My Tomorrow

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “You wanted to see me?” The nonchalance in my voice was a joke and we both knew it.

  “Close the door please,” he said, his voice low. I closed it and stepped further into the office. “Take a seat, Natalie,” he said, gesturing to the chair across from his desk.

  I walked silently over to the seat and sat down, crossing my legs nervously. The tension in the air was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I waited for him to say something, but he just stared at me from across the desk.

  “You look nice today,” he said as his eyes traveled over me.

  “Thank you,” I said uncrossing, then crossing my legs again.

  “I wanted to talk about last night.”

  “Maybe we should just not talk about it,” I returned quietly.

  “I’m sorry, Natalie. I was completely out of line. Maybe it was the wine or maybe it was just you,” he said, lowering his gaze for a moment before looking up again. “Whatever it was, I want to apologize. I hope we can move past this and not let it affect our working relationship or our friendship.”

  “Thank you for the apology, but it’s not necessary. Last night…it wasn’t just your fault. I shouldn’t have unloaded on you with my personal problems. Let’s just put it behind us.”

  I stood up, not thinking there was anything left to say, but I stopped when I heard his voice.

  “Did you and Ethan work things out?”

  “That’s not any of your concern,” I said curtly, needing to do something to try and push him away because all I wanted was to be close to him.

  I watched as his face tightened, his jaw clenching and then it softened.

  “You deserve the world, Natalie. He’d better give it to you.” I felt myself choke up and I nodded before turning and heading out of his office, needing to get away from him and his words.

  Court and Anna Beth were eyeing me curiously, but I didn’t say anything to them. I excused myself to the bathroom, where I hid away in a stall, needing to get myself together and get back to work. I took a few deep breaths and unlocked the stall, looking in the mirror and smoothing my hair before heading back.

  I stopped in my tracks a few feet from my desk though. Sitting on top of it was a huge bouquet of red tulips, my very favorite flower.

  “Someone’s been a good girl,” Court sang when he saw me.

  “Where did these come from?” I asked, quickening my pace to get to the flowers.

  “Christa brought them back while you were in the bathroom,” Anna Beth told me.

  I grabbed for the card and anxiously ripped open the envelope.

  I’m sorry, Nat. I love you. I’m in the lobby waiting for you if you’ll see me. –E

  “So? Aren’t you at least going to tell us who they’re from?” Anna Beth asked.

  “They’re from Ethan,” I said quietly.

  “So, that’s why she’s been so moody. Fighting with her man,” Court teased and I just glared at him.

  “Wow.” Drew’s voice entered the conversation unexpectedly and I looked over to his office door, where he stood staring at the bouquet. “Nice flowers. Someone must be trying to get out of the doghouse,” he smirked and Court and Anna Beth joined in his laughter.

  “He’s in the lobby, waiting for me. Do you mind if I go talk to him?” I asked Drew and he shook his head.

  “Don’t mind at all. I’m all for visitors at the office,” he said and I couldn’t dismiss his open jab to how Ethan had treated me at his work. He looked over at me, raising an eyebrow and then turned back to his office.

  “Go get him, princess,” Court teased and I just grinned at him before heading toward the lobby.

  I approached slowly and could see Ethan sitting in the stiff gray chairs. He looked cute in a pair of dark jeans and his black cargo jacket. He looked so vulnerable and I smiled, remembering why I’d fallen in love with him in the first place. For a split second, I forgot about how everything had changed since we moved to New York.

  He must’ve been daydreaming because he didn’t hear me walk up beside him. He was staring off into nothing and his head whipped around when he heard my voice.

  “Hey,” I said quietly, meeting his dark eyes once he’d turned to look at me.

  “Nat,” he said softly, quickly rising to his feet.

  “Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

  “I’m glad you liked them,” he said and the silence returned for a moment before he spoke again, his words cautious and quiet. “Would it be possible to go for a walk or something?”

  “I haven’t had a break yet today, so I can probably manage something. Why don’t you come on back? I can get my stuff and you can see where I work.”

  “Alright,” he said and followed me over to reception where I signed him into the guest register and then he started following me through the maze of the office.

  “This place is so stuffy,” he whispered as we walked.

  “No, it’s not,” I laughed and then the bouquet of tulips burst into view. “There’s my desk.”

  “I did do a good job on those flowers,” he smirked and I just rolled my eyes playfully, the tension between us vanishing for a moment.

  Court and Anna Beth looked up from their desks when they saw us. I noticed Court checking Ethan out, his eyes spanning over my boyfriend and then rising from his seat.

  “Hello,” Court said in his usual cheeky manner.

  “Hi?” Ethan said more like a question than a return greeting. I was sure he didn’t know how to take Court. It was more than obvious he was checking Ethan out.

  “Court, Anna Beth, this is Ethan, my boyfriend. Ethan, this is Court and Anna Beth, my co-workers.”

  “So, this is the famous Ethan?” Court said, strolling over and extending his hand and Ethan shook it.

  “I’m not sure how I should take that, but it’s good to meet you, Court. I’ve heard a lot about you,” Ethan said.

  “All good, I’m sure,” Court laughed and I nodded.

  “Of course, Court,” I reassured him.

  “Court’s such an attention whore,” Anna Beth piped in, walking over and shaking Ethan’s hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “Likewise,” Ethan said and I could tell he was starting to relax a little. “So, this is where you come to work every day?”

  “Yep,” I said, knowing it was actually pretty impressive.

  “Beats Carmine’s,” he mumbled.

  “I’ve just gotta go ask my boss about stepping out for a bit,” I told Ethan and he nodded.

  Drew’s door was open a crack and I was nervous as I gently knocked on it.

  “Come in,” his voice called and I walked inside, keeping my distance and staying near the doorway. His head was down as he busily worked.

  “Drew?” I asked, expecting him to look up, but he kept working.

  “Yes?”

  “I haven’t had a break yet this morning. Would you mind if I stepped out for a half hour or so?” I asked nervously and he finally looked up.

  “Be my guest.”

  “I won’t be long.”

  “Take all the time you need. He’s gonna need longer than a half an hour to explain his actions, unless, of course, you decide to forgive him straight away,” he said sternly and then immediately got back to work.

  I was surprised by the bluntness of his words and I opened my mouth to say something, but I didn’t know how to respond and I turned, walking out of his office.

  “Is he cool with it?” Ethan asked.

  “Yeah, let’s go,” I said, sliding on my coat and grabbing my purse.

  “That’s a nice coat,” Ethan said as we walked towards the lobby. “Is it new?”

  “I’ve had it for a little while,” I said quickly, surprised he’d never noticed it before. I only wore it to work and he was always still sleeping when I left and it was hanging in my closet by the time he got home. It made sense he’d never seen it and I wasn’t about to offer any details
about where I’d gotten it.

  “What kind of dent did that put in the credit card?” he laughed lightly.

  “Nothing really,” I answered and I knew I was telling the truth. It hadn’t put one dent in the credit card.

  Once outside the building, we started walking south and we remained silent. Soon, Battery Park came into view. Neither of us had been to it yet, and we were taken aback by the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island in the distance.

  “This silence is killing me, Natalie,” Ethan finally said as we stared out into the water. “Can we talk about this?”

  I turned to face him. He looked worried and nervous, but as handsome as ever.

  Ethan cautiously took my hand and laced our fingers together. He was warm and it felt nice to feel his hand in mine. It had been too long since we’d held hands like this. Intimately. Uninterrupted. Innocently.

  “The couch is a pretty uncomfortable place to spend the night,” he said with a cautious smile.

  “The bed seemed too big last night.”

  “I want to say I’m sorry, Nat, but I know sorry’s not enough for how I treated you yesterday. If I could take it back, I would. I was such an asshole.”

  “You were,” I agreed. “I didn’t mean to upset you yesterday when I stopped by. I really was just missing you. I just needed to see you.”

  “I miss you too,” he said, taking my other hand. “When Chad told me someone was asking about me and when I saw you, I was worried my boss would be pissed or something. I feel this intense obligation to take care of you since I’m the reason you’re here and I’m afraid of doing anything to lose that financial security, even if we’re just barely making it. I just reacted and I reacted badly and when…” he said and then stopped and swallowed hard as if he were scared to go on. “And when Bridget said that about you and I let her say it…that was just…I’m so sorry, Nat. I should’ve let her have it. No one talks about you like that,” he said and he looked distraught. “I’m so sorry. About what Bridget said, about jumping down your throat when you came by last night, about breaking our plans, about not spending enough time together, about how crappy everything’s been since we’ve been here, about everything. I’m just…sorry.”

  “Not everything’s been crappy,” I said, my heart softening to his apology.

  “About ninety-nine percent has been crappy.”

  “No, it hasn’t,” I said, trying to smile, but I knew he was right.

  “Yes, it has. Let’s stop beating around the bush. Our life here has been shit.”

  I stared up into his brown eyes and I was lost for a moment. We’d been together for four years, but we’d never faced such a pivotal moment in our relationship and I was suddenly scared.

  “I don’t think we really thought this move through. I didn’t think it’d be this hard, did you?” he asked.

  “No, I didn’t.”

  “I’m sorry I dragged you into this.”

  “Don’t be sorry, Ethan,” I said as a lump formed in my throat.

  “I am sorry. I should’ve just let you go. I shouldn’t have dragged you down with me. If I wanted to come here and fail, I should’ve done it alone. I shouldn’t have asked you to ruin your life with me,” his said dejectedly.

  “I wouldn’t have let you let me go.” The lump was gone now, instead transforming into tears in my eyes.

  “Don’t cry,” he said, reaching up and wiping them away.

  “How could you say that? That you should’ve let me go?”

  “Because it would’ve been best for you. I’ve been so selfish expecting you to drop everything and follow me here.”

  “I came because I wanted to,” I said, rubbing the back of his hand with my thumb.

  “No, you didn’t. You said so last night. You said you left everything behind for me,” he said, his voice trailing off as he looked past me, his gaze focusing off into the distance.

  “I was mad last night. I was hurt.”

  “But it was the truth. Don’t try and deny it,” he said, bringing his gaze back to mine and I knew I couldn’t argue with him.

  “Maybe I was telling the truth. I did leave everything behind for you because I wanted to be with you. I wanted to go on this adventure with you. I wanted to be there when I saw you accomplish your dream,” I said as he snickered.

  “So much for that,” he mumbled.

  “Stop!” I said sternly, grabbing his cheek and forcing him to look at me. “Don’t be like that. It’s going to happen. I know it will. You’re amazing at what you do. We haven’t been here that long. It can’t happen overnight.”

  “I never expected it to, but nothing’s happened. Nothing at all. I expected to at least have met some people…to at least have talked to people.”

  “It will happen,” I said softly, gripping his hand in support. “You have to believe in yourself.”

  He gently stroked my cheek and his eyes darted around my face, taking it all in until his eyes locked with mine.

  “This is why I love you so much,” he said softly. “This is why I need you in my life. When I don’t believe in myself, you do. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” he said and then took in a deep breath, a look of nervousness overcoming his face. “Last night…when you weren’t there when I got home and when you shut me out of our room, I thought it was over. I thought I’d lost you. And I wouldn’t blame you. You deserve so much better than me. You deserve someone who can give you more than what I can.” His voice was low and sad and the words Drew said before I’d left the office rang in my ears. You deserve the world. Then I was suddenly sick with guilt as I thought about what I’d done with Drew. Ethan may have acted like a dick, but I’d kissed another man. I’d betrayed Ethan and I knew it was him that deserved someone better.

  I swallowed hard. I had to tell him what I’d done so we could move past this. I opened my mouth to tell him, but I couldn’t do it. It’d only been a kiss. It wouldn’t happen again, so why should I tell him? It would do nothing but hurt him.

  “Don’t say that,” I said instead.

  “It’s true though. You deserve to be happy.”

  “I am happy,” I said, grabbing him and pulling him to me. I wrapped my arms around him and held him tight as I fought back tears over what I had done to him. “I am happy,” I whispered again and he pulled me closer.

  “I’m so sorry about yesterday. I wish I had a do over button because I would do it over so differently.”

  “It’s okay. Let’s just move past this. I want to forget about yesterday. I want to forget everything about yesterday,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut, trying to erase it all from my brain.

  “So, we’re okay then?” he asked nervously.

  “Yes, we’re okay.”

  I wasn’t sure how long we stayed in each other’s arms, but it felt good and I didn’t want to let go. I thought if maybe I held on, I could erase my mistake from last night.

  “I’m glad we’re okay,” he said as we finally pulled away. “I was scared last night when I got home that you were never coming back.”

  “I love you,” I said, leaning in slowly and gently brushing my lips on his. The same familiar lips I’d been kissing for the last four years. The only lips I’d kissed in the last four years until last night. The taste of Drew’s lips seared through me and I pulled Ethan closer, kissing him harder and deeper, trying to force Drew’s kiss to disappear. Ethan kissed me eagerly back. It felt like forever since we’d last kissed and it had been even longer since we’d kissed like this.

  “What the hell was that for?” he laughed as he tried to catch his breath.

  “I’ve missed you.”

  “I should screw up more often,” he smiled. I grinned back, but despite my best effort, I hadn’t been able to rid myself of Drew. He was still there and I still felt sick over having shared a kiss with him and I felt even sicker lying to Ethan about it.

  ~~~

  I’d been away nearly forty-five minutes when I returned to the office. I’d
been gone longer than I expected and decided I could work through lunch to make up for it. When I got back to my desk, Court’s was empty and Anna Beth was busy on her computer. She looked up when she saw me walk in.

  “Everything okay?” Anna Beth asked, looking up from her screen.

  “Everything’s fine,” I replied, trying to arrange the bouquet of tulips in a way that left me some space on my desk. It was proving impossible though and I eventually moved them onto a filing cabinet, which seemed to liven up the whole office.

  “He must’ve messed up pretty badly,” Anna Beth continued, which surprised me. Anna Beth was usually quiet and she never got into anybody’s business.

  “New York’s just tougher than we thought it was going to be,” I replied, sitting down at my desk to get back to work.

  She just nodded at me, giving me a sympathetic look and returned to her work. We worked for the next hour and a half in virtual silence until Court and Drew came strutting back into the office. Drew glided past me as he slid off his jacket and walked into his office, but Court left his coat on and knocked on the wall.

  “Time for lunch. How does the deli sound?” he asked when Anna Beth and I looked up at him.

  “Sounds good to me,” Anna Beth replied, standing up and gathering her things.

  “What about you, Natalie?” Court asked.

  “I’m going to pass. I’ve gotta make up for the time I missed this morning.”

  “C’mon. You know Drew won’t mind,” Court persisted.

  “I know, but I do. You guys go ahead.”

  “Are you sure?” Anna Beth asked.

  “Totally sure. See you guys in a bit.”

  “Whatever,” Court said, shrugging his shoulders and Anna Beth gave me a wave as they walked away.

  I got back to work and was overly aware that Drew was only a few feet away. His door was cracked and I could hear him typing away at his computer. I hoped he would stay in his office, but after fifteen minutes, I heard his chair creak and then I could feel his presence behind me. I knew he was standing there and when I looked up I could see his reflection in my computer screen. He was leaning against the door jamb with his arms folded and his head cocked to one side in that way that was meant to be casual, but was actually incredibly hot. I forced my eyes to stay locked on my work, but then I heard his footsteps and they stopped when he was next to me. My fingers froze on the keyboard and I finally looked up. He was staring down at me with an indifferent expression on his face.