major problem. How do we get off the Laundry?” asked Willbury.

  “We could jump over the side and tie up the Squeakers, then throw them in the drink!”

  “We could jump over the side and tie up the Squeakers, then throw them in the drink!” said Bert.

  There was another cheer.

  “I don’t think so, Bert. There are a lot of policemen, and they might win in a fight. And if they didn’t, if even one of them got away, he could warn the Cheese Guild we were coming.”

  They all sat back down to think this over.

  “Boxtrolls!” Kipper suddenly cried.

  “What do you mean, ‘boxtrolls’?” asked Willbury, a puzzled look on his face.

  “Seeing as the boxtrolls and cabbageheads can get on and off the ship, we dress up as boxtrolls. Then the Squeakers won’t pay any attention to us.”

  “You don’t think the Squeakers might notice we’re not real boxtrolls?” mused the captain.

  “Well, they’re not too bright,” said Tom.

  “And if the disguises were good, then we might get away with it,” said Willbury with a chuckle.

  “Don’t you think they’d notice if there was no one left on the ship?” asked the captain.

  “I think that we might be able to get around that,” said Marjorie. “Leave it to me.”

  Soon everybody was busy.

  Soon everybody was busy. In a storeroom where the crew kept things for recycling was a stock of folded cardboard boxes. Under the guidance of Fish and the other boxtrolls, the crew prepared these. They found that economy-size Stainpurge boxes were just about the right fit for humans and that Blotch-B-White boxes fit the rats. Meanwhile the rats set about making troll teeth out of the vegetables and fruit, while Marjorie constructed dummies and some strange rigging device out of ropes and laundry. By late evening everybody was below deck and ready. Fish and the other boxtrolls, happy having so many new “boxtrolls” about them, chortled to themselves.

  Willbury raised his hands and shushed the crowd. Then he said, “Arr arware bawaee waaee.”

  “Whaa?” came the reply.

  Willbury took out his new orange-peel teeth.

  “I said, is everybody ready?” There was a lot of nodding and giggling. “Well then, I think it may be best if we leave the Laundry in ones and twos, then meet up by the West Gate. Let’s bring a rope ladder so we can climb down from the town wall.”

  Tom found a rope ladder and Kipper stowed it inside his new box. With his parsnip teeth, Kipper looked like Fish’s bigger brother.

  “Is your distraction ready?” Willbury asked Marjorie.

  Marjorie nodded
. “I have arranged a party—powered by the beam engine—for the policemen to watch. It should stop them noticing that the ship is empty. It’s going to take a few minutes to really get going, but I don’t see why we can’t start sneaking off.”

  The captain handed out candles, which would be needed in the dark tunnels. Then the first group went up onto the deck, followed by Marjorie.

  The “boxtrolls” then worked their way down the gangplank in small groups and walked straight past the policemen.

  On deck Marjorie adjusted the beam engine, and the flywheel started to turn. She’d piped some of the steam from the boiler to a small harmonium, and the crows had agreed to stay behind and play the instrument. As their beaks hit the keys, steam and a great deal of noise burst from the back of the keyboard. The crows were delighted. Before long, terrible tunes could be heard up and down the towpath. The Squeakers covered their ears and moaned.

  As their beaks hit the keys, steam and a great deal of noise burst from the back of the keyboard.

  “It’s working!” Marjorie cried.

  She pulled a handle on the side of the beam engine, and a number of ropes fixed to pulleys tightened. Strange cloth figures appeared and started to dance about the deck. The Squeakers were straining their necks to see the dancers, but they were obviously unwilling to get too close to the awful noise. More boxtrolls made their way up on deck and sauntered past the police, unnoticed. After half an hour only Marjorie and Willbury were left on board.

  Strange cloth figures appeared and started to dance about the deck.

  “This is really ingenious, Marjorie. I hope it will give us the time we need!” said Willbury.

  Marjorie looked sad. “It’s the least I can do to help. I still feel terrible that my invention has caused so much trouble. I’ll do anything to put things right.”

  “You mustn’t blame yourself,” said Willbury, putting a hand on her shoulder. “You had no way of knowing what would happen. All we can do is to do our best to thwart these awful people and stop whatever it is they’re up to. Now, I think it’s time for us to go. How long will this dancing and ‘music’ last?”

  “Well, if the crows can keep stoking the boiler, it could go on all night.” Marjorie smiled.

  “I don’t think that will be very popular with the locals!” said Willbury.

  “You never know. The crows might get better!” Marjorie chuckled. They put their teeth in and set off.

  The West Gate.

  chapter 35

  UP AND UNDER!

  When Willbury and Marjorie arrived at the West Gate, Tom rushed up to meet them.

  When Willbury and Marjorie arrived at the West Gate, Tom rushed up to meet them, snatching his teeth out of his mouth so he could talk.

  “Quick! Bert has just seen town guards. They’re coming around on their patrol, and they’ll be here in a minute.”

  Then Willbury took out his teeth. “They won’t bother us if we are dressed as boxtrolls, will they?”

  “Yes, they will! They’re not like the police—they’re always on the lookout for boxtrolls. They know who’s responsible for ‘borrowing’ things. They hate them!” Tom told him.

  “Let’s get over the wall then,” suggested Willbury.

  Tom looked up at the town wall. It was a good ten feet high. “How?”

  Willbury followed his gaze. “Oh my. We didn’t work that out, did we!”

  “We’ve got to do something,” Tom said urgently.

  “I ah . . . ah.” Willbury started to panic. Then he felt a tapping on his box. It was Fish.

  Fish pointed at the real boxtrolls who were settling themselves outside a sweetshop.

  Fish pointed at the real boxtrolls who were settling themselves outside a sweetshop that stood next to the wall. They crouched down, then pulled their heads and arms inside the boxes. They looked like a pile of boxes outside the shop. Fish led Willbury over to the shop and indicated to him to do the same.

  “Fish wants us to pretend to be boxes. Quick! Do as he says!” Willbury whispered to the others.

  With the help of Fish they assembled themselves in stacks outside the shop. Fish settled down beside them, and the cabbageheads hid behind the stack. Footsteps approached.

  “An I sez to ’er, if our girl Sonya did that to—’Ello? What we got here?” said a voice.

  “Looks like someone made a late delivery to the sweetshop,” said the second. “They wasn’t ’ere an hour ago.”

  The two guards approached the boxes. One of them rubbed his chin and looked about.

  The two guards approached the boxes.

  “I am rather partial to sweets. Mind you, Stainpurge doesn’t sound that tasty. Still, you never know. Do yer think anyone is going to miss one of these boxes?”

  “Nah, ’course not! There must be at least twenty or thirty of them, and if one goes missing, that’s only five percent! You must expect natural wastage when you leave something lying about, don’t you think?”

  “Oh, I should think so. Do you think that if we got a cart, then maybe twenty or thirty percent natural wastage might be acceptable?”

  “I should think that if we got my brother Big Alf’s wagon, then almost a hundred percent natural wastage might occur!”

  “You stay here and I’ll get the wagon!”

  Off went one of the guards while the other kept watch on the stack of boxes. After a few minutes there was a clattering of wheels. A large wagon appeared and stopped by the wall, and the guard jumped down. With difficulty the two of them heaved the boxes onto the wagon. When their backs were turned, the cabbageheads jumped up and hid among the boxes now on the wagon. When the guards had finished, they stopped for a breather.

  A large wagon appeared.

  A head popped out of one of the larger boxes and looked about. It was Willbury. The top of the town wall was just inches above him, and he smiled. For the second time, he removed his troll teeth.

  “RIGHT! Everybody over the wall!” he shouted.

  The two guards looked round and fainted at the sight of a cartload of boxes all standing up at the same time.

  They all clambered onto the top of the wall. Kipper got out the rope ladder, hooked it to the top of the wall, and lowered it over the other side. Climbing down dressed in a cardboard box was not easy, and several of the pirates ended up dropping off the ladder and crumpling their boxes. This was distressing to the real boxtrolls, who prodded at their fallen comrades’ boxes, trying to push out the dents.

  The two guards looked round and fainted at the sight of a cartload of boxes all standing up at the same time.

  When everybody was down, Titus whispered in Willbury’s ear.

  “We’ll follow our cabbagehead friends—they’ll lead us to the rabbit women’s tunnels,” said Willbury. The party set off following the new cabbageheads. It made a strange sight, with the moon casting long shadows across the landscape.

  Once in the woods, the new cabbageheads wandered about a bit before they found an old oak tree. They ran to its base and pulled back some undergrowth, revealing a large hole between the tree’s roots. Everybody gathered around as the new cabbage-heads whispered to Titus. Titus then whispered to Willbury, and after some moments Willbury spoke to the group.

  “This is the entrance to the rabbit women’s tunnels. Our new cabbagehead friends don’t want to go any farther.” Willbury smiled at the cabbageheads. “They are rather frightened of what’s happening down there and want to catch up with the other cabbageheads who are apparently making their way to a new cave in the hills. I think it is totally understandable. We don’t really know what we are going to find down there.”

  They ran to its base and pulled back some undergrowth, revealing a large hole between the tree’s roots.

  There were some nervous murmurings from the crowd.

  “Yes, I think we should thank them for bringing us this far.”

  The new cabbageheads looked rather chuffed and gave a little bow. Titus approached Willbury again. When he�
��d finished, Willbury told them, “Titus says that the cabbage-heads that Arthur freed are going to go with them, but that he himself would like to stay with us and help find Arthur.” Willbury clasped Titus’s hand. “You are very brave, Titus.”

  The murmurings in the crowd grew louder, and Titus took Fish’s hand. The other cabbageheads took one last look at the hole, waved, and raced rapidly into the woods.

  The other cabbageheads raced rapidly into the woods.

  The strange party stood around the hole.

  chapter 36

  THE RABBIT WOMEN

  The captain lit his candle.

  The strange party stood around the hole. It was much, much larger than a rabbit hole, but it would still be a tight fit for a large pirate dressed in a stiff cardboard box. There was an air of trepidation among the group—if the cabbageheads were so frightened of what they would find down the hole, was it really a place that the rest of them wanted to go?

  “Who is going to lead the way?” asked Willbury.

  There was a pause. Then Fish and Titus put up their free hands.

  “Very well,” said Willbury. “Everybody get out your candles.”

  The captain produced a box of matches, and lit his candle.

  “Right then, me hearties!” he said. “Form an orderly queue!”

  Then, one by one, each member of the queue took a light from the captain’s candle and slid down the hole. Some of the larger pirates took quite a bit of shoving to get them down, but soon they were all in without too much damage to their boxes.

  Once underground the tunnel opened out, and even Kipper could stand up and move about with ease. There was a warm, earthy smell in the passage.

  The procession set off. After a few hundred yards Fish held up a hand, and the procession ground to a stop. Fish turned to Willbury and put his finger to his lips. Then Titus whispered something to Willbury, and Willbury turned to Kipper and Tom.