by Leela Ash
“You shouldn't go telling people stuff like that,” Jax said irritably. “What if they steal your seeds or your rations?”
She tried to hide a smile. He was looking out for her. He had no desire to steal from her, but he was worried that she'd trust people who would.
“We can share them if I go with you,” she said quietly. “I have enough for two. It was a good haul.”
The idea was tempting and he sighed, looking her up and down.
“You’d be better off keeping them for yourself. Why do you want to go with me so badly?”
She gave him a look that was all the answer he needed. Her beautiful face, her sad eyes, her strength. She was determined to start over and create the security that had been robbed from her by the virus. If they were together, he would feel obligated to protect her. Put himself into undue risk. But hadn't he been wishing, secretly, that he hadn't left her behind so rashly? Wasn't he considering what his life might be like with a companion? Now that they had found each other, what was the harm?
“I think, maybe, we could keep each other sane.”
He laughed, secretly eyeing her. She was endearing herself to him whether he liked it or not. He remembered the comfort he had found in her hands and knew in his heart that she was right. Even if it was more trouble to keep two people alive than one, there was something irreplaceable about being with another person.
“All right,” he said. “But save your rations. I'll re-stock mine on my own. Can I trust you to stay put while I'm gone?”
“Yes. But I can hunt too, you know.”
“No, I didn't know,” he said with a chuckle. “All right. Let's go. We'll have to keep quiet on this stretch, all right? Stay low, out of sight. I'm going to visit some old buddies of mine.”
“You're taking from Hex?” she asked in surprise.
“Actually I have a friend on the inside. She thought I got a raw deal and smuggles food out for me. Sometimes I get lucky. First aid supplies and things like that. I'm supposed to pick up tonight.”
She? Layne found herself bristling. It was irrational though, she knew it. He was allowed to have a girlfriend. It's not like knowing him for one day made them a couple. She had just been missing other people's company.
“Okay, well we can make camp and I'll wait for you there.”
“Great.”
They walked forward in silence, both of them happy but nervous. It was a big commitment, but maybe it would all work out for the best.
Chapter 8
They trudged through a neighborhood, carefully stepping over the broken pavement of the sidewalks. Plants had grown through the cracks, effectively shattering them, and Jax found himself missing the bicycle he used to have. He would have covered a lot more distance that way, but he had found early on that the bikes made you more vulnerable. All a tribe had to do was shoot an arrow into your tire and you would go sprawling, leaving you vulnerable to raids on your rations. Although he was tempted, he had learned his lesson.
Layne usually tried to avoid the broken suburban areas. They caused her grief to well up in her chest, seeing all of the destruction and desolation the virus had caused. Sometimes the contaminated would live in places like this, as if they wanted to be reminded of their shame for the rest of their lives. If they couldn't forget it, they might as well live in it. The broken dolls and shattered dreams suffocated her whenever she entered areas like this. It was common for most of the tribes to avoid them for the same reason. Jax seemed undeterred though, and walked slowly and cautiously, oblivious to her discomfort. It was the most direct path to the Hex compound, and he was set on it because it's what had always worked for him in the past.
He felt comfortable in the old neighborhoods. The nostalgia and memories would flood him like sad old friends, and he held onto them as they went, until they reached the house he had always used as a base during these journeys.
“Stay here and keep quiet. No matter what you hear out there, don't move. You'll be safe. Don't leave the living room.”
She nodded and he left the house, heading toward the Hex compound. She watched him go with a knot in her heart. She wished she could go with him. It was painful to be parted for even just a moment. She had met other people on the road before, given them help, camped with them, but none of them affected her this way. What was different about Jax?
She poked around the living room, trying to fight off the chill she got whenever she was near the relics of the dead. Their values had sure deserted them, she thought. This family had been well off financially, but death brought them down to the same level as everybody else. She gazed at the walls. Picture frames had once decorated them, but somebody, probably Jax, had taken them off the walls, leaving pale squares where they once belonged. They were piled neatly on the floor, face down, and she sighed, debating whether or not she wanted to put a face to the tragic fate of the people whose couch she was perched upon.
Her curiosity eventually won over and she looked at the pictures, tears in her eyes. Her mind replayed the chaos of the first few years after the virus struck and she ran to the door, barely making it before she vomited.
***
Jax didn't return until after dark, and when he did he found Layne curled up on the couch, her arms around herself. Her eyes were closed and she was sleeping so deeply he almost feared that she had died somehow. Tobi had come through, providing him with two weeks worth of food and medical supplies. He’d told her about Layne and she'd winked at him and rummaged around for a bottle of wine from her own stash.
He watched Layne sleep before yawning deeply himself. He always slept well in this house. It had belonged to his aunt and uncle, and he knew that they would have welcomed him. He collapsed onto the couch opposite Layne and joined her in the realm of dreams. When he woke up, she was still sleeping. Finally, she roused as he began to chew through his breakfast.
“How is your girlfriend?” she mumbled, wiping sleep from her eyes. She looked cute and unassuming when she woke up, and Jax grinned.
“Girlfriend? Tobi’s a lesbian in a happy, committed relationship. But she's good, thanks for asking.”
The “thanks” thrown into his sentence made them both pause, flinching as if awaiting the axe to fall. But they were together and nothing happened.
“I made some calculations,” Layne said. “There was an atlas under the coffee table. I think it would take two weeks to get to where I want to be.”
“That's not bad,” he said, chewing thoughtfully. “We should head out soon. Did you rest well?”
“Yeah,” she said, smiling at him. He swallowed hard, unable to take his eyes off of her. There was something magnetic about Layne, something he couldn't get enough of. If he could drink her in all day, he would. Even throughout the tragedy, he'd never responded so deeply to a woman. He'd wondered if there was something wrong with him, and found the way Jonathan had abandoned him even more unforgivable because of it.
They headed out, spending the next week slowly getting to know each other. Jax was the strong, silent type, and Layne slowly drew him out of his shell. Soon, they were laughing and speaking to one another as if they had been friends for centuries. It was the happiest either of them had been in years.
One night, Layne surprised him by disappearing. His heart thudded painfully in his chest with fear, until she re-emerged holding a dead rabbit out to him. He ignored the offer and scooped Layne into his arms, his fear and panic turning from a flash of anger to the sudden realization that he wouldn't want to go on without her. She let him hold her, pressing her cool, comforting hands against his back and stroking slowly. The contact was soothing for both of them, and she promised never to disappear without word again. She would have lost her chance to catch the rabbit if she'd woken him up first.
He built a fire, hoping she couldn't see the tears glistening in his eyes, and helped her to cook the rabbit, serving her little pieces as they finished. She would eat and then feed him a piece as he turned the rabbit around over the fire
on a stick, peeling off the finished parts for her to eat. They chewed silently together. Although he was grateful for the rabbit, he was still shaken up by his attachment to her.
“Jonathan left me for a woman,” he said suddenly, surprising both of them with the information.
“Why would he do that?” she asked with a frown.
“He was young and in love. I didn't like her. Refused to join her stupid tribe. So he did and left me.”
“That's terrible,” Layne said, her eyebrows furrowing. “What did you do?”
“I barely made it. I was really young. I didn't have half a chance until Hex found me. They helped me get rid of my past. But they couldn't get rid of Jonathan. Because he's still in the present, out there somewhere.”
“How do you know where he is?”
“He came back later. The woman's tribe was basically a cult. They were all insane, just like I told him they were. I swear they were baby eaters, just hoping for their cow to get pregnant so they could eat it. He apologized and asked me to leave with him. But in my mind he wasn't my family anymore – I just had Hex.”
They ate as he spoke, the fire crackling between them as he unveiled his painful memories.
“No offense,” she said, her mouth stuffed full of rabbit. “But he sounds kind of like a jackass.”
Jax laughed loudly, a loose, pleasant sound that filled her with pleasure. “None taken.”
“I'm sure he's learned from his mistakes over time. We all do. That's why it exists I guess.”
“Yeah,” he said distantly, his mind chewing over her words. He'd missed having that kind of faith in the world. Everything he knew had been shaken and destroyed by the virus and the devastation that followed.
“It's best to live in the moment though,” he said after a pause.
“Well in this moment, there is nothing better in the world than eating this rabbit with you,” she said, her eyes glowing in the firelight. She cupped his face in her hands and touched their noses together, bringing a bright smile to his face. The low rumble of his laughter vibrated in her chest as he scooped her close to him. She smiled down at him and their lips met. A surge of hot electricity jolted through their bodies and Jax suddenly pulled away, startled and intrigued by his physical reaction to her.
“We shouldn't do this,” he said.
“Why not?” she whispered, kissing him again. Their tongues danced deeply in each other's mouths, and he was panting when he responded.
“It's too dangerous here,” he said. “We have to stay aware of our surroundings.”
She pulled away from him, taking the warmth of her body with her, to gnaw on the rest of her rabbit. She gave him a resigned smile and lay down. He had never felt more cold.
Chapter 9
The next day they marched through the forest together. Jax was feeling distant and aloof, embarrassed by the affectionate display from the night before. Layne could tell what he was thinking, but didn't call him out on it. Instead she walked quietly along, humming to herself as she went. She liked to keep the old music alive. Nobody had access to electronics anymore, not the kind that the government had been using. The grids had all shut down, and only people who had been connected to solar, wind, or water powered generators were able to continue with life as if untouched. She was sure there were a few off-the-grid people left alive out there. Some of them might not even be aware of the devastation happening around them.
She thought to the seeds in her backpack, the precious few that she'd managed to find and save. All of her hopes and dreams relied on those seeds, and she swallowed hard, patting the small pocket where she kept them to reassure herself that they were still there. She used to hope for signs from God, especially being a scientist and seeing the divine rhyme and rhythm there was to the universe, but they had become few and far between since the tragedy struck. She found herself wishing for one now, knowing that her only chance at security might be in those seeds and her ability to nurture them the right way.
A cool rain suddenly started falling on them. Layne looked up into the sky and twirled around with her arms outstretched, a vibrant smile on her face.
“This is it,” she whispered. “The beginning of the rest of our lives.”
In that moment, Jax knew that he had never seen anybody more beautiful. He gripped her hand tightly, looking up into the sky with her, before reality struck and he knew they had to get into some shelter. There was nothing more dangerous in a survival situation than being wet for too long. He'd managed to find waterproof clothes, but it was better to be safe than sorry.
As they continued north, Layne could tell that something was troubling Jax, but he didn't bring it up until they made camp that night.
“If you find your dream world, where you can plant your food, who will protect you while I'm off looking for my brother?”
The question came suddenly, as she had been chewing happily on some dehydrated fruit rations, and made a knot in her stomach appear out of nowhere. The idea of leaving each other for even a moment was nauseating.
“I can take care of myself, dummy,” she said, giving him a magnetic smile. “I've made it this long without you.”
But deep down she was dreading the day when they parted ways. She had begun to include Jax in her fantasy world, some idyllic nonsense with a white picket fence, man and wife, nuclear family kind of bullshit that never would happen in the real world. She had to kick herself whenever her mind wandered to that forbidden plain of hope. Nothing could ever be that simple again.
“I know you have,” he said. “Which just makes you more amazing.”
They grinned at one another over the firelight, but now both of them were feeling depressed. Thinking about the past could destroy you, and thinking about the future was grim. It was best to stay focused on the present moment. Nothing else was ever going to be a guarantee.
They fell asleep, both of them troubled and anxious. It was Layne who heard it first – the twig snapping, the sound of sniffing. Wild dogs.
***
“Jax!” she hissed. Jax sat bolt upright, immediately assessing the danger around them.
“Stand up slowly,” he said, reaching slowly for his weapon and standing. She followed his lead, but the dogs were too fast. Her only chance was to run.
Chapter 10
It seemed like she ran forever, further than she had ever thought she could run. All the training her legs had gotten over the years left her agile and athletic, but still, strenuous walking took its toll and her legs were cramping fiercely. She'd lost sight of Jax ages ago, it was only her and the dogs now. Nothing else existed, and nobody else would matter if she was mauled to death, because that would be it; the end of her story.
She didn't know when she had started crying, but it was making her breathe laboriously. She tried to dodge into a tree but failed, and had to keep moving before they caught her. The only reason they hadn't yet was that Jax had distracted them long enough, given them enough distance so that she might have a chance to escape. She wondered if the dogs had killed him, but she couldn't think about that now, not with the adrenaline in her veins, the blood rushing in her ears. She would run now and ask questions later.
And then there was no hope. A wolf, no, it was a husky with wild eyes, but a wolf nonetheless, bared its fangs at her. She thought it drooled rudely onto the forest floor, but it was too dark to be sure. All she saw was the teeth in the moonlight, the pale white fur, the menacing glint in the eyes. And then she saw blood, pooling from its beautiful neck. It fell facedown and she turned, wild-eyed to see Jax bounding toward her, holding her tightly in the darkness, whispering that it was going to be okay now, and they were going to find a place to rest. He would carry her, they would be all right.
They stumbled around in the forest, it was completely uncharted territory for both of them, until they finally stumbled into an old cabin. It smelled awful, like all the other homes did before they were re-inhabited, but they would worry about that later. It was better to be
safe from the dog packs out there, certain to be seeking revenge for having one of their own killed.
Jax sat Layne gently on a musty old couch as he searched the house impatiently for supplies. He found the linen closet, changed the sheets on an old bed, checking to make sure it wasn't too moldy, and beckoned her to lay with him. They sank into the bed together, exhausted, and fell asleep before their eyes were fully closed.
***
When they awoke, it was still dark, though it was more obviously morning. They weren't well-rested per se, but they were both used to sleeping in short bursts. Survival was easier that way. She'd heard the term wolf-napping used before by one of the pseudo scientists in her tube, and thought it applied well to their situation. The sudden thought of wolves caused her to sit bolt upright in her bed and pat her shoulder. Her bag was gone. She lost her seeds as the wolves were chasing her. All hope was lost. There was no way she could settle anywhere now.
She closed her eyes and began to grieve in earnest, her sobs stirring Jax from his slumber. He had thought about being a gentleman the night before and sleeping on the couch, but after the close call they'd had, he couldn't bring himself to leave her sight. He sat up, troubled by her disturbance, and touched her shoulder gently.
“It's all right,” he said softly, his voice tired and hoarse. He hadn't had any water for a while.
“No,” she sobbed. “My seeds. My bag is gone. Everything was in there. That was everything...”
He held her tightly but she pushed him away.
“We need to go back,” she demanded.
“We don't need to go back,” he said, still groggy but sitting up.
