Here Be Monsters!

by Alan Snow

  “That was the explosion you heard,” said Tom. “We’re not sure about Snatcher. He disappeared.”

  “And you say Framley exploded?” Mildred asked.

  “It’s a long story,” said Willbury. “Let’s get back to the ship; then everybody can hear it.”

  “I’ll fly back and tell them you’re on your way,” Mildred offered.

  Arthur had an idea. “If you’ll wait a moment, I’ll join you, Mildred.”

  Mildred looked surprised and watched as Arthur wound the box on his front until it pinged and he unfolded his wings.

  “Cor! Like your wings,” said Mildred. “What are those bits that look like cheese on them?”

  “Cheese!” giggled Kipper.

  “What are those bits that look like cheese on them?”

  Arthur crouched down, jumped, and pressed a button. Mildred flapped out of the way as Arthur rose to join her.

  “We’ll see you in a few minutes!” Willbury called after Arthur. “And get the cocoa on!”

  Arthur followed Mildred up above the rooftops. The streets were filling with people and many of them turned to stare up at Arthur as he flew over.

  “Ain’t they seen anybody fly before?” cawed Mildred.

  They were joined by the other crows.

  Arthur beamed. It was magnificent flying over the town by day, and with all the rain, the air was now clean and clear. As they approached the Laundry, they were joined by the other crows. Arthur spotted Grandfather standing on the main deck and waved. Grandfather waved back joyfully.

  “Everything’s all right!” called Arthur as he came onto land.

  “Good!” replied Grandfather.

  “Get the cocoa on!” said Arthur when he touched the deck. “The others will be back any minute.”

  Grandfather wrapped him in a hug. “It’s good to see you in one piece!”

  “Not bad to see you, either!” Arthur told the old man, hugging him back.

  Grandfather released him. “We had better get the cocoa on. The milkman has been, and there’s plenty of hot water as the boiler was on all night.” Grandfather chuckled. “And then I expect a good story.”

  They arrived just in time to see the others returning. Soon everybody was sitting on deck grinning, swapping stories, and drinking cocoa out of buckets. Even Marjorie seemed happier, poking and prodding at her prototype.

  Then they heard a whistle from along the towpath. Everyone rushed to the rail. The Squeakers straddled their bikes below them.

  “Goodness, will we never be given any peace?” sighed Willbury. The Squeakers dismounted from their bicycles and took out billy clubs and handcuffs. The Chief Squeaker approached the bottom of the gangplank, carrying a large sheath of papers.

  Then he stopped, raised the papers in front of him, and declared, “I hereby arrest all presently residing upon this ship, formally known as the Ratbridge Nautical Laundry, under sections . . .”—he paused and shuffled through his papers—“. . . C35 . . . D11 . . . Y322 . . . T14 . . . W24a . . . W24b . . . and Q56 of the Ratbridge penal code. I also charge you with . . .”—and he looked at his papers again—“riotously destroying a grade-six public building, escaping custody, playing music without license, causing a disturbance between the hours of eleven p.m. and six thirty a.m . . . . and about fourteen other charges.”

  Willbury raised a hand. “I think, sir, that it ill behooves one who has assisted in kidnap and wrongful imprisonment, handled stolen goods, aided in a plot for the destruction of the official offices of this town, been a member of an illegal organization, and connived with those who have been illegally hunting cheese and experimenting on animals without a license to cast the first stone.”

  “I hereby arrest all presently residing upon this ship.”

  The Chief Squeaker looked completely puzzled. “What do you mean?”

  “I will explain it in court!” snapped Willbury. “And while we’re at it, I have another case to talk to you about.” He waved Grandfather and Herbert forward.

  “Do you remember a case many years ago where a man was poisoned with Oil of Brussels in a local hostelry?” Willbury questioned the Chief Squeaker.

  “Yes. I’d just joined the police, and it was the first crime scene I ever attended. Very nasty case. We chased the assailant but he disappeared,” the Chief Squeaker replied.

  “Well, do you remember that one of the witnesses also disappeared?”

  “Yes. Archibald Snatcher said he had gone home for his tea . . . .”

  “Was it not lunchtime? And was this not the man?” Willbury pointed to Herbert.

  Herbert made a slight bow, and the Chief Squeaker gave him a funny look.

  “I think, sir, that it ill behooves one.”

  “It could be . . . .”

  “I am telling you it was. This man was knocked unconscious and imprisoned by your good friend Archibald Snatcher to stop him from giving true evidence and has lingered in a miserable cell under the Cheese Hall ever since.” Willbury paused for a moment and fixed the Chief Squeaker with his gaze. “It was Archibald Snatcher who was responsible for the poisoning. Yes! That very same Archibald Snatcher whom we all witnessed you investing with legal powers to justify a kidnapping and the theft of a pair of mechanical wings. I intend to sue whatever remains of the Cheese Guild on behalf of my clients here, for compensation, and I am sure the full story will come out.”

  The Chief Squeaker went very pale. “Umm . . . err . . . I think there might have been a misunderstanding . . . .” He lowered his papers. “Didn’t you say you had retired?”

  “I was retired but I now feel that it is my duty to return to the law,” replied Willbury.

  “Oh!” muttered the Chief Squeaker, and then he turned to the other Squeakers. “Back to the police station. Quick!”

  Everybody cheered as they watched the Squeakers pedal madly down the towpath.

  “You’re rather good at this law thing,” Arthur said to Willbury.

  It was Willbury’s turn to make a slight bow. Then turning to Grandfather, he said, “I think it’s going to be safe for you to set up home aboveground now if you would like.”

  “Thank you,” said Grandfather, and he shook Willbury’s hand.

  Everybody cheered.

  The deck of the Ratbridge Nautical Laundry.

  chapter 54

  HOME

  Snoozing in the morning sun.

  On deck everybody had finished their cocoa, and with the Squeakers sent off with their tails between their legs, there was an air of relaxation. Some of the crew went belowdeck to get cleaned up, while others snoozed in the morning sun. Willbury wandered across to Arthur and whispered quietly to him.

  “Your Grandfather is exhausted. It would be a good idea if he had a rest and time to recover. Why don’t you and Herbert take him down to the captain’s cabin and look after him while I get a few things sorted out.”

  “All right,” replied Arthur as he looked fondly at his grandfather. Then he turned back to Willbury. “I don’t like to ask this, but I’m worried about where we are going to live, and—”

  Willbury cut him off. “You are not to worry about that. I have an idea. You concentrate on looking after Grandfather. I am sure he has missed you, and it would be good for both of you to catch up.”

  Arthur nodded and walked over to where Grandfather and Herbert were chatting.

  “Willbury says we’re to get you down to the captain’s cabin so you can have a rest, Grandfather.”

  “Oh, all right. If I have to! I am feeling much better though, now that it’s stopped raining and my bones have had time to dry out.”

  “Come on!” chuckled Arthur, as he and Herbert helped him to his feet.

  He and Herbert helped Grandfather to his feet.

  For the rest of the day Arthur sat by Grandfather, who insisted on telling him stories of Herbert’s and Grandfather’s youth. Herbert’s memory continued to improve as story after story unfolded, and Arthur could hardly bear to tear himself awa
y from them, but they kept needing fresh top ups of cocoa and biscuits from the galley. There were tales of learning to ride bicycles, disastrous experiments, pet frogs, and engineering projects.

  By late afternoon when they were all growing sleepy, Grandfather patted the cushion beside him, motioning to Arthur to sit close.

  “I am glad we have come aboveground, my boy,” he told him. “I loved every moment I spent living in the Underworld with you, but it’s not the best place for a child to grow up. You need sunlight, and you need friends. And now you are going to have both.”

  Arthur smiled contentedly and a quiet calm settled on the cabin.

  About seven o’clock a knock on the cabin door woke them. They opened the door to see Kipper grinning from ear to ear and covered in splashes of paint.

  “Sorry to disturb, but Willbury has called a meeting in the hold and would like you all to attend.”

  “Why have you got paint all over you?” asked Arthur.

  “You’ll just have to wait and see,” Kipper replied mysteriously.

  Herbert and Arthur went to help Grandfather, but before they got to him, he had stood up on his own.

  “Come on, then,” he said. “What are you waiting for; let’s get to the meeting!” And he set off out the door. Herbert and Arthur grinned at each other and hurried after him.

  When they arrived in the hold, Willbury sat behind the ironing board with the captain. In front of them lay the prototype resizing machine, with Marjorie almost hidden behind it.

  Willbury saw Grandfather walking on his own and smiled. “Come join me here, William. There is a spare chair.”

  Grandfather nodded and made his way to the chair, while Arthur and Herbert joined Kipper to sit among the boxtrolls. Quite a few of the pirates and rats also had splotches of paint on them, and they were smirking at Arthur. Then Willbury began.

  Splodges of paint.

  “My dear friends. There are a number of important issues to resolve, and I think it best if I outline them, then we discuss how they might be solved.” He addressed Grandfather. “I have already taken the liberty of asking my landlady if she would rent the vacant rooms above my shop to you and Arthur. She has agreed, and this afternoon I had Kipper lead a working party to clean and repaint them. There is even a small storage room that Herbert could use till he gets his own place. Kipper tells me he has sorted out some basic furniture, so you are welcome to move in anytime you like.”

  Grandfather clapped his hands together, and called to Arthur, “What do you think?”

  “Yes, please!” answered Arthur with a huge grin. Kipper and Fish both patted him on the back.

  There was a roar of approval from the others, and then Grandfather, his voice shaking, said, “I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart . . . but how are we to pay the rent? I don’t have a job and I haven’t got any savings.”

  “You’re not to worry about that. This afternoon I filed a claim with the clerk of Ratbridge courts for compensation, on your and Herbert’s behalf, against Snatcher and the Cheese Guild. Until it comes to court, if Arthur helps out with chores, I’ll sort out the rent.”

  “I filed a claim with the clerk of Ratbridge courts for compensation, on your and Herbert’s behalf.”

  There was another cheer. Willbury raised a hand and continued. “Now we come to our friends the underlings.” He turned to where the underlings sat.

  “The problem of the entrances to the Underworld has been solved, but . . . at the moment most of the Underworld is flooded. Does anybody have any suggestions?”

  Marjorie stood up on the table and squeaked, “Easy!”

  Willbury looked startled. “Yes?”

  “We already have a beam engine on this Laundry. Pumping water is what it was built for. All we have to do is drop a pipe down into the Underworld and pump out the water.”

  “I might be being stupid,” said Willbury, “but where are we going to pump the water to?”

  Marjorie looked flummoxed.

  Marjorie looked flummoxed.

  Kipper raised a hand. “How about the hole where the Cheese Hall was? That cheese seems to be pretty waterproof and would stop the water from leaking back into the Underworld.”

  “Would it work?” Willbury asked Marjorie.

  Marjorie thought for a moment. “I think so . . . and once the underground becomes drier, the boxtrolls could repair their drainage system to stop it from flooding again.”

  The boxtrolls made gurgles of agreement.

  Kipper raised a hand again. “Can I help them?”

  “I see no reason why not,” Willbury said. He looked toward the captain, who was nodding in agreement. Kipper beamed.

  “Well, that just leaves us with one last problem,” Willbury announced. “Size! We have our friends here who have been reduced in size, but we know there are many others, and some are in the hands of those who treat them as just pets. We have to get them back, and we have to work out where to get the size to put them right. Does anybody have any suggestions?”

  “How about we find the members what ran away and suck the size out of them?” Bert suggested. There were hearty cheers from the pirates and rats.

  Willbury stood silently until the cheers died away. “I’m sorry, but I’ll not countenance revenge shrinkings. We must not lower ourselves to that. No, we must find another way. Does anybody have any other suggestions?”

  “Couldn’t we use vegetables to suck the size from?” asked Tom.

  Titus looked shocked, and Marjorie raised a hand to speak. “It doesn’t work. You have to use living creatures. If you used vegetables, you might end up with some strange results.”

  “What, like half trotting badger, half potato?” asked Kipper.

  Half trotting badger, half potato.

  “Exactly,” replied Marjorie, nodding.

  “Might be an improvement,” suggested Tom.

  “I think we have to stick with getting the size from creatures,” said Willbury. “But I am really not sure how.”

  “Couldn’t we all donate a little bit of size?” asked Grandfather.

  “You could, but with all the creatures we have to resize, it would leave you all pretty tiny,” Marjorie responded.

  “Well, let’s think on it,” said Willbury. “And there is the issue of how we get the other underlings back to resize them in the first place. They’re in homes all over the town. If we do find them and just steal them back, we are going to start another whole round of trouble, and with the court case coming up, that is the last thing I want.”

  The hold fell silent and everybody looked rather glum. Finally Willbury told them, “Let’s get some rest. It’s been a tiring few days, and I am sure we’ll think better after some sleep. We can all meet here tomorrow morning to start pumping out the underground. Marjorie, will you take charge of that?”

  Marjorie nodded.

  “Could those who are coming back to the shop meet me up on deck?” said Willbury.

  The meeting broke up, and a few minutes later Arthur found himself on deck with the boxtrolls, Titus and the tiny cabbagehead, Grandfather, Herbert, Marjorie, and Willbury.

  “Are we taking the little sea-cow with us?” asked Arthur.

  “No, she is staying here for the moment. The crew has grown very fond of her,” Willbury replied.

  So they set off and soon arrived at the shop. Willbury opened the front door and stopped in his tracks.

  “Oh, my word!” he exclaimed.

  Willbury opened the front door and stopped in his tracks.

  The shop was cleaner and tidier than Willbury could possibly have ever imagined. The walls and ceiling had been given a fresh coat of white paint, the old bookshelves had been righted and repaired and were tidily stacked with all his books, the floorboards had been swept and polished, and against one wall, stacked soap boxes formed open-fronted storage spaces into which the rest of Willbury’s loose possessions had been neatly piled. His bed was freshly made and some extra blankets lay at the foo
t of the bed.

  The shop was cleaner and tidier than Willbury could possibly have ever imagined.

  There was a popping noise and Willbury turned toward the fireplace. He smiled. In front of the blazing fire was his old armchair . . . and it also had been repaired.

  Willbury turned back around. “Welcome home! Please come in.”

  The little group walked into the shop and Willbury closed the door, then took a key off his key ring and handed it to Grandfather.

  “This is a spare key. Please feel free to wander through here whenever you like.” Then he said to Fish, “Would you like to show our friends their new home?”

  Fish eagerly led them through the door at the back of the shop into the hallway. Now it was Fish’s turn for a surprise. Where once the hallway had been dark and dingy, it was now bright and clean. A lit ship’s lantern hung from the ceiling, and every surface was painted white. Fish was just about to lead them up the stairs when he noticed there was something different about the back room as well. He ran down the hall and gave an excited gurgle. Arthur, Grandfather, and Herbert trotted after him.

  The back room looked like a new ironmonger’s shop. Cubbyhole shelving made from cardboard now covered the walls, and all the nuts and bolts that had littered the floor had been sorted and placed in different labeled holes.

  Fish let out a whistle, then stopped still when he noticed a stack of folded . . . clean . . . brand-new . . . cardboard boxes on the floor. After a few seconds he walked forward slowly and bent down to stroke the top box. Then he turned and let out an enormous gurgling cry.

  He walked forward slowly and bent down to stroke the top box.

  There was a scrabbling of feet from the shop, and the other boxtrolls rushed past Arthur, stopped, and hooted at the sight of the boxes. The boxtrolls looked from the new boxes to one another, then to Arthur, Grandfather, and Herbert.

  Fish came forward and gently shooed Arthur, Grandfather, and Herbert out of the room and closed the door. As soon as the door was shut, there was a frantic tearing of cardboard and whooping, followed by some chewing noises, then the door opened again. Fish and the other boxtrolls were wearing the new boxes and were grinning from ear to ear.