by Kat Bostick
Jasper stopped his pacing, turning to her with a face like thunder. “Why?”
Her words trembled. “Because I wanted answers. I want to know who I am.”
He shook his head. “What’s the real reason?”
“That is the real reason!”
He stalked toward her. Mari frantically backed away until she hit a tree, completely pinned between it and him. “Tell me why you’re really leaving.”
“I don’t belong here.” She said in a small voice. “I’ll never be one of you.”
“Look at this!” Jasper snatched her wrists and twisted them so that her forearm tattoos were visible. “Why did you get these?”
Mari sputtered. “I-I don’t know. Family history.”
“You got these,” he rubbed his thumb over the little wolf “because deep in your heart, you knew where you belong. You knew that you belong to the wolves. You knew that you belong to me.”
“Belong to you?” she bristled.
Jasper let out a frustrated growl. “Not like property, Mari. I’m a piece of your soul. You’re a piece of mine. You asked if destined mates exist, one person that was divinely crafted for you? I believe they do. Isn’t that what a soul mate is?”
“All I have to offer is this idea of me as some powerful witch that I might never live up to. I’ve brought you nothing but heartache. Why would the divine give you that? Why would they give you suffering as a mate?” Her shoulders drooped. “I’m not crafted for you. You need someone strong.”
“Stop!” He snapped. “Stop with this ridiculous story you keep telling yourself. I know who you are and so do you. You don’t need a coven to teach you that. Look what you’ve done!” He waved an exaggerated hand around them. “You fought wizards, you found a werewolf pack with nothing but dreams to guide you, and you stormed their territory to face an alpha. You used magic that you were never taught to break a curse you knew nothing about. That’s who Mari is. It makes no difference if you’re a witch or a wolf. I don’t want you because of what you can do. The pack doesn’t want you because of what you can do.
“You’re only seeking the coven because you think they’re the safer choice. You’re being a coward. You’re running away because you’re afraid. That’s not who you are, Mari.”
“You don’t understand,”
“No, you don’t understand.” He hissed. “You’re built to restore order in the pack. The wolves balance the scales of life and you balance the wolves. You carry a divine gift inside of you. Nothing about you is weak or unworthy.” He propped his hand above her head, caging her in even more. “Stop pretending that you’re not enough for me. I cannot fathom that anyone in the world loves someone as much as I love you. You’re my heart on two legs and if you walk away, you take the most important part of me with you.”
By the time Jasper was done, Mari was giggling. She couldn’t help herself. If she didn’t laugh, she would cry, which was absolutely unacceptable. Yet, even as she told herself that, her nervous giggles gave way to quiet sobs.
“Sweet Mari,” Jasper’s tone softened as he cupped her face. “I’m sorry for snarling at you.”
“Now you stop,” she sniffled. “You don’t scare me.”
That made him smile weakly. “Then why are you crying?”
The truth was that she was crying because she wanted to believe him. She was crying because no one, not even her own father, had given her the protection, comfort, and dedication that Jasper had in the months that they’d been together. She was crying because everything he said was right and that scared the hell out of her.
Mari wanted this—Jasper, the pack, the way both made her feel important and accepted—more than she’d ever wanted anything. Even a coven. The problem was that she knew from experience the more she wanted something, the more likely she was to screw it up. She would spoil it. That was her nature, she’d been told so her whole life. Whatever Mari touched turned to ash—literally! Look at her damn house. She didn’t want to do that to Jasper. She didn’t want to do that to his pack.
And she didn’t want to be made to feel like she was this special, rare gift when really she was just a hopeless girl with nothing to offer except insecurity and broken pieces.
Mari stared helplessly at him. She’d gone from being convinced that she was doing the right thing by trying to leave the pack to remembering that she was a mother freakin’ idiot and had already done this before. What happened the last time she tried to part ways with Jasper?
He stopped her. And it if he hadn’t, she never would have gone into the forest with him and performed her rites, never would have become the witch that she was now. Every time she thought they were better off apart, he changed her mind. That was why she confessed to him, because deep down Mari knew Jasper wouldn’t let her leave without a fight.
She needed that fight. She needed his heat to burn away her fear.
Every ounce of her being was magnetized to him, longed for him, was needy for his attention in a totally embarrassing and pathetic way. When he touched her it was fire to dry grass. When he looked at her with those liquid green eyes, she melted like ice cream in the sun. And when he said her name it was like being called home. Mari might have the power to call the wolves but this particular wolf had the power to call her.
“I felt what you felt about me after we argued that day. You’ll grow to hate.” She said feebly. “You’ll resent me. Everyone does.”
“We got in a fight, Mari. I was angry. Those feelings will never become permanent.”
“I saw it in the way you looked at me that night, when Lyse called on your change.”
Jasper brushed fingers across her cheek. “That look wasn’t for you. I only told you to leave because I was afraid I would hurt you. That was the hatred you saw. I was hating her for putting you and the pack at risk.”
What am I doing? Mari chanted in her head.
Was leaving the wrong choice? Was staying the wrong one? Was either going to save her from becoming the witch her father saw? If she was doomed to be evil, was it better to be evil within the pack or within a coven? She wasn’t sure where she could do more damage.
What if it doesn’t have to be about that? A hopeful voice whispered. What if it doesn’t have to be about sacrifice? What if this is and always has been a matter of the heart?
What did her heart want?
“Jasper,”
He thundered a growl. “That better not be another denial coming out of your mouth.”
“It’s not.” Said Mari crossly. “I was going to ask you to kiss me.”
“Kiss you?”
“Yes. Show me all of the things you just said. I need to feel it.” If she could feel what Jasper claimed to experience, feel that he really, truly meant it, then Mari was convinced she would finally have her decision.
Even if she might screw it up. Even if it scared her to surrender to the feelings that she had for him. Even if this meant risking pain and heartbreak. Even if it meant giving up a coven and any possibility of a life outside of his pack.
Jasper’s expression went oddly blank. Then, too fast for her eyes to register, he advanced on her. His mouth crushed hers, ravenous and frantic. The free hand that wasn’t clutching her hip made it’s way up the nape of her neck and into her hair, gripping a possessive fistful and bringing her head where he wanted it. Mari did the same, tangling her fingers in his red locks and reveling at the softness in contrast to rough hands and rough lips.
There was barely a chance to breathe through such a devouring kiss but it didn’t matter. Mari didn’t want to breathe as much as she wanted to taste him, to witness his heart bared to her through this primal, physical connection. Her chest was too full of the all-consuming, explosive emotion that poured out of him and into her to make room for oxygen.
He loves me. Jasper said it with more sincerity than some people were capable of. Yet, Mari hadn’t let herself completely believe it. There was no comprehensible reason for him to. The list of traits that made her an
undesirable mate was too long. But he loved her anyway. So much that it almost hurt, burned like flames licking at her insides.
His hands in her hair were too aggressive, too possessive, but she didn’t care anymore. She wanted him to possess her. Mari wanted to be his. She wanted to belong to him the way he claimed she did. Even as she felt unworthy of this beautiful, regal man, every fiber of her being wanted him to belong to her too. No, knew that he belonged to her.
He’s mine. He’s always been mine.
“You love me?” She broke away to ask. She wanted to hear it again, to luxuriate in the decadent sweetness of his voice, to gorge herself on the perfection of those words coming off his tongue.
“I love you.”
And suddenly those two warring halves, those voices shouting over each other, each desperate to be heard, went silent. Everything inside of her was tranquil, frozen in a peaceful stillness. A strange new sensation unfurled in her chest, languidly stretching and reaching out to caress the threads between her and Jasper. This sensation had a voice, clear as a cloudless sky, and it was more dominant than all of the other messy pieces that had been fighting for control for months.
I belong here. I belong to him, it said.
Mari was never going to leave, never could have walked away from him. Jasper bit down on her lip and she bit down on any remaining doubts, swallowing them into her belly and letting it drown in the waves of excitement that moved inside her.
Then, underneath his love, adoration, lust, and other assorted emotions, Mari felt his heartbreak. That gut-wrenching rejection was something they shared in but Jasper hadn’t experienced it only once. He felt it that first day after his change when she insisted they weren’t mates. He felt it when she moved her stuff into the guest bedroom. When she avoided his touch. He felt that fear of loss and loneliness constantly.
How could I do that to him? Why did I let myself hurt him?
“Jasper,” It took considerable effort to break her mouth away from his a second time. Even so, he kept kissing and nipping along her jaw in a frenzy, unable to detach himself from her. “Jasper, stop.”
Jasper blinked and shook his head, clearing the heady fog of desire so that he could look at her. He quickly set her down and backpedaled. “Sorry, sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Panic flooded his eyes. “Why?”
“You deserve better—“
“Don’t, Mari.” He gave her a guttural warning.
“Just listen to me, okay? You deserve better from me. That’s what I was going to say. You’re right. I’ve been a selfish coward and I’m sorry for how that hurt you.” She silently cursed as more tears filled her eyes.
“You needed time.”
“You don’t have to be so indulgent. Sometimes I need you to be pushy or else I do idiotic stuff like keep secrets and try to join a coven of crazies.” She tried to smile at him but her lip quivered and made her mouth turn down. “Please just let me be sorry.”
“Okay, I accept your apology,” He cocked his head. “If it means that you’re staying. Not until the hunter’s moon. Not until Christmas. I don’t want any ‘until’ attached to that promise.”
“You love me?” Jeez, what kind of person needed this much reassurance?
“I love you.” He agreed.
“I won’t lie and say that the ‘for life’ part doesn’t scare me, because it does. You can’t rush me, okay? I don’t want things to change overnight.” Mari worried her bottom lip. “And it’s going to be hard for me to adjust to pack life. It’s nothing personal. I really like your pack, but I’ve been a solitary creature for a long time and you wolves can be…intense. Can you be patient if I don’t fit the way you want me to?”
Jasper inhaled a shuddering breath. “You’re staying?”
“Yes,” She gave a resolute nod. I have to.
“Mari, if you stay I can be whatever you need.” He bent to rest his forehead on hers. “Anything for you.”
Then it dawned on her that Jasper wasn’t the only one she’d wronged. “But, how can I stay now? After I’ve lied. I’ve been so horrible. The pack won’t want me. I ruined this.”
“Nothing is ruined. We’ve all made mistakes. Charlie will understand as long as you tell him what you told me.”
“Are you sure?” She swallowed. “Are you sure he won’t just kill me after what I’ve done?”
“I will never let anyone hurt you. Even pack.”
“Jasper?”
“Yes?”
Mari slipped her hands up the side of his neck. “Kiss me again.”
Crushing arms constricted around her and Jasper began a second round of frenzied kisses. His mouth closed over hers, dragging her bottom lip between his and pinning it with his canines. Mari couldn’t stifle the moan that his tongue drew out of her throat when he traced the underside of her lip.
“More.” She breathed.
Somehow they ended up in the grass, Jasper hovering over her, hands journeying under her sweater. Hers did the same, exploring every inch of him. Mari quickly became frustrated with the hindering fabric and yanked it over his head. She hardly noticed as he did the same to her until his fiery skin was scorching hers. When she didn’t protest to his touches, they became bolder, circling her waist, teasing at the edge of her jeans. Though her heart began to race, she still didn’t stop him when he flicked the button on her pants and slipped the zipper down.
“More.” She whispered again.
Jasper sat back on his knees so he could wrench her jeans down her legs. She was tempted to cover herself as he dragged his eyes across her body, knowing that in the light of the full moon he could see her perfectly, but there was something akin to worship in his gaze and she didn’t dare deny him this connection with the divine.
He rocked forward, his hips aligning with hers, grinding against her. A deep groan filled her mouth as Jasper moved in rhythm with her breath. One finger at a time, she slipped her hand down his torso, wanting to feel his arousal, to feel how much he wanted her. He groaned again when her hand slid beneath his jeans and gripped him. Her name fluttered to his lips, echoing the hunger she felt.
It was an appetite she’d never experienced before, one that was close to being sated with just the gentle pressure of Jasper’s fingers as they explored the silky fabric of her panties. He was pouring fire into her veins, stoking a heat that started in her belly and emerged between her thighs. Her whole body responded and she found herself wrapping around him, clutching him, digging into his skin so she could get closer, take more of him for herself.
His name came out as a wanton hiss. If she hadn’t been so immersed in his touch, Mari might have been embarrassed by the noise. It sounded foreign to her ears, throaty and needy and dripping with desperation. She was desperate; desperate for the taste of Jasper’s mouth, desperate for more of those feathery but deliberate touches that hit in just the right spot to make her breath hitch.
Whatever he was doing to her had to be his very own brand of magic. Each stroke of Jasper’s fingers sent a jolt through every muscle, like a zap of electricity that became sharper and more intense with every shock. For a moment Mari wondered where he learned to multitask so well. His hips made slow circles, increasing the pleasure between her legs to something almost unbearable. At the same time his tongue traced the edges of her mouth, greedily lapping up the moans that bubbled up from her throat.
That curious thought vaporized along with the last vestige of her self-consciousness when her entire body tightened and an overwhelming surge of icy heat swallowed her. The muscles in Mari’s legs bunched and her hips bucked toward Jasper’s hand. She tried to separate her lips from his to gulp in the air that her drawn out moan pulled from her lungs but Jasper refused to release her. He bit down on her bottom lip and growled possessively. The vibration in his chest and the zing of pain when his teeth broke the soft skin in her mouth only added to the forceful ripple of pleasure.
Jasper gasped, joining her in
ecstasy as her hand glided over him. They writhed together, enjoying the tiny tremors of fulfilled desire that came with every touch. Mari’s chest heaved, each inhale pressing her breasts to Jasper’s bare chest. He hovered over her with a lazy grin, only breaking his admiring gaze to lick and kiss the bruised spot on her lip.
Pinned by those eyes, a hint of self-consciousness returned in a creeping blush that slowly climbed up her neck. It embarrassed her that Jasper had seen her in that shameless state. She hadn’t intended to get so carried away.
Mari dropped her head to his chest to hide her shy flush. After a moment of silence an unbidden giggle bubbled up from her throat. She tried covering her mouth to silence it but that only pushed it down into her belly and made her wiggle.
“What’s funny?” asked Jasper.
“I suck at leaving you.”
“You can’t leave me. I’ll never let you.” His tone was serious but as she sat up she saw that he was smiling. “And yes, I love you.”
“I didn’t ask—”
“You were going to.” Jasper grabbed both of their sweaters, handing hers over.
Mari accepted the sweater and slipped it over her head, grateful for the warm layer between bare skin and cool night air. “I really was trying to protect you. I thought joining Lyse was the only way to get her to leave Humble Springs. How will we keep her away now? She wants you and the pack and I don’t know how to stop her.”
“We’ll figure it out. She can’t have any of us. Not even you.”
“I’m so sorry, Jas. For everything. I’ve been an idiot.”
“Shush and get dressed. You’re missing your party.”
“My party?” She asked suspiciously as she tugged her jeans back on. “You said it again. My party, not the party. You realize my birthday is in February, right?”
“It’s not a birthday party.” He assured her with a secretive smile.
“You really feel like going back to the party after that?”
His smile turned wicked. “Especially after that.”
She covered her face. “I didn’t mean that. I meant this. What I said. What I almost did. Shouldn’t I go talk to Charlie? Collect my things in case he sends me packing?”
