by Lori Wilde
She plugged in the bedroom Christmas tree, turned to see Ryder standing in the doorway looking at her like she was a diamond. She flushed with pride and happiness.
“Christmas tree in the bedroom.” He laughed as the light from the tree that sat on a spinning stand, cast their in faces in the glow of multicolored twinkling lights. “You’re a true Cheek. A Christmas tree in every room.”
“I had a couple of bah-humbug years, but I snapped out of it after last year.” She met his eyes. “With you.”
“I refilled your Christmas spirit?”
“You did.”
“I’m honored.”
“Oh, you just think you’re honored now. Wait until I get finished with you, mister.”
The curtains were open and the full moon shone silvery through the window. Combined with the twinkling Christmas lights, it created a magical spell that took her breath. Ryder was so handsome, and he was with her again. Her deepest Christmas dreams had come true.
How seductive the dream was. To be with the man she’d loved half her life. She knew he didn’t love her the way she loved him, but he didn’t have to. She would take what she could get.
She took his hand and drew him to her bed. They finished undressing each other, garment by garment. Taking their time.
Once they were naked, she knelt before him, took him gently in her mouth, and he let out a groan that stoked her own arousal. She felt like a goddess, strong and empowered.
And he was right. He barely lasted ten seconds. She giggled when he collapsed on the bed, panting and wrung out.
“Katie . . . that was . . . you were . . .”
“Shh. No talking. Slow and easy. We’ve got all the time in the world.”
Ryder gave as good as he got and then some. He touched her in all the right places. Lighting her up. Generating heat.
Flipping her over onto her stomach, he trailed damp kisses down her back, pressing his hot lips to each vertebra, his tongue following the curve of her spine, traveling south to kiss the dimples that sat at the top of both buttocks.
Her skin burned, alive with sensation.
She wriggled beneath his magnificent mouth, ticklish, but loving the sweet torture. She moaned into the pillow, wanting desperately to flip over and kiss him, but he kept one hand splayed to her shoulders, holding her in place while he playfully nibbled her butt.
“Ryder,” she whispered. “I want to see your face.”
He paused as if considering her request, then said firmly, “Not yet.”
She made a noise of frustration, but he ignored her, plying that wicked tongue of his over her soft curves.
If it had felt amazing, she would have said to hell with alpha macho male shit, and flipped herself right over whether he liked it or not.
But the man clearly knew what he was doing.
Goose bumps, both external and internal ones, chilled her in a pleasant way. Bossy, bossy man. Why did she find that so appealing?
Vortex.
She was letting herself get swept up into his vortex again. She had to stay on guard if she didn’t want to lose sight of herself. But, oh, getting swept away felt so wonderful. Letting go. Enjoying the ride.
His tongue laved the juncture between her butt and her upper thigh, a spot that turned out to be surprisingly sensitive. No man had ever explored that part of her before and she felt like virgin territory, mysterious and new.
Oh, you are so weak, she told herself.
But it was the best kind of weak. Open, vulnerable, ready for wherever he might take her.
Finally, he flipped her over onto her back, and positioned himself on his side next to her. He propped his head up on his elbow and gazed down into her eyes.
He looked as stunned as she felt, surprised to the center of his being that this was working out so well. That they were so good together.
At least that was her impression. Katie hoped she was right.
But when it came down to it, what did she really know about him? Yes, his father was well-known in town. Yes, she’d had a massive crush on him when she was a teenager, and yes, he’d lived with her family for eleven months.
Thirteen years ago.
She knew that boy. She did not know this man.
And he scared her a little.
Not because she didn’t feel safe around him, precisely because she did. He made her feel safe and protected in more ways than one. She trusted him implicitly.
It was herself she did not trust.
Why did she gravitate to strong alpha males? The kind of guy who made it hard for her to get her opinion in edgewise. The kind of guy who had his way of doing things and expected everyone else to fall in line.
Being with Ryder was much more than an ongoing series of novel sensations. He had awakened in her a deep sense of connection, the ultimate mystery of sexuality itself. Joining with him created such a blissful state, she felt as if angels had descended and enveloped them in boundless joy.
He stirred her to sensuous, tender rapture. A limitless ecstasy that took her breath. Blessed. She felt huge blessings for having known him even though she could not say for certain what was actually taking place between them or where it would lead.
At one point, he got up to retrieve a condom from his pants pocket and the fun began in earnest.
He sank into her and she immediately felt pulled upward and outward from the very core of her entire being. Her body hummed with heightened sensation, streaming heat through her veins, muddling her brain.
Masculine energy flowed from him into her, heightened her senses—brightening colors, accentuating sounds, filling her with an intense knowing that there was so much more to the world than met the eye, so much more to him.
The knowledge was so pure, so achingly raw, she feared she would disintegrate altogether.
In sweet, slow-motion ecstasy, he took her to a place, a world, an insular universe made just for the two of them, full of light and warmth and happiness.
This sweet apex of suspension seemed to last for hours as he stroked and kissed her in every way imaginable.
And then suddenly the orgasm was upon her. Huge and spectacular.
It consumed her, ate her whole from the inside out, swallowed her up in a blinding heat. Exploded her consciousness and rocketed her to a place where nothing existed but sweet bliss and the powerful hum of I am! She hadn’t had many lovers, but this was hands down the most incredible sexual experience of her life. Even topping that passionate night in his apartment.
He’d transported her to a beautiful place made of light and joy, and she had the craziest thought that this was her real home. Here in his arms, with his body inside hers.
She struggled to manage the flow of sensory phenomena flooding through her. Immediately, she felt sad, because it was so lovely, so amazing, she knew it could not last. Doubted she would ever feel anything this intense again.
No matter what happened, she would always be grateful for the gift of this miraculous now.
Katie did not know how he felt about her, but she’d moved into a moment of complete awareness and what she felt for him was utter unconditional love. She gave her love to him freely, without any strings or expectations attached. Love poured out of her. No hesitation or reservations.
Her heart swelled and in that sweet bliss, she swam in an ocean of acceptance and light. Ecstasy flowed around her, inside her, bubbling from somewhere deep within her, and she gave it all away.
To Ryder.
Everything that had held her back or caused her problems dissolved in that rapturous instance. The walls she’d built around her melted. The old ideas, opinions, misguided beliefs, habits, rules, strategies she’d learned from her family, teachers, and community burst like soap bubbles.
All resistance dropped away. All fear vanished. She was no longer a separate individual grasping and anxious, but part of a magnificent whole. The two of them merged. One.
They were rocketed into another level of consciousness, leaving earth
, bound for the stars in an explosive roar, clinging to each other, fused, moving at warp speed, headed for the heavenly light.
Something sacred was going on here. Something she could not explain or rationalize. It simply was something divine.
Together, they sparkled and flowed in perfect union, riding long, slow, pulsing waves of pleasure, and in the moment where they burst together in simultaneous bang, Katie thought, I am.
It was an intoxicating, blissful state of grace they’d found inside each other. The ultimate orgasm to end all orgasms. True, unified oneness.
And then she felt the condom break.
“Don’t panic,” Ryder said, trying to convince himself as much as Katie. “You’re probably on the pill or something, right?”
Wide-eyed, Katie shook her head. “No. I don’t have a partner so I thought why expose my body to chemicals unnecessarily? And with you . . . well, this was completely impulsive. You and me weren’t even supposed to happen.”
Ryder blew out his breath, pressed a palm to the nape of his neck. “Still not the end of the world. Women can only get pregnant a few days out of the month. Where are you on your cycle?”
“Um . . .” Katie bit her bottom lip. “That’s kind of hard to say. My cycle isn’t terribly regular, but I’m supposed to get my period next week.”
Ryder paced the immaculate bedroom wearing only his blue jeans. Katie huddled on the bed, sitting cross-legged beneath the covers. She was so beautiful it stalled his heart. “If you had to hazard a guess?”
She rolled her eyes up and to the left as if mentally counting off the days. “We should be okay.”
Should be.
“Okay,” he said. “We’re not going to borrow trouble. We’re not going to worry until there’s something to worry about.”
“Sounds like a plan,” she whispered.
Briefly, it occurred to him that he might suggest the morning after pill, but immediately shut down that thought. She was a savvy young woman, and she hadn’t brought it up. He wasn’t about to say it, even if the idea of a baby scared the hell out of him. “Good. We have a plan.”
She pulled her knees to her chest underneath the covers, rested her chin on her knees, her brown eyes looking dark and vulnerable in the glow of the twinkle lights on the Christmas tree.
A tender, mushy feeling swelled in his chest. He’d never thought much about kids before. Why would he? He never saw himself as the marrying kind. But a baby? With Katie? Well, that wouldn’t be the end of the world, would it?
No, having a baby with Katie wouldn’t be the end of the world for him, but for that baby?
Disaster.
Hell, what did he know about being a parent? He’d lost his mother when he was eight. In reality, he’d lost Jax too because his father had turned into a cold and distant man. He’d had no role model. Had no idea how to be a good father.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Ryder,” Katie called to him in a calm voice. “Take off those blue jeans, and come back to bed. The damage, if indeed there is damage, has been done. You might as well get some sleep.”
She was so strong and brave. So accepting and trusting. And at peace. She had the kind of peace he longed for but had never known.
The lone wolf in him wanted to jam his feet into his boots and run away as fast as he could. Escape into the night. Go back into the cold. Alone. The way he’d always been. The way it was supposed to be. The way that felt safe.
“Ryder,” she said, her voice gentle as a touch, and she held her arms wide. “Come here.”
His heart was thrumming, the wolf panting, dying a little inside.
But she was smiling, full of love and kindness and warmth, and God help him, he could not resist. Ryder shucked off his jeans, crawled up onto the bed, and let her envelop him in her embrace.
And when she held him against her breasts, softly stroked his hair, and told him everything was going to be okay, he almost believed her.
Last night that fat Christmas moon had whispered to her, Surrender, give up, let go, and bathe in my silvery glory. This morning, the sun said, Oops, idiot, you did it again.
But this time had been different.
This time the condom broke.
Katie shouldn’t have smiled—she was in deep trouble here and she should be worried about that—but smile she did. Couldn’t help herself. Ryder had made love to her again. The grin stretched her mouth as wide as it would go. Curling up cheekbone to cheekbone.
“Hey, sleepyhead.”
Aw, that warm, rich voice of his was as seductive as the tropics. Katie opened one eye to see Ryder standing over her, a steaming cup coffee in his hand. He looked so peaceful she thought that maybe the condom hadn’t broken and she’d dreamed it all.
She yawned, stretched her arms over her head. “For me?”
“Heck no, get your own,” he said, and pretended to drink from the mug, but then chuckled and held it out to her. “Yes, for you.”
She scooted up in bed, curled her fingers around the warm mug. He’d fixed it just the way she liked it. Lots of sugar and cream.
“You’re spoiling me.”
“You deserve it.” His grin turned loopy. “Plus I’m hoping to tempt you into getting naked again.”
“Is that all you ever think about? Getting naked?”
He raked his gaze over her tousled hair and makeup-free face. “With you? Pretty much.”
“You’re not . . . upset?”
“About the condom?”
“Yes, about the condom.”
“I Googled it. If your period starts next week, the odds are in our favor.”
She noted he hadn’t mentioned the morning after pill. If he had done an Internet search on condom breakage, surely he’d come across the morning after pill. Should she mention it? Her heart hammered. She knew the morning after pill was just added birth control and nothing more, but she couldn’t bring herself to suggest it. Hated for him to think she wanted to get rid of any baby they might have created together. If she was pregnant, so be it. Let the chips fall where they may.
Fear sent her stomach into a nosedive.
“Like you said,” he went on, smiling brightly. “Why worry unless there is something to worry about?”
“Excuse me. Who are you and what have you done with Ryder Southerland? Where did you get this optimism?”
“It’s you, babe. It’s your positive attitude that’s turning me around.”
It wasn’t that she didn’t love this new easiness to his smile, but rather she didn’t trust it to last. Was he putting up a valiant front to keep her from freaking out? Knowing Ryder and how protective he was, probably.
“Whatever it is, I’m happy to see that big grin. We’ve got a long day ahead of us at the Circle S. And remember, no matter what goes on inside this bedroom, to the world outside these walls you and I are not together.”
His smile vanished, and his voice came out sharp as peanut brittle shards. “Message received, loud and clear.”
The minute she said it, she realized how it sounded. That she was ashamed of him. That’s not how she meant it. Not at all. She simply wanted to keep their affair a precious secret between the two of them for a while before the town started gossiping and meddling. But she worried that apologizing and over-explaining would just make it worse.
She reached out a hand.
He turned his back.
Helplessly, heart aching, she watched him walk away.
Chapter 20
After Katie’s crew left the Circle S late Sunday evening at ten o’clock, it was just the two of them.
Miraculously, they’d made the deadline. Jax could come home when his doctor dismissed him from the hospital tomorrow morning. The ranch house was straightened, organized, and spotlessly clean for the first time in over twenty years.
The job had taken a total of a hundred and eight man-hours that included Ryder; Katie; her team of three organizers; Jana’s pinch-hitting; a six-person cleaning crew; a carpet, draper
y, and furniture steam cleaning service; and a group of high school boys Katie hired to move the heavy stuff to the barn.
Yes, much of the junk they’d shifted out of the house was stuffed into the barn awaiting the next stage—either hauling it to the dump, holding a garage sale, or taking it to Goodwill. Katie would continue to help with that, although it might take a few weeks since her maid of honor duties were gearing up, but that could wait. The house was the main thing.
Standing in the living room surveying Katie’s handiwork brought a lump to Ryder’s throat. He couldn’t believe the change. The difference was shocking. The woman was amazing. In more ways than one.
He’d managed to tuck the broken condom incident and that uncomfortable conversation they’d had this morning to the back of his mind, filing it under things-not-to-think-about-until-you-have-to-think-about-them, and neither one of them had spoken of it again. They hadn’t even been around each other much, keeping busy in separate rooms to avoid lingering looks, and sly, helpless smiles.
Yes, he felt like her dirty little secret, but it was hot. The forbidden. It whetted his desire for her, stoke his longing.
Katie collapsed onto a living room sofa that smelled of the floral fragrance used by the steam cleaners. “I’m pooped.”
Ryder plopped down beside her. “Me too.”
They looked at each other, and smiled.
“Hey you,” he said, reaching out a hand to her.
“Hey yourself.” She popped her palm into his, and when he squeezed it, she squeezed back.
“We make a good team,” he said.
“We do.”
“How tired are you?” he asked.
“Bone weary.”
“Me too.” He rubbed his thumb over her palm. “Wanna do it?”
“God,” she whispered. “I thought you’d never ask! I can’t stay all night. I have to go home and check on Harry, plus I don’t want anyone to see my car in your drive overnight.”
“I live in the country,” Ryder said, as if he really did live here.
“You still have neighbors.”
“A quickie?”
