The Long Way To Reno

by Mix, Michelle

  The alien screamed noisily, causing more gunshots to fire out. The surprising silence afterward was also a relieving one. I exhaled heavily, tilting my head backward against the wall. Emmy tried to shush me, but I pushed her hand away and ventured out from the closet on shaky legs. It had been one of the civilian guys that had used my earlier advice, and he glanced at us with a reassuring nod, wiping his sweaty forehead with one dirty sleeve.

  "Are they dead? That fast?" Emmy whispered, clutching my jacket as she caught up to me.

  "Once the Usher's dead, the flock can't do anything," I whispered back. I felt winded. I felt like all my adrenaline had left at that moment, and I suddenly had to sit down. But before I could, my arm was gripped hard, and I gave a whining sound as I was forced to move. I would have fallen and begged for someone to drag me hadn't it felt like Harley's grip made me think of the Terminator from the Arnold age.

  "Keep moving – there's more," he said grimly, Emmy nodding at me with a trembling chin. She followed him like he was a freaking – but I had to admit, there was a small part of me that felt relieved that they were still alive and together. "They're moving inward from the edges of town."

  "A continued invasion," one of the civies said with a harsh exhale. We all left the house, and they called for the attention of the others that were picking off the dazed zombies that lingered on the streets.

  Harley squinted at this while I jerked away, stumbling through a flowerbox to see that Sandy was still dragging her friend, and Benson was gathering everyone else from their hiding areas. The other guys in uniform were looking around cautiously, kids crying, women struggling to hold each other up.

  As my breath finally came back to me, my ears ringing from the earlier gun discharges, from my heart working overtime to keep blood flowing, I felt like vomiting.

  "There's so many," Emmy whispered to me, watching the group of women and children gather together. She started to cry in earnest, and I stared at her as she stifled her hiccups and short breath with one dirty hand. When she looked at me, her mascara was smeared around her eyes, and saliva dripped from her chin. "How are we going to move fast with all of them?"

  "We got this far, so far, without losing any of them," one of the civie guys told her, walking away from us to rejoin the others. "Mendive is just down the street."

  "There's a huge camp of people there," I said in response to Harley's confused expression. I waited for him to acknowledge me, and he did – with a long, bewildered stare, like he finally noticed I was alive, or something. I resisted the urge to slap him.

  "I thought you were going downtown," he said.

  "My status is 'complicated'," I said in a haughty tone.

  He had enough energy to roll his eyes. Emmy sniffed so hard that it sounded as if she'd choked on her own snot. Before anything else could be said, the Marine came rushing to me.

  "Make more of those things," he ordered. "We're staying here, for the night. They're too tired to keep going. Get your injured in with the others, guy."

  I was startled at the command, but he moved on, calling the attention of someone else. Puzzled, I looked back towards Sandy and the others, but they were hauling their injured into a house down the road. Then I felt flattered because my contribution actually did something for somebody other than myself. I couldn't help but grin widely, feeling uplifted because I was needed.

  "Get ice on that knee, now," came a voice close to me, and I looked up with startled reaction as Chuck slipped past us. From the surprised look on Harley's face, his father's appearance was just as unexpected. "You, there! Don't put them there – there's a nursing home just up the road. Their facility will do for the night."

  "Princess! You're un-killed!" Chloe exclaimed, slapping my shoulder with one manly hand before giving Harley a crushing hug. It made me wince because it looked like she was going to kill him with her thick arms. "We caught up to you, just in time."

  "It is good to see you," Diego said to Harley with a warm smile, before shaking his hand. Harley looked overwhelmed with the attention, like he didn't know what to do with it. But he finally just grinned at them, even returned Chloe's hug, and it felt awkward because I was so fucking jealous. I turned away because I felt this rising feeling of unfairness cascade through my bones.

  Everyone was passing out orders to each other, moving quickly, and I was just – I was annoyed and angry, frustrated and sad that I was still freaking alone. I caught up to Sandy, whose hands were shaking as she reached out to hug me.

  "Good job back there," she said, slapping my back lightly, a one armed hug guiding me along with her. "No matter what anybody says, you're cool in my book."

  "You just want me, that's all."

  "You're not my type, trust me," she said with this droll tone, so I felt insulted. She caught Benson's shoulder as he intended to show somebody how to 'fall in line' with the others. "Tony, make sure Jack and Marone pulls their weight with the kids. Edith, hun, show Carter how you made those science experiments."

  "Stay close, bro," Benson said to this cute guy who hurried up to join us, wearing an Army uniform and looking just as manly.

  "You are so tiny," Carter said to me, withdrawing cigarettes from one of his pouches on his vest and lighting up. Despite his amazing good looks – was this a military requirement, or just me? – I didn't feel the need to preen. Before I could say or do anything, some guy nearly ran me over from behind, shouting orders to somebody attempting to venture into a nearby house. When he finally reached Harley, he swept the dork up into this embarrassing hug that made Harley protest. But Chuck wasn't afraid of displaying his feelings, because he held onto his adult son despite his struggles.

  Jealousy ate at my stomach. God, I wanted my family. I wanted my father, I wanted my mother. What was I doing here? What was I doing with this group?

  Carter lead me into a nearby garage. I rummaged for useful things, trying to think clearly. I found more oil, paint thinner. In a house across the street, someone had been saving their plastic bottles for recycling, so Carter snatched up a bag. By the time I'd found things worth using, night was falling. There were a couple of civie guys and Harley waiting for us, and I couldn't help but scowl at him, already annoyed by him.

  "I'm sorry," he said immediately, Carter showing off a couple of cartons of cigarettes he'd found in one of the garages to one of the guys that begged him for a few packs. "That stuff I said the other night was really uncalled for."

  "Whatever," I muttered, looking down at the canisters I carried. I was so tired – I just wanted to curl up and sleep in someone's basement. "I don't believe you. It's your own conscience you're trying to make feel better – "

  "Yeah, actually. I'm not normally an asshole right off the bat, but these times have changed, and it's easier to say things I wouldn't have," he said, keeping up with me despite that limp in his leg. It looked like somebody had tried to splint it. Then I gave him an insulted look. "I’m not like you. I can't think the way you do. I watch the History channel and ESPN. The last video game I played, it was Sega. I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm an outdoors sort of person. For you to spit out things about…Gun…dums, it's…"

  "If it makes you feel better about yourself, to insult somebody else based on their intelligence, then you can't not expect me to look down at you and pity you for your small town, inbred mentality. The big world scares you, Harley Troy, and you react with insults and fear instead of understanding and acceptance," I said as haughtily as I could. I imagined, briefly, myself as Claudia White, addressing Heather Mason in the mall hallway.

  I then gave him a onceover while he gave me a stubborn look. "I deserve a bigger man than you, and I'm not even talking about physicalities, here."

  "'Physicalities' is not even a word," he eked out between clenched teeth.

  "'Isn't' a word," I stressed, despite knowing he was right.

  Harley looked like he was going to blow up, growing red in the face and sputtering an outraged noise as I stumbled on something
in the road.

  "Must feel good to reunite with your parent," I then said snidely. "Lucky."

  His lips thinned, and his guilt made itself apparent. "I overreacted the other night. I said a lot of stupid things. Like, the next day after you left, we watched that…that huge thing fighting off those jets. I knew I was wrong saying the shit I did, but…your tactics are just…like, everything you do or think is foolishly unrealistic, and it'll get you killed just like that."

  "Just like it did, today," I muttered.

  He just nodded, this vague dump of his head, and didn't say anything after that. It was annoying how he still lingered at my side, despite the anger and irritation I felt towards him. At the same time…at the same time, there was a feeling of thankfulness that he was there. I had to admit that.

  : :

  By the time we caught up to the rest of the group, most of the windows on the first floor had been boarded up. There was frustration mounting within the guys taking charge – the school, Mendive, was just down the street. But there were crying kids, discouraged mothers, and everyone just looked pooped. One room within the center of the floor was prepared for bedding, and some of us worked hastily to gather blankets, pillows and some mattresses for the kids.

  I passed out some of the emergency candles I had, then went looking for a spot to hide in. I felt angry and frustrated with my decision to return to Sparks. Angry tears spilled down my cheeks, and I huddled up underneath a desk cluttered with opened files, photographs of smiling senior citizens and blood splatters. Wiping my face, I glared at the darkness, wishing against everything that I had just braved that stupid monster I’d seen at the overpass, and went around the thing.

  I hated that I was further away from my destination than before, and I felt so frigging jealous that Harley was reunited with his father. Goddamn it, it hurt wanting what other people had.

  While thinking about my stupidity, I heard the soft murmurs of kids’ voices and their mothers’ soothing tones. My chest ached with an ice pick of pain. The glow of candles lit the walls closest to me, and I could see an occasional shadow passing on the wall as people moved about within the safety of the confined rooms. My mind wandered away from my woes, and I sniffled, cleaning up as best as I could. Hearing the sounds of the women with their children made me think of that elephant movie, the Disney one from a awhile back, where mothers rocked their baby animals to sleep.

  It was surreal. It made me feel better to apply something made-up to a situation that didn’t have any comforting moments.

  I pulled my bag out, and emptied it onto the floor next to me. Methodically, I began creating more Molotovs, sniffling and wiping my face every once in awhile. I ran out of matches and threw the empty box away from me, feeling utterly exhausted from the inside out. I couldn’t even think of what day it was, and everything that had happened from the moment of the invasion to now was just a blur of panic and sound. I stared down at my shaking, stinky hands, noting that my right one was burned from holding my first Molotov for too long. It hurt, and now that I noticed it, I felt oddly angry. Like it was my hand’s fault for everything.

  I glared at it, then stared at the completed bottles around me. I didn’t have the energy to get up and go search for medical attention. I pulled the bag out with beef jerky and gave it a critical eye as I resettled underneath the desk, knees pulled to my chin. I’d never had beef jerky before – the thought of eating strips of dried, cooked cow meat in plastic baggies had never been appealing. I wanted real food. I was tired of protein bars, I was tired of drinking plain water – I wanted something real. I wanted my mom’s cooking. I wanted baked chicken with rice and fish and - !

  I wanted my parents.

  Before I could burst into more pathetic tears, a huge bubble of hysterics climbing its way up my throat and practically choking me, Harley knocked on the doorframe before peering in. The very action was so - dorky! Like something you’d see on a cheesy 90’s teen movie -! It was enough to stop the building tears.

  “There’s more room out there, you know,” he said, tilting his head to look at me. I tossed the beef jerky away from me, sniffling.

  “I don’t want to be out there.”

  “You’re either a very snobby person, or one of the jumpiest.”

  “That charm of yours might’ve worked on your Wal-Mart creature chicks, but it’s not working on anybody else. No wonder Grace wasn’t into you,” I muttered.

  He snorted, then looked struck, as if he had to consider it himself. It astounded me.

  “And you have to balls to say I’m an asshole!” I exclaimed.

  He shrugged, a bratty expression on his face as he walked into the room. He picked up the pack of beef jerky I'd just abandoned, and fiddled with it. What irritated me even further was that this asshole was still wearing my Goddamn Halo shirt.

  "I thought you were headed downtown," he then said tightly.

  "I was convinced to come back here," I said, picking at a frayed, thin patch on my jeans. It was funny how I used to wear 'deconstructed' jeans before all of this – because all my clothes were rapidly being destroyed naturally. "But I'm headed back that way soon. I was told about the vaccinations – mom keeps all that stuff in their room. I'm sure if I look, then I'll know for sure where they are. They could be in one of the safe camps run by the military."

  "But you don't know for sure."

  "I have to exhaust all possibilities," I said.

  "But what if they're gone, Edith? I heard planes fell down in that area that night."

  "I won't know until I've checked," I said stiffly.

  He realized that I was steadfast on my decision. I tried to chase the feelings of anxiety away from me. I didn't want to think that, perhaps, my parents were in a place I never even considered. Maybe they weren't at safe camps. Maybe they weren't out looking for me. Maybe they weren't at home. Maybe they'd run an errand that night, and was caught up in the chaos of the city.

  My stomach clenched tightly.

  My face lost its scowl, replaced with worry. I wanted to slap him for the things he made me feel.

  "I'll help you look for them," he then said, his tone heavy. I hated how closely he looked at me. "Now that…I know where my dad is, and…and Emmy can be safe, here, with these guys."

  "I think I've done pretty well on my own so far," I said carefully, staring at my shaking hands and picturing all the places that they could have gone to. My mind was whirling with a new panic, now. What if dad had wanted to eat out? What if mom had wanted something at Target? What if they'd made an impulsive trip to Whole Foods for dinner?

  "Yeah…yeah, you have, but…it'd…it'd be easier if you weren't alone, Edith. For you, I mean. It's a long distance to walk, and there's…all these…obstacles that…"

  “It's easier with just me! And it’s right there!” I exclaimed, pointing across the room. Like it was literally right there.

  He made a pointing motion the other way. “Or just stay here, count their disappearance as a loss, like the others, here. You said they were older - ”

  "My dad's entirely capable of taking care of them both. He boxed regularly, and he's a crackshot with his gun," I muttered, clenching my fingers together. "He took care of us all my life – he can do this."

  "I don't think these people will let you go, anyway," he then said, glancing out the room. "It's too risky, right now, to let people wander off. The Rabid can change people so fast, and there's so many kids here, they have to take precautions."

  “I wanna go home. This was my entire purpose of getting to Reno.”

  He exhaled heavily. He had that expression on his face – like he was constantly questioning himself on why he bothered trying. For a second, he reminded me of my dad – that was a scary, ew thought. “What if they’re not there?”

  Before I could say anything, he then said, “Look, I’ll help you get home. We should be back in a couple of days.”

  “But what if they’re there? I’m not coming back if they are,” I sa
id.

  Another frown. “Then they can come back with us.”

  “I’m just saying, if they want to come back here, and the school is safe, then I’m coming back. But if they don’t want to, then I’m staying with them. And you’ll have to walk back alone.”

  He looked to say something, but was holding himself back. I frowned at him, wondering why he'd even argue. After the other night, one would think he'd be delighted in getting rid of me. I think he just came back to soothe his own conscience – he looked the type to get all martyred over things beyond his control. How selfish was that?

  Moments later, Emmy and Alex walked in, muttering sluggish things as they held armfuls of vending machine snacks between them. They distributed what they found to Harley. I didn’t have anything to say to Harley after that – when the two realized I was hiding underneath the desk, Emmy was a little standoffish. She glared at me as she stood next to Harley, Alex looking uncomfortable as he stood closest to the door. I didn't care for the attitude, but I wanted to remind her that Harley was the one to push me away.