by Leela Ash
Jax wondered if this girl was like that – someone who pretended she had it together when really she couldn't trust the ground she was standing on. Someone who might snap unexpectedly, and had been turned out on her own, kicked out of her tribe for being a liability to the others. Some tribes had rules about procreation – if she'd become a mother without permission, or insisted on tending to, or keeping a child, she could have been cast out. Sometimes the tribes would keep the children and desert the mother, claiming that it was for the good of the tribe. The child would either be indoctrinated or eaten, depending on how bad times were.
Although he was burning with curiosity, one thing he knew was that too many questions were trouble. He would rather not know. His own past was too heavy a burden for him to carry, let alone discovering a whole well of the same misery in another person. He wouldn't be able to do anything to ease her pain if he couldn't even deal with his own, it would be useless to try, or to even want to try. He would surely be overwhelmed.
Layne walked beside him, her head high, face alert. She didn't seem to be looking for anybody to take care of her. She hadn't begged him to help her, aid her, or keep her company. She simply needed to know the way out, which was something that he could easily help her with. They walked in agreeable silence as the sun began to set. The golden light cast dark shadows of the trees across their faces, and soon they were nearing the edge of the woods. Jax breathed a deep sigh of relief. He wouldn't have to keep her safe in the forest. They could part ways now and never see each other again.
She seemed to be having the same thought, and bowed her head to him, acknowledging the kindness of his act without presenting herself to be vulnerable. He admired her in a way, so composed even though everything in her world had twisted and shattered. Who knew what her story was, how she got to where she had to fight off three Jackals and put her life in the hands of a perfect stranger. This was the kind of thing that used to be of great interest to him – how things came to be, the lines that people followed to where they ended up. He had once believed in fate, trusted that there was something good guiding the world along its track. Now he wasn't so sure.
“Good night,” he said, turning his eyes from her piercing blue eyes to the ground, suddenly remembering that he had never been that great at talking to girls. They had generally talked enough to him for the both of them though. Fortunately, he doubted this was the kind of woman who would have carried on a one-way conversation just for the hope of spending a few lingering minutes with him. He was a stereotype – tall, dark, handsome – and they were stereotypes – petite, pretty, helpless – and somehow that was supposed to mean fate. But it never had, and he hadn't found any comfort in their talk or their attention. Theatrics and games, all a waste of time. None of them had been down to earth. None of them had carried themselves in a way that attracted him, the way this woman carried herself.
She noticed him staring, lost in his own thoughts, and suddenly a look of crippling anxiety crossed her face. She wasn't great at concealing how she felt, he noted. He could understand why she would be nervous. The end of the world had meant that people who had hidden degenerate tendencies decided that it was now or never – these tendencies would come in handy and they might as well give in to the temptations of their darker natures. This meant few women were safe on their own, as the men had an advantage of strength and a barbaric anger fuelled by their hopeless situation. He'd once read a book about a group of boys abandoned on an island – he couldn't remember the title now - he couldn't remember a lot of things – and they used it as a chance to divide and conquer, trying to dominate each other. The kids grew bloodthirsty and savage, and it was much the same with most of the tribes.
He wondered if this was just a general fact, the nature of survival. Everyone got a little mean when their survival was at stake. Even this pretty woman probably had a demon in her yet, ready and willing to be released when the time was right. Would she slit his throat in his sleep to make sure he didn't take advantage of her first? He didn't trust her, and she clearly didn't trust him. This mistrust was sure to lead to some culmination, some act of violence he would rather avoid.
“Good luck,” he said firmly when they reached the edge of the woods. Normally he would be relishing the power, pleased to know that he invoked caution and fear from a potential enemy. But an old nagging feeling was disturbing him, something he hadn't felt in a long time, since his initiation into a tribe called Hex. He wanted her to like him.
“Same to you,” she said with a nod, waiting for him to leave her sight. She didn't want to turn her back to him, and she definitely didn't want him to be following her. She appreciated the help, but she wasn't stupid. He could probably catch up to her if he put his mind to it, pretend to be out of sight until she was most vulnerable and unsuspecting and make his move then. She would have to stay on her guard, especially if he was rogue. Those guys ended up crazy from the loneliness and desperation to survive. She should know.
But as he walked away, clearly disinterested in her now that he had dropped her off at the designated area, like she was just a delivery, that overwhelming loneliness nearly choked her. She wasn't very happy about how it had snuck up on her like that, but there it was all the same. She wanted to stay close, and found herself acting in a way she never would have expected herself to act, saying something she would normally be kicking herself for saying.
“Will you camp with me tonight?”
Chapter 5
Jax stiffened as he attempted his graceful departure and turned around in disbelief. A smart woman wouldn't be asking him to stay with her, but he was sure she was a smart woman. She looked so frail and beautiful standing in the pale moonlight that he had to look away before she changed her mind and chose not to want anything more to do with him. She'd definitely feel better avoiding any man who looked at her like he was starving.
“I have somewhere to be,” he said firmly.
“I don't,” she said. The heaviness of this truth physically hurt them both and Jax winced. “Wouldn't it be better to rest up after a fight like that?”
He began to turn away, but then she made him an offer he couldn't refuse.
“I have beer.”
He turned around and looked her up and down. He could tell she was telling the truth. That was probably why the Jackals were after her. They were a bunch of redneck skinheads who would tear each other apart for a buzz. They could probably smell it on her breath like animals.
“How did you -”
“I made it. And I could make it again. Just rest with me tonight. I...”
He waited for her to finish, eyeing her intently and shifting from one foot to the other. Resting with someone was something he hadn't done in a very long time. It was also something he didn't believe he would ever be tempted to do again.
“I don't want to be alone right now,” she finally admitted. He sighed and tilted his head. He would have to make camp eventually, it might as well be with her.
Her face lit up when he cautiously approached her, and he tilted his head to the right.
“I know a good spot to camp out. Not in the open like this. Follow me.”
They walked quietly as the sun set to a spot he had frequently used when he was on his own, making raids on the Jackal's supply camp. She sat her pack down and pulled out her blanket, draping it onto the ground and sitting on it. Once upon a time this would have meant a picnic with a handsome date, but right now, all it meant was she was ready to pass out from exhaustion. He leaned his back against a tree, as far away from her as he could get without being too rude, and closed his eyes.
“What's your name?” she asked him. Although she was clearly ready to collapse, her eyes were wide and alert. She'd asked him to accompany her, so she must have been desperate for companionship. He considered whether or not to oblige.
“Jax,” he said with a sigh, opening his eyes.
“Jax. I'm Layne.”
As thanks for his help, she rolled the bottle of
beer to him. It was murky and dark, but it would do the trick. He briefly considered whether or not this was some sort of bait. If he drank it, would he end up dead, poisoned on the ground because she couldn't trust him? She was intelligent, that much was certain, so he wouldn't put it past her.
“You first,” he said, rolling it back over to her.
She took a long chug, leaving him about half the bottle. Her eyes began to droop and he sipped it, watching her struggle to stay awake. She wanted to talk to him more, but the alcohol had done its job quickly. She was able to let go of her fears and sleep with blissful ignorance, her mind fuzzy and calm, feeling the same as it had when she was young, sinking into bed after partying with her friends, Pamela and Brice, they were both dead now. And her sister...
She grimaced and gripped the blanket, laying her head on the ground. Fortunately the alcohol numbed the pain of the memory and she drifted into a deep sleep.
Jax watched her. The beer was good. She was disturbed in her sleep, fighting off painful dreams – most likely memories of people she had once loved – and he allowed himself to relax. He knew he would do her no harm, and in her current state, she wouldn't be prying into his personal affairs. Jonathan.
He cringed, the alcohol making him more prone to weep. He had to go north to find his brother. If there was any hope at all, it would be there.
Chapter 6
“What year is it?” Jonathan had asked. Jax was younger by two years, and always believed that the two of them would stick together.
“I don't know,” Jax had laughed.
They felt lucky together, at first. Most people didn't have anybody left. Somehow, the two of them had defied all the odds and been immune, probably thanks to some gene they carried. Unfortunately it had skipped a generation and their parents had fallen ill shortly after the carriers were left to roam the country. The boys were left orphans, and Jonathan was devoted to taking care of Jax. He taught him everything he knew about hunting and foraging, which wasn't much, but they'd stolen books from the library and kept them secure, reading them over and over again, to themselves and to each other in their home until the power flickered out and huge groups of people began roaming the streets, rioting and breaking into houses, stealing things they couldn't use, hoping to take advantage of a crisis.
It hadn't been safe, and they'd had to leave quickly with just a few remnants to bring along with them. Jax had taken a family picture to remember his parents and the good times, but during his orientation into the Hex tribe, they'd taken his things, looking through them and throwing away anything they deemed sentimental. He had no past, they told him. Only a future. And he was in charge of that.
It had been a liberating thought at the time, but it had been painful to watch them burn the picture. He'd had to force himself not to cry as he watched the faces of his parents and brother melting right in front of him. By then, he'd lost Jonathan too. He'd been alone for a year before Hex found him and brought him in. They could tell by his size that he was strong, and his eyes were sharp, wizened by his experiences. He could be of use to them, they were convinced of it, and he was for a while. It was one of his prideful points, and when Jonathan had come back to him, apologizing profusely for abandoning him, Jax was already well-established with Hex, and wasn't capable of forgiveness. They were his family now, and Jonathan could either join or leave him alone.
“I won't be a part of one of these sick cults,” Jonathan had said sternly. “And when you change your mind, because you're too smart not to, come find me.”
Jax's heart had been too broken by his brother to care or take his words seriously. All he felt was the gaping hole of loneliness and anger. The sadness could have destroyed him if he let it. And he was feeling it now, as he drifted into fitful sleep across from a stranger.
***
“Jax,” a faraway voice called. Someone was touching him, moving him. He shook his head in confusion and reared his head back, flinching from the hand. He rose, his eyes wild with confusion and hot with tears.
“Jax,” Layne whispered. Her voice was soft and gentle, and he blinked hard, wiping the tears away so that he could see her clearly. “You were dreaming. It's okay.”
Her hand was cool on his cheek, stroking him gently. She felt like salve on a deep, raw wound he didn't know he had, and she soothed him out of the dream and back into reality. He didn't know he dreamt so loudly, loudly enough to stir her from her drunken slumber. Her eyes were on him, drawn with concern and something he had never expected to see in another person again - warmth.
“We should move,” he mumbled, stumbling to his feet and throwing his bag over his shoulder. “If I was loud someone might have heard me.”
“You weren't,” she said. She'd only heard him whimper softly, and felt a pang of sadness as tears had streamed down his face in his sleep. “Sit down and have breakfast with me.”
“I can't spare my rations yet,” he said, still heavy from sleep. He leaned against a tree.
“I've got plenty,” she replied, tossing a bag to him. His eyes widened and he laughed suddenly. So this was why they were after her.
“You got this from the Jackals!” he exclaimed.
“Yes,” she said, her eyes sparkling. In truth, her bag was full to the brim of their ration bags. She had raided them late in the night, but had made the mistake of stopping to eat before she left. Her hunger had controlled her and left her vulnerable to being spotted.
“Smart girl,” he said approvingly, and sat down on the ground. She sat across from him, pulling a bag out for herself. They ate quietly together, the strength coursing through their bodies and making them both feel incredible.
When they were done, they sat together in silence, listening to the birds singing and appreciating the spring breeze and blue sky. It was a beautiful morning, and much easier to enjoy with somebody else. Neither of them had had company for a while, and the companionship was refreshing. Layne was reluctant to give it up.
“So where are you heading?” she asked finally.
“North,” Jax answered vaguely.
“What's north?”
“I'm looking for my brother.”
She could tell it was difficult for him to talk about, but she couldn't keep the words from spilling out. She'd missed having somebody to talk to, and she was burning with curiosity about this man. She decided to change the subject, if he got too prickly she would have to leave.
“Are you part of a tribe?” she asked.
“Not anymore,” he said. “What about you?”
“Not anymore.”
“What happened?”
“They were self-important freaks who couldn't get along. They thought we would find a cure...save the world. But nobody knew where to start and shot down anyone who gave it a try.”
“You're a doctor?” he asked, unable to conceal his surprise.
“A scientist,” she corrected.
“Ah.”
“What happened to your tribe?”
“I outgrew them,” he said softly. “And now I have to find my brother.”
He was obviously in pain and she wanted to reach out to him, give him some kind of hope.
“I'm sure you will,” she said.
The thought seemed to please him, and he was quiet for a moment, considering the likelihood of this happening.
“We parted on bad terms,” he said. “I don't know if he'll be happy to see me even if I do find him.”
“He's family,” Layne said, her chest constricting painfully as all she had lost flickered before her eyes. “You belong together. I'm sure he knows that.”
Jax considered this and nodded. Jonathan had told him to find him, so that's what he was going to do. It had been a long time, a really long time, but some things didn't change, like the love you have toward your siblings. They wouldn't be able to hurt you so much if you didn't care more about them than you knew what to do with.
“I should get on the move,” he said finally. “I appreciate the food
. Take care of yourself.”
“Oh,” Layne said, crestfallen. “All right. Good luck. I'm sure everything will turn out fine.”
He nodded and stood, turning his back on her and disappearing into the forest.
Chapter 7
Jax walked away from Layne, his chest tormented with several emotions he couldn't pinpoint. She would just slow him down, he told himself. He had a mission and should keep it in mind. She would distract him, put him in undue danger. But he found himself missing her the second she was out of sight. Was it because she had shown him kindness? Or was he simply lacking companionship. Humans were herd animals after all.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him and whipped around, ready to strike. Layne flinched back and raised her arms up defensively.
“Easy tiger,” she said. “You just forgot your water bottle.”
He stared at her, perplexed, before taking it from her outstretched hand. Most people would have killed for two water bottles, but she had returned his without a second thought. She didn't even drink out of it first.
He nodded in thanks and continued walking, his chest on fire. He wasn't sure what to do with her.
“Listen, Jax,” she called, trotting behind him to catch up with his long strides. “I want to help you find your brother. I have nothing better to do. I swear I won't get in the way. I was thinking of heading north too, actually.”
“Why would you want to go north? It's a wasteland,” he said, without turning around.
“That's pretty much why. I'm tired of having to survive day by day. I want to settle down somewhere. Everyone avoids north because it gets colder, but I know all about canning and growing. Keeping warm is easy. I've been collecting seeds. I plan to take enough rations to get myself established somewhere while I plant, and then I'll be self sufficient. I won't have to worry about anything but protecting my own turf. Nobody else's rules.”
