Johnny Cigarini

by John Cigarini

  I have to thank Dave Trott, who is featured elsewhere in this book, for giving me the inspiration for the title. Dave is a legendary advertising creative director, responsible for ‘Lip-Smackin’, Thirst-Quenchin’, Ace-Tastin’, Motivatin’, Pepsi’ and ‘Hello Tosh, Got a Toshiba?’ Bob Brooks shot the Pepsi ad in the 1970s and when Dave was our client, he amiably called me a ‘King’s Road Cowboy’. The name stuck.

  Epilogue

  Two years after retiring, I was wintering in Santa Barbara when I got a call from Nick Hippisley-Coxe, Allan van Rijn’s producer. I immediately thought the worst about Allan, but it was not his turn yet. Nick was to give me different bad news: that my great friend and ex-director Larry Williams, a lovely, lovely guy, had dropped dead of a heart attack whilst walking the dog, at the age of forty-nine, leaving a beautiful wife, Leslie (his co-director), and two young children. A year later, Nick called me again. This time it was Allan. Dead in his sleep at the age of fifty-two. I’m sure the combined Prozac and Valium gave him a heart attack, but I never did find out the cause of death.

  I’m very cold about death; I’ve had it all my life. I felt extremely sad about both of them, but a little bit of me felt vindicated for retiring early and getting out of the rat race.

  Bob Brooks, Jim Baker and Len Fulford, the original partners in Brooks Baker Fulford, all recently died within a year of each other; they were all in their mid-eighties.

  In Baja, we get constant reminders to enjoy every day and take care of our livers. My dear friend and house caretaker, Richard Bembenek, died two years ago of liver cancer, a mere month after being diagnosed. This year, we had the same problem with another leading member of the gang, Doug Green. I try to avoid alcohol for two consecutive days every week, but, along with the other expats, I drink too much – both in Baja and Umbria. I think it’s been one of the main reasons for writing this spiel… to get it out of me, just in case I cop it. It’s been a wonderful experience, thanks to you, the reader. But one question, how have you managed to get this far? Get a life, for God’s sake.

  *

  Yep, that’s all folks, the end of the story (almost). I guess the very end is still pending and I guess I don’t mind where that happens. I think I have had an interesting life. I hope you agree and have enjoyed the book. If you disagree, I couldn’t give a damn – write your own bloody memoirs.

  *

  I am enjoying my life now as much as I ever have. I feel very fortunate. The bad luck I had at the beginning made me into the person that I am, and turned itself into good luck later in my life. By this stage, I’m sure you’re wondering whatever happened to the Revd Ken Senior. Well, I can tell you about that. He came back to England and he worked in a private chapel, but couldn’t kick the old habit. He got caught fooling around with the choirboys – one, I believe, he was even paying money, to let him molest him. As the story goes, the boy’s mother found out via a note the boy had left, so the reverend got arrested and went to court (before the whole paedo thing went mainstream), but he got off… somehow. He wasn’t put in jail but got one of those deferred sentence things, so he retired in Salcombe. He was 61 when he died in hospital from a pulmonary embolus post-op for bowel cancer.

  I visited him many times over the years in Germany and in England. I even attended their kids’ weddings. I was like one of the family and even grew close to Nora, the reverend’s wife. I am now back in touch with the children on Facebook. It was different back then, but pervs weren’t like they are seen today and it’s hard to explain to the young readers of this book. Despite the reverend molesting me, and his habits with other boys, I was grateful to him for the other help he gave; he was a father figure. I would have preferred for that person to have been my own dad, but in life you’ve got to work with the cards you’re given. My message is not to complain, get on with it, make a bit of money if you can, and make a whole load of people happy, ’cause when the end comes, and come it will, there will only be one question you’ll ever ask: Have I had a good life? Well, that’s for you to decide. And I shall end with this: I’m not afraid of death. I won’t be there… I’ll be dead.

  Thank you, goodbye and goodnight.

  Appendix

  I am very fortunate to have a great capacity for friendship, and I would like to thank many people for enriching my wonderful life. Here is a name-drop for them all.

  UK:

  My sisters Christina Miller and Maria Rebecchini, the Ritchie family, the Eve family, Glyn and Glynis Johns, Sid Roberson, Susie Roberson, Jose and Dickie Kries, Pattie Boyd, Joanna Jacobs, Mal and Lal Poynter, Robert Tilleard, Mike and Sue Roberts, Alastair and Amanda (Lord and Lady Margadale), Penny and Paul Brewer, Leigh and Twiggy Lawson, Victor and Marilyn Lownes, John Stephen, Mike King, Jonathan and Mary Heale, Ruth and Kenny Hague, the Holbrook family, Trevor Myles, John Fraser and Rod Pienaar, and Kelly Ann Page.

  Los Angeles:

  The Carroll family, Nigel, Jaki, Charlie, and William, Mike and Liz Dalling, Stewart and Fiona Copeland, Mary Lindes, Ian and Doris La Frenais, Dan and Donna Aykroyd, Augusta Tigrett, Wendy Asher, Stash de Rola, Siobhan Barron and all the lovely people I used to work with.

  India:

  Isaac Tigrett.

  Italy:

  The Rebecchini family, Jim and Jill Powrie, David Monico and Neil Brown, David, Jenny and Daisy Nichols, Rob and Amanda House, Ian McDonald, Tim and Anna Maltby, Tim and Louise Hudson, Dick Pountain and Marion Hills, Marianne and Andrew Newell, Andrew and Goska Lloyd, Robbie Duff-Scott, Barbara Scott and Lenny Edwards, Terry and Michele Gross, Ken Stott and Nina Gehl, Miles and Tessa Emley, Mark and Dorothy Freeman, Colin and Gerry Pritcher Howarth, Al and Betty Stuart, Pat and Andy Hale, Jed Smith and Simone Bugini, Pam and Graham Stroud, Ken and Steph Coombes, Alastair and Juliet (Viscount and Viscountess Chilston), Chris O’Donoghue and Kate Percival, Terry and Keith Wrightson, Peter and Silvana, Ian and Angelina Nuttall, Liz Todd and Simon Parks, the Muffi, Caracchini, Bucci and the Pierini families.

  Baja California, Mexico:

  Roberta Booth, the Hendler family, Dennis and Gun Bush, the Phillips family, Renate Schiff and Don Suttles, Peter Mock, Studie and Diana, Howard, Jeff, Gus and Jill, Ben and Ruby, Tom and Jan, Colorado Al, Jordan, Goat Hill John, and the rest of the horseshoes crowd, Gail Scarlett and Nick, Mark and Pam, Dan and Erika Byrne, Pete and Donna, Bruce and Debbie, Bryce and Cheryl, Doyle, Amber Thorpe, Penny Payne, Jenny and Emerald Armit, Rick and Brenda Johnson, Mark Faulconer, Pier and Norma Azcona, Bruce and Cody Oreck, Peter and Brenda McGonagle, Ian and Suzy McGonagle, Neil Glover and Karen, Raven, Maciek Bielecki, Mose Mosley, and Angel and Paul Rini at Zacs.

  I love you all, and sorry if I have left anyone out.